Forgotten

by Neven Carr

  As we verged onto the back street of Zephyr, I spotted Saul stretched over the side of a flashy, black sports car, face down, hands clasped together above the roof. Ethan was alongside him in the reverse mode, his back to the vehicle, his arms crossed. The car could’ve only belonged to Ethan. It exuded charisma.

  “Nice car,” I commented to the man beside me.

  “Huh,” Jacko jeered, “that’s Ethan’s chick magnet. A Porsche no less.”

  Of course, it was.

  At the distinctive sound of the rickety truck pulling in, both men straightened up. I felt a bulge in my throat as I caught glimpses of their faces. The next few minutes, I conceded, would not be pleasant.

  “Good luck.” Jacko sounded sincere. I unbuckled myself from the seat and thanked him.

  I then jumped out of the vehicle.

  Chapter 25

  Claudia

  December 27, 2010

  4:48 pm

  ETHAN APPROACHED ME.

  Saul disregarded me. He strode over to Jacko.

  I was afraid to look in Saul’s direction, afraid of what I’d see. Instead, I focused on the more convivial Ethan who instantly pressed me to him. He smelled of lime and woody smoke, and his chest was like a lightly padded concrete block. Oddly enough, I found it all somewhat comforting.

  “Shit, Angel, you had us bloody worried.” There was no typical Ethan humor in his voice.

  “I’m sorry,” I whispered, my apology partly drowned out by Jacko’s old utility rumbling away. “I just needed my own space. I honestly had no idea.”

  Ethan stiffened. When I pulled back, I noticed he was staring over my shoulder wearing an uneasy expression.

  Saul was back.

  My heart began beating a little too fast. I bit my lip and turned. Saul was standing perhaps a yard away. His feet were slightly apart; his hands gripped his hips, crumpling the sides of his white shirt. I didn’t know what shook me more; his hostile stance, the expressionless way he was glaring at me, or his notably eerie silence.

  Thirty seconds felt like an hour.

  I fought back the growing tremors in my legs and stepped towards him. But he gestured me to stop. “Not now, Claudia,” he said, in a measured voice. And in a cold, dismissive fashion, he spun and began striding away.

  I could sense my customary fear and guilt perpetually hanging onto to me like ravenous leeches. But, I could also sense my annoyance. “Don’t walk away from me. Not until I explain.”

  Saul stopped, took his time to turn around. Again, he leveled that icy stare straight at me. “I felt a responsibility to get you back safe. I have done that. And, yes, for now, I will walk away.”

  What did he mean by that exactly? That he wasn’t helping me any longer? Why? Because for a few hours, I didn’t sticks with him back? Injustice, anger and yes, good old fear caused my cheeks to burn and tears to stab my eyes. “That’s not fair,” I hissed.

  Saul dropped his head and shook it. When he straightened it again, it came with a very disturbing smile. This man, I decided, had the potential to be highly worrying.

  “Fair? You want to talk about fair?” Again, his hands gripped his hips; I could swear the tips of his fingers appeared bluish. “Did you, just for one self-indulgent minute, consider how your sudden disappearance looked to us, the endless possibilities that ran through our heads, knowing there’s some sadistic ‘nutter’ out there targeting you, getting closer? Then after finding your bag, your wallet, your phone still in your unit and you… simply gone.” His voice lowered, but still with the same biting resentment. “Do you have any idea what we thought?”

  Shit.

  I had never thought of that. The impulse to run had been foremost. I cursed again.

  “That was what wasn’t fair.” Saul stepped closer until I could feel his red-hot breath burn down on my skin. “You went without one word. Was that your inability to cope playing out again? Couldn’t you have trusted someone, trusted Ethan or perhaps even me?”

  I wanted to say it wasn’t like that. But a large, swelling bulge in my throat stopped me.

  “Well, I hope your so-called bloody time to yourself was worth it; that your little ‘run and hide’ act possessed enough importance to offset your lack of courtesy.”

  Saul stopped and studied me, as one would when sizing the worth of an outcast heifer at a saleyard. “You know, for a moment there, I actually thought you were growing up!”

