by Trina Solet
Chapter 7
Diego was working, or trying to. In reality he was counting the minutes until the next time he saw Trevor. It shouldn't be a big deal. The man lived on the same floor, once he got home from work, Diego could just go over and knock on his door.
And then what? Keep tempting fate while claiming he didn't want to get involved. That's what he did every time he spent time with him.
Why did everything with Trevor turn into endless moments full of yearning, sleepless nights and dreams about him? "Drag that man into bed with you already," a voice inside him said. That was not happening. Trevor wasn't a recreational activity. Until Diego was ready to get serious, they had to stay just friends.
Diego got on the phone with Erin to go over some updated estimates with her. When they were done with that, she asked him what was new, and he happened to mention that he spent a little time hanging out with Trevor. Almost immediately she accused him of being sneaky about dating him.
"You're going out with him and pretending you're not dating," she said.
"You can't have a date with two kids in tow. One of them wants to stick straws up his nose. The other one had mango smoothie dribbling down his chin."
"What are you getting defensive about?" Erin asked him.
"I'm not. Trevor and I are just friends. Our whole relationship is kids and food, food and kids," Diego told her.
"Oh. That means you're already married. Sorry. Looks like you skipped the good part. Whoops. But seriously, you should grab that very hot neighbor of yours while you still can."
"He's all about Zane. He wouldn't want to get involved either. I think his life might be complicated enough without you trying to matchmake for us," Diego told her.
"I have to. Single parents need all the help they can get. No sane person wants anything to do with your kind," she said.
"Nice."
"That's why you need to snag your neighbor guy. He's a single parent too," Erin said.
"Not exactly," Diego reminded her.
Erin brushed off the technicality. "Close enough. That means he's just as desperate and unwanted as you."
"So our desperation as single dads should bring us together. You're a true romantic. Actually we have spent a lot of time together already. So maybe we are desperate for company."
"See, you have something going on already," she concluded then she demanded, "Fess up!"
Diego had nothing to fess up to just some inconvenient, unrequited feelings that needed to stay buried if he knew what was good for him. Before he met Trevor, Diego didn't think staying out of relationships was that much of a challenge. But that was only because no one else tempted him like this. Diego had never experienced this kind of painful, yearning desire for another man. Until now, he expected every attraction to be like the ones up till now, easy enough to shrug off.
No matter how strong his feelings were, he was fighting back. Unless the kids were asleep, Diego never got to spend any one-on-one time with Trevor. How could anyone accuse him of having a budding relationship with him?
Now that he had started thinking about spending some time alone with Trevor, he couldn't stop. He might as well take a break. He decided a walk might clear his head or, even better, a walk to a place that sold something he didn't currently need.
The door chimed as Diego stepped inside Dundee Lighting Emporium. He was greeted by a sight of a ceiling full of glittering chandeliers, many of them lit. It was dazzling and gaudy. Though there were a number of more subtle pieces, they couldn't steal the spotlight.
Diego had trouble imagining Trevor in a setting like this. He was so modest and reserved. But when Diego did see him, he felt like Trevor outshined all the lights put together. He might even outshine the sun. Diego's heart beat faster at the sight of him, and he couldn't seem to catch his breath. And a little while ago he was congratulating himself on how well he was fighting back against his feelings.
Though Trevor must have already noticed Diego as he came in, he didn't give any sign of it. He was helping two young women, who smiled at him a lot. Trevor was courteous and attentive. It didn't seem to Diego that he was trying to charm them. His demeanor was pleasant but very professional. Still he somehow inspired Diego to want to shout, "I know that guy! I know him. We practically live next door!" like Trevor was a newly minted celebrity or something.
Instead of staring at Trevor, Diego went over to the outdoor lights section and pretended to browse. Of all the things he might look at, he was looking at the kinds of lights an apartment dweller would never need. While he poked around and checked prices, he noticed a portly, overly serious middle aged guy in a suit. He was speaking at length to an older woman who nodded and nodded. That lady looked like she forgot she already put on jewelry and had another go at it.
