“She’s fought so hard to fit in, and hide the part of her mind she has trouble controlling from everyone.”
“I know.”
“There’s nothing I can say that will excuse her using you like she did, because I don’t care what gender you are, it’s simply not okay.”
“No, it’s not.”
“She loves you, Ares. She’s done a bad job of showing you that, but she wouldn’t have let you see her like that—have her like that—if she didn’t know she was safe with you. Dammit, that’s not…I’m not explaining this right.”
She pulls her hair out of its messy bun, and runs her hands through it. I’ve never seen Reina at such a loss for words, and it’s kind of intriguing.
“You want me to understand how she’s different with me.”
“Yes. Ares, none of the other women had a clue, not even the mentors. They knew her mind works differently, but not that she can’t control it. Even Liv doesn’t know for sure what goes on. Or Alex. But you knew. You saw her, because subconsciously, she was letting you see.”
“My head gets that, but my heart is still trying to put itself back together.”
“I can’t force you to give her another chance—well, I totally could, but I won’t—but as someone who cares about both of you, I’m asking you to consider it.”
“Rei, there is zero chance of me not giving us another shot at being together, but I have to give us both time and space to figure out how this is going to work.”
“Can you tell her that? She really just needs a little bit of hope right now.”
“I heard she’s getting released tomorrow, so how about I pick her up? Just a ride, Rei, and you can tell her, because I can’t just yet.”
“It’s something. Less than I was hoping for, but I guess I can’t always get my way.”
“It’s good for you to realize that, since I’m pretty sure you usually do get your way.”
“Less than everyone thinks, but probably more than I should,” she admits.
“Thanks for everything, Rei. I mean it. I know I basically told Aud to go to hell, but you still helped me when I needed it.”
“She deserved what you said to her, because I would never have allowed that statement if I’d been here. I know you two talked a few days ago, and I’m glad you’re okay, but I want you to be aware that it won’t happen again. No matter what goes down, you’re a friend to us, and we appreciate it.”
“Aud and I are good, and I’m glad we are, too. I need to get going, though, before my parents get any more curious. They bought the whole secret, private hospital because they were worried about me, but I need to see them. And they need to see me.”
“Go on. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Yes, you will.”
Rose
“You could’ve told us, you know,” Kali says, once I’ve divulged my secret to them. “We wouldn’t have thought any less of you.”
“I was scared.”
“I get that,” Waverly says. “But we would’ve helped.”
“When I brought myself back after the hospital, I realized I needed to be the one to help myself. I had lessons on concentrating and meditating, and the therapists taught me tricks to keep my mind occupied, but I was always afraid of being completely taken over by the numbers. I was taken over, but I took control when I needed to. Now, I know I’m stronger than I thought I could ever be.”
“I can’t believe you hid it so well from us. I mean, I heard you saying numbers sometimes, but I thought you were doing some kind of Jedi calculations, or something,” Faith tells me.
“Or something,” I say with a smile.
“I think it’s cool,” Sierra tells me. “Can you teach us?”
“There’s nothing to teach, really. You would need to know the number every letter is in the alphabet, choose an item or person, and add up the letters. My brain does it on its own, but you could do it if you tried.”
“Bed would be 11, right?” Ainsley asks.
“Yep.”
“Ooh, and dress would be 65? I could totally mess with Kevin if I start talking in numbers,” Stella says, rubbing her hands together.
My friends start counting, and yelling out numbers as they devise ways to mess with everyone they come into contact with. It’s hilarious, and fun, and makes me start to cry.
“You’re making me feel normal,” I admit. It’s the truth.
“Who the fuck ever said you weren’t? I will cut a bitch—or bastard,” Jenysis tells me, and with her posh accent, I can’t help but smile even wider through my tears.
“Me. I said it. And okay, maybe my mother.”
“Our mother is a social climbing bitch, who lives to make us unhappy,” Liv says from the doorway.
I talked to her, Luke, and Alex yesterday, telling them everything first. I love the women I work with, but I love those three more than anyone except Ares. It didn’t feel right for me to explain things to anyone else first. They all told me they love me, no matter what.
“Don’t hold back, Ollie,” Luke tells her, coming in behind her with my nephew, Ben, in his arms.
“Ro,” he says, his speech slurred.
“Hi, sweetheart,” I say, reaching out my arms for him.
This little guy and I get each other, more than anyone would’ve guessed before now. He’s different than me—his mind is so different—and yet we’re the same. Different recognizes different, and since he was born, there are times when only I have been able to calm him. They’ve become few and far between as he’s made friends, and acclimated to the world his body and mind have given them, but I believe he knows I’ll always be here for him.
We all talk and play with numbers and words until Ben’s sleeping in my arms, and I’m barely able to keep my eyes open. I have to admit I’m relieved when Kenny comes in to remind everyone I still need some more rest before I leave tomorrow, and the wink he gives me tells me he knows it. Reina comes in as he walks out, and I can tell by the look on her face that I’m not going to like what she has to say.
“Sorry I’m late.”
“You were with Ares.”
“Yeah, he’s leaving.”
“Good. That means he’s better,” I say, forcing a smile on my face.