  I felt like a dozen enraged wasps had just stung me. I gasped and stumbled back. Is that what Saul thought of me? Anger took another nasty circuit around my insides. I pulled up the flagging spaghetti strap of my lightweight top, straightened my shoulders and prepared to fire back.

  But Ethan got there first. “That, mate, was totally out of line.”

  “Butt out, Ethan,” Saul growled. “I didn’t ask for your opinion.”

  “On the contrary, you did, remember? So I’m telling you… now.”

  Their eyes locked solid; silent words flew between them. I was unsure what it all meant, but whatever happened, it worked. Still edgy, but softer, Saul said, “Get her home, before I say or do anything else I regret.” And with that, he jumped into his car and thundered off, the wheels screeching their irritation along with him.

  I stood motionless, gazing at the flurrying dust, smelling the strong, putrid odor of burning rubber, feeling my life race away. I had finally sorted a part of my screwed-up self only to have enraged the very person I least wanted to.

  “Come on, Angel,” Ethan whispered, guiding me to his car, “Let’s get you back.”

  Back? To Saul’s house? Was that now even an option?

  Once in Ethan’s car, I fumbled with the seat belt. Ethan glided the unwilling clasps together for me. That’s when a jackhammer drew its first breath in my head. I massaged my temples but the ongoing pain was stubborn. I closed my eyes but all I saw was Saul’s hard, emotionless face.

  Ethan jumped into the driver’s seat. “Are you all right?”

  Of course I wasn’t. Blood vessels were bubbling out of control, punishing me. “I never wanted to cause all this. I had so much on my mind.”

  “Yeah, I get that,” Ethan said. “Saul will too. Just give him time to calm down.”

  Ethan appeared a little anxious, as if he were tussling with a dilemma of his own. He started the car, backed out of the empty parkway and rocketed off. The air-conditioning relaxed the hot, strained atmosphere. I breathed a little easier. And in time, the jackhammering began to subside.

  Before long, we were careering along the busy, open highway. If Ethan was at all concerned with traveling above the speed limit, he didn’t show it. I lounged back and allowed the rapid speed to loosen my tense body further.

  “Feeling better?” Ethan asked, as we took a quick, sharp right off the thoroughfare. Driving with Ethan, I decided, was comparable to an intensive joyride.

  “Mmmm…,” I answered and spun to him. “You’re not mad with me are you?”

  “No, Angel, just relieved you’re okay.”

  “I really messed up today, didn’t I?”

  Ethan remained fixed on the black strip before him. “No, not exactly, and there’s no harm in wanting time to yourself. But things are escalating, quite quickly, and well, Saul feels a certain obligation to keep you safe. If anyone had taken you, then Saul would’ve lost control of that safety and the chances of finding you wouldn’t have been good.”

  Again, the thought never crossed my mind.

  “Your need to escape today,” Ethan said.

  “Battling my damn demons in the wilderness.” I sounded annoyed. Not about the demon battling. It had been, I believed, a monumental achievement for me. I was annoyed with my failure in not considering the impact my selfish act had on others. I had this sudden, crazy urge to scream. But I was mindful of the small space I was in and in particular, of the driver.

  “These demons. Anything to do with this Simon fellow?”

  I nodded.

  “Want to tell me
about him?”

  From Ethan shone this rare, encouraging glow. How tempting it was for me to succumb and spill out all that had caused my ill-timed meltdown. But instinct told me to wait. “One day, Ethan. Right now, I have to tell him first, that’s of course if he’ll listen.”

  Ethan had one hand on the steering wheel, effortlessly guiding it to suit the many twists in the road. The other hand gripped the gear stick. “I’m sure he will.”

  I wasn’t so sure and told Ethan so. “I’ve never seen Saul so angry. I didn’t think it was even possible.”

  “To be perfectly honest, neither did I.”

  “Are you telling me only I have caused this?”

  Ethan flipped me a blatant, smug look. “Singlehandedly.”

  I couldn’t believe it. “Great, I’ll go down in history as the only woman who, with a flick of an insane moment, ruffled the ‘unrufferable’ Saul Reardon.”

