Her tone was careful as she said, “I think you should talk about the problem with your girlfriend. Perhaps she would be willing to take a more aggressive role.”
Sage was pretty sure even his ears were red now. “Aren’t you supposed to cure me instead of giving advice like that?”
“Sexual preferences can’t be ‘cured.’ Wanting a more submissive role in sex is not wrong. Your sexual preferences simply appear to have changed.”
Sage gripped his thigh with his fingers. “All right. I’ll talk to Laura.” He stood up.
She smiled. “I’ll see you in a week, Sage.”
* * *
A week later, Sage found himself back in the same chair, with Dr. Richardson seated opposite him.
“Did you talk to your girlfriend?” she asked.
“Yeah.”
“Was she amenable to your suggestion?”
“Yeah.”
Silence.
“Sage, I need you to tell me more than that. I’m a doctor, remember. You have nothing to be ashamed of.”
Sage took a deep breath in. She was right: she was a doctor. She probably heard weirder things every day. “We tried it. Laura was even excited—we’d never tried anything like that before.”
“Was it satisfying?”
Sage hesitated. “A bit better than before.” But only because he had actually managed to keep his erection. Mostly it had been just uncomfortable and awkward as hell. He had closed his eyes and lain passively, letting her do whatever she wanted to him, letting her use his body, but it still felt off. She was too light. Too small. Too soft.
“I see,” Dr. Richardson said. “Did Laura and you do it again?”
“No.”
“Why not?”
“It felt off. Was... unsatisfying.” It was. Despite coming, it had been the least satisfying orgasm in his life. Hollow. Afterward, Sage felt uneasy and dirty, and he couldn’t quite meet Laura’s eyes. She hadn’t said anything, but there had been wariness and discomfort on her face ever since.
“Have you considered visiting him in prison?”
Sage gripped the armrest. “What for?”
“To get some closure, perhaps. How did you part?”
Sage worried his lip. “Not well. He... He ignored me in the last couple of days before my release.” And it threw him off balance. Badly. More than Sage let it show. He had told himself he was glad, but it was strange not to have Xavier’s hands all over him. Xavier hadn’t touched him for two days, but when Sage was about to leave, Xavier grabbed him and slammed their mouths together, the kiss punishing, angry and cruel. Sage just parted his lips, held on and clung. Xavier was actually the one to shove him away with a rough, “Get the fuck out, Blue Eyes.”
The memory made him more than a little uncomfortable. It made his stomach ache.
“Did you feel happy when you parted?” Dr. Richardson asked.
Sage looked down. “Sure.”
“Sage,” Dr. Richardson chided him.
“What do you want me to say?” he snapped, looking up. “That I wanted to stay and spend my entire life being fucked in the ass by my cellmate?”
“If it’s true, yes,” she said calmly, not at all fazed.
Sage laughed, the sound sharp and humorless.
He laughed and couldn’t stop laughing.
“I don’t know,” he said when the laughter died in his throat. “The prison fucked with my head in more ways than one. You have no idea what it was like. He—he was the only thing that kept me grounded. The only real thing. But I hated it. Hated how he made me his thing. I didn’t want it. I was a normal guy. I was normal. I wasn’t the sort of guy who couldn’t sleep without being used by another guy.” Sage felt his cheeks heat up as soon as he said that.
But Dr. Richardson didn’t even bat an eye. “I see,” she said, writing something in her notebook. “Did he... use other inmates?”
Sage pressed his lips together. “No.”
“How can you be so sure?”
Sage smiled crookedly. Because he spent most of the time inside me. “You don’t know what prison life is like. Everyone knows everything. I was the only one he touched.”
Dr. Richardson cocked her head and studied him. “If you ever meet him again, what would you do?”
Sage stared at her. “I... I don’t know. I guess I’ll just ignore him. I’m normal now. I’m back to my normal life. I’ll just ignore the asshole. Not that it matters—I doubt I’ll ever see him again.”
He couldn’t have been more wrong.