“He’s going to drive you home tomorrow.”
“He is?” I ask, sitting up straight, and waking Ben in the process. Luke takes him so I can focus on Reina.
“He wants me to stress that it’s just a ride home, and he hasn’t made any decisions yet.”
“Oh.”
“It’s something, Rose. Less than what I—and I’m sure, you—had hoped for, but it’s better than nothing.”
“You’re right. I know you’re right.”
“What can we do to help?” Camari asks.
“Nothing. This has to be all me.”
15
Ares
“I’m fine, Mama,” I tell her, swatting her hands away as she flits around me, fluffing the couch cushion, and tossing a blanket over my lap.
“You almost died, so don’t try pretending you’re not hurting.”
“I’m not, I promise.” I won’t be running any marathons, but I’m not in pain.
“What kind of crazy medicine do those Corrigan people use?”
“The best money can buy. You know they usually help battered women, and refugees, so they make sure they only have the best.”
“Your girl works there?” my dad asks.
“Rose works there, but she’s not my girl.”
“She ran out onto that track like she was your girl.”
“It’s complicated.”
“We’ve got plenty of time to listen.”
“Yes, spill it,” my mama says, handing me a glass of sweet tea, and some cookies she made while I was recovering. “We know what happened before, but have you seen her since the accident?”
“Yes. I apologized, and she apologized, but it feels like it’s not enough.”
“You want a grand gesture.
”
“What, no?” Maybe. I hadn’t thought about it, but maybe I do need one.
“Uh-huh. You want that girl to show the world she’s yours.”
“I shouldn’t. Having her tell me she loves me should be enough.”
“If it hadn’t been for everything else you’ve gone through, it might be,” my dad says.
“Do women do that? The grand gesture thing?”
“Why wouldn’t they?”
“Would you, Mama?”
“Who says I haven’t?”
“Maybe I’m not the only one who needs to spill.”
“You hush now.”
“I don’t even know what I’d like her to do. I mean, she dressed like a belle for me, but I hated it. I want her to be herself, and being covered in flowers is definitely not that.”
“You let me think about it.”
“You? What do you have to do with this?”
“Don’t worry.”
My dad and I share a look, because that means we should definitely be worried. My mama and a plan do not always have the best outcome. Not much I can do about it right now, so I sit back and enjoy my snack. Unless I’m wrong, she’ll be cooking me dinner, too, so keeping my mouth shut is the best course of action right now.
I’m nervous as I lean against my Mustang outside the C&C building. I tried not to overthink things, but I did undo some buttons on my shirt, hoping the loose fabric will hide the boner I’m sure to get when I see Rose. She does it to me—and my body—every time.
I’m twirling my sunglasses in my hand when she appears. She’s not in a wheelchair, but Kenny and Matt are flanking her. Matt hands me her bag when they reach me, and I shake both of their hands, before smiling at the woman I love.
“You look rested.”
“I am.”
“Okay, well, we’re going to head back inside, and work. So, see you later, Rosie.”
It’s not often I see Matt Corrigan looking awkward, but that’s the only word for him right now. I can’t deny the situation is beyond weird, but I still smile, knowing he has no idea what to do or say, so he’s running away. Kenny’s not far behind him, leaving us alone at the curb.
“We know how to clear a sidewalk.”
“You really didn’t have to come get me. I have lots of options for rides home.”
“I wanted to make sure you’re okay.”
“You could’ve asked someone, or called.”
“Do you want me to leave?” Because, that’s totally what it feels like.
“No. It’s just hard. To see you, and not be able to touch you, or kiss you.”
Before I can tell her it’s hard for me too, Jyn walks up to us. She’s one of the members of the C&C security team, and she’s also very pregnant. As far as I know, no one knows who the father is, and no one’s brave enough to ask. She’s a badass, even with a big belly.
“Are you okay, Rose?”
“Yes. Why?”
“It seemed like you were about to cry when I was walking past.”
“I might, but it’s alright.”
“I could still take him, even with the munchkin growing inside of me,” she says, glaring my way. Bad. Ass.
“No, thanks.”
“The offer stands. Some men are assholes.”
“They are,” I agree.
She just rolls her eyes at me, and walks on by. My balls drop back down from where they were hiding in her presence, and I blow out a breath.
“She shouldn’t scare you.”
“I think she scares everyone.”
“No. I’m not scared of her. She’s very nice if she likes you. Regardless, I would’ve protected you.”
“Yeah?”
“Of course.”
“Thanks.”
“We should probably go before anyone else tries to butt into our situation.”
“Is that what we have now, a ‘situation’?”
“I don’t know what we have, or don’t have, because you haven’t told me yet.”
This conversation is getting weirder by the moment, and I know it’s because she’s protecting herself. She’s slipped into the cold persona she had to affect in college, and at the garage she worked at before joining the Society. I haven’t seen her like this in a long time, and knowing it’s because of me only makes it worse. I was her safe place, but right now, I’m not.
“I need a couple of days. I promise I’m trying to figure out what I want. I know I want you in my life, Rose, but I don’t know how to let you back in yet.”
