He grimaced. He’d already completely forgotten about their unsuccessful attempt to fix their sex life. “It’s not that.”
“Then what?” she snapped.
Sighing, Sage turned away, walked to the couch and flopped onto it. Stretching out on his back, he closed his eyes and ran a hand over his face.
“Don’t you dare ignore me!”
“I’m not ignoring you,” Sage murmured. “Just trying to man up and tell you the truth.”
A pause. “The truth?”
“Yeah. I didn’t tell you something.” Sage bit the inside of his cheek so hard he tasted blood. “You’ve probably heard the rumors—about things that happen in prison.” She inhaled sharply, but he continued before he could lose the nerve, “When I was in prison, I had sex with a man. I was his—his bitch. He fucked me whenever he wanted. He ordered me to do things. He used me. He basically owned me. And everyone knew.”
The minutes stretched on, the silence weighing heavily between them in a way that it had never had before.
At last, Laura spoke, but her reaction was different from what he had expected.
“You should have told me,” she said hoarsely. “I suspected something like that happened. You should have told me. It wasn’t your fault. You have nothing to be ashamed of—”
“I liked it.”
His face was hot. He didn’t look at her. Couldn’t.
“What?” she whispered.
Bracing himself, Sage finally did look at her. “I liked it,” he repeated, holding her gaze. Strange, but now that he’d admitted it, it was easier. “It embarrassed me, it made me angry, it was humiliating as hell, but deep down, I liked it. I liked being his thing.”
Laura opened her mouth and closed it.
“I liked being fucked,” he heard himself say. He felt as though someone else had taken control of his mouth. Or maybe it was him. Maybe he wanted to shock her, to disgust her, to make her lash out at him. He deserved it.
She stared at him. “Why are you— why are you telling me this? Are you saying you’re gay now?”
Sage chuckled harshly, sat up, and ran a hand over his eyes. “No. Don’t think so. Guys do nothing for me. I even watched gay porn. Maybe it was just bad porn, but it didn’t turn me on at all. So I’m still straight. But…”
“But?”
He averted his gaze. There were still some things that were hard to admit to one’s girlfriend. But after what happened in the park, the problem was impossible to ignore. Sage’s lips twisted. “But I know I’ll end up under him if gets anywhere near me again.”
Silence.
The steady ticking of the clock on the wall was the only sound in the room.
“Are you— were you in love?”
Sage blinked. The question honestly startled him. Love? Xavier?
“Of course not,” he said with a snort. Then, for some reason, he remembered something Xavier had said in the park. Baby. Sage’s stomach did a flip-flop. “Of course not,” he repeated, with less certainty.
“Is he still in prison?” Laura asked.
“No.” Sage hesitated, choosing his words carefully. His stomach twisted into a tight knot that crawled up his throat and settled there. “I ran into him a few days ago.”
“And?”
Sage met her eyes and flushed.
Her breathing hitched. “Oh my god.”
“I’m sorry,” he said, his voice clipped. “I never meant for it to happen. It’s just—when I saw him—when I saw him, I couldn’t stop it. I—I—”
“Shut up. Just shut up.” Laura glowered at him. “I waited a year for you—”
“I didn’t ask you to!”
“I waited a year for you,” she said again, her voice shaking a little. “But you— you— If you expect me to forgive you, fucking think again!”
“I don’t expect you to forgive me,” Sage said tightly. “I have no right.”
“Damn right you don’t.” Her shoulders sagged. She shook her head. “That’s— That’s it. I’m done. We’re done.” She headed for the door.
“I’m sorry,” Sage said quietly when she put her hand on the doorknob.
“You should be,” she said and walked out.
* * *
“Laura left me.”
His therapist’s gaze was sharp and probing. Dr. Richardson said, “She did? Why?”
“I told her about Xavier.” Sage looked down at his hands. “About what happened in prison.”
“I see. I gather she didn’t take it well.”
Sage shook his head, his lips twisting. “She took it quite well, actually. Until I told her I ran into him a few days ago and—and couldn’t help myself.”
Silence.
“Do you feel guilty?” Dr. Richardson said at last.
Frowning, Sage looked up. “What do you think? Of course I feel guilty.”
