Attack of the Giant Robot Chickens

by Alex McCall

  “Why did the robot cross the road?” I asked.

  “I don’t know, why did the robot cross the road?”

  “Because the chicken was out of order.”

  She groaned but I thought I saw her smile a bit.

  “So what do we do now?” I asked.

  The hint of that smile disappeared. “We’ll keep watch for the day and try and see if we can spot any weaknesses in their defence. Then we get out of here and work out what to do.”

  “Rayna, this is crazy. We can’t do anything here. We had no idea there were so many of them. And we don’t even know what those chicken commandos can do.”

  The smile was back again. “Chicken commandos?”

  I shrugged. “That’s what I’m calling the smaller ones. It seems fitting.”

  “I guess.” Rayna thumped me on the shoulder. “Well look, we’re stuck here for the rest of the day anyway. It can’t hurt to just look.”

  I wasn’t so sure. There was something about Rayna, some echo in her voice, that unnerved me. I just couldn’t quite put my finger on it.

  But there was no arguing with her. “OK,” I said. “Just one day.”

  It was worth it. Rayna borrowed my notebook and filled page after page with detailed notes about the chickens’ positioning, timing and movements. We spent most of the morning creeping around the house, peeking out of windows. Rayna had worked out that there were four chickens patrolling the perimeter, recognising one with a scratched wing and then counting until it came round again. However, I was the one who saw the other guards.

  At first it was just a flash of white out of the corner of my eye. It was my turn with the binoculars and I was able to take a quick look. Then I’d scuttled off to get Rayna and shown her.

  It was the Brotherhood of the Egg, or people a lot like them. They were dressed in the same ridiculous costumes, though they all seemed older. There was a big church just down the road that they seemed to be using as a base, because every so often groups of them would come out of it, like bees from a hive, and buzz off in several different directions.

  “Why are they doing this?” I’d asked Rayna. “I thought the chickens were just ignoring them, but they seem to be working together here. Why?”

  She’d turned to me with eyes shining. “There must not be enough chickens to keep the area secure. They must need humans to help them watch.”

  “Why are you saying that like it’s a good thing?”

  “Because that means there may be a way we can get in.”

  It was a lot more dangerous in daylight. When we finally did sneak out, we weren’t able to get far. When we were almost at the perimeter we had to duck into a house when we heard people coming. We were stuck there for the rest of the day but that did have an unexpected benefit. The people were a huge bunch of the Brotherhood, marching with another batch of chicken commandos to a park just across the road. And there they ran drills.

  I’ve seen many weird and funny things since the chickens came, but these drills were something else. The Brotherhood tried marching around the grass, but they weren’t organised and kept getting in each other’s way. I was trying so hard not to laugh by the third time that two of the Brotherhood walked into each other that Rayna sent me to another room so that I wouldn’t give us away. I got back just in time to see the Commandos take a turn. If anything, they were worse. They just spent all their time rushing from one side of the field to the other. One of them had to be new, judging by his size and clumsiness. He kept tripping over his own feet and falling into the others. Their leader, who had an impressively large comb, kept stalking over and squawking at him. Finally he was sent off to stand with the Brotherhood. By this point I had to go back to the other room until I’d calmed down. I took the notes with me and started trying to find a way around their defences. They looked shambolic – but that didn’t mean they’d be easy to defeat.

  Night began to fall and I pored over the notes as the streetlights started coming on outside. After twenty minutes of counting everything up I sat back on my heels and shook my head.

  “Rayna, this isn’t going to work. Rayna?”

  There was no sign of her. I got up and walked into the next room, but she wasn’t there either. I began to get frantic. I dashed through every room in the house, calling her name as loudly as I dared. But she wasn’t there. Rayna had gone.

  I sat down on a bed in one of the upstairs rooms. What was I going to do? I couldn’t think of any reason Rayna could have for leaving the house. Had she been taken? Should I get out while I could?

  I was agonising over it, frozen to the bed in shock. Then I heard the back door slowly creak open and softly snap shut. Then footsteps on the stairs, coming closer.

  “Jesse?” At first I didn’t recognise the voice, but as it came a second time I knew it was Rayna.

  “In here,” I called back. The door opened and her head poked round. She was grinning.

  I scowled back. “Where were you?” I asked. “I was worried to death. I thought you’d been taken.”

  She shrugged. “I went to have a look at the perimeter. I wanted to see how big an area the chickens are protecting.”

  “Huh.” I gathered up the notes and began packing everything into my backpack. “And?”

  She began to grin again. “It’s too big for them to control properly. To keep the mast safe they’ve got to patrol a massive area. They’ve got to walk almost a mile around it. And the Brotherhood headquarters aren’t even inside that area!”

  I settled the backpack on securely. “That doesn’t matter, Rayna. We still don’t have a chance.”

  Her grin slipped away. “What?”

  I gestured out the window. “I counted up everyone they’ve got here. There’s about five Catchers, at least two squads of Commandos and who knows how many of the Brotherhood there are. There’s a Commando squad by the generator at all times and we couldn’t slip past them. We’d have to fight – and as soon as we do, everyone will know that we’re there and all of the chickens around here come and get us. Maybe all the Catchers in Aberdeen. It can’t be done.”

