by Trina Solet
They were still in the kitchen with Trevor handing him the container with the leftover dip, but instead of taking it Diego was just staring off into space.
Reaching to take it from him, Diego shook his head. "Just lost in thought." What he was thinking was that he didn't want anyone to get this close to Trevor. No one else should feel their hand graze Trevor's as he handed them something. No one else should get to look into his eyes from this distance and notice every variation in color in the blue of his iris or that dark line around it. No one else should watch Trevor's breath catch in his throat as his thick eyelashes fluttered. No one else should stop breathing and forget time existed while looking at him until their kid came into the room yelling.
"Zane is awake and he's stinky!"
Later on, after Trevor and Zane left, Diego called up Erin. He was unsettled and he thought her no-nonsense way of looking at things might get his feet planted back on the ground.
"He's kind of driving me crazy looking like that when he's so young and so serious, so dedicated to his little cousin." If Trevor was attractive and nothing more, all Diego would have to do is remind himself that Simon was attractive too.
"Yes, your hot, new neighbor is a bad thing. I feel so sorry for you. Why couldn't you be so lucky as to live down the hall from an ugly jerk? Like I do!" Erin said. "Hold on. Let me get a tissue to wipe away my tears of sympathy that you have an irresistible guy practically next door to you."
"I'm not asking you to feel sorry for me. I'm saying that it's hard to talk myself out of liking him when he's a really great guy and I respect him as a person," Diego told her.
"Well, I respect him as a hot piece of ass."
"You're not helping. I was this close to kissing him."
She only mocked him some more. "Oh, no. How would you ever survive kissing such a gorgeous guy?"
"I might survive but our friendship might not. I don't want to mess up things between us."
"Look, we both know I am only going to tell you to go for it. Is that why you're talking to me, so I can give you a shove?"
"No. It's because I'm stupid." Subconsciously, he might have been doing what she said. "I guess I don't know what I'm doing or what I want."
"Stop overthinking it and go with your heart or something a little lower, whichever points in the right direction."
"Stop it. Just stop it," he told her. He was crazy if he expected sensible advice from a cynic like her. Mostly he was desperate.
Trevor set off something inside him, like he started his heart beating again. Now it beat for Trevor louder and harder all the time so that Diego couldn't ignore it. Fighting what he felt was like trying to stop his heart from beating.
Chapter 6
That day as Trevor was picking up Zane at Mrs. Keegan's, she did not greet him with a happy expression.
"I hate to do this to you, but they want to do the vein surgery on my legs tomorrow, not next month. That doctor pushed it up, something to do with his schedule. If you can't find anyone to watch Zane, I'll just tell them I can't do it. I don't believe it's that urgent. It waited all this time. I can wait until..."
"Oh, no. They want you in tomorrow and you should go. I have other babysitting options. Don't worry," Trevor assured her.
"It's not life or death surgery," Mrs. Keegan told him.
"You do so much for us already. I don't want you to play around with your health. I'll have the babysitting figured out before tomorrow morning. You'll see."
"What if Becky can't do it?" Mrs. Keegan said. She knew who his other babysitting option was. He didn't know that many people in the area who could help him out.
"If she can't do it, I'll ask that neighbor of mine to lend me one of his babysitters," Trevor said decisively. He hated to ask for help, but he didn't want Mrs. Keegan to worry.
"That very nice neighbor with a little boy of his own?" Mrs. Keegan raised an eyebrow at him.
"Yes," Trevor confirmed, and that's all he trusted himself to say about Diego while Mrs. Keegan was eyeing him knowingly.
"He sounds so handsome," she teased him.
Trevor never said anything about Diego being handsome, but he must have given away too much anyway when he talked about him. That wasn't surprising. Trevor was thinking about him more and more all the time.
Trevor contacted Becky right away and found out that she wouldn't be able to help him. She gave him a name of a friend of hers. He had to wait to hear back from her only to find out she wasn't available either.
It was already close to Zane's bedtime when Trevor finally texted Diego. "Hi. I need a favor. Can you talk?"
