Back in the Saddle

by Bonnie Bryant

  Scott looked puzzled now. “Sure, I know Phil,” he said. “But are you sure you’re okay? You hit that door pretty hard.”

  Stevie nodded vigorously, standing up straight and dodging away until she’d put a good five feet between them. “I’m fine,” she assured him. Darting closer just long enough to give him a friendly punch on the arm, she added, “but thanks for asking, buddy.”

  Scott winced and rubbed his arm where she’d punched him. “If I didn’t know better, I’d think you’d just hit your head instead of your leg,” he commented. “What’s going on, Stevie?” Suddenly he blinked, and his look of confusion shifted to one of concern. “Hey, wait a minute. You just had your meeting with Theresa, right? Are you upset because of that? Didn’t she like your story?”

  “Oh! No, actually she thought it was great.” Stevie smiled, flashing back once again to Theresa’s compliments. Then, remembering how Phil always said that her smile was one of her cutest qualities, Stevie pursed her lips together tightly in a straight line. “It sounds like she’s probably going to run it in tomorrow’s Sentinel. Thanks for asking.”

  “That’s great.” Scott frowned. “But listen, if you don’t mind my asking, are you nervous about something? And why are you making that face?”

  “This face?” Stevie relaxed her mouth slightly. “Um, no reason. Actually, Phil loves it when I make this face.” She let out a short, nervous laugh, realizing that she was babbling but somehow unable to stop herself. “But then again, I guess that’s how it is when you’re in love. Which we are. Very much in love. Me and Phil.”

  Scott was backing away slightly. “Look, I know you’re psyched about this article,” he said uncertainly, “but I really hope you didn’t decide to do anything stupid, like celebrate with a few beers or something.”

  “Nope.” Stevie gulped, realizing it was definitely time to tone it down. “But thanks for your concern. You’re a great friend. Almost like another brother. Not that I need any more.” She let out a slightly hysterical giggle as the stable door opened and Lisa came inside, shaking off the cold.

  Scott gave her one last doubtful glance. “Um, whatever,” he said. “If you’re sure you’re okay, I think I’ll go say hi to Lisa.”

  Stevie sighed with relief as he headed across the entryway to intercept her friend. No wonder he was so eager to make his escape, she thought wryly. I guess I was starting to sound kind of insane there. That should do the trick. Who wants to date a total wacko?

  Before she could decide whether to be relieved or embarrassed, she spotted Veronica emerging from the office hallway. “Stevie Lake!” Veronica snapped instantly. “I want to talk to you.”

  Yikes. What’s she doing here? Stevie wondered. “Um, sorry. I was just on my way out,” she said. She shot a quick glance into the ring, where Carole still seemed to be oblivious to her presence. Then she looked over at Lisa, who was laughing at something Scott was saying. As much as Stevie wanted to share her news with her two best friends, she wanted to avoid Veronica even more. She was too rattled by her new theory about Scott to deal with the other girl’s ill-tempered whining at the moment. Besides, if Stevie could just manage to avoid her until the next morning, the article would be printed for all to read and it would be too late for Veronica to protest any further.

  Veronica was barreling toward her, her dark eyes shooting fire, but Stevie was just a few feet from the entrance to the stable aisle. Sprinting for it, she took the turn and hurried toward Belle’s stall. Realizing that was the first place Veronica would look, she ducked instead into Windsor’s stall across the aisle. Giving the big, calm gelding a quick pat, she crouched down and pasted herself against the wall, out of sight of anyone passing by. A moment later she heard rapid footsteps hurrying past.

  “Stevie?” Veronica sounded peeved. “Give it up, I know you’re in—”

  She cut herself off in midsentence. Stevie covered her mouth with her hand to stop herself from laughing. Even though she couldn’t see Veronica, she could picture her vexed expression perfectly. She was probably leaning over the half door of Belle’s stall, scanning every inch of the place to see if Stevie might actually be hiding under the straw bedding or behind the water bucket.

  A moment later, she heard footsteps moving off more slowly down the aisle. Stevie gave Veronica a few minutes to round the corner at the end of the U-shaped aisle, then let herself out of Windsor’s stall and hurried to let herself into Belle’s.