Diego guessed that the man must be Trevor's boss, and he hoped he wouldn't get his attention. In his "I just stepped out of the house like this" outfit of jeans and a t-shirt, Diego wasn't likely to drag him away from the old lady who didn't know when to stop putting on jewelry.
Done with the two young women, Trevor turned in his direction and came his way. As he approached, he was like an angel and his uncertain smile grabbed Diego right by the heart. Trevor didn't know what to think of his unexpected visit, and it's not like Diego could explain it, either.
"Are you looking for some outdoor lighting, sir?" Trevor said as he stopped right in front of him.
"Now I am. The way you say 'sir' is nice. I bet people buy anything you want to sell them," Diego told him, and he wasn't teasing him either. He felt he would buy whatever Trevor told him to.
"They do not," Trevor said. "How come you're here?"
"My plan was to pretend to be shopping for something while I visited you so you wouldn't get in trouble with your boss, but now I don't want to take my eyes off you," Diego said with too much honesty.
"What's got into you?" Trevor asked, his pretty eyes going wide.
"Me? Nothing," Diego said as innocently as he could.
"What do you mean nothing? You never talk like this," Trevor said and stared at him like he wanted to check his blood alcohol level.
"But I think it all the time," Diego confessed and smiled ruefully for not allowing himself to say it before now. "I guess I feel more restrained when it's the two of us plus the kids. All this time, since the first moment I met you, I've wanted to tell you how beautiful you are."
"You're crazy," Trevor said in a croaky voice and swallowed hard.
"You don't really know it, do you?" Diego just couldn't stop smiling at him while Trevor looked so shy. "I thought so. In that case, you could say that I'm just keeping you informed."
"Diego," Trevor gasped his name like he was pleading for mercy.
"Don't worry. I know you're not looking to get involved. Neither am I. It's a good thing too because you are irresistible," Diego told him.
"I'm going to get fired," Trevor lamented and hung his head.
"For what? Being embarrassed at work by your neighbor? Your boss is busy with that lady anyway," Diego pointed out.
"Yeah. She's more his kind of customer."
"Would it help if I bought a string of colored lights," Diego offered, seeing the set called Rainbow Lights nearby. They had more colors in them than Christmas lights. "I think Jamie would get a kick out of them."
"You don't need to do that," Trevor told him.
Diego upped the ante as he went to grab the lights. "OK, I'll buy the lights and promise to go back to behaving myself the next time I see you."
"Um, OK," Trevor said uncertainly then they went over to the register so Diego could pay.
"I just had to get a dose of you. I won't make a habit of it," he assured Trevor.
Trevor gave him a wry look. "I guess I have to take you out for fries more often."
"That's the spirit," Diego said.
He was happy that Trevor wasn't upset with him. Hopefully he wouldn't change his mind after he had time to consider that Diego came to bug him
at work just so he could not hit on him. He felt like thinking about Trevor too much had scrambled his brain.
But as he looked at him, Diego knew fighting his feelings was hopeless. Trevor tugged at his heart like no one ever had before. He felt like it would take only one look from him, and Diego would fall on his knees in front of him and promise him anything.
Chapter 8
After Diego came by the store, Trevor caught himself thinking that it was nice to get a surprise visit at work. Why did he think it was nice when what Diego said disturbed and unsettled him, excited him? But when Trevor had seen him coming in, he felt that transformation, that magic trick Diego performed. Suddenly, his day at work was lit, not by the gaudy chandeliers, but by the light in Diego's eyes.
And what he said, it kind of made Trevor want to laugh and cry at the same time. Diego thought he was beautiful? Trevor wanted to wrap those words around himself and, at the same time, hide from them and what they might mean, what they might lead to.