* * *
Sage headed home later than usual that evening. It was getting dark already, and he quickened his steps. The district wasn’t the safest part of the city even in broad daylight, and after a year in prison, he still felt a bit uneasy in the dark.
Sage chose to go through the park—it was the shortest way home—but soon enough, he regretted it. The park was dark and quiet, with various lampposts dimly lighting the path. No one was around.
Except he felt watched.
It made his skin crawl.
Sage started walking faster.
His heart sped up when he heard footsteps behind him. He couldn’t walk any faster without breaking into a run, so he kept waking, telling himself not to be ridiculous. A year in prison hadn’t turned him into a pussy, dammit. He could look after himself.
“Hurrying home to your little girlfriend?”
Sage came to an abrupt halt. His blood pressure rose, his pulse skyrocketed and his heart started to pound. He stood, unmoving, as the footsteps approached him.
Then, he slowly turned around.
He was as tall and broad-shouldered as Sage remembered. His dark hair was a bit longer. He was unshaven. It was surreal to see him again.
Xavier stopped a few feet away. Sage couldn’t read his expression well as Xavier’s dark eyes roamed all over him.
Sage crossed his arms over his chest. “How… how did you escape from prison? How did you find me?”
“I didn’t escape,” Xavier said, his expression impossible to read. “And what makes you think I was looking for you?”
Sage scoffed. “Yeah, and our meeting is just a coincidence. Right.”
Xavier lifted his hand and took Sage’s chin, gripping it hard. A shiver went up Sage’s spine. Xavier raised his eyebrows with a mocking smile. “You were just one of several toys I had over the six years I was in prison. You’re nothing special, Blue Eyes.”
Sage opened his mouth and closed it before scowling. “Good. Why do you think I care? We aren’t in prison anymore. It’s over. I’m straight.”
“I’m straight, too,” Xavier said.
“Good.”
“Good.”
Xavier stepped into his personal space.
Sage wet his lips, his heart starting to pound. “Xavier?”
Xavier’s eyes seemed endlessly dark as he stared at him.
Sage felt heat spread through his body and a strange fluttering fill his stomach.
Seconds ticked by in silence as the air between them grew thick and heavy with tension.
Did Xavier have to stand so close?
Move away, dammit, he told himself angrily. He wasn’t Xavier’s thing anymore. He was normal.
But it felt like the last half a year had never happened. His body refused to move. He was trembling.
Xavier’s gaze was fixed on the rapidly beating pulse at the base of Sage’s throat.
Suddenly, he dipped his face down and pressed his nose against Sage’s neck. God. Sage took a deep breath that did little to still the shuddering need racking his body.
They couldn’t. He wouldn’t. It was over. He shouldn’t let it happen.
But Xavier was nuzzling his neck, his hot breath making his skin tingle, and Sage couldn’t step away, didn’t have the strength. His arms came up around Xavier and wrapped around his waist loosely.
For a moment, Xavier went completely still before yanking him flush against himself, squeezing him so tightly that
Sage could barely breathe. Sage closed his eyes and almost whimpered at the feel of Xavier’s warm, firm body against his and the familiar scent in his nostrils. Xavier had his nose behind Sage’s ear, his breathing coming in short gasps, and god. God. It felt like he was high on Xavier, his body tingling, head a little dizzy, and Sage tightened his arms, unable to get enough. His ribs hurt and he could barely breathe, but he didn’t care.
“Baby.” Xavier started trailing hot kisses up his neck, along his jawline, towards his mouth.
His lips tingling with need, Sage turned his head and fit their lips together. Xavier sucked in a breath and, cradling Sage’s face with both hands, licked Sage’s bottom lip before pushing his tongue inside and kissing him deeply. Sage made a small noise—a gasp needy enough to be embarrassing if embarrassment didn’t seem so far away, somewhere on the other side of the thrumming of his blood and the firmness of Xavier’s body against his. He needed him. Needed to feel him. Craved it. Now.
As though in a dream, he felt himself drop to his knees right there, in the middle of the empty public park, and nuzzle Xavier’s erection through his jeans greedily.
He looked up. Xavier’s hand buried in his hair and pushed Sage’s face against the bulge under his jeans.