  Ethan laughed. Then his expression changed to something more serious. “Listen, if it helps any, Saul was worried about you today.”

  “I already gathered that.”

  “No, I mean really, really worried.”

  “I’m sure he worries about all his so called ‘personal projects,’” I said with mild sarcasm.

  Ethan frowned but pressed on. “Yeah, he does feel a certain commitment to those he helps, if that’s what you’re talking about. But this? This is different.”

  I asked him what he meant. He scraped his hair; his chiseled face looked a little more jumpy than normal.

  “You’re making me nervous,” I said.

  “I’m making myself nervous. Not a situation I find pleasant.” He swerved off the main road and sped down a gravel section that soon would join the long, dirt track to Saul’s house. “Ah, hell. How do I put this without being totally skinned alive?” He flicked me an exasperated expression before finally conceding. “Saul has a history. It’s not a good one.”

  “An issue with anger or something?”

  “No, nothing like that. Saul is the person you see. The proverbial cool, calm and collected. The absolute epitome of control. It’s quite sickly really.”

  “Except, when I come along.”

  “Precisely.”

  “Ethan, you’re making no sense.” We were fast approaching the turn off onto the track. Concealed by overgrown shrubbery it would have been impossible to find if one didn’t know its exact location. “Stop the car,” I ordered.

  Ethan slung a look at me that clearly stated, As if.

  “Please.”

  He looked at me once, twice and then with a maddened groan promptly skidded to an abrupt halt. Both his arms collapsed on the steering wheel; his head lowered, but tilted towards me. “You, my dear Claudia, can be quite taxing at times.”

  “I’ve been told that before. What history?”

  He sighed deeply. “It’s not my story to tell.”

  “Tell me anyway.”

  “No, I won’t, but if you ever hear it, you’ll understand his unnatural obsession with keeping you safe. That and of course….” He shrugged his shoulders in that overly dramatic Ethan way. “The other thing.”

  The other thing? Who was being taxing now? “What are you talking about?”

  His hands continued clinging onto the steering wheel; his knuckles were whitening. “Saul feels some sort of connection with you. In his words, you unsettle him.”

  I rolled my eyes. Great! Not only did I boast the capabilities to ruffle Saul Reardon but I could now add unsettling to the list. The day was only improving. “I suppose there’s no point in asking why.”

  “Oh, I’m pretty certain I know why. But Saul? Well, let’s just say as incredibly smart as he is, he just hasn’t figured it all out… yet.”

  I gave Ethan a strange look, one that he deserved. If he was about to mumble in riddles then his timing was off. “Ethan, just tell me.”

  “Claudia, just work it out. I’m attempting to stay loyal to Saul.”

  Somewhere in my cluttered head, little pieces were jig-sawing together. “Is he normally this obsessed?”

  “Not at all.”

  “So, why me?”

  A flagrant roll of his eyes. “I think you know the answer to that.”

  The final jigsaw piece locked itself into place.

  The other thing.

  I hadn’t imagined it after all. I smiled, a slow euphoria replacing the previous leaden sensation in my head. “That certainly explains a lot.”

  “Thought it might.”

  I half-laughed and half-choked as the full implication hit me.

  “I’ve been struggling to figure out if I should tell you. To try to explain his odd behavior.”

  I placed a hand on Ethan’s knee. “I’m glad you did.”

  “No worries, except as of now I most likely don’t have a best friend. But, I keep reassuring myself that you could possibly be good … for him.”

  He looked across at me and smiled that roguish smile of his. “Even though it will crush my heart into a zillion pieces, tell me that I’m not wrong in assuming that Saul’s ‘unsettled’ feelings are just a tiny bit reciprocated. Otherwise, I’m on a slow boat out of here to build walls with the Chinese.”

  I laughed and shook my head. “You’re not wrong.”

  His smile grew wider. “I’m glad. Slow boats aren’t my thing. I’m built for speed.” He reached for the keys in the ignition. “Speaking of which, I assume that I’m now allowed to drive us home.”

  “You assume correctly.”

  “Because, my sweet lady, this one and a half mile track up to Saul’s house is by far my favorite.”

