Lone Star Daddy

by Stella Bagwell

  All this time, she’d been thinking, believing, he’d be here always. God, how wrong she’d been! Again!

  “That’s one of the reasons why I hated to tell you. You’ve just become a new mother. You don’t need any added worries. But I—we—oh, hell, Alexa, I’m not saying any of this right. I’ve not done any of this the way I should have. I never should’ve kissed you—never should’ve showed you how much I want you,” he muttered, with self-deprecation.

  Like an injured dove, her heart fell. “Why? Because you always planned to leave?” she asked softly.

  His head jerked as though her question had hit the mark.

  Wiping a hand over his face, he looked away from her. “Yes. I suppose that’s the simplest way to put it.” He glanced back at her, and this time deep regret marred his face. “Alexa, I care for you very much. Surely you can see that, feel that, but I’m a Ranger. Deep down that’s all I’ll ever want to be. And it would be wrong for you to want more—expect more from me.”

  Pulling her hand from his, she rose to her feet and walked across the room. If she didn’t put some sort of space between them, she feared she was going to quit breathing entirely.

  She pushed the next word through a tight throat. “Why?”

  Behind her, she could hear his heavy sigh, and then his hands were suddenly closing around the back of her shoulders, spreading their warmth straight to the center of her being. His touch affected her like nothing or no one ever had.

  “Because I’m married to my job, Alexa. And I never know where that job might take me or how many hours I might have to spend away from home. When I was married to Celia, I was constantly being torn between my duty as a husband and a Ranger. I understood that she needed me and that she deserved my attention, but I couldn’t always give her that. I failed her. And as a result, our marriage failed. Do you honestly think I would ever want to put you through that? I think too much of you to hurt you like that, Alexa.”

  She stared down at the floor and swallowed as aching emotions filled her throat. Maybe he was right. Maybe it would be impossible for the two of them to have a future together. Still, all she wanted to do was turn and fling her arms around him, to feel the warmth of his body, the hard circle of his arms holding her close.

  “At least you’re being honest with me now,” she murmured. Then, biting back the tears that were burning her eyes, she turned and lifted her fingertips to his face. “And I—do understand how you feel. Really. But I think—”

  She broke off as she suddenly decided to keep her words to herself. Tonight wasn’t the time to argue a case for their future. He didn’t know that she loved him. She’d only just realized it herself. She needed time to decide what her feelings meant for her future and that of her baby before she tried to convey them to Jonas.

  “You think what?” he prompted.

  She tried her best to smile, but it felt as though her face was cracking. “Nothing. Just that I’ll talk to you more about this later.”

  “You’re disappointed in me.”

  She shook her head. “How could I be? You’re a good, honorable man.”

  Closing his eyes, he pinched the bridge of his nose with his thumb and forefinger. “Funny you should say that. I don’t feel very honorable at the moment. To be honest, I feel pretty much like a heel.”

  “I don’t know why,” she said gently. “You never made me any promises.”

  He opened his eyes and gazed straight into hers. Alexa’s heart thumped, then raced off at a frightening gallop.

  “I didn’t expect you to react this way. I expected you to be angry.”

  Angry? She was hurt, humiliated and shaken, she thought. Hurt by the knowledge that once his case was over, he could leave for Texas, without a backward glance. Humiliated at the fact that she’d fallen in love with a man who’d most likely never love her back. And shaken because she’d not been able to see all that from the very start. But angry? No. Being angry at Jonas for being honest with her would be even more foolish than falling in love with him.

  “Jonas, I realize that you—the first day we met—that you thought I was a spoiled princess. That I considered only my own needs. But my parents didn’t raise me that way, and I’m not that sort of woman. I’m stronger than you think, and I hope that before you leave the Chaparral, you’ll eventually see that about me.”

  He reached up and touched her face, and her heart tumbled into a somersault of emotions.

  “I’m beginning to see a lot of things, Alexa,” he said softly.

  For a split second, she thought he was going to bend his head and kiss her. She was so convinced that her breath caught in her throat, her lips parted in anticipation.

