The More I See

by Mondello, Lisa

  Her cheeks flamed just thinking about it. About kissing Cody. As if he'd known all along that was exactly what had been on her mind.

  Sure, she had been kissed, but she was almost certain Cody wasn't talking about the sweet good-night kisses she'd had with the dates she rarely went on.

  "Then why are you trembling?"

  She closed her eyes. "I'm not."

  "My senses are—"

  "I know, because you've lost the use of your eyes your other senses have sharpened. I'm just cold."

  "I can remedy that." He pulled her closer so that she was completely enveloped in his warmth and her head spun.

  A rumble of laughter escaped his lips. "Okay, so you've been kissed. But you've never been kissed by a man."

  Rolling her eyes, Lyssa said, "I'll be sure to tell Chad that the next time I see him."

  Cody stopped dancing, and his arms went rigid. "Chad. Who's that?"

  Lyssa had walked right into that one with blinders on. She'd been quick to prove Cody wrong, but in mentioning Chad, she most surely would only strengthen his case. And Cody wasn't likely to let her slip pass.

  "An ex-boyfriend."

  He nodded and began dancing again. "Some fleeting moment in time?"

  "Actually, we dated for over a year the first year I worked at the school."

  "I want to punch the guy, but I'll thank him instead for being stupid enough to let you go."

  A pain of regret stabbed her heart and had her closing her eyes again. "He was my first instructor when I learned to train guide dogs."

  "And you dated him."

  "Yes."

  "I'll bet he kissed like a fish."

  A soft giggle escaped Lyssa's lips before she could hold it back. She could have

  described Chad that way herself if it hadn't hurt so much. She knew the reason why kissing Chad wasn't anything special was because there simply was no passion in him. Not for her, anyway.

  "You don't know what you're talking about."

  "No? If you'd been with a man for a year and he'd kissed you proper, having me hold you like this wouldn't affect you the way it does."

  "And how's that?"

  "You want to bolt from my arms. You could, you know. I couldn't chase after you if you did. I don't have Otis to help me sniff you out."

  He smiled, as if he'd anticipated her blush.

  "But there's this part of you that wants to stay and know what it is like for me to kiss you.

  If you'd been kissed—I mean really kissed—you'd know. And your reaction to me would be different."

  She sighed softly. "Is that so shocking?"

  "Yes. I can't imagine a man alive who wouldn't dream of holding you like this and kissing you. Anyone who'd let you go is an idiot. So what happened with you and this Chad anyway?"

  "I thought his loss was your gain? Why would you care?" She stepped on his boot as they turned, wincing, but Cody did nothing to acknowledge her blunder.

  He shrugged. "Curious."

  "Maybe it's because I have two left feet. I mean, how can you be this good at this? I can see what I'm doing and I'm stepping all over you."

  "You're doing fine."

  "Because you're dragging me with you."

  Cody reached his hand up and ran his fingers lightly down her face. "Close your eyes."

  "No, it's taken me too long to get my sight, I don't want to shut anything out."

  He chuckled. "Lyssa, just cooperate and close your eyes."

  She did so and his hands cupped her face. As his lips moved over hers the ground beneath her seemed to swell and her body swayed. It wasn't the sweet kiss she had initially expected. But somewhere deep down, she had expected it.

  Telling herself over and over again as she dressed earlier that this wasn't a date had been denial in the biggest form. Cody had made his intentions crystal clear. She'd known right from the start that this was exactly what she'd wanted to happen tonight, too. Right down to the moment she'd chosen this simple sundress that made her feel as feminine as the lacy underthings she wore.

  Cody could see none of that. And still, he was kissing her, making her feel these incredible feelings, reaching an untouched place in her soul.

  The kiss was slow and meaningful. His lips lingered on hers and she was in no hurry for that to change. The scent of him enveloped her, filling her head and touching all of her senses.

  His fingers were in her hair, stroking lightly, exploring as carefully as his mouth was.