A few minutes later, he heard a soft knock on his door. That's when he got a reply from Diego. "We're at your door. Ready to talk."
Trevor smiled. Carrying Zane, he opened the door to Diego and Jamie.
"I was just about to put Zane to sleep," he said to them.
"I can help him sleep," Jamie volunteered.
"Like before?" Trevor asked him.
"I'll pretend to sleep on the big pillow," Jamie said.
"Pretend. Aha," Diego said as Jamie went with Trevor and Zane to the small bedroom.
When Trevor came back, Diego was sitting on the arm of the couch and grinning. "He's going to fall asleep and I'll have to carry him out of here again."
"Thanks for coming over. I guess I'm always running to you for help," Trevor said.
"It's no problem. What do you need a washer, a dryer?"
"Not an appliance this time. A babysitter. The lady who babysits Zane while I'm at work has to go into the hospital for some treatments for her legs. They pushed up the schedule and she's going in tomorrow. She was ready to tell them no, but she's not exactly young, so I don't want her delaying any treatment. I thought my other babysitter could take over, but she isn't available. I know it's short notice, but I need a babysitter for tomorrow while I'm at work. Do you know someone who can fill in?" Trevor asked.
"I know me," Diego said right away. "I can babysit and I work for free. Me and Zane can hang out while I work. We can bring his playpen over like we did before."
Trevor was surprised at his offer. "That seems like a big imposition."
"It's not. Wouldn't you babysit Jamie if I had a babysitting emergency?" Diego asked.
"Of course I would," Trevor said with no hesitation.
"See. You come back early from work. The time will fly by," Diego said.
Trevor was desperate. He couldn't afford to take a day off. "OK. Thank you. Do you want to sit and have some iced tea? I made a pitcher of it, but it might be too lemony."
"That's how I like it," Diego said. He shifted from sitting on the arm of the couch to sitting properly on the couch, and Trevor came back with glasses of iced tea.
"I put in too many lemon slices," Trevor said as he sat down next to him.
"It's good stuff," Diego said after he tasted it.
"I think it's my aunt's influence. She used to make this punch that had so much sliced fruit in it, it was like a fruit salad. Her friends always made fun of her for it."
"That's her, right?" Diego said, pointing out a picture of Aunt Chrissie holding Zane when he was only two months old and looking so tiny.
"Zane looks like her. And he smiles a lot just like she did. In Zane's room there is a picture of her. She's pregnant with Zane and surrounded by her friends. I mean she's huge and standing in front of a birthday cake with thirty-four candles, all of them lit. That's my favorite picture of her. Except it's like a picture of someone who will live forever." Trevor found himself getting choked up. "Sorry. I'm talking too much."
Diego took his hand, just like he did before when he got upset, and just like then, it was incredibly comforting. "No, you're not. You're talking about someone you obviously loved very much," Diego said then let go of his hand.
"I still can't believe she's gone."
"What happened?" Diego asked.
Trevor could have simply told him it was a car accident and left it at that, but
there was something about Diego that made him want to let things out. "Aunt Chrissie and her best friend were driving back from an out of town wedding. I was babysitting Zane. Aunt Chrissie was supposed to be an hour away. That's what her last text said. But one hour passed, then another and another. I was going crazy with worry, texting and calling. No answer. With every passing minute, I was more terrified. Then there was a knock. The cops came to the door to tell me there was a car accident." Trevor barely got the words out. In that moment, his whole world crashed around him. He lost his only real family, the woman who raised him, gave him a home.
While Trevor felt like his emotions would suffocate him, he felt Diego pull him close. Resting his head on Diego's shoulder, he willed himself not to break down again and just breathed. "The cops were gone. I shut the door. The apartment was so deathly quiet and dark, and I felt so alone. I broke down sobbing then I remembered Zane. He was sleeping and he needed me to be strong for him, to be there for him the way his mom had been there for me. I've taken care of him since then and that's what I want to keep doing. I thought I would get to keep him, get permanent custody and even adopt him. But then..."
"You will. You'll see," Diego told him.