  “Don’t give me away, okay, girl?” she whispered as the horse wandered over to greet her. She reached up to rub Belle’s smooth coppery neck. “I just need to hide out in here for a few minutes until she gives up and goes away.” She gulped, thinking of Scott. “Until everyone gives up and goes away.”

  FOURTEEN

  Lisa’s stomach was tying itself into knots as she walked slowly toward Eve’s stall. Alex would be arriving any minute now for their predinner trail ride, and she wasn’t sure she was ready. She’d spent the past twenty-four hours thinking about it, and she knew what she had to do, but that didn’t mean it was going to be easy.

  “Hey, lady,” she greeted Eve softly as the gentle gray mare came forward to meet her. “Feel like a nice ride?” She slipped off her heavy down jacket—it was warm in the stable—and hung it over the half door of the stall. Then she set to work getting the mare ready.

  To distract herself from worrying about the coming ride, she thought about Stevie. Scott said she was acting really weird, she thought. And it is kind of strange that she ran off like that without even saying hello to me. I guess it’s like I said—she was just so happy about her article getting accepted that she went a little crazy. That sure sounds like Stevie to me.

  She smiled and shook her head as she gave Eve’s silvery body a quick brushing. She’d long since learned not to try too hard to figure out Stevie’s reactions to stuff.

  The important part is that things are going well for her, she told herself. She’s been so excited about this newspaper deal, and now it sounds like she’s off to a great start. And then there’s Carole—her life seems to be on an upswing now, too. And it’s about time.

  It was really nice to see Carole back at Pine Hollow again. Lisa had noticed her friend in the indoor ring as she walked past, though Carole hadn’t seen her.

  But after a few minutes, even thoughts of her friends’ good fortunes couldn’t keep her mind off the coming ride. When Eve was ready, Lisa left her cross-tied in the aisle and started pacing, walking to the end of the U and back again, taking long, deep, cleansing breaths with each step. Just when she wasn’t sure she could stand it any longer, she heard footsteps heading her way. Spinning around, she saw Alex hurrying toward her.

  “Hi!” he said, taking her hand and pulling her toward him for a quick hello kiss. “Scott said you were over here. Are you ready to go? I just finished tacking up Congo.”

  Lisa nodded mutely. To hide her consternation, she turned and fussed with Eve’s tack as Alex hurried off to get his horse. It’s going to be okay, she told herself as she led Eve down the aisle. No matter what happens, everything’s going to be fine.

  They led their horses outside and mounted. The last traces of sun had already vanished from the evening sky, but a nearly full moon was rising, giving a bright, silvery glow to the pastures and field surrounding Pine Hollow.

  “It’s too late to head into the woods,” Lisa said, doing her best to sound normal. She wanted to wait for just the right moment to say what she had to say. “Why don’t we just ride over to the cow field?”

  Alex nodded agreeably, and they set off. The trail to the cow field was an underappreciated route among Pine Hollow’s younger riders, though Lisa thought it was the perfect choice for an evening ride. It led halfway down the stable’s driveway, through the front pasture, past a stand of small ornamental trees in front of Max’s house, and along the road for a few hundred yards, before finally bringing riders to the edge of a large, gently rolling meadow dotted with trees. During the summer
, a local farmer grazed a few dairy cows on the lush grass, but in the colder months the cows went elsewhere, though Lisa had no idea where.

  She didn’t feel much like talking as they set off on the familiar trail. Alex chattered a bit about his sister’s journalistic triumph, and Lisa did her best to respond intelligibly. She was relieved when they reached the narrow path along the road, which required them to ride single file. Do I really want to do this? she wondered anxiously, staring ahead at Alex’s back as he swayed along with Congo’s steady stride. Is it the right thing for us—for me?

  There was no way to know for sure. Lisa didn’t like that feeling of uncertainty, but it didn’t change what she had to do.

  Finally they reached the cow field. Alex leaned over to release the latch on the gate, and Lisa urged Eve through it. They rode a little farther into the field, cresting a slight rise, which gave them a view of the whole place.