  And then the music stopped. Lyssa opened her eyes and realized they were standing still.

  Everyone else had moved off the dance floor.

  "The music stopped, Cody."

  "Did it?"

  "People are ... staring at us?"

  "Really? I can't see that."

  She giggled, gazing up at him and seeing his lips stretch into a smile. The music started again. "You want to keep dragging me across the floor?"

  "If it will keep you in my arms, I'll do it all night."

  "How can you dance like this and not see where you're going?"

  "Some things you can do just fine with your eyes closed. Like kissing." He bent his head.

  This time she met him halfway.

  Against every will she had, she trembled in his arms, confirming everything he'd said a few minutes ago. He put one hand on the nape of her neck and cupped her cheek with the other, his thumb brushing her lips. And then he kissed her again.

  It amazed Lyssa that she didn't pull back. Not this time. For most of her life she'd played things by the rules, pulled back when unsure, plunged in when she knew things were right. Took care and didn't take chances.

  Somewhere deep inside, as Cody slipped his hand lower on her waist and drew her closer to him still, warning bells clanged in a warning she would have heeded at one time, but now chose to ignore.

  Cody wasn't Chad, he was Cody. He was with her because ...

  Because she'd forced herself into his life when he'd become unreachable.

  Lyssa didn't want to think this was a simple case of Florence Nightingale syndrome.

  Lyssa hadn't saved Cody. She certainly wasn't his lifeline. But the danger of that was too great.

  "What are you so afraid of?" he whispered as he drew back.

  "I don't... know what you're talking about."

  "Sure you do. You always do, it seems. You were right with me and now ... I don't know, you're holding back."

  "Am I?" Playing dumb didn't make her feel any better.

  "Does kissing in public embarrass you?"

  Her shoulders sagged. "Why are you making a big deal of this?"

  He took a step back, but still held her upper arm. His voice grew deeper as he spoke.

  "Because it is. I don't want you to feel embarrassed."

  Awareness of what he was implying flooded her. "My God, Cody, it's not you," she said resolutely. "This isn't about you."

  "Darlin', in my arms like this, kissing me the way we were kissing, I figure it's most definitely about me to some degree if you're suddenly pulling back."

  Before Lyssa could even think, she took a step closer, into his arms, settling her head on his shoulder. It was irrational for her to hide from Cody's gaze. He couldn't see her. But suddenly, she wanted to be invisible to him, if only to hide the feelings of doubt consuming her now.

  "Please tell me what's wrong, Lyssa."

  "Nothing."

  "Don't give me that."

  "You pegged me good, Cody," she said, trying to keep her voice light. "You're not the only one with fears."

  He lifted his hand, found her cheek on the first attempt and cupped it. "I'm sorry."

  "Don't apologize."

  "I wasn't thinking. I made you feel uncomfortable."

  "I told you it isn't about you."

  "Then what is it?"

  She wanted to both laugh and cry. How could she put into words all the crazy feelings raging inside her? She was confident about what she knew. She was good at what she did at the sch
ool. Beyond that, life scared her. Holding Cody like this terrified her. How crazy was that?

  He's just a man, she told herself. Flesh and blood. She couldn't find the right words to tell him being here like this with him was making her want to run and hide. It made her think of things she'd never thought existed in her.

  Lyssa didn't know how to rise above her consuming feelings of fear and self-doubt. And she didn't want to hide in this shadow that was between her and Cody. She wanted to trust that what was happening between them was something real.

  "Let's just say, there are some things I'm not. And some things I'm not very sure of.

  Please don't ask anymore."

  To her great relief, Cody didn't push the issue any further. He just led her off the dance floor. And she knew for a fact that he was somehow the one still leading because she found herself back at the table and lifting her drink to her lips before she could even fathom how she'd gotten there.

  Lyssa struggled through the rest of the evening, trying to push aside the feeling of longing, the memory of being in Cody's arms, the sexy smile on his face that made her feel like she was the most beautiful woman in the world.

