Bystanders

by Phillip Murrell

  “Damn, I didn’t think of that. Still, we haven’t heard of any bank vaults being carried off somewhere in the world. I think this thing is new. We’re probably okay for a bit. Heroes have to get jaded, so far they haven’t received any bad press.”

  “True enough. So, are we ever gonna get back to that ass whupping you postponed for your show?”

  Keith looks at the screen and hits record on his DVR. “Hell yeah! I’m gonna go rocket launcher on you this time.”

  The boys switch components again and get back to their game. They’ve already forgotten about the show.

  Gabe finishes his show in the D2I Analysis studio. “This is Gabe Hammington saying that’s your information.”

  “And, we’re clear,” a producer states. “Good job today, everyone.”

  Gabe storms off the set straight for Claire.

  “You bitch!” he shouts. “Don’t ever make me compromise myself like that again!”

  Claire knows those observing the scene are remarkably used to it. Many watch the fireworks between Claire and Gabe, but few act surprised at all. Many side conversations and snickers take place as Gabe furiously makes his way to Claire.

  Claire is as unconcerned as the spectators. “Gabe, don’t overreact. You’ve compromised yourself too many times to count. Starting with that ridiculous hair.”

  There are more snickers on the set. Gabe glares. He’s probably taking mental notes of the traitors on his staff.

  “Don’t push me, bitch!” he screams. He then lowers his voice for only Claire to hear. “I know you made up everything. You never met him, and First Line is the kind of shit that gives you wet dreams.”

  Claire continues to spar with Gabe. “I never said you had to bring up your ‘personal experience’ with First Line. I just told you to give him a name and say we had sources. You dug your own well of lies. Good lies, to be certain, but lies none the less.”

  Gabe calms down a bit. Claire has caught him in his hypocrisy. That realization washes over his face.

  “Do you at least have anything? I need something for tomorrow, or I’ll be ruined.”

  Claire ponders this for a few moments. “I’ll get you something, even if I have to dress up in hockey pads. The ratings for today spiked immediately after you gave the vigilante a name. We’re now in front of the story, so people will come to us, specifically your show, for updates. First Line hasn’t failed to show up a single night for the past month, so I’m certain he’ll be out again tonight. I’ll just make it a point to be out too, with my camera.”

  “Nice. I like that idea. Use the hidden cameras too. You never know when the police might show up and confiscate an obvious camera, but they might miss the stuff in your lapels or hat.”

  “Exactly,” Claire replies. “Then, you can bring me on your show and speak as one of your sources, this time with photographic and video evidence. Your ratings will be unstoppable at that point. All I ask is for you to remember who got you those ratings.”

  “Yeah, yeah, I know. We’ve taken care of each other for this long; no reason to stop now.”

  “Good. If you keep doing as you’re told, I’ll take care of both of us.”

  “Speaking of which, how about I stop by later tonight, and you can take care of me again?”

  “No,” Claire states. “The enemies with benefits is good when I’m in a slump, but I don’t hate myself that much yet. Ask in another week or so.”

  “And, here I thought we were more like rivals with benefits or acquaintances with benefits. Whatever, the wife’s back in town this week anyway. I think I’ll take her out to celebrate my surge in the ratings.”

  “How charming that she’s your second choice. You truly are the husband of the century.”

  “Please, the bitch goes on these little vacations,” Gabe begins while using air quotes, “just so she can meet up with Ernesto. We have an open marriage, even if both of us pretend otherwise.”

  Larry walks toward Gabe and Claire with a large man in his mid-twenties standing six feet and four inches tall. The man is classically handsome and has the build of a professional football player. His posture, however, indicates wholesome upbringing.

  Claire looks back at Gabe. “Well, good luck with your family politics.”

  Claire notices Larry approaching. “Boss!”

  Larry sucks his teeth. It’s a sign he’s clearly annoyed with Claire. “Don’t ‘Boss’ me. Why is it that I have to hand deliver Lou here to meet you?”