  A thin veil of mist was creeping up from the network of streams that ran through the area, giving the meadow an eerie look in the moonlight. “This is beautiful,” Lisa said in a hushed tone, forgetting about her problems for a moment as she took in the sight of the gnarled branches of an ancient maple tree stretching toward the low-hanging moon.

  “Yeah,” Alex agreed, riding up beside her. “Want to stop for a few and check it out?” He gestured toward a large fallen tree trunk that rested against the hillside just below, forming a natural bench.

  Lisa nodded. Swinging her right leg over Eve’s hindquarters, she jumped down lightly from the mare’s saddle and led her horse to a small tree nearby. She’d brought a halter along, which she quickly slipped on over the mare’s bridle. Soon Eve was safely tied to the tree, her girth loosened and her big teeth already at work on the grass.

  Alex didn’t bother to tie up Congo, instead leaving the calm, well-trained gelding ground-tied beside Eve. Then he walked over and put both arms around Lisa’s waist. “Well,” he said, his voice husky. “Here we are. Alone at last.”

  Lisa drew back slightly, feeling nervous. The moment was here. Could she do it?

  “Yeah,” she said. “Um, and I’m glad. Because—”

  “Me too.” Alex didn’t give her a chance to finish her sentence. Instead, he pulled her close, wrapping his arms around her so tightly that she could hardly breathe. Bending down, he covered her mouth with his own.

  For a moment Lisa felt herself being swept away in his kiss. But she resisted the feeling and pushed him away. “Wait,” she said breathlessly. “That’s not what I meant.”

  “Oh really? Then how about this.” This time Alex sank onto the fallen log, pulling her down onto his lap before she could resist. He buried one hand in her blond hair and his other hand rested on her thigh as he kissed her again. Lisa’s heart was pounding so loudly that it seemed to echo in her head.

  I don’t have to say anything, she told herself, feeling her resolve weaken as Alex’s kisses traveled from her lips down her chin to her throat. Being here with him feels so good, so familiar … I could just relax and go along with this feeling and forget about everything else.…

  But as tempting as that was, she knew she couldn’t do it. Wimping out now wouldn’t change anything. Tomorrow she would just have to deal with the same problems again, the same mixed-up feelings.

  “Stop,” she gasped, shoving Alex away sharply.

  He blinked. “Huh?” he said. “What? Is something wrong?”

  “We have to talk.”

  “Now?” Alex tugged at the neck of her jacket, pulling her toward him again. “Are you sure there isn’t something else you’d rather do?”

  “No.” This time Lisa stood up, moving several steps away and then turning to face him with her arms crossed over her chest. “This can’t wait, Alex. It’s—It’s about us.”

  “What about us?” Alex looked nervous. He sat up straighter on the log, running a hand through his slightly rumpled brown hair.

  Lisa took a deep breath. “I—I’m not sure how to say it,” she said, looking straight into his eyes. “I just think you need to know—I haven’t been feeling right lately. About us, I mean.”

  “What are you saying?” Alex asked cautiously.

  “I’m not exactly sure.” Lisa shrugged helplessly. “It’s just that things don’t feel the same anymore.”

  “Oh.” Alex looked uncertain. “Um, I guess I know what you mean, sort of. But so what? Things change, the world doesn’t stop for anyone. All we can do is deal with it, right?”

  “I guess.” Lisa bit her lip. “It’s just that I’m afraid that after, you know, everything that’s happened lately …” She paused for a moment, not wanting to dredge it all up again. The arguments. The jealousy. The long separations. “Well, I’m just thinking that maybe we’ve sort of grown apart.”

  “What?” Alex looked startled. “What do you mean?”

  Lisa felt strange, as though she were somehow merely a spectator to this whole conversation. It couldn’t actually be happening, could it? But somehow it was, the words pouring out as if she were sitting in an audience watching it all play out onstage. As if it were happening to someone else. “I mean I’m not sure we’re connecting the way we used to,” she said quietly. “I’m not—I’m just not sure things are working out the way they are now. Not anymore.”