  “Huh,” Rayna said thoughtfully. “So what we need is a distraction.”

  “What we need,” I said levelly, “is an army.”

  She nodded. “I might know where to get one.”

  Chapter 11

  We set out right after that, clambering over the same wall as the night before as soon as the Catcher on patrol had rounded the corner. The dark still felt as spooky as it had the night before, but something was different. I think it was Rayna. She was striding along, barely looking from left to right, confidence radiating off her. Nothing was going to get in her way.

  Rayna led us up a street called Clifton Road and into a house about halfway up. It seemed that she had another base hidden away here. I wondered exactly how many she had scattered all over the place.

  I certainly couldn’t fault her on her choice. The flat was up on the second floor. And even though it was late, I could see enough of the garden to see that it bordered all the other gardens belonging to the houses on the block. In other words, if anyone came for us we’d have a good getaway route. The flat was high enough up that we’d be able to see any trouble from a mile away. We’d already had tea so there was nothing left to do but go to sleep. We both slept in separate rooms that night, on beds. And unlike the night before I could actually appreciate them, feeling safe and snug.

  I woke in the morning with a ray of sunshine gently tickling my eyelids. I groaned and rolled over. I felt a lot better than I had yesterday. My arms and legs didn’t hurt as much from being tied up. I guess a day of walking had stretched out my muscles nicely. I got to my feet and headed out to find Rayna.

  She was on the top floor of the two that the house had, staring out of a bedroom window at a view. It was pretty glorious, showing the sparkling blue sea and stretching to the horizon. The University Library building rose out of the city as if it had been purposely built to block out part of the se
a. From here it looked even less natural, alien from its surroundings.

  “I can see why you hate that building so much,” I said by way of greeting. Rayna stayed where she was, looking out unblinkingly like a cat.

  “Mmm,” was all she said.

  I squinted at the library. “If it’s over there then we could have just spent the night there. Did we have to stay here?”

  “Oh we had to, all right. It was the safest thing to do.”

  I noticed that she wasn’t looking at the sea, but was focused on one thing in particular. I followed the direction of her gaze and realised she was looking at a squat building just across the road from us. As I watched, I thought I saw movement in one of the windows.

  “Is that where we’re going to find our army?” I asked. She nodded, still staring at it.

  “I hope so. But this isn’t the sort of place where you want to get caught unawares. If we’re going there then we need to be careful. They don’t take kindly to people being smart with them. And you can’t try and threaten them like you did with Glen. In fact, it’s probably better that you don’t speak at all.”

  “But they like you?”

  Finally she dragged herself away from the window. “Like is too strong a word. They put up with me from time to time because they know I’ve got useful connections. They’re tough and they don’t take any nonsense.”

  “So they’re exactly what we want?”

  “Yup.” She stretched and headed for the stairs. “If we survive the experience.”

  From a distance, even if it was only from a street away, the building hadn’t looked that big. From the ground looking up at it was a completely different story. It seemed to tower above me, threatening to do me harm.

  A battered sign read ‘Kittybrewster Primary School’. It looked more like a prison. There was a fence and a wall all around it. The building itself sat in the middle of a concrete playground. The original building, Victorian like the rest of the area, had probably been a square, but an extension had been added on the side, huddling close to the older building like a small child seeking protection. There were large windows on the top two floors. You got the feeling that if this had been a prison then no one would have escaped. Nothing could cross the playground without being seen. Which I suppose made it an excellent stronghold. Though it also meant that we’d probably be spotted as soon as we made a move.

  If we hadn’t been spotted already.

  We were barely in the gate before the door opened before us. I couldn’t see anyone there. I gulped, but Rayna didn’t even hesitate, just marched forward into the black opening. I followed. It felt like I was walking into the waiting maw of some great beast.

  I found myself in what looked like a small waiting area. There were chairs scattered around and most of them were occupied with kids, all looking quite tough, who just sat and watched us as we went past. Rayna didn’t seem to see them. She just walked straight ahead and into a second door. I went after her, though I could feel the watching eyes on my back.

  Again, I was reminded of a prison. It was one huge space inside, rising up, with walkways on each level. And they were filled with people. There must have been close on a hundred of them, all staring down at us, not making a sound.

  On our level there were only a handful of guys. Rayna walked straight up to one and stopped in front of him.

  “Percy,” she said to him.

  It was a close competition, but he had to be the biggest, nastiest guy in there. In a normal world I’m pretty sure that he’d have been in prison by now.

  “Ambassador,” he said in a voice like a bloodhound’s growl. I could almost imagine his mouth being full of fangs. I stopped a little way behind Rayna and tried to look like I was watching her back. “What brings you here?”

  “You do,” she said without flinching. “I want you and your guys.”

  “Ooooh,” he said mocking her. The call was taken up by everyone around him until the air faintly hummed with jeers and tension. “And what do you want us for?”

  “A job.”

  “And what would that be?”

  “To take down the chickens.”

  I have no idea how Rayna could ever have thought that I was braver than her. She just stood there, staring down this great thug. I would have cut and run about half a minute ago, right when he had started talking. Actually, I wouldn’t have gone in here in the first place.