She held his gaze. “Do you feel guilty for hurting her? Or do you feel guilty for still wanting him, despite feeling that you shouldn’t?”
Sage moistened his lips with his tongue. “I… I don’t know. Probably both.”
She cocked her head, regarding him thoughtfully. “Why do you feel you shouldn’t want him?”
“Because—because he’s a man.” Sage shook his head. “No, it’s not that. He messed me up. Messed everything up. I mean, I was normal before. I knew what I wanted from life. I had a girlfriend I loved, planned to marry her at some point, have kids—normal things, you know. But he fucked me up and now I want all the wrong things. Things I shouldn’t want.”
The look Dr. Richardson gave him could only be described as patient. “Sage,” she said softly. “There’s no such thing as normal. There is no definition of normal. Normal is subjective. You can’t—and shouldn’t—force yourself to want something ‘normal’ and stop wanting what you truly want. It’s a sure way to make your life miserable.”
Sage shook his head. “You don’t understand. It’s not like I’m homophobic or something. It’s not what bothers me the most.”
“Then what?”
Sage looked out the window. It was getting dark. He stared at the moon and said,
“When I saw him, it was like—like— I couldn’t think at all. It was frightening. It was unhealthy. I just wanted—needed it. Wanted him to use me and to—to…I couldn’t think.” Just wanted to crawl under his skin and have him consume me.
“I don’t want this,” he whispered, clenching his fists. “I don’t.”
* * *
There was no logical reason for him to go through the park again. Yes, it was the shortest way home, but he rarely used it. There were other shortcuts. Safer.
Yet the next evening after his visit to the therapist, Sage found himself walking home through the park. He wasn’t hoping to run into Xavier again. He wasn’t. It just… There was no reason for him not to use this shortcut. If he had met Xavier here once, it didn’t mean he would run into him again. Maybe it had really been a chance encounter and Xavier hadn’t been stalking him. Maybe he would never see Xavier again.
The park was empty and eerily quiet. The sound of his footsteps seemed unnaturally loud. Creepy. Sage shoved his hands into his pockets and quickened his stride, looking around.
“Looking for someone?” A heavy hand landed on his shoulder and shoved him against the nearest tree.
Sage glared at Xavier. The lamppost’s light was poor and he could barely make out Xavier’s expression. “Not you.”
The corner of Xavier’s mouth curled up. “Could have fooled me.”
His grip on his shoulder was painful. Sage sucked a breath through his gritted teeth. “Are you stalking me?”
Chuckling, Xavier put the other hand over Sage’s head and leaned in. “Newsflash,” he murmured, his warm breath almost brushing Sage’s lips. “The world doesn’t revolve around you, Blue Eyes.”
“Oh yeah?” Sage said, grabbing a fistful of Xavier’s hair. “So it’s a coincidence, then? You just happened to take a walk here?”
/> “Sarcasm doesn’t suit you,” Xavier said, his hand shifting from Sage’s shoulder to his throat and squeezing it lightly. Sage shivered. Xavier smiled. “If you must know, I actually work not far from here.”
Sage blinked. The idea of Xavier doing something as normal as working was strange. Hell, the fact that Xavier wasn’t an inmate anymore was strange. Sage still couldn’t quite wrap his mind around it. And it totally didn’t help that Xavier was so close—it was distracting. More distracting than it should have been.
Sage turned his head, so that Xavier’s breath brushed only his cheek, and said stiffly, “It doesn’t explain why you’re all over me. What happened a few days ago was a mistake. I’m not— I’m not like that.”
Xavier grazed his teeth along Sage’s jawline. Sage squeezed his eyes shut. “I’m sure you aren’t,” Xavier murmured, trailing his parted lips over his cheek, to his ear.
Sage clenched Xavier’s hair tighter in his fist. “I’m not.”
“You aren’t,” Xavier said into his ear before biting his earlobe and sucking it into his mouth. A small noise left Sage’s lips. He was shivering.
“Don’t,” he managed, trying to open his eyes, trying to make himself push Xavier away. His body didn’t obey.
Xavier’s hand slid down Sage’s bare arm, sending goosebumps all over his skin. His nose pressed against the side of Sage’s face. Nuzzled there. “You smell nice, Blue Eyes.”