  Lou Drive appears uncomfortable at the confrontation that he’s the catalyst of.

  Claire slaps her head in realization. “Sorry, Boss. I forgot that you wanted me to meet the new guy and show him around.”

  Larry ignores Claire’s pathetic excuse and eagerly grabs Gabe in a big bear hug. “Gabe, that was top notched journalism there. The name is catchy but unique. You had them hook, line, and sinker with the minimum number of facts. I could kiss you my boy, but would you settle for oral?”

  Gabe chuckles as Larry releases him. “Alright, but doesn’t that make it the third time today? I think you have a problem.”

  Claire waves her hands to remind the men of her presence. “Hello, sexual harassment lawsuit standing right here.”

  The two men look annoyed.

  Gabe breaks the awkward silence. “I’ve got to get back to work anyway. I’m on as a special guest at eight o’clock tonight . . . and nine o’clock . . . and ten o’clock. It seems everyone wants me to add some swagger to their shows, not to mention a ratings boost.”

  Claire interrupts Gabe’s grandstanding. “That’s great, just don’t get too carried away. Most of them think you’re legit. We need to keep this to the people on your show.”

  Lou looks uncomfortable again, but he continues to stand in silence with perfect posture.

  Claire notices his look. “Calm down, altar boy. This is the business. Sometimes you just got to make it up until the truth fits.”

  Lou takes this opportunity to join the conversation. “Geez, ma’am. I just think people should hear the truth, without any spin or bias.”

  Everyone gathered bursts into laughter at Lou’s naive sincerity.

  Gabe laughs throughout his comment. “Holy shit, is this guy for real? Larry, you need to keep him on the payroll. I need a good laugh, and I can’t wait to corrupt him. I’ll see you guys later.”

  Gabe walks off while talking to himself between laughs. “No spin or bias? This guy is gold.”

  Larry continues his lamentation of Claire, but he has a softer tone now. “Don’t worry about showing Lou around anymore. He’s already received the tour, courtesy of me, because you can’t follow directions.”

  Claire attempts to win Larry over once again. “Boss, that’s not fair. I was telling Gabe about his breaking news.”

  “Yeah, but you didn’t have to stay and watch the whole show!” Larry responds.

  “I got caught up in the moment. He may get the credit, but we all know it was my idea, and I’m sure I’ll be compensated.”

  “That almost sounds like a threat.”

  “You know me better than that, Boss.”

  Larry grunts. “Humph.”

  “Should I leave?” Lou inquires.

  Larry seems partially startled. “Damn, kid, I forgot you were here. You’re like a ninja. This is Claire Kennedy. Claire, this is Lou Drive. Now shake hands, become friends, lovers, or butt buddies, I don’t care. Just get me what I need to keep this story going.”

  With that, Larry leaves. Claire smiles at Lou who is clearly uncomfortable by the way people behave in the city. Claire looks forward to corrupting him further, especially with a body like Lou has.

  “Follow me, Lou,” Claire says.

  “Yes, ma’am.”

  “Lou, if you and I are going to be friends, you need to drop the ma’am.”

  “Yes, Miss Kennedy.”

  Claire looks at the ceiling in frustration. “Aargh! What did I do to deserve this today? I was just feeling so good.
My name is Claire. It’s the only name that you’ll use. You’ll use it every time you address me, got it?”

  “Yes, ma--yes, Claire.”

  “Thank you. Now follow me to my office, so we can talk more privately. I’d love to let you lead the way, but I don’t have the time to listen to you introduce yourself to every person we pass.”

  Claire and Lou walk to her office and shut the door. It’s a decent-sized office, but it lacks a window or any wall decorations. They’re as bare as Claire’s desk is cluttered.

  Claire flops into her swivel chair and throws her feet onto the desk, scattering papers in the process. Lou just stands in front of her.

  Claire begins her spiel. “Now, the first thing, what?”

  Lou appears confused. “What?” he echoes.

  “Why are you still standing?”

  “You haven’t invited me to sit.”