  She liked the feeling, liked even more that he seemed to share that feeling. And for once that was comforting.

  Still, for every time she felt her head swim, she'd held herself back. She was playing with fire. She wasn't staying. She definitely wouldn't allow herself to do something stupid like fall in love, like she had with Chad. But she feared it was already too late.

  They drove back to the ranch in silence. Wondering what Cody was thinking was killing her. He'd seen right through her tonight in a way that was startling, chipping away at the lock that chained her fears.

  Isadore was most likely settled in her room, which was comforting. Lyssa already knew the normal household routine. Cody walked through the front door behind her and locked it.

  Whether he knew it or not, he was growing more comfortable moving through the house even without Otis. That was a comforting thought. Her time here was worth it, but it wasn't going to last.

  Her chest tightened at the thought. It was inevitable that she would leave and go back to working at the school. Other students needed her experience. And the money Mike Gentry had gifted the school would go a long way toward helping those students.

  That's where she belonged, not on a ranch in the middle of nowhere.

  Yes, there were possibilities out there beyond what she knew and felt comfortable with.

  Maybe she was getting a little too comfortable in her own skin, as Cody had said. Maybe she did need to stretch herself and find out what she could become. But it wasn't out of fear, as he'd suggested. Right now her biggest fear was that everything they'd shared tonight was an illusion.

  They reached the landing at the top of the stairs and walked side by side over wide wooden planked floors. They reached her bedroom door first.

  "Good night, Cody," she said softly, although she knew she didn't need to keep her voice down for anyone. There wasn't anyone there to disturb. But there was something about quiet steps in the night.

  "Lyssa?"

  He'd stopped next to her. She kept her hand on the door, fighting the urgent sense to bolt through the door and lock herself inside her bedroom. Cody had already seen way more than she wanted him to.

  "What is it?"

  He inched closer and she didn't know what she feared more, that Cody would kiss her again or that he wouldn't.

  He didn't kiss her.

  She wasn't at all surprised at the tumble of her heart. It was completely irrational for her to feel that way, but she couldn't help it.

  "I may not be able to see my hand in front of my face, but I see you, Lyssa. And I like very much what I see. All those fears you've got locked up inside yourself, they only matter to you. You don't have to hide them from me."

  "You're suddenly so sure of everything about me, Cody?"

  She tried to keep her voice light, tried to deny he wasn't dead on center about all those things she'd struggled against tonight. But it was no use.

  As scary as it was, it was also comforting. To be able to let her hair down and allow someone access to all those secrets in her soul was freeing.

  "No," Cody said, lifting his hand and resting it on the doorjamb, just above her head.

  "There's a whole lot I'm not sure of. A whole lot more I don't know. But I'm anxious to learn."

  He smiled then, and her head began to swim. Did he have any idea of the effect that perfect smile had on her peace of mind?

  "Good night, Cody," she whispered.

  Reaching up on her toes, she placed both hands on either side of his face and pressed her mouth to his. She'd intended it to be a simple kiss, one that would be the perfect ending to the evening they'd shared. But to Lyssa's amazement, it quickly became much more.

  With one swift movement and a harsh intake of breath Cody dragged Lyssa against him, wrapping his arms around her waist. In his arms, she trembled, feeling herself go weak. His mouth was hungry, demanding a response that she readily gave, wanting to share. Their bodies seem to meld together as their kiss deepened, leaving her soul raw and exposed.

  Lyssa's mind was still reeling from the explosion of sensation coursing through her when Cody pulled away.

  Tipping his hat just a fraction, he whispered, "Night, Lyssa."

  With one hand, she felt for the door, realized it was open, and walked backward into the room, closing the door behind her. She leaned her back against the door with her cheek against the smooth, cool wood, listening to the hammer of her pulse against her eardrum, listening to the smooth steps of Cody's boots as he made his way down the hallway toward his bedroom.

