When I asked her about it, Heather didn’t comment on the scene. She didn’t comment on anything, really.
“Why aren’t you home?” I asked her after a few minutes.
Ashley congratulated me with a grin, expecting to see a fight. But Heather only shrugged.
“No, really,” I said. “Ryan’s dead. You were with him that day. You should be home, dealing with that, not in the cafeteria picking at your food.”
“Like you know anything about food; you never eat.” Sarah replied. I glared at her for a second. “Well, you don’t.”
“This isn’t about me. It’s about Heather. She should be home.” It felt important, like if I could get her to admit she was being silly and head home I’d make up for telling the police she’d been with Ryan. Not that I felt that guilty, I mean, they would’ve found out anyway.
“I want things to go back to normal,” Heather whispered, her eyes on everyone else in the room. We ate at a table in the center of place, commanding attention; and we ate alone, no boyfriends, no hangers on, just Ashley’s super cool inner circle. Alexis sat at the other side of the table, and Jen. The six of us fit perfectly where there should’ve been eight.
“Heather?” I asked.
She finally looked at me.
“Things aren’t going to be normal for a while. Why don’t you go home and process all this?”
“You don’t understand.” She shook her head twice, then looked at me with longing in her expression. “Ryan’s dead, and everyone at school thinks it’s my fault. I shouldn’t have even been with him. So I need things to go back to normal. Even if it means I keep smiling and acting like Ryan never existed.”
Tears were forming in the corner of her eyes. Heather always overreacted and brought drama to anything but today I could tell she was really hurting. Before I could reach out to her, to comfort her or even give her the truth, that she wasn’t smiling or acting normal, she got up and left. I expected someone to follow her, Sarah maybe, or Jen. Heck, I was about to follow her myself when Ashley spoke up from the other side.
“So Danika, what’s going on with you and colleges?” And just like that, I knew no one was going after Heather. She was on her own.
I answered Ashley, and our shallow conversation, the fake-not-nearly-as-important-as-our-friend conversation, kept going until the lunch bell rang. I wish I had followed Heather, but not so much that I stopped talking and went after her.
By driver’s ed, I was feeling pretty guilty. I’d seen Heather in the hall and tried to offer her some comfort. She told me she shouldn’t have said anything, and to please act like the whole thing never happened. I wasn’t sure if she meant Ryan dying or her leaving the lunchroom. It didn’t matter, because she left in a matter of seconds. I’d never been close to Heather, so it didn’t make sense that I was upset about her, and yet, I was.
I got into the car with Sam hoping we could talk it over. It’d be nice to get a guy’s perspective about everything. “Can I talk to you about something?”
“Sure.” He smiled. “But you should watch the road.”
“Right. I will.” I looked out at the track in front of us. “This thing with Heather and Ryan.”
“I heard about it.”
I glanced at him, but he looked away, his body closed off to me. He’d heard about it? Yeah, he had. I’d told him. “I was hoping I could talk things out with you, a little.”
“Yeah, of course, but hey before you talk about your boyfriend…”
“Ex-boyfriend,” I corrected.
“Why did you two breakup? Was it Heather? Everyone seems convinced she’s evil and she stole him.”
“It wasn’t Heather at all. You know my mom’s lifestyle?”
“Militant feminist Amish?”
I nodded. “It didn’t agree with Ryan. I mean, I liked him, we were having fun, but I knew that eventually things wouldn’t work out.”
“So you walked away from him?”
“Pretty much. Heather didn’t steal him or anything.”
“But you liked him?”
“I thought I loved him.”
“And yet, you walked away.”
“To protect him.”
“From your mom?” He raised his eyebrows at me, like that was the craziest thing he’d ever heard.
“Yeah, sort of. It’s complicated.”
“It always is.” He sounded super casual, but something was bothering him.
“Is something wrong?”
“I don’t want you to walk away from me.”
“Oh.” It hit me that I’d been unconsciously cruel yesterday, telling my new boyfriend about the old one, expecting him to comfort me. “I’m not going to walk away from you. In fact, I think maybe you could handle my mom’s culture.”
