“Goddammit!” Marvin swore as he got up, brushed himself off, and growled at the old man who stood across the street shaking his head. “What?!”
“Dat ain’t no way for a young’un like you to be actin’”
“What the hell do you know about it?” Marvin shouted, getting up from the pavement, and stalked off down the street.
“Mo’n you could know, chile. But you keep it up and you’s gon’ fin’ out.”
-20-
Mike and Tommy howled with laughter as Marvin recounted the story to them during coffee the next morning at Epstein’s Deli. Even the other deadheads within earshot turned to listen and laugh. If the live customers could have heard it, they would have thought it was open mic night at a comedy club.
“Goddammit! It’s not funny,” Marv said, yet knew he sounded like a grumpy old man.
“Oh, but it is, Brody. It’s hysterical!”
“You have much to learn yet, Grasshopper,” Tommy said, making reference to an old television show he wasn’t sure Marvin would be familiar with.
Marvin flipped him the bird even as he began to visualize the entire episode and see the humor of it, at least from the deadhead perspective. “Hey, I got some new clothes out of it anyway.”
“I was wondering why you were dressed different when you walked in.”
“Well, the pants got shredded at the knees when I skidded on the sidewalk. I figured I might as well change the shirt while I was at it.” Marvin glanced at Tommy, “Davy says hello by the way.”
“He remembered me? Far out, I may have to go over tonight and get something different. I’m kind of tired of the khaki’s thing. I miss my button fly jeans and t-shirts.”
Leaning away from him, Mike turned to look at Tommy, who sat next to him. “Far out? Did you just say ‘far out?’ What decade are you in?”
Tommy smiled. “Sorry, sometimes that shit just slips out, you know?”
“Who’s Davy?”
“The guy that dressed me for my funeral, remember?”
“Oh, right.”
“So here’s a question for you then, Sensei,” Marvin said, with a bit of a sneer.
“That’s Karate Kid, Marvin. In Kung Fu, Po was the student’s master.”
“Whatever,” Marv expressed his frustration. Marvin had wondered about this since the first day, when Tommy had shown him he could walk right through a door or a wall and after his episode last night he had to ask. “Since I have so much to learn, explain to me why I didn’t go through the concrete instead of having some bitch spike my balls with her high heels?”
“Brains, dude,” Tommy tapped the side of his head with a finger.
“I’m just guessing here, Brody.” Mike paused to gather the thought. “But I think it’s because we alter our physiology… our matter. When we’re going through solid matter, we think about it. We see the wall — or whatever — and imagine melding into it and emerging on the other side.”
“Yeah, Marvin, otherwise, I think we’d experience the China Syndrome. You know, we’d fall —.”
“I know what the China Syndrome is! Tommy, my friend, I think you’ve watched too many movies.”
“No, think about it Brody. Maybe he’s right; we’d slip through the earth too.”
“But, wait a second. The door at the funeral home sliced me in half length-wise once, and I wasn’t thinking about going through it.”
Mike shook his head. “You didn’t think about it, but maybe your brain did.”
Marvin thought he was being handed another crock of bullshit. It must have registered on his face, because Mike continued, “The brain makes millions, maybe billions, of calculations a second, Brody. You can’t be aware of all of them. We’d probably go insane if we were cognizant of every synapse up there.”
Marvin sighed and drained his cup. “Well, I think you two are full of crap and you don’t know how or why any of this works the way it does. And you’re making my brain hurt right now. God, I’m tired.”
“No sleep last night?”
Marv shook his head and didn’t know if he wanted to get into it completely. The guys knew about his issues: still not accepting what happened, and not happy at all with Jen contemplating moving on with her life. But he thought it was good to have friends to talk to, to help him sort things out. He didn’t always agree with the advice his old college acquaintance, Mike, gave him. And the suggestions of a pothead, who had actually spent time living on a commune, and probably screwed anything that walked on two legs — in groups no less — was certainly suspect when it came to matters of the heart.