  Percy just laughed at her. “And what if I said no?”

  “Don’t be stupid,” she said to him evenly. “You know that isn’t your decision to make. Get your boss and I’ll talk to him.”

  This guy wasn’t even in charge? I actually shivered slightly to think of what Percy’s boss would be like.

  Percy was scratching his head. “Well I don’t know. He’s asleep about now and it wouldn’t be right to wake him up for some weak little girl…”

  His voice trailed off suggestively and Rayna’s eyes narrowed. I felt that she knew exactly what he wanted. “So that’s what it’s going to take, is it?” she asked.

  “Yeah, I guess it is,” he replied.

  Rayna glanced around quickly as if looking for some other way out of her situation, then shrugged and backed away.

  “Jesse, hand me that chair there,” She called back over her shoulder, never breaking eye contact with Percy.

  I looked around and found a plastic chair lying just beside me, just the right size for someone like me to sit on. I picked it up and carried it over to her, placing it into her outstretched hand. “What are you doing?” I whispered to her.

  “What must be done. Now back off.”

  I did, quickly. Across from her I could see someone doing the same for Percy. I realised what was going on a second before he gave a cry and sprang at her, swinging wildly.

  I had never seen gladiator combat with chairs before, but within a second I realised that it wasn’t as stupid as it sounded. There was a fair amount of strategy to it that wouldn’t have occurred to me. For one thing, the point didn’t seem to be to hit the other person. Both were trying to knock the other’s chair away.

  Rayna had caught Percy’s first charge with the legs of her chair and they were locked in place, legs entangled with legs, like stags with their horns caught. Then with a shrug of her shoulders she twisted to the side and he went rolling off, landing hard on the floor.

  He didn’t let go of his chair, though. He kept a tight grasp of it. He scrambled back to his feet and walked forward again, more carefully this time, calculating. This time it was Rayna who darted in, thrusting her chair forward. He caught it with his and lifted them both up and away, but she had been ready for it and moved forward, twisting as she did so. He had to let go of the chair with one hand or else lose it completely – and that was when she struck.

  She moved in a tight circle, putting her chair firmly down on the ground then hopping up on it and jumping at him. Percy was already off balance and he fell backwards, hitting the floor with a solid thud. It must have stunned him, because he didn’t react fast enough to stop Rayna grabbing her own chair and bringing it down on top of him.

  There was a hush as everyone stared down at what had just happened. Percy lay on the ground, the four legs of the chair surrounding him like a cage, trapping his clothes to the ground. And on top of the chair sat Rayna, panting slightly. She stuck out her tongue at him and said, “I win.”

  I began clapping. I felt that someone should or else they might start throwing things. There was a tense moment or two then others joined in and finally they were all at it, cheering for the hero and booing the fallen warrior.

  It drove Percy mad. With a great heave, he managed to rock the chair enough to get free and surged to his feet. Rayna fell backwards, a shocked look on her face. She tried to get up, but before she could Percy was upon her. He lifted her chair and was about to bring it down when a sharp, clear voice rang out.

  “Stop.”

  Percy froze and looked around guiltily, focusing on a point
a little past my left ear. If he was acting like that then the owner of the voice could only be his boss. And that person was standing right behind me.

  I turned around slowly, trying to not gulp. And there stood the guy in charge of this murderous bunch.

  Frankly, I expected someone taller.

  He was bigger than me, but only just. I only had to stand on tiptoes and I would be able to look him in the eye. He wasn’t muscly like Percy, either. He was slender and held himself well. For a moment I wasn’t sure I was looking at the right person.

  But every eye in the place was on him and he had their complete attention. He paced past me and I moved out of his way, not wanting to catch his anger. There was an aura about him of someone who was perfectly in control of himself and his surroundings.

  He walked over to Percy, who was trying to be as still as possible. The chair was wobbling where he held it over his head, his arms obviously getting tired.

  “The Ambassador won, Percy.” His voice was like ice; cold, sharp and precise. I couldn’t see his expression, but Percy could. He looked scared.

  “You cheated.”

  “Yes, sir.” Percy’s voice came out small. I was surprised that he could speak in anything less than a roar. “I’m sorry, sir.”

  “Yes.”

  Then, in a quick movement, the leader of over one hundred violent kids grabbed Percy and threw him to the ground.

  It happened almost too fast to be seen. Percy slammed into the floor and the chair clattered down next to him. He lay still and for a second I was worried that he’d been hurt, but then he raised his head slightly and I realised that he just didn’t want his leader to take any more notice of him.

  Rayna had looked shocked for an instant, but then carefully smoothed her features into a mask, giving nothing away.

  “Cody,” she said, in greeting.

  “Ambassador,” he replied, bowing his head slightly. “And I see that you’ve brought a friend. Shall we talk in my office?”

  His office turned out to be on the first floor and I was pretty sure it had belonged to the headmaster back when this had been a school. It was neat and tidy, everything put in place almost obsessively. Cody sat behind a desk without paper, though a useless computer still sat there. We sat on the other side, in chairs that were slightly lower down. I’m pretty sure he’d done that on purpose.