  But either she’d thought wrong or he’d quickly changed his mind, and disappointment swamped her as he whispered a quick good-night, then turned and left the bedroom.

  The next morning Jonas went down to the kitchen long before daylight and was surprised to find Alexa’s mother, Frankie, working at the kitchen counter, while Reena was nowhere to be seen.

  “Good morning, Jonas. Ready for a cup of coffee?”

  “More than ready, ma’am. Thank you.”

  He headed to the cabinet to fetch a cup, but she waved him toward the table.

  “Sit. I’ll get it for you. That’s the least I can do for you since you’re going to have to suffer with my cooking this morning.”

  This woman, the matriarch of the ranch, had gotten up early to fix him breakfast, he thought, with dismay. He’d expected her to be the sort that would have Sassy serving her breakfast in bed. She certainly looked like the fragile, pampered sort. Like Alexa, she was a beautiful woman, especially for her age. And like Alexa, he’d misjudged her priorities.

  “Where’s Reena?” he asked as she handed him the coffee.

  She was dressed in a pair of jeans and a plaid western shirt trimmed with piping, while her hair was brushed around her shoulders in a youthful style. She was totally the opposite of his own mother, who’d never cared about her looks or bothered to gussy up for her husband or anyone else.

  “Her mother has a doctor’s appointment early this morning, and Reena has to drive her. Mrs. Crow is ninety now. But the woman never learned to drive. She doesn’t even like to get in vehicles, so Reena has to do a lot of cajoling to get her anywhere. Do you have grandparents, Jonas?”

  “A paternal grandfather and a maternal grandmother,” he answered. “The grandfather I see fairly often. The grandmother not so much. She moved to California to live near my mother.”

  She walked back over to the cabinet and dropped four slices of bread into the toaster. “Do you ever travel out there to visit?”

  “I have. But it’s been a long time. I’m not much on—” He caught himself just before he said, “Leaving Texas.” “Traveling.”

  While he sipped his coffee, she filled two plates with bacon, eggs and toast and carried them over to the table.

  “I hope you don’t mind if I join you,” she said as she eased down in the chair opposite him. “And please, whatever you do, don’t tell Alexa that I ate bacon and eggs. She’d never quit scolding me.” Smiling guiltily, she shook salt and pepper over her eggs, then handed the seasoning to him. “I’m not supposed to have them. My heart, you see. But a person has to have a treat once in a while.”

  For the next few minutes, she chatted about the ranch and how much she admired the way he was handling things.

  “I’m just so relieved that you’ve come along and taken over things for Quint. Abe is—well, Abe. He’s lovable but cantankerous, and Quint has always adored the man. But he’s going to drive Quint to the grave if he doesn’t let up on this ranch-building thing. And now the old codger has this wild idea to open up the old Golden Spur.” She waved her fork at Jonas. “I’m thinking to myself that he must be getting dementia. Why else would he think there’s gold still on the property?”

  “Everybody has to have a dream. Abe is happy because he has many,” Jonas said.

  F
rankie smiled at him. “That’s a wise and very nice thing to say, Jonas.”

  It felt very strange to Jonas to be sitting at the table, sharing a meal with Alexa’s mother. Since he’d taken the job at the Chaparral, he’d only spoken to her a few brief times. Yet she was treating him as though they were old acquaintances, and he could only wonder how it would be if things for him were different and how it might be if Frankie were his mother-in-law. But like Abe, Jonas was just nurturing a dream.

  “Speaking of Quint, Mrs. Cantrell, I—”

  “It’s not Mrs. Cantrell, Jonas. It’s Frankie. I’m Frankie to everyone,” she interrupted.

  “All right, Frankie. I was about to say that after you left for Texas, Quint wanted me to move into the house just in case Alexa needed someone. And—”

  “And thank God that you did!” she said, ending his sentence. “Actually, I had talked that over with my son before I left. We both agreed that you should be in the house with Alexa. And now—well, just think how awful it would have been if you hadn’t been around to help her. I hope you know how grateful she is—how grateful we all are for getting our little J.D. here safely.”