“Go ahead,” he said, his voice hoarse and dark eyes fixed on him.
Sage swallowed, grabbed the waistband of Xavier’s jeans and thumbed the button free of the hole. His fingers were trembling.
After Sage fumbled for a few seconds with the zipper, Xavier growled and did it himself, shoving his briefs and his jeans halfway down his thighs.
Sage stared at Xavier’s strong, hairy thighs and his fat, long dick, the big, red head just starting to peek out of the foreskin, and felt his mouth water. He leaned in, nuzzling at the crease of Xavier’s groin and breathing in. The scent of Xavier was so thick here, so good, and Sage moaned a little, clutching and stroking Xavier’s thighs with his fingers.
He pushed Xavier’s thighs further apart, needy and hungry as he chased those scents along Xavier’s balls, licking them. Christ, he missed this.
“Sage—fuck.”
Sage’s mind was so foggy with want that Xavier’s voice sounded very distant, didn’t seem real. It took Xavier’s fingers in his hair, dragging his head back, for him to come back. Sage blinked and whined in his throat, needing—needing—
Xavier looked down at him. Sage looked back hungrily before Xavier swore through his breath, took hold of his cock and pushed it into Sage’s mouth.
God. Sage loved the way it filled his mouth, loved the way Xavier’s fingers cradled his skull, firm and forceful. He closed his eyes and licked across that slick head, another explosion of familiar flavors and sensations. It had been so long. He slurped and sucked, relishing the taste of Xavier’s pre-come as his world narrowed to the cock in his mouth. Xavier grunted, his fingers flexing in Sage’s hair. Sage sucked the cock harder, taking it deeper, fucking his mouth further and further down, his own cock hard, aching and throbbing. It wasn’t enough. He wanted more. He wanted something different.
Sage slid his hands back, under the firm curve of Xavier’s ass, feeling the tension in his body. Sage tugged and Xavier almost over-balanced, cock thrusting deep; Sage couldn’t breathe for a moment, but the sound Xavier made, pained and utterly desperate and just loud enough was worth every twinge in his jaw, worth the light-headedness of breathing only through his nose, fast and ragged.
But a moment later—too soon—Xavier recovered, his weight pushing back, pulling out—
No.
Sage opened his mouth wider and looked up to meet Xavier’s glazed eyes.
Fuck me. Fuck me.
Xavier inhaled sharply.
“I can’t control myself,” Xavier gritted out. “Not now. I’ll hurt you, dammit.”
Then hurt me.
Looking him in the eye, Sage tugged Xavier’s hips again, making Xavier thrust between his lips, making him do it again, stronger, harder, until Xavier finally gave in and let himself go—until he held Sage’s head in place and fucked his mouth, hard and cruel. Sage moaned around the cock, enjoying the way it stretched him, the way it felt, close to gagging and unable to breathe, a shudder running through his body and making his cock strain painfully at the front of his pants. He’d needed this. To be used like a thing, like a hole. Like his thing.
Now Xavier’s thrusts were far more erratic, but that only made it so much better—the knowledge that he was vulnerable, completely helpless, and completely at Xavier’s mercy as Xavier’s cock pushed against the back of his throat. Xavier could choke him—he could do anything to him. He wouldn’t, but he could, and that made Sage shiver.
Sage could feel Xavier was close, could feel it in Xavier’s stuttering, frantic rhythm. He was ready for it when Xavier started fucking his mouth harder, his thrusts becoming uncontrolled, Sage’s throat stretching to accommodate the thrusting cock being pushed in and out of it. Xavier gripped Sage’s hair harder and rammed his cock at his throat, pushing into the tight channel; he groaned, sounding almost pained, and bucked his hips, coming into the back of Sage’s mouth. Sage swallowed his come greedily, hungry, starved for it. God.
With a soft sigh, Sage let the softening cock slip out slowly.
A hand cupped his cheek, and Sage rubbed against it like a cat, his skin tight and oversensitive.
“Good boy,” Xavier whispered hoarsely.