Since they lived so close, he couldn't hide from Diego though. And the next time they ran into each other by the mailboxes, he couldn't hide his latest babysitting crisis from him either. When Diego arrived to get his mail, Trevor was holding Zane and the mail while trying to text with Becky about what to do with Zane tomorrow.
"Is this a juggling act?" Diego asked. He smiled at Zane, who made grabbing motions for his keys.
"Kind of. I really have to find more babysitters. It looks like I might need to take Zane to work with me tomorrow, and I'm not quite sure how Mr. Dundee would feel about that. Good thing he won't be there, I guess. So maybe he won't find out." As usual, he was telling Diego all his problems. "Mr. Dundee asked me to cover for him at work tomorrow so I have to put in a full day. He has terrible timing. Mrs. Keegan is still recovering. She's supposed to keep off her feet, not run after a one-year-old. My other babysitter, Becky, can take Zane in the morning, but she isn't available in the afternoon."
"And tomorrow neither am I. I have a meeting and I have to go in to work," Diego told him then looked at Zane regretfully.
"I don't expect you to bail me out all the time," Trevor told him.
"I would if I could though. I'm having Lance pick up Jamie from daycare. I can see if he can handle Zane too. Lance's references look great. I mean he takes care of people for a living and he is studying to be a nurse, so social workers should approve of him as a babysitter. What do you say?"
"We can't ask him to babysit two kids," Trevor said.
"We can if I pay him extra," Diego said.
"If he agrees, I'll pay him," Trevor insisted.
"He's my friend. I'm paying him," Diego insisted even more forcefully. When Trevor still wanted to argue, Diego frowned with concern. "This is just friends helping each other out. I don't have ulterior motives here. I love having you as a friend. Damn, did I say love?"
"You're impossible," Trevor said. "But seriously, it's enough that we're friends, isn't it?" Even as he asked Diego that question, his own heart answered with a loud "Hell no!"
The look in his eyes deep and earnest, Diego answered him seriously. "Your friendship is really important to me. It's just that I never met anyone who made me feel like this. It's making me a little crazy." Diego gave him a small, apologetic smile.
"I make you crazy? I'm pretty sure you were that way before I met you."
"But you'll let me pay for babysitting, right? I had enough trouble getting Lance to let me pay him in the first place," Diego said.
"OK. Thank you," Trevor said and got a big smile from Diego. He then turned to tell Zane what a good babysitter Lance was. Seeing his chance to grab the keys in Diego's hands, Zane went over to him with a leap. Diego caught him easily.
"I can't believe he jumped over like that," Diego said. "You're too brave for your own good."
Zane wanted those keys at any cost, but he couldn't remove them from around Diego's finger. He kept trying while Diego praised him for not giving up. The look in Diego's eyes as he gazed at Zane was so sweet and mellow, it melted Trevor's heart. Zane seemed so tiny when Diego held him, and Diego looked so handsome and strong. It was like an image out of his dreams. Trevor wanted to talk himself out of feeling this way, but he didn't know how. His heart wouldn't listen. It beat louder all the time, letting him know that friendship with this man wouldn't be enough.
Diego made arrangements with Lance then put him in touch with Trevor. The next day, Lance took over from Becky around noon. He sent Trevor regular updates on what was going on with Zane. That was a relief, though, if Diego trusted him to babysit, Trevor did too.
Later in the afternoon, Trevor was sent home by Mr. Dundee and he arrived at his apartment door to find everyone sitting on the floor helping Zane put together a numbers puzzle. "It's Trevor!" Jamie said excitedly when he saw him come in.
Zane was happy to see him too and crawled over to him then pulled himself up using Trevor's legs for support.
"How did my boy do?" Trevor asked.
Jamie answered first. "He did good, but he got baby food on his nose. And when Lance was wiping him, he grabbed the napkin and tried to eat it. We didn't let him."
"So you two were a team?" he asked looking from Jamie to Lance.