  “I didn’t do that much. Really. But now that you’re back home, I figure you won’t be needing me. If you’d like, I can move my things back to the bunkhouse this evening.”

  She looked at him in horror. “Don’t even think it! Now that Lewis is gone and Quint is staying on one of our other properties, it’s a relief to have you in the house at night. I mean, it’s not like we expect trouble way out here on the ranch, but women can never be too careful nowadays. Thugs might get it into their heads that we have cash or jewelry or other pawnable items in the house, which they’d like to steal. And with the bunkhouse nearly a quarter of a mile away, we can’t count on the men hearing anything.”

  After Jonas had left Alexa’s room last night, he’d been thinking that the best thing he could do for both of them would be to move back into the bunkhouse. He needed to put space between them and give them both time to breathe and look at things logically. But it looked as though he was going to have to forget that plan. There was no way he could go against Frankie Cantrell’s wishes. What excuse could he give her that wouldn’t sound lame? He couldn’t tell her that he was falling for her daughter and was afraid that if he didn’t turn tail and run, he was going to fall even harder.

  “If that’s the way you want it, Frankie, then I guess I’ll stay put.”

  With a satisfied smile, she reached for a decorative thermos and refilled his coffee cup. “I’m glad. And I’m sure Alexa will be glad, too.”

  A few hours later, as Jonas rode one of his favorite horses toward Tyler Pickens’s ranch, he tried not to dwell on his chat with Frankie or the warm way that Alexa’s mother had treated him. Knowing that the woman thought he was someone other than who he really was bothered Jonas almost as much as it had bothered him to keep the truth from Alexa. But he couldn’t allow his feelings to soften his resolve or undermine his training. Just because he liked someone or felt a pang of guilt didn’t mean he could go around revealing his identity. He liked Laramie Jones, too. And it would be easy to confide in the other man. But if Jonas started crumbling in that way, he wouldn’t remain a Ranger for long. He’d be kicked off the force or, at the very least, chained to a desk.

  Even so, after Quint had informed him early this morning that he wouldn’t be able to make the ride, Jonas had invited Laramie to join him. He valued the foreman’s opinion, and though he couldn’t tell him or Pickens about the rustling problem, he was hoping the three of them together could figure out what had taken place at the border fence. Could be that the downed wire had no connection to the case that Jonas was working on.

  Later that afternoon at the ranch house, Alexa was caught up in taking care of little J.D.’s needs and receiving calls from well-wishers who were just getting the news about the baby’s birth.

  Laurel arrived just before supper time, and she took great pleasure in rocking the baby while Alexa changed into something suitable to wear to the dining table.

  “This little guy of yours is just gorgeous!” Laurel exclaimed as she looked down at the baby cuddled in her arms. “He almost makes me forget what stinkers men can be. Please don’t let this one grow up to be a self-centered jerk, Alexa.”

  Alexa laughed. “I can only control him up to a certain age, dear friend.”

  “Hmm. Guess you’re right, so I’ll just have to hope he has a kind heart. Like his mother.” She looked over at Alexa. “So tell me, what was it like having Jonas deliver your baby? It had to be embarrassing. Was it?”

  Easing down on the dressing bench, Alexa pulled a hairbrush through her long hair. “I didn’t have time to be embarrassed,” she admitted. “Besides, Jonas is—he made everything easy for me.”

  “I can hear something in your voice, Alexa. It’s warm and soft and sounds suspiciously like love.”

  Alexa paused in her brushing as a painful lump filled her throat. Yes, she loved Jonas. It had snuck up on her and she couldn’t stop it. But she wondered how much good that was going to do. He was a Texas Ranger. Oh God, the realization was still tilting the ground beneath her. All day today, she’d not been able to get anything he’d told her out of her mind. Sooner than later, he’d be leaving the ranch, going back to his home in Texas, to his prestigious job there. How could she live without him?

  She sighed. “I—I suppose it is, Laurel.”

  “You don’t sound any too happy about it. You still think Mr. Redman doesn’t want a permanent relationship?”

