by Berri Fox
Jess shrinks back, visibly offended. “I didn’t mean to ruin anyone’s life, I felt so safe with Natalie it just all came out!” She tries to defend herself but I don’t care.
“You DESTROYED my family! Get out of my face, I don’t want to see you right now. If I hurry I can catch De Haverland and change his mind.”
I’ve never seen such betrayal on someone’s face before, but I was betrayed too. Without waiting for her to conjure up another meaningless excuse, I bolt around the corner and run after Francis.
As soon as I leave, regret pools in the pit of my stomach. I didn’t mean any of those horrid things I said to Jess. No matter how deeply she hurt me and my family, she still means a lot to me.
Hopefully, I can get De Haverland to reconsider his offer, and this can all be swept under the rug. Once that happens, I’ll simply make it up to Jess and hope she’ll take me back. It’s a pathetic plan, but it’s the only thing I’ve got.
Twenty-Four
Jess
For awhile, I totally lose track of time. My chest feels like it just got crushed and the full weight of my shock flows through me like a vicious storm. I’m barely aware of Natalie guiding me through the ship, away from Ashley and towards her dressing room.
I don’t really notice the walk there. The world is spinning around me in incomprehensible shapes and colors. I’m totally lost.
I fucked up. I know it. But if Ashley had any feelings for me, she wouldn’t have reacted like that. Would she?
That’s when I realize, I don’t know her that well. I was pinning all my hopes on false evidence. I saw what I wanted to see. It’s my own damn fault that I’m crashing like a fallen star.
Natalie gets me into a quiet corner of her room and pats my shoulder. I can hear her on the phone but I’m not sure what she’s doing. I don’t even care right now.
A few seconds later, Sandy and Alex show up.
I try to compose myself for Alex’s sake, but I can’t quite get there. He runs straight over to me and gives me the biggest hug he can manage with his little arms.
“What’s the matter, Auntie Jess? Don’t be sad.”
I can’t take those big, innocent eyes. He’s so concerned, and I can see he’s getting upset because there is nothing he can do to help me.
I give him a bright smile.
“Its okay, Alex. I’m just a bit sad. I’ll be fine.”
He frowns at me and I think to myself that this kid is too smart.
Sandy watches all of this with a serious expression. Like wizard, he pulls a coloring book and pencils out of his bag.
“Hey kiddo! Want to try out your new book and stickers?”
Alex’s face lights up and like magic, his focus changes. Sandy takes a second to sit down with Alex and get him set up and I’m enormously grateful like that. Alex has been let down so many times, the whole situation just sucks.
I need to do better for him, but at the same time I know I shouldn’t be beating myself up at a time like this.
Sandy comes back, looking between me and Natalie. All I can do is gulp and shake my head.
“Sandy.” Natalie says quietly. “Jess has been acting as Ashley’s girlfriend, while Ashley acts as Robin.”
To my surprise, Sandy just grins.
“I had an idea, honestly. If I had bothered to look into it even a little, then I would have figured it out before now. You know I’ve got an instinct for things like this.”
Natalie nods, still patting me gently on the shoulder.
“I know you do. How’s that book coming?”
“Good, actually.” His grin gets a bit wider. I know he’s not being insensitive to my situation, just happy about his progress. “I’ve gotten a lot of material from being in my position. So many juicy stories.”
He pulls up a chair and sits down in front of me, looking into my eyes.
“Jess, honey, what were you thinking? This situation is just covered in traps. Socialites don’t get into intense relationships with entertainers. Why did you let this go so far?”
I shake my head, sniffing.
“I rejected the idea at first. But what can I do? I’m stuck here. I didn’t want to get in trouble, and I thought we could help each other. I knew it was a bad idea, but it seemed better than the alternative.”
Sandy raises his eyebrows at me. I stare back. He frowns.