"Jamie is a pro at this," Lance said. He was up off the floor now, stretching his back.
"It's like I'm his big brother, right?" Jamie prompted Lance.
"Are you sure you're big enough to be a big brother?" Lance questioned him and put his hand above his head to measure his height.
"I am big enough," Jamie said and furrowed his brow at him then added a pout.
Lance drew back from his ferocious expression. "I take it back. You're definitely big enough."
Trevor was there just in time to put Zane down for his nap. They followed the routine of having Jamie pretend to sleep next to his crib, but this time Jamie didn't fall asleep. Once Zane was asleep, Jamie looked through his books so he could find one about frogs that he wanted to read to him when he woke up.
Trevor and Lance hung out in the living room.
"Thanks for doing this," Trevor told Lance.
"It's no problem. Diego always pays me when I babysit Jamie, but I would babysit that little dude for free. Diego knows I need the money."
"Diego said that you're putting yourself through nursing school," Trevor said.
"I figured since that was the path I was on, I might as well go all the way," Lance said with a shrug. "When I started working for Henry, Jamie's grandfather, I was willing to take any kind of job. I was trying to support myself after my family kicked me out. That job was a lifesaver."
"I'm sorry about your family," Trevor said.
"They named me Lance and then they disowned me. Talk about terrible parents," he said, making light of it, but Trevor knew it had to be horrible for him.
"Sorry. And you still do the same kind of work as a health aid?"
"I work for this couple, both of them have health issues, but nothing major. There'll never be another Henry though," Lance said just as Jamie came over to them. "The professor was a class act, a true gentleman. They don't build them like that any more."
"Are you talking about Grandpa?" Jamie asked.
"Yes, I am," Lance confirmed. "I was telling Trevor that he was a real gentleman."
Hearing this, Jamie piped up, "I'm going to be a gentleman when I grow up."
"Why wait? It's not too early to start," Trevor told him.
Jamie was game. "OK. What do I do?"
"You just have to be a good guy, say please and thank you," Trevor told him.
"Please and thank you," Jamie said then he asked for some juice.
"So you're good with kids of all ages," Lance told him after Jamie had some juice and then ran off to play.
They were in the kitchen as Trevor took out some chicken to defrost for dinner. "You too. Diego said you helped take care of Jamie since he was a baby."
"I did whatever I could. I lived with Henry so I was around to pitc
h in. All his friends used to tease him that I was his boy toy, but he was a perfect gentleman in that way too," Lance said.
"What about you?" Trevor asked and cocked an eyebrow at him.
"Me?" Lance asked, his green eyes innocent.
"Were you a perfect gentleman?" Trevor teased him.
"What did Diego tell you about me?" Lance asked, his voice growing extra deep.
"Only good things," Trevor told him.
Lance didn't look like he was sure he believed him.
Jamie was playing just out of earshot. Trevor watched him and then said, "It must have been so hard for Jamie to lose his granddad."
"It was. It was such a sad time. But Jamie had Diego, and I think he was the perfect dad for him. In those days, Diego was kind of like you, very much on his guard. His whole life about Jamie. In many ways, he's still like that."
"I can't say that I see him as guarded," Trevor said. To him, Diego seemed confident and outgoing. Though in quieter moments, there was something sad and distant about the expression in his eyes.
"It might not be obvious, I guess," Lance admitted. "It's his and Jamie's hearts he's guarding from guys like Simon, his ex."
"Diego told me that he backed out just as they were about to adopt Jamie," Trevor said lowering his voice to make absolutely sure Jamie couldn't hear him where he was playing.
Lance lowered his voice to a whisper too. "He got cold feet and started whining. He couldn't handle so much commitment. Maybe they should slow it down," he repeated Simon's words in a mocking tone. "Henry needed a commitment for Jamie's sake. It was heartbreaking, but Diego pulled through on his own and turned into a great dad. But after Simon, he didn't date seriously."