Sage’s eyes snapped open as the reality came crashing down on him. He had just sucked off his ex-cellmate in the middle of a public park, like some—some cock-hungry little bitch. If anyone had seen it, if anyone knew—if Laura knew—
Sickening guilt twisted his stomach, and Sage staggered to his feet, flushed and still painfully hard.
“This— this never happened,” he croaked out. “This was a mistake. Leave me alone. I’m straight.”
Xavier zipped up and yanked Sage to him. “You can tell yourself whatever you want,” he said in a low voice, gripping Sage’s chin hard. “But you’re mine. You’ll always be mine. That’s why you sucked my dick. Because it belongs in your mouth.” His other hand kneaded Sage’s ass, confident and proprietary. His voice dropped, “It belongs inside you.”
Sage couldn’t stop a moan as Xavier slipped a finger under the waistband of his jeans to stroke between his buttocks.
“Fuck off,” he said weakly, but his body was pushing back against the finger and his knees were weak. He wanted. Wanted him—
No. Laura.
Breathing hard, Sage staggered back. “Leave me alone. I have a girlfriend. I—I love her.”
Xavier’s lips twisted. “Keep telling yourself that when you jerk off thinking of me fucking you.”
He turned around and walked away.
Sage leaned back against the nearest tree and closed his eyes, still shaking with need, hate and guilt.
He didn’t know who hated more at the moment: Xavier or himself.
* * *
Sage told himself he wouldn’t do it. He wasn’t going to jerk off and think of Xavier’s fucking him. He wouldn’t do it. He wasn’t Xavier’s thing, not anymore. He was normal. A normal guy.
But later that night, as he lay in his bed, Sage found his fingers slipping down to stroke his asshole. He massaged it and pushed a finger inside, the sensation going straight to his cock. Before long, he was finger-fucking himself, small, half-broken moans leaving his lips as he imagined Xavier’s heavy body on top of him as Xavier fucked him hard, harder, so good.
He came embarrassingly fast without even touching his cock, clenching around his fingers, and still needing so badly despite coming. Still starved.
“I hate you,” he whispered into the darkness.
I need you.
* * *
Someone once said most people would rather deny a hard truth than face it.
Sage wasn’t in denial. At least he didn’t think he was in denial. He was honest enough with himself to admit that he couldn’t be completely straight aft
er a year of taking it up the ass and…not hating it. He certainly couldn’t be completely straight after what happened in the park yesterday.
The problem was, Sage didn’t identify himself as gay, either. Men did nothing for him. Sage had even checked out the guys at work, but he didn’t feel even a glimmer of attraction to any of them, no matter how good-looking they were.
Hell, he had even bought some gay porn.
And gay porn was gross. And boring. At least that was the conclusion Sage came to after an hour of watching it.
Bored out of his mind, he leaned back against the pillow and watched the movie disinterestedly. On the screen, two men were fucking. It didn’t turn him on in the slightest. There was nothing arousing about watching a dick move in and out of someone’s hairy asshole.
Definitely not gay, then. Still straight.
But instead of making him feel relieved, the thought just made him uneasy and confused. He didn’t get it.
Sighing, Sage turned the TV off.
Closing his eyes, he thought of Laura. Her plush soft lips. Her silky skin. Her full breasts. The way she felt under him. Her wet, tight opening.
His dick remained soft.
Solid, heavy body pinning him down, strong hands pushing his thighs apart, firm lips kissing him, bruising him—
Sage opened his eyes, glanced at the bulge in his shorts and swore through his teeth. For fuck’s sake.
* * *
“All right, what’s going on?”
His girlfriend’s voice was very even. Controlled. Her lovely face was inscrutable as she stared at him from the doorway.
Reluctantly, Sage stepped aside, letting Laura enter his apartment. “I don’t know what you mean,” he said, awkwardly, unable to meet her eyes. His stomach churned. He’d never thought he’d be that guy.
Laura laughed. It was an empty, jarring sound. “I’m not stupid. You’ve been avoiding me for the past week. Ever since—ever since the sex.”
Straight Boy: A Short Story Page 3