You, too. He nearly said it, because Xavier’s subtle, masculine scent was driving him crazy. He wanted—he needed—
Sage turned his head, blindly seeking Xavier’s lips. He wanted to be kissed. Wanted Xavier’s tongue in his mouth. In him.
But Xavier pulled away and straightened up.
Gasping, Sage opened his eyes and blinked, trying to make out that shadowed face in the dim light of the lamppost.
Xavier wasn’t looking at him. He was looking aside, his jaw clenched. Tension was coming off him in almost visible waves. Tension and anger.
Realizing his hand was still tangled in Xavier’s hair, Sage removed it.
Xavier flinched and looked back at him, dark eyes boring into him and making him hot all over.
They stared at each other, their breathing harsh and uneven.
Xavier took Sage’s chin with his fingers. Sage hated how the simple touch made him tremble again.
Xavier’s jaw tightened. Yes, he looked angry. With Sage? With himself?
“I’m going to fuck you,” Xavier said in a conversational tone at odds with the tense expression on his face. “I’m going to fuck you and get this out of my system.”
Sage swallowed. This was a terrible idea. But on the other hand, getting this out of his system sounded like a very good idea.
Sage took a step away, looked back at Xavier, and then headed to his apartment. He heard footsteps behind him, felt Xavier’s heavy gaze with his skin—the skin that suddenly seemed tight and oversensitive.
The walk home seemed both endless and over too soon. Sage was painfully aware of the man walking behind him, of every sound he made, every breath he took. Sage’s skin was hot, his mouth was dry, and his dick ached. He’d never wanted anyone to the point of being unable to string two thoughts together—besides just getting home and getting under Xavier.
Finally, they were there.
Sage’s fingers shook as he pulled out his key to unlock he door. He could acutely feel Xavier’s body behind him. Sage didn’t turn around; he didn’t trust himself. He opened the door, went inside and headed straight to the bedroom. Switching on the bedside lamp, Sage finally turned around.
“Take your clothes off and lie on the bed,” Xavier said hoarsely, unbuttoning his shirt.
Sage’s mouth watered as he watched. He wanted to press his face into all that dark fuzz and start kissing his way down.
“Take off your clothes,” Xavier repeated, his eyes gleaming darkly.
Right.
Sage discarded his T-shirt, then unbuttoned his fly, sitting on the bed to tug his shoes off one by one before kicking his pants and boxers off and moving back to lie in the center of the mattress.
The bed creaked as Sage shifted his body, spreading his legs a little. He couldn’t deny that he liked how it made Xavier stare, his breathing uneven.
It made him giddy. Vulnerable and powerful all at once.
Xavier pulled out a tube of K-Y Jelly from his pocket and tossed it onto the bed.
Sage licked his dry lips. “You want me to—?”
“No. I’ll do it.” Xavier’s voice was clipped as his eyes roamed all over Sage.
Xavier undressed quickly and soon stood naked and magnificent before him, his toned, powerful body the definition of masculinity with his thick cock standing out hard. Sage licked his lips again, staring at Xavier’s cock. His own started to throb.
Xavier walked over and took the lube. “Roll over. Put a pillow under your hips.” Xavier’s voice was tense but controlled.
Sage was panting as he complied. He knew Xavier was looking at him, looking at his ass. It made him blush—and turned him on even more. Xavier loved his ass; Sage knew that.
Sage took a shaky breath in as Xavier’s slick finger touched between his cheeks, smearing the lube around his hole before suddenly shoving inside.
He yelped. “Are you crazy?”
“You can take it. We both know it. I’ve waited long enough.” Xavier leaned down and kissed the dimples above his ass, his hot mouth inches from his pumping finger. Sage felt his hole getting slick, relaxing and clenching around Xavier’s finger. He moaned a little as Xavier pushed another finger into him and humped his hips back against Xavier’s hand, panting. “Come on—enough. Need it.”
“What do you need?”
“Huh?”
“Tell me what you need.”
Sage swallowed, barely able to think, and said, his voice hoarse and breathy, “Your dick.”
“What about my dick?”
“Don’t be an asshole.”