“Really?” He looked shocked.
“Well, you’re older.” He started to correct me, but I beat him to it. “Sort of. You’ve got more experience in life than Ryan, anyway.”
“Probably true.”
“So maybe it could work out.” Now it was my turn to sound casual, because in my head I was thinking about all the things Rose had told me, about mermaids and how they took men. If I was careful with my tail, and somehow got Sam into shallow water—enough water that I had a tail, but not enough for him to drown, if I paid attention the whole time and made sure his head never went under the water—this could work. I wouldn’t have to walk away from him.
“I hope so.” He smiled at me and took my hand. His fingers traced patterns on my flesh for a second until I needed to steer again. “Do you want to talk about sea monsters?”
“Maybe we could do that tonight? Like after school, at your place? Or you could come over to my house,” I suggested. I wanted to get him alone. The more he touched me, the less I cared about everything else in my life.
“Uh, I can’t.”
“You can’t?”
“I’m busy after school. There’s a thing I said I’d go to.”
“Oh, okay. Well, maybe tomorrow?”
“Yeah tomorrow, it’ll be a Friday night date.”
“Great.” I pulled my hand away from him again, not sure when he’d taken it. Was he pulling back from us, worried I’d dump him? Had I shared too much? But he’d shared that he was a salt golem. I didn’t understand why he didn’t tell me what was going on tonight, or skip it to spend time with me. Had I misunderstood something? Missed some sign? I tried to push it all away and concentrate on the road.
“What did you want to ask me about?”
“Oh uh, it’s about Heather,” I started. And I kept it up, talking about Heather until the bell rang. I wished I could ask more about us, and why he was suddenly busy tonight, but it didn’t feel like a good idea.
Chapter Eleven
On my way to the parking lot, I caught Ashley in the halls. I hadn’t noticed it this morning but she looked rough. Dark circles hung under her eyes and heavy makeup had settled on her skin in a weird smoothness, making her look like a badly frosted cake. I walked next to her for a few feet before she even noticed me. When she did, she didn’t say anything.
“Are you okay?”
“What?” She blinked a few times, then realized it was me. “Oh hey, Danny.”
I smiled at the nickname. She only used it when we were alone, and it’d been a while since I heard it. “Hey back. You’re practically sleepwalking. Bad night?”
“The worst. I don’t know how I’d function without caffeine.” She opened the car door, cranked the air conditioner, and pulled out a diet energy drink all in one motion.
“How many of those have you had?”
“This is the last of the six-pack. It’s tragic, I tell you.” She took off out of the parking lot as if we were running late for something. I checked my watch. We’d gotten in the car just ten minutes later than usual.
“What about Sarah?”
“She caught a ride with someone else. To be honest, I think she’s avoiding me because I’m PMSing.”
&nbs
p; “What’s it like?”
“What?” Ashley looked at me like I’d grown a second head.
“PMS. I never get it.”
“Seriously?”
I nodded, because I wasn’t about to tell her that I didn’t get a period at all.
“It’s like I’m going crazy.” She sounded different from her usual-Ashley-self. I realized this might be the real Ashley. “I hear music in my head all the time. I can’t sleep at night because it’s so loud. The lyrics keep repeating over and over again. So I think, I’ll sing the song and then it’ll go away but I can’t.”
“You lose your voice?”
“No, it’s not that.” She looked in the mirror, her eyes worried. “I just suck at it, you know. No one wants to hear me sing. It’s not like I’m my dad.”
She’d gone back to being Miss Popular, the rock star’s daughter, speaking in that shallow tone of voice. I wanted to tell her she didn’t have to hide whatever it was, that I knew all about secrets. “I think everyone has a little crazy,” I said. “You should consider yourself lucky that yours follows a schedule.”
She laughed, but when she stopped, her voice was sad. “You’re a good person, you know. You deserve better than that new guy.”
“Sam’s pretty awesome, actually.”