  “Are you serious right now? Are you really this polite?”

  “Claire, my mother and father taught me that politeness is the best weapon against the world’s problems.”

  Claire snorts out laughter. “You’re serious? Man, I wish I could visit your little town. It must be like traveling back in time to the 1950s in the Midwest.”

  Lou continues to stand there with a hurt look in his eyes.

  Claire’s eyes soften. “I’m sorry. Please, have a seat.”

  She gestures at the aged sofa in front of her desk.

  “Thank you,” Lou responds.

  Lou sits on the sofa in the office, but he doesn’t slouch back. He sits with perfect posture, and Claire is once again forced to roll her eyes. She can’t believe that people like this still exist.

  “Listen, Lou, I know I can come off a bit harsh and crass, but I’m glad you’re with us.”

  “Thank you, Claire, I’m pleased to have this opportunity, and I--”

  Claire motions for him to zip it. “Don’t talk. You need to wait for me to finish first.”

  Lou stops speaking. He pulls out a pen and notepad. He waits patiently for Claire to speak again. This time Claire holds off her laughter.

  Claire smirks. “Lou, you’re a parent’s wet dream. I admire that. I also admire that you look like you know your way around a gym.”

  “Yes, ma’am.”

  Claire glares at Lou.

  “Yes, Claire. I work out twice a day and eat the healthiest food. I don’t like anything processed. Just the food that comes natural from the ground, like nature intended.”

  Claire is barely listening. “That’s great. What’s more important is you look intimidating.”

  “Gosh, Claire, I sure hope not. I don’t want people to be frightened of me.”

  “Relax, Lou. I can see that you’re a gentle giant. I just need you to pretend like you aren’t for a night.”

  “Why?”

  “I got Gabe to make a lot of bold statements on his show today. I need you to help me get some proof, so he doesn’t look foolish tomorrow. I’m sure the other stations are trying to confirm our claims. The smart ones will see it for the bullshit it is and either call us out or make up their own flavor of lies.”

  “I don’t see how me appearing scary helps with this.”

  “Lou, I’m sure back in Neighborville, or wherever you come from, people don’t even lock their homes when they leave them. Here in the real world, there are some rough spots. In these parts of the city, the gang element is substantial. There are even rumors of a network of criminals. I guess they headquarters in our smaller city, with less police resources, and operate in Yama. I need someone to look threatening, so the wanna bes out there will think twice. I’m sure that First Line will be present. We need to be there first to get pictures, or God willing, video of his next mission.”

  “Are you crazy?”

  Lou stands to leave the room, but he quickly sits back down after Claire glares at him.

  “Me?” she asks. “You’d be crazy not to take the chance. Your first day on the job and you already land the scoop of the decade. I know you want to make your parents back home proud of their intrepid reporter.”

  “Claire, in the real world intrepid reporters tend to die.”

  “You’re the second person to say that to me today. Is it a new phrase on the internet that I missed?”

  Lou momentarily sits with a gaping mouth. “What? No, it’s the truth. You won’t be rescued by your First Line, and you won’t develop a friendship that blossoms into a romance.”

  “Do I seem like the romance type?”

  “Regardless, it won’t happen the way you think it will. Please reconsider.”

  “Too bad you don’t have a choice in the matter. You’re going to help me, and that’s settled.”

  “I’m sorry, Claire, but I have to decline your suicide mission.”

  “So, you’re gonna let a poor defenseless woman brave the dreaded hood all alone? That doesn’t seem very chivalrous of you. What would your mother think if you had to tell her that you could have prevented my death, but you were too cowardly to help?”

  “Claire, that’s not fair. I wouldn’t be of much help against weapons anyway.”

  Claire stands and leans forward, allowing Lou to see down her blouse. He blushes and averts his eyes. Claire rolls hers.

  “I didn’t think that would work on you. You really are this pure. So, I’ll ask as a friend, please help me. We’ll just drive around a bit and listen to my police scanner.”

  Lou seems to lighten up. His resolve must be dwindling.