“Oh, alright!” I cover my face for a second, raking my hands through my hair. “She’s hot, okay? It blurred my judgement. She seemed so warm and friendly and Alex was happy…”
Sandy nods sympathetically but I feel like he’s still being a bit judgey.
“Look, Sandy. Don’t give me that look. Do I look like I’m happy about what I’ve done?”
He shakes his head sadly. “Did you know about her reputation?”
“No, not really.”
“Well. I suppose I can lay a bit less blame on you then.” He puts a hand on my shoulder. “I’m going to do what I can, okay? I’ve got lots of strings I could pull. I’ll see what I can do. Please, don’t stress.”
I get a bit mad, hearing that. As if my stress is something I could just switch on and off at will.
Sandy laughs. “Okay. Don’t give me that face, okay? Stress as much as you want then. Clearly, you are going to, no matter what I say.”
I look up at him and the emotions in me are such a storm that I can’t sort them out from each other. I feel mad, but only at myself. Sadness, frustration, loss. Something else I can’t quite define that tastes like fear.
“Just hang out here with Natalie for awhile.” He pats my shoulder. “Order some Chai. I’ll see if I can do anything for you.” He gives me a sympathetic smile before he gets up and leaves the room.
Natalie takes the chair, letting out a big sigh.
“Well. This has all gone to hell, hasn’t it? I’m so sorry, Jess.”
Her words reach me. Through everything that’s happened I’m really touched by her concern and I give her a quick hug. I’m too miserable and stressed out to take much comfort from it though.
Natalie picks up the phone and orders some snacks as well as tea. It only takes a few minutes for it to arrive and Alex digs into some fries happily, still caught up on his new coloring book. I watch him play, his eager little face flushed as he places his stickers and colors around them.
I try to eat some snacks but end up putting down the bag of nuts pretty quickly. I can barely swallow. The tea goes down much easier, but it doesn’t do a damn thing for my flipping stomach or my stress level.
I’m trying as hard as I can, but I can’t get past the memories of the recent days. Images keep swirling in my mind of Ashley.
Her warm hands touching me. Her eyes looking into mine. How wonderful it feels to walk with my arm around her waist, leaning into her sweet smell.
I’ve never felt like this before. All my hope, excitement and effort feel like they have been slashed by a rusty blade. It aches and burns as I think of what I’ve lost. Maybe, I never even had it.
“Aw, babe.” Natalie’s face twists in sympathy. “I’m so sorry.”
My face crumples. I can feel the sobs growing inside me and I have to stop them, I have to. I can’t lose my shit in front of Alex. Seeing me screaming and sobbing will freak him the fuck out. Someone depends upon me now. I can’t just go to pieces at will.
My lip trembles so I bite it, taking a deep breath. I shake my head as the tears fall. Okay, I can’t stop the tears. I can hold in the sobbing though, even if it feels like its splitting my chest open.
All kinds of fears are starting to crowd into me. I like Ashley. A lot. I can’t stand the idea that she would just discard me like this over a misunderstanding. On the other hand, I don’t really blame her for her reaction. I mean, she did this thing to get herself out of trouble and I’ve just put a big pile of shit on her for it.
It still hurts. I really thought we were sharing something beautiful. I guess, I imagined it. I saw what I wanted to see.
&nbs
p; Behind that, there’s an even bigger fear. I’m trying to ignore it, but it crowds at my mind, shoving away everything else.
I’ve got no money coming in and my career might as well be dead. I probably can’t even afford my apartment. The only thing that kept me going was Alex. He deserves better in a care giver and I thought, so long as we are together, everything else would be okay.
But I’ve really fucked up now. If I get charged, I certainly can’t pay the fines. If I end up in jail or even detained for a short while I know what’s going to happen.
I’ll lose Alex. They’ll put him in foster care. I’ll just be one more adult that let the poor guy down. I don’t know if he can recover from a shock like that. He’s had too many already. He may never trust anyone ever again.
I bury my face in my hands and cry, trying to keep it quiet. I’m completely hopeless and I have no idea what to do now.