“You are seriously bummed out about this, aren’t you Marvin.”
“Five months ago, she’s nagging me to such distraction about the wedding that I walk in front of a bus. Now she’s gonna start dating? So, yeah, dude, I’m bummed out. What? You think I’d be happy about it?”
Tommy and Mike stayed silent and waited. Neither one wanted to fuel his mood. Mike in particular understood to a degree what Marvin was feeling; he’d left a serious relationship behind too.
“Shit. How do you go from in love and wedding plans to dating this fast? I couldn’t. I haven’t… I’m not even really sure who the guy is. Probably one of the young hot-shot lawyers at the firm.” Marvin slumped in his chair.
“Come on, Brody. Don’t get depressed. It’ll get better. It just takes a little time, that’s all. We know you loved her. We know it’s tough to leave her behind but, really, what choice do you have in the matter?”
Marvin understood it was a statement, not a question. But it didn’t make it any easier to accept. I’ll do something about it or Jesus H! I’ll die trying! Then he laughed out loud. Ha! That’s stupid; I’m already dead. Okay, one lesson learned: life’s habits are hard to break and typical human reactions and emotions aren’t left behind.
Instead of going to a movie or bumming around the city like he usually did with Tommy, or sitting around the pool at the hotel with Mike, Marvin decided to go back home. He knew he just wasn’t fit for human consumption. He felt better after a nap on the couch. To help him wake up, he went into the kitchen and made some strong coffee. He sat in his chair, sipped on the steaming drink and mulled over the situation. Jenna startled him when she bounced through the door and tossed her keys and purse onto the little table in the foyer.
He forgot about his cup of coffee on the end table and followed her around the place. It seemed to him anyway, she was moving with more spring in her step than she’d exhibited since… “I died,” he said aloud. Marvin thought, there, I said it and maybe that would help him to get used to the fact.
Jenna stopped and sniffed at the air on her way through the living room. “That’s weird. I swear it smells like fresh brewed coffee in here.” She shook her head and proceeded with her usual home-from-work routine.
“I still like watching you undress,” Marv said as the skirt slid down her legs to the floor. He watched her hang it in the closet and reach for one of his shirts.
“Well, I might as well make use of them until I have the Salvation Army pick it all up.” Jen walked back to the living room, wearing nothing but her bra, panties and his shirt.
“You wear them all you want. You look pretty good like that,” Marv told her. He watched her settle into his chair and then panicked as she reached for the phone. He lunged for the coffee cup he’d left.
“Son-of-a-bitch!” Jenna jumped up from the chair. Coffee splashed against the wall, ran across the top of the table and splattered onto the carpeting in a puddle. “Jesus Christ, Marvin is gonna kill me if I ruin…”
“Oh, Jesus H! What’re you stupid?” Marv berated himself. “Look, Jen… I’m sorry. I didn’t mean… I didn’t know it got so late. I would’ve made sure things were put away.”
She ran to the kitchen to grab a large handful of paper towels and stopped dead in her tracks at the sight of the half-full coffee pot. “What the hell? I didn’t even have coffee this morning.” She placed the back of her hand ag
ainst the glass carafe. “It’s still warm. Why is there warm coffee…”
She went back to the living room and looked at the puddle of amber liquid, and began to shake when she realized Marvin drank his coffee black. She backed up until her knees buckled against the seat of the couch and she slid to the floor.
Shaken with fright, Jenna tried to calm herself. “Don’t be ridiculous. You made the coffee yourself. That has to be it. I made it myself, poured it, got a case of scatter-brain and put the cup there without thinking. And I left for work without turning the warmer plate off.”
She stood on wobbly legs and retrieved the roll of towels from the holder, grabbed the wastebasket from under the sink and stared at the wreckage. “That has to be it. That has to be what happened,” she told herself as she moved forward.
Marv hovered over her shoulder. “Did any spill on the chair? Jeez, I hope not. All the years I had that and not once did I stain the leather.”