  The door opened, then closed, and she was left with nothing but the sound of her

  heartbeat pounding against the walls of her chest.

  She pounded her head on the door with frustration. You idiot, she thought. Don't be a fool and fall in love with this man.

  But it was already too late.

  #

  Chapter Eight

  “Who's going to be there?" Lyssa asked. "I mean, are they all cowboys like you? You know, people who have ranches."

  "You'll see a lot of weekenders at shows. There's usually plenty of those."

  "Weekenders. What's that?"

  "Weekenders are people with regular day jobs who just love the sport of cuttin'. They head out on the weekends to whatever events they can to try to win some money and have a good time. It's not just the cowboys, either. Plenty of women are real good and can put me to shame, even on my best day."

  That had to be saying something, because from what Beau had told Lyssa that morning before they'd climbed into the truck to leave for Fort Worth, Cody didn't have bad days. He was that good. The championship titles he'd won spoke of his skill, and the reputation of his work with horses had people coming from all over the country in the hopes that they could train with the best.

  Things had changed between them. They were no longer just teacher and student. There was more. Cody had to feel it. How could he not? The kisses they'd shared were . . .

  electric—mind blowing.

  Lyssa's first instinct was to pretend these feelings didn't exist. It was completely inappropriate for her to become involved with Cody. She found her mind wandering to thoughts of him, the way he'd held her in his arms, even when he wasn't there. He could be totally annoying, completely difficult at times.

  On the other hand, there'd never been a time in Lyssa's life when she felt so alive. That was a dangerous sign that should have stopped her dead in her tracks.

  But denying what was going on between them now wouldn't be fair to either one of them.

  They were adults. They both knew and understood her reasons for being at the ranch in the first place. There was no harm in enjoying each other's company for the time they had together. She just couldn't lose focus on what she had to accomplish before it was time to leave.

  It had h
elped Lyssa to get some insight into what Cody was fighting against. From what Beau had said, Cody had always been a man driven, and it wasn't always clear what it was chasing his soul. He loved his horses, loved the ranch. He was basically a simple man.

  There'd been women, of course, but he'd never stayed with anyone long enough to carve a deep mark. Aside from what he loved that was visible to the world, there was a lot Beau doubted Cody would share with anyone.

  Well, maybe not with her, Lyssa decided as she sat in the back seat of the truck with Cody and Otis during the long drive out to Fort Worth. And it didn't really matter anyway, because that wasn't her purpose in coming to this ranch.

  Cody had made strides over the few days he'd been working with Otis. Normally,

  students would stay nearly a month at the school and then they'd return home to fully bond with their new guide dog. She had the month booked and some time after that if needed.

  It was going to be a long month. And yet, Lyssa wondered if a month could possibly be enough.

  * * *

  The drive out to Fort Worth was a long one. At least it seemed that way to Cody. There was nothing but music on the radio and Otis warming his feet. The dog sat on the floor in front of him, which normally wouldn't have been a problem if all they were doing was riding across town. But the monotonous two-hour ride was daunting. Cody finally asked Beau to stop to give the poor dog a chance to get up and breathe something other than the scent of his boot leather.

  Otis was a good dog, well-mannered and behaved. Lyssa had done right by him and

  trained him well.

  Lyssa had been quiet, not saying much about anything. It may have been because Beau and Mandy were there, chattering to themselves, worried about leaving Promise for the day. But Cody didn't think so.

  Things had changed between him and Lyssa. After dancing like they had the other night, kissing her the way he had, Cody knew things had changed a whole lot for him. Sure, the idea of a dog in tow wherever he went wasn't too appealing, but as Lyssa said, he'd probably get used to that after a matter of time. Hopefully, it wouldn't be for too long if his next surgery was successful. For the time being, it would just be him and Otis.

  Except, Cody wasn't so sure he wanted just Otis in this package. Lyssa had become a warm ray of sunshine in his life. And he hadn't had a slice of sun in a long while.