Twenty-Five
Ashley
I reach the relative safety of our suite and close the door behind me, every fibre of my being trembling with rage and terror. I can’t believe that Jess was that stupid. Why would she confide in anyone what was going on when she could end up in jail because of it?
And even if she was going to spill everything why couldn’t she have picked somewhere not in public? It’s her life on the line, not mine! My family will survive another scandal but hers will fall apart if she ends up in prison for fraud.
My vision blurs a little and I realise that I’m breathing far too fast and that my cheeks are wet. I’m not crying, I refuse to be crying. I’m not going to cry over some stupid little idiot of a shop girl who can’t keep her mouth shut to save her life. If she doesn’t care enough to take care of herself why should I?
Fuck.
I shouldn’t have let it get this far. This is all my fault. Sandy is a sweet guy, I’m sure if Jess and Alex had told him at the start what had happened he would have been able to sort it out for them. Instead I got them involved in my madcap plan and put their lives in danger.
I should have kept her at arms length, I should have at least drilled it into her head how important secrecy was. She’s sweet and innocent and wonderful and she doesn’t deserve to be blackmailed or to go to prison. I have to fix this, no matter how mad I am at her for telling everyone what is going on.
Fuck fuck fuck.
I pull my phone out of my pocket and dial, and for once I’m not amused when Robin’s cranky ‘What have you done now?’ comes from the other side of the line. “We’ve got trouble,” I say shortly and he goes silent immediately. I don’t think he’s used to me sounding sop business-like. I’m not used to it either.
Adrenalin is still coursing through me so I pace up and down the cabin as I explain exactly what the situation is. I don’t spare myself in the retelling. I tell him about how I got a single mother involved in my scheme and pretended that we were him and Emily and how De Haverland has found out and is blackmailing us with threat of exposure in return for getting hold of Carmichael Hotel plans for him.
Robin doesn’t say anything until I stop, panting a little and clenching my fist so tight that my nails bite into my palms.
Then he starts and his voice is ice-cold. “Are you telling me that you stole my engagement cruise while I am fixing your messes, impersonated me and Emily, used my name to get it on with some poor stranger and took advantage of the whole thing to yank my chain for nearly a week and a half now? And now you’ve gotten us into even more scandal with the De Haverlands no less? Is that what you’re telling me, Ashley?”
I swallow hard. I’ve often made my big brother mad but I don’t think he’s ever sounded this disappointed before and I feel a rush of shame for how much he has to put up with because of me. “Yes, that’s what I’m saying, Robin.”
“And you want me to swoop in and make everything better? Why should I, Ash? Why should I when you’re just going to laugh and go off and do something even worse?”
“Not for me, Rob!” I burst out, a sincerity in my voice that hasn’t been there before when speaking to him. “I fucked up bad and I’m really sorry, though I know you might not believe that and I don’t blame you. But this is all my fault and Jess shouldn’t have to have her life ruined because I’m a fuck up.”
“You’re sorry?” he says, surprised.
Have I never told him I’m sorry before? I think back and try to remember. Usually everything seems far too hilarious to apologise for. “Yeah, I’m really sorry. I was way out of line and I’m going to be making up to you for a while, but I really need your help in getting De Haverland off our cases.”
There’s another silence but I think it’s less cold this time.
“Okay,” he says eventually. “You’re taking this seriously so I am too. I’ll make things alright with the Golden Hind, so that will defang De Haverland. What I need you to do is get him to put what he wants down in writing. If he does that then we can go after him and his company for corporate espionage.”
“Yeah?” I ask, surprised at how seriously he’s talking. It sounds like he trusts me and I didn’t expect that to feel so good. “I can do that. I think.”
“Good. Let me know when it’s done. Don’t worry about being exposed, I’ll make sure that your Jess doesn’t end up in any legal trouble.”