  Before starting the car, Ethan paused. “There’s one more thing, since I’m in this all revealing mode, and my loyalty is just about shot. Saul has this ridiculous idea that his ‘unsettledness’ will affect his judgment and therefore, will put you in harm’s way. He actually believed that everything that happened to you today was his fault.”

  I recalled Saul’s unnatural aloofness when the police were present. “There’s no way Saul could’ve predicted what happened today.”

  “I told him that already, but when you disappeared it only made him more convinced of his supposed incompetence. If you returned, he was taking himself off the case.”

  It’s amazing how quickly euphoria could evaporate. Just one simple statement and it’s as if it had never existed. “He can’t do that.”

  “Told him.”

  “I have to talk to him… as soon as possible.”

  “My thoughts exactly. And please sort it out because I’m really over all this soppy heart-to-heart shit. It’s severely impacting on my image.” Ethan revved the car into action and sped onto the weather-beaten track. A swath of dust flared behind him.

  “Settle back for the ride, Angel.”

  And with that, Ethan bulleted up the hill.

  Chapter 26

  Claudia

  December 27, 2010

  5:45 pm

  WE FOUND SAUL’S empty Jeep parked beneath his house.

  I raced up the steps to the front door only to discover it locked. Slightly mystified, but impatient, I scanned the wide decks on either side for signs of life. There were none.

  Ethan soon joined me and was equally perplexed. He searched his keys, of which there were many. I noticed each key bore a name, all individually scripted and all, with the odd exception, female. On the flip side were - or what appeared to be - phone numbers.

  Ethan spotted me staring at them and grinned boyishly. “Let’s just call it - my little black book of keys.”

  Why I was amazed, I didn’t know. Just as he was about to secure a key in place, the door opened and there stood Shirley Svenson with a large bag in hand.

  “The day improves,” mumbled a less than enthused Ethan.

  He read my not now expression and then propped himself against the railing crossing his arms. I wasted no time on formalities or on Shirley’s disdainful huffing and puffing at Ethan. “Have you seen
Saul?”

  She turned to me. “Why of course not, dear. Mr. Reardon hasn’t been home all day. In fact, I’ve just left him a short note explaining that I’m going out tonight with my cousin.”

  “That sounds nice, Shirley. But it’s just that we’ve noticed Saul’s car here. Are you sure? It’s really important.”

  “He could’ve gone for a run. Mr. Reardon loves his runs.”

  I looked across the densely populated property. “Do you know where?”

  “No, dear, that’s none of my business.” She announced it with an obvious air of pride.

  I thanked her, feeling weighed down by a fresh dispiritedness. Shirley said goodnight, gave Ethan one last obnoxious glare and hurried off down the steps.

  “I’ve a good idea where he might be,” Ethan said. He grabbed my hand, escorted me down the stairs and to the right-hand side of the house. He then gazed in the direction of the western sun. “See that hill?” He pointed upwards. I shielded my eyes from the weakening rays and looked. “It’s one of his favorite places, something about all that oneness with nature crap.”

  I searched for a way through the heavy scrub and eventually spotted a narrow, dirt track. “Is that the way up?”

  “Takes you straight to the top. It’s a bit of a hike, quite steep in parts but when you reach it, it levels out to a clearing. To your right is a rocky outcrop.” He looked back to me. “I only hope he’s there.”

  So did I.

  “Just go knock some sense into him, will you?”

  I gave Ethan a brief hug, and when I pulled back, there was a placid look in his eyes. “You never told me what you thought about my car.”

  “Your car?” I laughed. “It’s well… great.”

  “But?”

  I was bewildered as to where this was going. “But nothing; it’s a terrific car.”

  He sighed. “You’d better get moving.”

  I turned to begin my trek and then stopped. “Ethan,” I said, spinning back, “if all you had was a rusty, old pushy, I’d still think you pretty cool.”

  Ethan appeared startled, a sad startled if that was possible. He dropped his shaking head; a large grin stretched across his face. “Go and make sure you tell that crazy friend of mine what a lucky bastard he is.” And with that, he turned and strode off.