“Well, at least nothing hit his chair, thank God!” Jenna said, poking a finger into her ear and wiggling it against the hair she thought had tickled her. “He would’ve been so pissed.”
Marv watched her from the safety of the couch as she cleaned up the mess. There was nothing else he could do. He figured if he tried to help she’d see the dripping coffee disappear from the walls, or the puddle on the table dry up as if by magic and would freak out again.
When Jenna finished cleaning up the mess, with whatever phone call she had intended to place forgotten, she opened the dinner she’d purchased, sat in Marvin’s chair and stared.
“Jesus, turn on the television or something. It’s too quiet in here. How can you stand it?” Marv asked her.
Jen didn’t answer him. She sat and stared at the blank screen eating her cold pastrami sandwich.
Marv stood up and headed toward the door. “Well, I can’t handle it. Sit here in dead silence if you want.” Marvin thought about that statement and laughed. “Dead silence. Now there’s a misnomer if I ever heard one. I’m going to the Hilton to see Mike. At least there I can turn on the TV for some noise if nothing else.”
-21-
Jenna sat in Marvin’s chair balancing her plate of food when the phone rang and startled her. Most of the potato chips and the dill pickle landed on the carpet. “Shit!” She grabbed for the phone with one hand as she scooped errant food back onto the plate.
“Hello? Hello?”
“Just a second, I dropped something,” Jen called out. “Okay, sorry about that.”
“No problem, Jen.”
“David, hi! How are you?”
“Doing okay, I guess. You?”
“I’m… getting better.”
“Yeah, me too. I miss him though, you know?”
Jen’s eyes started to tear up. “I know. Me too. Gosh, I haven’t talked to you since…”
“Yeah, it’s been a while, huh? So, I thought I’d give you a call and check in. See how you’re doing. See if you needed anything.”
“Thanks, David, I really appreciate that. But, I’m okay. Really. How’re your folks?”
“Dad’s fine. I know he thinks about Marvin all the time — we all do. Ma’s… well, Ma’s Ma. You know how she is. It doesn’t take long to figure her out, does it?” David laughed.
“No, I guess not. But she still scares the crap out of me.”
“Eh, don’t let her bother you. It’s all for show. She doesn’t really mean it, any of it. So, listen, Jen… I was wondering…”
Jenna waited. She smiled as she remembered how Marvin would call out “Ten-Second-Rule!” after food landed on the floor and took a bite of the pickle.
“I was wondering if I could come by some day. You know, to see you. And, um… I… Jen, do you think I might pick out a few things of his that I could have? After Marv graduated, my mother made him clear everything out of his old room. Guess she was trying to make him feel guilty for moving so far away.”
“Oh, David, of course! I should have offered long ago. How stupid of me.”
“No, Jen, don’t say that. You’ve been… this has been a rough time for you… I’m sure you would have offered...”
“What about your folks? They must think I’m rude and callous.”
“No, of course they don’t think that.”
“David,” Jenna said in a flat tone, “you don’t —”
“Okay, so Ma’s bitched. But it’s just her, you know?”
Jenna let out a small laugh. “Well, any time, David. It would be good to see you again and I know Marv would want you to have some of his things. And maybe you can find something for your parents too.”
“Cool. Thanks Jenna. Would this weekend be all right?”
“Sure, I don’t have any plans. How about Saturday morning, around ten?”
“Perfect.”
“Good, I’ll see you then.”
“Bye, Jen”
Jenna’s eyes wandered the room until they focused on the baseballs. All they did was collect dust and remind her of how much Marvin had fussed over them, which pissed her off all over again. He would polish the glass and stare at them for an hour before he put them back on the shelf. She knew they could be worth a little bit of money, perhaps even increase in value with time — particularly when the players died — but, with the surprise of the insurance policy, she didn’t need the money. She decided they would be the first things she offered to David. And she thought Marvin would like it that his prized baseballs went to his little brother.