“I figured you’d say that, so I invited him.”
“To what?”
She gestured out the car’s window to the beach in front of us. “To your birthday party!”
“What?”
“I know the big day was Monday, but you were off with lover boy; and besides, who parties on a Monday?”
“Wow.” There was a “Happy Birthday” banner stretched across the sand. It should’ve been hung from something, but the beach didn’t have any buildings. Instead, there was ocean, sand, a line of dunes, and my friends: Sarah, Jennifer, a bunch of girls, and some of the best-looking guys in school. All the people who had seemed so distant that day were standing out on that beach.
“They were keeping it a secret,” I said.
“The whole school practically knew.” Ashley grinned at her triumph. “With the thing with Ryan, we were going to cancel, but everyone wanted to blow off some steam anyway. Besides, you deserve a party.”
Someone pulled up in a tripped-out car and turned up the music loud enough to fill the parking lot. A couple of surfers caught the last rays of afternoon sun, and some guys played a rousing game of beer pong around a cooler.
“Wow.” No one had ever thrown me a surprise party before. I was stunned.
“Happy birthday.” Ashley almost whispered it. “Eighteen is huge. After this, everything changes.”
I looked at her, wondering what she wasn’t saying out loud. “Thank you for all this.”
“If you’re really grateful, you’ll eat some cake.”
“There’s cake?” We climbed out of the car and were greeted by at least fifteen people. One of the boys handed me a drink, and I took a few sips. Alcohol didn’t taste great to me, but I wanted to join in. A beach volleyball game started up, I watched for a few minutes before Sam found me.
“So, today in driver’s ed…” I let me voice trail off.
“I’m the world’s worst liar,” he admitted. “I didn’t know what I could say that wouldn’t end with me blurting something out about the party, and then what I did say…”
“You threw me for a loop.” I laughed and he joined me. I felt his hand on my shoulder, then his fingers tracing my ear. I stopped, scared he would see my gills, but wanting him to keep touching me all the same.
“The only thing you need to remember is that I don’t want you to walk away from me. I’ll give you all the time you want to mourn Ryan, but I don’t want to lose you.”
I turned my face close to his, my lips almost kissing him. “You won’t.”
“Hey, birthday girl! Come play!” I joined the volleyball game but Sam hung back, content to cheer me on. We played until sunset, then someone started a fire. They were going to roast s’mores, but Ashley wanted us to eat cake first. She brought out candles and made everyone sing to me. I blew out the flames making a birthday wish not to worry so much, not to think about the murders, killing some guy while making out, or hiding who I was. Tonight, I wanted to enjoy myself.
When I cut the cake, the interior oozed with chocolate. Buttercream frosting hid a core of devil’s food cake filled with fudge. I’d never had that much chocolate. I remembered my mom after the cup of cocoa on Monday morning, and further back in my memory, all the times she got drunk on chocolate milk or candies. It wasn’t always pretty, but I thought I could handle one piece. Indulge a little. After all, it was my birthday. Besides, I had Sam around, didn’t I?
“Hey, can I talk to you?” I took my plate over and sat beside him on the sand. His eyes were on Mother Ocean as the twilight began to cover Her.
“Always. Well, unless I’m trying to keep a secret, but I think we covered that.”
I laughed a little. “I’m afraid I might get a little…inebriated tonight.”
“Someone pulled up with a keg about twenty minutes ago.”
“Yeah,” I pulled the word out into three syllables. “It’s not really alcohol I’m worried about. It’s chocolate.”
“Chocolate?”
“It gets me drunk. Don’t ask me why; just trust me. It makes me do stupid things.” I looked down at my plate, the piece of cake that had a little bit of my name written on it in frosting. It felt special. “I want to indulge in this. I want to eat it and enjoy it and maybe have a tiny second piece, just because I can. The thing is, you’re the only guy here I trust, so will you watch out for me?”
“Completely. You didn’t even have to ask.”