“A couple of days?”
“Yes.”
“Okay,” she says, getting in the car.
As simple as that, she’s agreeing. If I didn’t see her eyes before she put on her sunglasses, I’d think it really was simple. But, I saw the tears she’s holding back, and the way her eyes went cold as she tried to fight them off. I need to figure out my shit, and what I need, before I lose her completely, because that will be something I can’t come back from.
Rose
It’s been two days. He said a couple, and two is a couple. I cleaned, hung out with my friends, ate, watched TV, and now it’s time. Because he said it would be.
My gate code worked, so I know I’m good. This is good. My jeans and t-shirt are good. I have my coveralls, so I can say I’m working on the cars in case I shouldn’t be here yet, but it’s been two days. Two. A couple.
I walk up to his front door with my head held high, and a smile on my face. He doesn’t answer. It’s another man. He looks like Ares, but it’s not him. His father. I think it’s his father.
“Mr. Dixon?”
“Yes, Rose.”
“You know my name?”
“I do. It’s a pleasure to meet you.”
He holds out his hand, and I shake it. “I was supposed to talk to Ares today.”
“Oh, he didn’t mention anything.”
“May-maybe I’m wrong.”
I start to back away, but he calls out anyway. “Ares, you have a visitor.”
“Who is it?” I hear him ask, and then he’s there in front of me. In a t-shirt that strains across his lean chest muscles, and jeans that sit low on his hips. “Rose?”
“You said a couple of days. Two is a couple.”
“Oh. Yeah.”
“You didn’t mean two, did you? Two is a couple, but I was wrong. I should’ve called. I shouldn’t be here.”
“No, it’s okay.”
“It’s not. I’m sorry.”
I turn, but a hand on my arm stops me. It’s not Ares hand, and when I turn, there’s a woman standing in front of me. She has kind eyes, and a flowered dress on. She’s his mother.
“Why don’t you come in, and have some breakfast, Rose?”
“I don’t want to impose. I shouldn’t be here.”
“Nonsense. Are you hungry?”
“Yes.”
Her arm goes around me now, but I can’t look at her. I can’t look at any of them. “I made plenty of food,” she says in her pretty accent. “You’ll be doing me a favor.”
I know she doesn’t mean it, but I let her lead me inside anyway. “Thank you.”
“Shit,” Ares says under his breath as I walk past him, and if her arm didn’t tighten around me just then, I’d run.
I take the seat I’m offered, and put a napkin on my lap. I know how to be a lady; my mother insisted on it. I may not act like I know which fork to use, and how to hold a teacup properly, but I do.
“It smells delicious, Mrs. Dixon.”
“Thank you.”
I serve myself from the plates that are passed around, filling my own with eggs, biscuits, pancakes, and grits. I feel Ares across from me, but I look everywhere else. He doesn’t want me here, and I should go. After breakfast, I’ll go.
“That was quite the show you put on at the track, Rose. I haven’t seen grown men thrown around like that before, even on my wrestling shows.”
“I was worried about Ares, Mr. Dixon. I assure you, I don’t
normally behave that way. My mother raised me to be a lady.”
“Fuck,” Ares says, and his mother threatens to wash his mouth out with soap, before turning to me.
“You work for Reina Corrigan, at her foundation?”
“Yes. She’s wonderful, and I love my job.”
“From everything I’ve read, ya’ll help a lot of people.”
“We do, yes. There’s nothing like knowing someone is safe because of you.”
“You helped figure out who tried to kill Ares, and I haven’t thanked you for that yet.”
“Oh, well, they weren’t trying to kill him, at least not at first. Me, yes, but they just wanted to hurt him a little in the beginning.”
“You?” Mr. Dixon asks.
“They remotely dropped the lift I was working under. The Cadillac would’ve crushed me if I hadn’t moved fast enough.”
“Ares! You didn’t tell us that!”
“I didn’t know if it was my place, Mama.”
“You poor, sweet girl.”
“C’mon, Mama. Really?”
My chair screeches against the floor as I stand. “I’ll go. I’m going. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have come. Please don’t fight over me. I’m not sweet. I’m sorry. 22.”
I clap my hand over my mouth, and run. I said a number out loud. I made Ares and his mother fight, and then I said a number.
“Rose, stop. I can’t run yet,” I turn to see Ares holding onto the couch, and looking a little pale.
“I’m going. I said I was going. Why are you following me? You don’t want me here. You don’t want your parents to care about me. I’m trying to leave. Just let me go.”
“No.”
“My mind is going to take over.”
“The hell it is. You’re here with me right now, Petal, and I need you to listen to me. Can you listen to me?”
“Yes. I can. I can.”
“Can we sit down?”
I nod, and sit on one of the chairs. Ares sits on the couch facing me, and as I watch him, I can tell he’s struggling with what to say. I fight the urge to flee again, and make myself wait.
“I didn’t expect to see you, but I don’t want you to go.”
“You were swearing.”
“Because I hate to see you this way. You haven’t been cold with me for a very long time, and it kills me to see you that way now. You’ve shut down. I want you to realize you’re still safe with me.”
Society Girls: Rose Page 11