  Alexa didn’t think it. She knew it. But she couldn’t explain to Laurel, her mother or anyone else that Jonas was a Ranger, that he’d never planned to make his life here in New Mexico in the first place.

  “He’s made it very clear.” Bending her head, she closed her eyes. “I don’t know what’s the matter with me, Laurel. I try to use my head and make sensible, logical choices, but my heart always seems to get in the way. Mitch was a great guy, but we both know he was wild and adventurous. I should never have fallen in love with him in the first place.”

  “But you were both very young, and you were a little wild and adventurous, too, at that time in your life. You didn’t know the truck was going to crash or that he was going to be killed.”

  “I was very young then,” Alexa admitted thoughtfully. “Not even out of my teens. But I can’t use that excuse for Barry.” She grimaced, with self-disgust. “I was so stupid, Laurel, for ever going to Santa Fe, for thinking I could ever live anywhere other than on the ranch and be truly happy, for thinking that a man like Barry was right for me. But I was bound and determined to move on from the accident, to change myself into something totally opposite from that young, foolish cowgirl. I didn’t really love Barry. I tried to convince myself that I did. That I’d be happy with him. That was even more stupid of me. And now—”

  “And now there’s Jonas,” Laurel finished for her. “And somehow I get the feeling that everything is different with this ranch manager.”

  Everything was different all right. When Jonas had kissed her so fervently at the springs, she’d taken every touch, every caress to heart. But now she could see that everything with him was temporary, even his desire for her.

  “Tell me, Laurel, have you ever loved someone who didn’t love you back?”

  Groaning, Laurel tilted her face toward the ceiling. “Once. It was the most painful, humiliating thing I’ve ever been through.” She leveled her gaze on Alexa. “But surely you’re not thinking that your cowboy doesn’t love you back. I just won’t believe that for one minute.”

  “Laurel!” Alexa scolded. “You’ve not even met the man! You couldn’t know something like that!”

  She shook her head. “Alexa, I’m not blind. You’re a walking vision. Most any man that you gave the chance to would fall for you like a brick. Now me—” she grimaced “—that’s a whole other matter.”

  Laying the hairbrush aside, Alexa rose from the
dressing bench. “Let’s go down and see if supper is almost ready. Would you like to carry J.D.? Or shall I?”

  “Oh, please, let me,” her friend said. “It will probably be years before I have a child of my own. Tomorrow I’ll have to settle for rocking a sullen tomcat.” With the baby in her arms, Laurel rose from the rocker and joined Alexa at the bedroom door. “By the way,” she asked coyly, “how did Jonas react when you told him you were naming the baby after him?”

  “Humbly.”

  Totally unaware of the ache in Alexa’s heart, Laurel chuckled. “A humble Texan? This Jonas must be quite a man.”

  He was quite a man, Alexa silently agreed. He’d just never be her man.

  Chapter Nine

  Three days later, as dusk began to fall over the ranch yard, Alexa was sitting on the balcony of her bedroom, and just by chance, saw Jonas walk into his office.

  This sighting of him was the first she’d had since he’d revealed to her that he was a Ranger. Since then he’d not returned to the ranch house until very late at night.

  Yet each night she’d lain awake in bed, listening for his footsteps as he climbed the stairs, moved quietly past her door, then on to his bedroom. Each time she’d heard him, her heart had beat fast, her breath had caught in her throat and she’d hoped that he would come into her room, that he’d tell her he wanted her, that no matter who he was or what he was, he still wanted her. But her wishes hadn’t come true, and now she was beginning to see that she was going to have to take matters into her own hands.

  She’d lost Mitch. But losing him had been beyond her control. Her relationship with Barry had been too planned to ever be the real thing. Now, if she had any chance at all to make a life with Jonas, she had to take action. She couldn’t mess up a third time.

  After leaving J.D. in his grandmother’s loving care, with the excuse that she was going for a walk, she headed outside. Straight to Jonas’s office.

  Inside the small room, Jonas had just taken a seat at his desk when his private cell phone rang. Seeing his captain’s number, he answered it quickly.