  “We won’t get out of the car?”

  Gotcha, Claire thinks. “We won’t leave the car. We don’t even have to shut off the engine. We’ll be able to quickly drive away if there are any problems.”

  “What happens if First Line shows up?”

  “I’ll snap photos, and you’ll shoot the video. We’ll then come back here and put a story together that makes it look like First Line invited us on a mission.”

  “I won’t help you lie,” Lou states defiantly.

  “Honey, I don’t need your help with that, but does this mean you’ll be my chauffeur and bodyguard?”

  Lou looks hesitant.

  “Pretty please? With sugar on top?” Claire playfully pleads while batting her eyes.

  “When I was a kid we would say ‘pretty please fire station’ instead.”

  Claire is dumbfounded. “Okay, I’ve got to ask on that one. Why fire station?”

  “My mom worked at a fire station, so my siblings and I thought it was funny.”

  Lou chuckles to himself, and Claire continues to look dumbfounded. His innocence is sickening to her, but she knows she can use it to get her story.

  “Cute,” she comments, “someday I’m going to have to take a visit to Neighborville with you. This place sounds priceless.”

  “I’m actually from--”

  Claire purposefully interrupts Lou. “Yup, good old Neighborville.”

  “So, when do we leave?”

  “We’ll go right now.”

  Lou looks upset.

  Claire groans. “What is it?”

  “I’ve got my evening workout and meal. I would appreciate it if I could do that first. It’s too light out right now anyway. I doubt First Line plans on doing anything before he gets the cover of darkness.”

  “Fine. Come back here at nine o’clock, and we’ll start then. I’ll even buy us a late-night snack when we’re done.”

  “Golly, Miss Kennedy, that sounds swell.”

  Claire is once again bewildered.

  “That was a joke, Claire. I thought it would get a laugh.”

  “Normally it would have, but with you, I couldn’t be sure that it wasn’t how you normally talk. Hurry up and get to the gym. You’re killing time, and I have to get my gear ready anyway.”

  Lou turns and leaves. Claire can’t believe it worked, but if she’s honest to herself, she now feels better about superhero hunting.

  Carlos and Karen patrol during the last moments of dusk. They dr
ive down the streets, waiting for the next call.

  “Why the hell are we on late shift again?” Carlos wonders. “Is it just me or are we constantly getting screwed?”

  “Quit complaining,” Karen responds. “More hours means overtime. Overtime means I get to go on another cruise.”

  “With who?”

  “Whom.”

  “What?”

  “With whom,” Karen obnoxiously states. “At least pretend you graduated high school.”

  “You know what I mean. You’re a class act, a hell of a cop, and a great friend. I feel like you should have long ago been married.”

  “I was married.”

  “Fine, married again. I feel like I’m failing you as a friend because I haven’t hooked you up with anyone.”

  “Last I checked, you’re single, too,” Karen counters. “So, what does that say about my level of friendship?”

  “That you aren’t a very good one. I’ll take a Latina honey with long black hair and a thirty-eight double D chest. English is optional.”

  “It’s comforting that you’re willing to sacrifice trivial things like communication.”

  “Back to you. What’s your order?” Carlos asks.

  “A man who can kick my ass, then massage away the bruises. He should be taller than me, stronger than me, and almost smarter than me. English is optional.”

  The two laugh at their shared joke.

  The radio interrupts their marveling.

  “Three Adam Twenty-One, we have a possible ten sixteen near your location at Sixteenth and Bravo Street, how copy?” Toby asks over the radio.

  Karen first comments to Carlos. “I guess it’s time to go back to work.”

  “Sounds like it, but I still want my Latina.”

  “Pervert,” Karen states as she picks up the hand microphone. “Control, this is Three Adam Twenty-One, roger, we’re heading over there now.”

  “That’s a good copy,” Toby replies. “Control out.”

  Karen turns on the lights and sirens as the two drive off toward their assignment. Carlos feels like it’s going to be another of those nights.