“Thanks. I’m not going to do anything stupid, but I thought it’d be a good idea.” I hesitated, not sure what else to say. Finally, I gave up on finding the words and kissed him, tasting salt on his lips. “What’d you eat?”
He tipped the red plastic cup to me, then whispered in my ear. “It’s ocean water.”
I laughed at the idea of him filling his cup with the waves. “Don’t worry; I won’t tell.”
“I knew you wouldn’t.”
“Am I interrupting anything?” Jennifer plopped down on the sand next to us.
“Not really. I was about to enjoy my birthday cake.”
“Oh my, you’re eating carbs? It’s official; you’re going crazy. I guess I shouldn’t even ask about Whosley and driver’s ed?”
Sam talked while I ate, and while I should’ve been listening really I was too busy experiencing the high that chocolate gave me. It crept up on me, so subtle I didn’t notice it until my arms felt like they weighed a hundred pounds each. My legs went the same way, heavy, while my head got floaty. I felt my awareness expand. If I closed my eyes, I might fall into my head as my soul stretched out all along the ocean. I felt it push at the waves.
“Skinny-dipping time!” Ashley screamed from behind us.
“You coming?” Jennifer stood up with a grin on her face. She half-turned toward the girls running behind the dunes.
“I think so.” I started to get up, but only made it half way, falling on to my butt with a laugh. Sam offered me a hand and I tried again, only to fall a second time, taking him with me.
“Are you that gone?” Jennifer sounded a little worried.
“No, I’m not.” I had to gasp the words out between giggles. “Go ahead. I’ll be right there.”
“You sure this is a good idea?” Sam looked positively worried. I felt a thought in the back of my head, a general nagging, but I didn’t pay it much attention.
“I’m eighteen, and every time they skinny-dip, I hide in the car. It’s pathetic, really. I don’t want to do it this time.”
“Why do you hide?”
“I don’t want them to see me.” My fins. That’s what that nagging thought was. Oh, wow. That could’ve gone really badly. I thanked Mother Ocean for Sam and how his worried look stopped me.
&n
bsp; “Why don’t we take a walk instead?”
I nodded, silenced by the disaster that could’ve happened. This time, when Sam pulled me up, I went with him. With each step, I felt a little more grounded, a little less drunk.
“Is skinny dipping usually part of these things?”
“Pretty much. The party starts after school; everyone eats, drinks; then when it gets dark, they’re out in the water. They shouldn’t be, though. There are dangerous things out there.”
“Like me?”
He pulled away from me, and I fought him, coming in closer. “You’re not dangerous. You just stopped me from making a really dumb mistake. You’re a great guy, Sam.”
“Uh-huh.” He didn’t sound convinced.
“You’re a great guy for a vampire?”
He glared at me for using the wrong word, but there was no real anger in it.
“You should kiss me, you know. It’s my birthday.”
“You’re drunk, remember?”
“I’m not that drunk. In fact, I think it’s passing.” It was. My arms weren’t nearly as heavy and my head felt screwed on tight. A pleasant tingling came from my limbs and I was still smiling, but feeling happy. When you’re at your birthday party with a cute guy holding your hand smiling doesn’t mean you’re drunk.
“I wouldn’t take advantage of you, not like that.”
“You wouldn’t be.” We’d walked away from the party and the noise seemed to fade as I looked into his eyes. I kissed him, my mouth covering his. I slipped my tongue into his mouth, tasting more of the ocean salt on him. I wanted more of that taste, and my tongue got bolder, one kiss coming into another, until he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me closer.
“Tell me to stop.” His voice sounded rough, like he didn’t mean it.
“I don’t want you to stop.” I kissed him more, my hands on his back, running over the muscles under his skin. Half the guys on the beach were in nothing but shorts, but he’d stayed covered. In a second I changed that, pulling his shirt off. He let me do it, let me strip it off and keep kissing him. My mermaid side wanted me to pull him in the water but I fought her. Instead, I pressed him down to the sand, taking off my shirt and bra in one quick movement.
The Mermaid and the Murders Page 11