Trevor straightened and nodded. It was good to hear that even if no one could predict what might happen. Diego couldn't erase his worries, but his strength steadied Trevor. With Diego next to him, he never felt that scary loneliness.
Now Diego switched to a topic that was easier to talk about. "How are things at work? Any sign that your boss will make your job full time?"
"Not so far. I've been looking for something else, but I don't have too many skills. With sales commission, this job ends up paying me more part time than some jobs do full time. Plus I'm home with Zane more," Trevor explained.
"So you're a good salesman?"
"I think it's more that Mr. Dundee is a bad salesman. He can be kind of a snob, and he's not a good listener so he pushes the wrong stuff. Selling isn't my thing. I just try to figure out what people want, and I think knowing that the money will help me keep Zane motivates me to get the sale."
"I think I'd love to see you at work," Diego said with a smile.
"Nothing much to see," Trevor said but Diego just kept smiling. Trevor realized how close they were sitting. He should probably stop staring at Diego, noticing the shades of brown in his eyes, the stubble along his strong jaw line, the curve of his smiling mouth. How could he look away when Diego's smile reached right through him and made anything seem possible.
Diego was babysitting Zane and Trevor was rushing home from work. He would end up running late on the day when Diego was doing him a favor and looking after Zane. At the elevators, he waited impatiently and considered running up the stairs.
Once he got to Diego's apartment, Trevor started apologizing as soon as he opened the door. "Sorry, I got delayed by some customers, this couple, they kept arguing and it took them forever to make up their minds," he rattled off.
"No problem. I still have a little time before I need to get Jamie, and me and Zane had fun," Diego said while Zane reached over for Trevor to hold him.
"He looks like a happy boy." Trevor kissed him then he had to make another apology. "I was planning to pick up something for you and Jamie for lunch on the way here, but then I had to rush to get back on time. Sorry. I'll make it up to you."
"We only have a snack around this time anyway, but if you want to treat us, we can all go pick up Jamie together and grab some fries," Diego said and looked at Trevor expectantly.
Right away, Trevor could tell what he was up to. "Just fries? You know I'd want to pay, that's why you want us to have only fries. You don't want to break my budget."
Diego's next ploy was to try and to guilt him. "You wouldn't want me to feel bad about you paying for lunch, would you? How would I be able to enjoy my food?"
Trevor decided to go along with him. "OK. It's a plan. I'll grab the stroller and something for Zane to eat."
"No fries for Zane?"
"Maybe he can have one or two," Trevor said. "Just so he doesn't feel left out."
It was a nice day and picking up Jamie from daycare turned into a pleasant, leisurely walk. From the stroller, Zane peered all around him while Trevor and Diego walked side by side. Diego updated him on everything he and Zane got up to. It seemed that he found all sorts of ways to keep Zane busy.
"Are you sure you got enough work done?" Trevor wondered.
"If I didn't, it was my own fault for wanting to play with Zane too much. I did fine though. I fleeced this video game company for all kinds of goodies and got a commitment for some of their people to give talks to the kids. Zane was very proud of me. I got a high five, kind of. But don't worry, he didn't start walking or anything," Diego assured him.
"Kills me to think I might miss that," Trevor said.
"I don't think you'll miss it. You're the one he will want to walk to the most," Diego reassured him.
Trevor smiled. Diego always knew what to say to make him feel better. Trevor already felt pretty good just walking around with him and Zane. It kind of made him feel happy. It was just an ordinary workday, but it felt like those times that only seem special when they're remembered suffused with warmth, under clear skies and bright sunshine dazzling the eyes. He couldn't seem to snap himself out of it. Diego was just a nice, good-looking guy. He shouldn't have the power to transform a simple stroll down a random street into instant nostalgia.
At Jamie's daycare, Diego and Trevor joined the other parents waiting for their kids. Jamie ran to his dad smiling and making a happy, excited noise as he saw he wasn't alone. Zane made his own happy noises of greeting.
"Everybody came to pick me up," Jamie exclaimed.
"Yes, we did. How was daycare today?" Diego asked him as he took his hand and they walked on.
"It was good," Jamie said simply.