“Say it.” Xavier’s fingers pushed against his prostate, sending pleasure running from the tips of Sage’s toes straight to his leaking cock. Sage gasped and panted into the blanket, desperate for more.
“Want it in me.” Sage opened his eyes, turning his head to look into Xavier’s dark, nearly feral eyes. “Fuck me,” he whispered. “Want you to fuck me.” I missed it. Missed this.
Xavier stared at him like a starved man at a feast. “Look at you, Blue Eyes. I’ve seen bitches in heat with more dignity.”
It should have humiliated him. Being called that word again. Bitch. But right now, he felt exactly like a bitch. He wanted to be fucked. He needed to be fucked. Wanted to have Xavier inside of him. He needed it.
Xavier pulled his fingers out and moved to straddle Sage’s legs, rubbing the lube remaining on his fingers into his cock.
Sage bit his lip as Xavier grabbed his hip with one hand and pressed the head of his cock against Sage’s hole with the other. He pushed inside, his thick cock forcing him to accept him, to take him, until he bottomed out, balls against Sage’s cheeks.
Xavier wasn’t gentle. He wasn’t gentle at all, but he didn’t need to be. It hurt, but Sage didn’t mind. Xavier’s hands moved along Sage’s back to push him down hard into the mattress, and Sage whimpered. It was precisely what he had dreamed about on all those nights—being powerless, pinned to the mattress under Xavier’s weight as Xavier used him for his pleasure.
Xavier pulled out and then drove into him with an animalistic growl. “Damn—” One of Xavier’s hands moved to grip the back of Sage’s neck as Xavier started to fuck him in earnest. God. His cock felt perfect in him. So good.
Sage let out a long moan as Xavier shifted his hips and pumped into him harder, grazing that spot inside him that made Sage shudder and whine.
“You missed this,” Xavier said, thrusting deep into him; Sage gave a stuttering cry as Xavier’s fingers tightened around his neck. “You missed this, Straight Boy.”
&n
bsp; Sage didn’t deny that. He couldn’t. He was close already. His balls tightened and he could feel the heat of orgasm building inside of him as Xavier slammed into him over and over, keeping him on the edge. Sage’s body rang with the joy of being pinned down and vulnerable like this, a terrifyingly strong orgasm beginning to build up, and up.
“Yes, that’s it,” Xavier grunted into his ear. “You’re going to come, just from getting fucked, Blue Eyes.” Xavier slammed his cock against his prostate, again and again. “My slut—fucking mine—” And then, softer, “Mine—”
Sage’s body exploded; he sobbed and cried out, his body bucking beneath Xavier’s as he came into the pillow, clenching so hard on Xavier’s cock that Xavier grunted in pain. Xavier started running his hands over Sage’s trembling frame, prolonging his pleasure as the hips against his circled in a slow grind.
“You really are a slut for it,” he murmured, a hint of amusement in his voice.
Sage just mumbled something unintelligible, gasping for air, his body still trembling with the aftershocks.
Xavier pulled out of him only long enough to guide his boneless body onto his back before pushing into him to the hilt once more.
“Fuck you,” Sage managed belatedly, still having trouble thinking straight. “Am not.”
“If you say so.” Xavier’s eyes looked feral. “Now shut up and spread your legs. I’m not done yet.”
Sage did as told, watching Xavier’s face as Xavier moved on top of him, inside him. Xavier’s cheeks were flushed, bringing a warmth to his chiseled face, his dark hair hanging over his forehead as Xavier clenched his jaw. Xavier’s eyes closed as his thrusts picked up speed and force, moving from controlled strokes to wild thrusts. His face pulled tight with pleasure, and harsh groans escaped from his throat.
Sage watched, transfixed, and couldn’t look away. Then he reached up with unsteady fingers to touch Xavier’s face.
Xavier’s eyes flew open at the touch and he stared down at Sage with a frightening intensity before he threw his head back and came with a guttural groan, burying himself in Sage’s ass.
Sage sighed in pleasure as Xavier collapsed on top of him. He was heavy, but Sage didn’t mind. He didn’t mind at all. He had missed this. The weight of his body, the scent, the pressure, the feeling of security. The rest of the world seemed very far away.
Straight Boy: A Short Story Page 4