-22-
Marvin came through the door to the apartment. It seemed quiet for a late Saturday afternoon. This had always been Jenna’s time to vacuum and dust and nag him about helping. Marvin wondered where she’d gone. Maybe grocery shopping, or out to meet a girlfriend for lunch. He took a swig of the beer he carried from the deli, where he’d had lunch with the guys, and went out onto the balcony to wait.
The view still mesmerized him and he couldn’t decide if the blood stains he saw were actually still there, or if it was his imagination. But for reasons that escaped him, he would stand here in this spot, the spot where Jenna had seen him get flattened by the bus, and just stare. He caught movement out of the corner of his eye and turned to see her walking toward the building, hands loaded down with shopping bags.
He went into the foyer, stuck his head through the door and waited for her to appear at the head of the stairs. When she came into view and strolled the hallway he could tell she certainly hadn’t been grocery shopping. “Macy’s? Nordstrom? What the hell is all this?”
He pulled his head back into the apartment while she unlocked and opened the door. Her keys and purse got tossed in their usual place on the table in the foyer and she went straight into the bedroom without missing a beat. The bags dropped onto the bed and she started to take items out and lay them down as if she were putting an ensemble together. In all, she bought a short black skirt, a red and white print blouse, a white silk scarf, red high-heeled shoes and a purse to match. She stood back and studied her handiwork, her head tilting from one angle to another. Then with a nod of satisfaction, she walked to the living room to get the phone.
Marvin spotted his chance and rummaged through the bags for receipts. “Holy mother of Mary!” He stuck his head around the door frame as Jenna dialed a number. “Hey, I changed that insurance policy so you could pay the mortgage on this place. We didn’t break into Crowley’s office so you could squander it on shit like this. What the fuck were you thinking?”
“Hey, JoAnne! It’s Jen.” She returned to the bedroom. “Can you give me a call when you get this message? I need an opinion on something.”
“I’ll give you an opinion. You need to take all this shit right back where you got it.” He waived the receipts at her.
Jenna pulled a small bag from one of the larger ones and removed two boxes from it.
“More? There’s more?”
She opened the larger box first, arranged a braided gold necklace across the blouse and placed gold and r
uby earrings, one on either side.
“Wait a minute, wait just a… Have you lost your mind? Gold jewelry? And rubies for Christ’s sake!”
Jenna opened the final box and laid a braided, tri-color gold bracelet on the bed and smiled.
Marvin blew a gasket. “How do you think you’re going to pay for all that? We don’t have the money for this. I’ll bet you put it on a credit card again, didn’t you?”
The phone rang and broke his tirade. After she answered the phone, he followed Jenna through the kitchen where she stopped for a can of diet Pepsi and continued her conversation describing her new purchases as she walked out to the balcony. “This stuff better be for the office, that’s all I gotta say.”
“No, Jo… It’s for tonight. Do you think he’ll like it?”
“Does she think who will like it?” Marvin butted in and leaned closer to listen in.
“I think you’ll look hot. If he’s like any other man he’ll be all over you. If he’s the gentleman he is in the office, his eyes will be all over you. Either way, you win!” JoAnne told her.
“You’re going out with some wienie intern from the office, aren’t you!”
“Well,” Jenna giggled, “good. I need to feel…,” she shrugged, “I don’t know… sexy again. Does that make sense?”
Marvin’s blood pressure rose. “Sexy? What, I didn’t make you feel sexy?”
“All the sense in the world, girlfriend!”
Jenna let out a little sigh, though a smile spread over her face. “I just haven’t felt — well, you know, attractive — since Marvin died. I kind of miss the way he leered at me sometimes.”
“I’m leering right now, but I’m not sure you’d like the tone of it.” Marvin said, walking through the glass door. He reached into the refrigerator, took the last can of soda, popped the top, and headed back out to the balcony as he emptied half the can.
“No, we’re meeting at the restaurant at 7:00 tonight. Jesus, I’m nervous! I haven’t been on an actual date since Marvin and I moved in together.”
[Marvin's] World of Deadheads Page 10