"Were you the best Jamie you could be?" Diego asked.
"Yes," Jamie said, raising his head proudly.
Trevor got the impression that this was their usual exchange after daycare.
"Excellent. Now we have snacks," Diego announced.
"All of us?" Jamie asked and looked at Trevor and Zane hopefully.
"Yes. All of us. And I have even better news. We're having fries," Diego told him and now Jamie was overjoyed.
They ended up at a place called Tops Burgers, but they only ordered fries and fruit smoothies. As they were sitting and waiting for their order to arrive, Diego got out his phone.
"Check out the video of Zane I took." He showed it to Trevor. It was a whole lot of Zane giggling like crazy. "I'm sending it to you," Diego said.
"When did you make the video?" Jamie asked after he got to watch it too.
"Earlier today when I was babysitting Zane."
"You babysitted Zane without me," Jamie pouted.
"I told you I was going to, and you were at daycare. You can't be in two places at once," Diego told him reasonably.
Jamie only pouted some more.
"Here watch the video again. It will make you smile," Diego offered. And it did. In the video Zane kept laughing and laughing and Jamie couldn't help laughing along with him even if he didn't know why.
"What's making him laugh like that?" Trevor asked.
"I put a sock on my hand and then I took it off with my teeth like I was a wild animal. I did that over and over and over again. I don't know why but it cracked him up," Diego said.
"You made Zane laugh without me," Jamie complained.
"Sorry. I made him laugh without Trevor too," Diego pointed out.
Jamie looked over at Trevor as if to see if he was mad as well. Reaching over the table, Trevor gave him a fist bump of solidarity.
Their fries and fruit smoothies finally arrived. Even Zane was going to have a small smoothie. Along with their orders the waitress brought over some sheets of paper and crayons. "You and your brother get these," she said to Jamie as she set the paper and crayons in front of the kids.<
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"She said brother," Jamie said looking at Zane intently, but the little guy didn't contradict her. Jamie seemed to like her mistake just fine. "She thinks I'm his big brother because I'm bigger and I know everything," Jamie boasted.
Later on as they were leaving, Trevor asked Diego,
"Do you think Jamie might want a little brother?"
Zane was in the strolled, and Jamie was showing him his drawing and explaining it to him. Looking at them, Diego smiled. "That's an interesting idea. I bet he just wants someone he can boss around." Then he reconsidered. "What am I talking about? Jamie bosses me around all the time."
They walked around a little more and then Diego needed to get back to work. They went to Diego's apartment so they could take the playpen over to Trevor's then they lingered in the hallway for a little bit.
"That was a good time, thank you, Trevor," Diego said. There was a bright look in his eyes like he was asking, "When will I see you again?"
Trevor had to stop imagining he saw something in Diego's eyes that wasn't there. It was enough that he was a good guy and a good friend to him when he needed him. "No, thank you. You really helped me out."
"It was worth it. We always have fun with you guys," Diego said and gave him a warm smile. As they stood just outside his apartment door, Trevor got the feeling that they were supposed to kiss goodbye, like it was the end of a date. Again Diego was doing this to him, taking an everyday and ordinary moment and turning it thick with meaning and possibilities. On the surface it was a simple thank you and see you later, but in the whispered undercurrent, secret messages were being passed back and forth between them. Trevor was imagining things again.
"Let's do this again soon," Diego said. His words didn't break the spell. His deep voice only added to the intimate atmosphere that surrounded them. For a moment he lingered and Trevor looked into his dark brown eyes, a steady unbroken gaze that made time stop. His body seemed to think that he didn't need to breathe and his heartbeat became too loud.
Finally Jamie fidgeted, and he and his dad went off together. As he stood in the hallway looking after them, Trevor wondered how long he would feel this warm glow. Whenever he spent time with Diego and Jamie, he experienced a mix of emotions afterward that didn't make sense, or maybe they were just new to him. He felt a pang of regret, missing them instantly. He felt need and desire for Diego, but also a sensation like he had just been released from a tight, comforting hug. It was as if he looked into Diego's eyes too long, and now he would be under his spell forever.