We hang up and I find myself shaking a little as I lower myself into a chair. I didn’t even correct his snide ‘your Jess’ even though I know what he was thinking. I need a plan to get De Haverland to do what we want but every time I try to think it through I find myself thinking of Jess’s pale betrayed face.
Fuck.
What’s wrong with me.
There’s a knock on the door and I hope it’s Jess. I’m not over being angry but maybe if she’s here I won’t be worrying about her all the time and I’ll be able to put together some sort of plan to get our asses out of the fire.
To my surprise, it’s Marsha from the clothes store and her two gold digger friends Gail and Sarah. They’re dressed in some very revealing, figure-hugging dresses and as I gape at them in confusion they push past me into the suite. Marsha closes the door and sends me a sugary smile that is all too many sharp edges to be sincere.
“Hi Miss Carmichael,” Gail says. “We’re here to let you know that we know you’re not really Robin Carmichael.”
“You’re his sister Ashley,” Sarah adds.
“Which means that Emily isn’t really Emily,” Marsha puts in.
I groan. Does everyone know? “What do you want?” I ask, my voice too tired to be threatening.
“Money,” Marsha says promptly.
“Sex,” Gail says at the same time.
“Money and sex,” Sarah adjusts. “That little redhead cannot be enough to keep up with you. If you go out with Sarah and I you can have a threesome whenever you like and all we’ll want is your company and some pretty things.”
“I just want money,” Marsha adds. “No sex for me.”
I gape a little. I’ve met gold diggers before but never any who were so upfront about it. “Look, girls - ladies. I’m flattered and a couple of weeks ago I would also have been really into a threesome with the two of you but I can’t.”
Gail leans forwards, making sure her abundant cleavage is fully visible. “Why? Aren’t we beautiful?”
“You’re both gorgeous and wonderfully confident in your bodies which I admire. But I love Jess,” the words are out of my mouth and I realise just how true they are. “I love Jess with all my heart so I have to decline. She’s the world to me.”
They stare at me, Marsha’s face screwed up like she’s sucked a lemon and the other two looking surprised.
“Wait, you love her?” Sarah asks.
Gail grabs her friend’s hand. “Like true love, love?”
I nod. “True love. I just want her to be happy for the rest of her life and even if that isn’t with me I really couldn’t cheat on her.”
“Oh my god that’s so romantic,” Sarah breathes and Gail nods alo
ng, tugging Marsha into their hand-holding. “Where is she? Does she know you love her?”
“I haven’t told her,” I say, and my heart sinks. I shouted all those horrible things at her, she must hate me. What if she can never forgive me?
Gail gasps and gives me a little shove. “Oh my god you have to go tell her right this minute. Love can’t wait - go go go!”
“Yeah, we won’t say a word about you two but you have to tell her how you feel. Communication is everything in a relationship,” Sarah adds.
I nod at them distractedly. I’m in love and the woman of my dreams is hurting somewhere because of me. I don’t even wait to see if they’re leaving the suite, I break into a run. I have to find Jess now.
Twenty-Six
Jess
While Natalie distracts Alex with more snacks and stickers, I quietly sob to myself. There’s only one thing to do when I feel like this. Call my girls.
Rachel and Abbie may not always have the answers, but they know how to make me feel better. I know I can always lean on them in a jam like this and suddenly all I can think about is calling them.
I move away from the lounge where Alex is entertaining Natalie with some colored pencils. I pull out my phone and ring Rachel.
“Hey babes!” She answers promptly and she sounds like she’s having a great day. I hope I don’t ruin it.
“Hey. Rach.”
“Oh, shit. I know that tone. Abbie, get your ass over here. We have an emergency.”
I hear a muffled noise and then I’m on speaker. I can hear both my girls talking at once. When they finally settle down, I’m still trying to control my tears.
“Speak, woman.” Rachel says firmly. “We are not mind readers.”
“I thought she really liked me.” I wail. “It was just supposed to be for show but—”
“Whoa.” Abbie cuts in. “What the fuck?”