  “Oh.” Alex looked down at his hands, which were dangling between his knees as he perched on the log. His face was hidden in shadow, and Lisa leaned forward, wanting to know how he was feeling.

  “It’s not that I’ve stopped loving you,” she said, tears springing to her eyes so quickly that it caught her by surprise. Suddenly it didn’t feel like this was happening to someone else anymore. It was happening to her—to her and Alex. How could that be? How could they have come to this? “It’s not that. It’s just that—that something has to change. I’m not sure exactly what it is, but …” She gulped, unable to continue as she struggled to maintain control of her emotions.

  “I know.” Alex looked up at her again, and the moonlight revealed sadness on his face—but not surprise. “I should have said something sooner, but I was being a wimp. I’ve noticed it, too.”

  “R-Really?” Sinking down onto the log beside him, Lisa wiped at a tear that had escaped and was trickling down her cheek.

  “Yeah.”

  They were both silent for a moment. Finally Lisa cleared her throat. “Um, so what do you think we should do?”

  Alex absently ran one hand through his hair. “I don’t know. That’s the problem. I knew something was, like, off with us. I just wasn’t sure what it was or how to fix it.” He gave her a wan, sheepish smile. “I guess that’s why I was pawing at you like that just now. I was sort of hoping … well, it sounds stupid now. But I was thinking maybe that was all we needed to get back to where we were. Back when all we could think about was being close to each other.”

  Lisa wasn’t sure what to say. How could they both have been having these feelings without either of them realizing that the other was feeling the same way?

  “I thought everything would be perfect again after my grounding ended.” Alex sighed. “But it isn’t. Something’s still missing, like you said.”

  Lisa picked at the hem of her jacket. She couldn’t help feeling a little hurt at Alex’s words. Why wasn’t she enough for him anymore? What was missing? “So what should we do now?” she asked again, glancing up to meet his eye only when she was sure she wasn’t going to start bawling uncontrollably.

  Alex stared at her, his familiar hazel eyes shadowy and dark in the moonlight. “I don’t know.”

  Lisa realized that she’d been hoping, up until this very point, that this would do it. That she and Alex would talk things out and somehow, magically, everything would be better. But it wasn’t working out that way. True, she felt relieved to have the problem out in the open. But that hadn’t made it go away. “We can’t just go on like this and wait for something to change,” she said, thinking aloud.

  “Can’t we?” Alex’
s hand strayed to her knee and he stroked it softly, so softly that she could barely feel his touch through her jeans. “Don’t people do that all the time? And it’s not like things are so terrible between us right now.…”

  Lisa shook her head. “That won’t work,” she said softly. “If we want things to change, we have to do something to change them.”

  “Okay,” Alex agreed with a slight frown. He cleared his throat. “Then maybe we need to try something—something more radical.”

  “Like what?” Lisa asked quickly, knowing the answer but not wanting to be the one to say it.

  Alex stared at her, his eyes sad. “Like maybe we need to take a break for a while. From each other.”

  Even though she’d known the words were coming—even though she’d been thinking them herself—they still hit Lisa like a punch to the gut. The tears returned, and this time more of them spilled over before she could stop them. Still, she wasn’t going to back down now. “I—I think you’re right,” she managed to choke out. “I think that’s a good idea.”

  On one level, it didn’t seem possible. How could they even be thinking of doing this? Hadn’t they spent most of the past few months bemoaning the fact that they didn’t have enough time together? And now that they were finally free to be together all the time, were they actually planning to break up?

  No, not break up, Lisa told herself firmly as she wiped her eyes on her coat sleeve. Just take a break. There’s a difference.

  When she looked at Alex, she saw that his eyes were moist, too. “Um, so how should we …,” he said helplessly.

  For a second, as they stared at each other in the eerie, silvery light of the moonlit meadow, Lisa was tempted to take it all back. I was just being silly, she could say. You’re right—things aren’t that bad. We love each other, and that’s enough.…

  But it wasn’t. Not really. There was no going back now, no matter how tempting it was to just forget her worries, kiss him like there was no tomorrow, and hope that all the problems would just go away by themselves. The world didn’t work that way, and Lisa knew it.