The Beebo Brinker Omnibus

by Ann Bannon

  “He didn’t lose her,” Jack said. “Venus said Leo explained things to him at the hospital. It shook him up pretty badly, but he came out of it on Venus’s side. That Bogardus must be a wise man. Venus said he didn’t say one bitter word about you. Anyway, Toby ended up wanting to comfort her. She said it saved her life. She couldn’t have stood to lose you both in one day.

  “Toby doesn’t know what to think about you, and maybe he never will.”

  “That will draw him closer to Venus, at least,” Beebo said. “I don’t like to think he’d ever hate me. But there’s some comfort in knowing I brought him and his mother together. It’s a funny thing…all of a sudden she seems as remote and inaccessible as—as the California sunshine. The end of the rainbow. Jack, I hate to give up the pot of gold.”

  She bent her head and shut her eyes a moment. When she looked up she asked, “How’s Pasquini doing?”

  “Got a new driver—a boy,” Jack shrugged. “Marie can still cook. I don’t know about Pete. He’s a scared little man. I guess that’s what makes him so vindictive. He feels brave hurting somebody who can’t hurt back.”

  “He and Mona sent the scoop to Hollywood, didn’t they?”

  “They did. They called me about it later. They were that sure of themselves.” He studied her face. “Venus told me about the boxing match with Leo. He must have given you those bruises.”

  “It’s all right,” Beebo said, touching her face. “I gave him some, too.”

  Jack lighted a cigarette. “There’s one more thing, honey,” he said. “Your brother.” He spoke carefully in an effort to keep from alarming her.

  “Jim?” Beebo said, grimacing. “God, I suppose he read about all this, too. Did he tell Dad?”

  “No,” Jack said. “Somebody sent your father the news, but he never saw it. I suppose it was Mona.”

  “Damn it, why does that girl enjoy persecuting me? All I ever did was get my wires crossed on a date with her once. I can’t understand—”

  “You will,” Jack promised her. “Beebo, listen to me. Your father…never knew.”

  She looked at him, suddenly white-faced, and whispered, “Oh, Jesus. Oh, God. Jack? He’s dead, isn’t he?”

  “I guess I shouldn’t have told you tonight,” Jack said. “Coming on top of the rest, maybe it’s too much.”

  “No,” she said, breaking down and crying a little. “Do you know, Jack, I’m almost glad. I’m sick that I wasn’t with him at the end—if I’d known it was so close I’d have come back. But that poor unhappy man went through too much over me as it was. I think—I hope—that he knew why I left him. Maybe he seized the chance to lay his burdens down.

  “Oh, I don’t mean he’d kill himself. But he kept himself alive through sheer will power, to help me out of my scrapes. After I left, he was free to surrender. For all he ever knew, I ended up the doctor he hoped I’d be.” She shook her head. “Such a good man. So kind, so humanly frail. I loved him, Jack.”

  “I got quite a biography of him from Jim,” Jack said. “His drinking, his poverty, his tantrums. Jim’s bitter as hell.”

  “I was the cause of most of it,” Beebo said. “What happened to Jim?”

  “He sent me a letter from the University of Wisconsin. He said your father didn’t have any money, but you could have any of his belongings you wanted. If he doesn’t hear from you before the end of this month he’s going to sell what he can and throw out the rest.”

  “Is that all?”

  “He said he was sorry for you but he never wants to lay eyes on you again.”

  She laughed sourly. “I’ll bet,” she said. “That’s the nicest he’s ever put it, too. I never loved him, Jack, but he’s all the family I have, and he’s no family at all. It’s too bad…but he’s right. We’re poison together. I guess I’ll let him sell Dad’s things. I have his picture and my memories. They’re worth more to me than some worn-out furniture.”

  She fell into bed soon after, lying in the familiar warmth and watching Jack move around the room. She envied the fullness and strength of his arms and chest.

  When the lights were out she asked him softly, “Jack? How’s Paula Ash?”

  “Pretty lonesome.”

  “Do you see her at all?”

  “All the time. We shore each other up.”

  “What do you do together?”

  “Talk about Pat and Beebo.”

  Beebo smiled faintly in the dark. “Is that all? Does she hate me?”

  “No, little pal.”

  “Does she…love me?”

  “You’ll have to ask Paula that one.”

  “Jack, is she living with anybody?”

  “She was. The girl with the Plaid Pajamas moved in for a while.” Beebo felt an odd melancholy that had nothing to do with her father or Venus. “Have you met her? Plaid Pajamas?”

  “Yes.”

  “Who is she?”

  “Nobody you’d go for. Didn’t Paula tell you about her?”

  “Not much.”

  “Well, you’ll meet her one of these days,” he said.

  That was all she could get out of him.

  Beebo spent the next week resting and living quietly out of sight. She had no plans for wild revenge against Pete and Mona; only the wish to forget, to learn to live with herself again.

  Venus was often in her thoughts and would be for a long time. But more and more, as the hurt faded, she found herself preoccupied with Paula. Paula, so real and so faithful; so unlike the fairy-tale princess, Venus, who had vanished inevitably into Never-Never Land. Beebo had crashed back to earth, and she wanted a real girl in her arms.

  The cackling in the papers about the Bogardus-Brinker affair made life awkward for her for a while, with reporters trying to scout her down and people whispering about her wherever she went. But the talk was slowly yielding at the other end of the country to Venus’s surprising dignity. She appeared in public at Leo’s side emphasizing the duration of their life together. Both of them swore that their marriage had never been stronger, and in a way, it was true. They needed each other extremely then.

  The official story was that Beebo was a young woman who had taken a job on the household staff and subsequently became a close friend of Toby’s. Nobody was aware that she was harboring a feverish crush on Venus. When the situation blew up in their faces, Venus and Leo were as startled and shocked as the rest of the movie colony. They expressed their sympathy for their unfortunate young friend and hoped she could find a happier life somewhere else.

  “No one who knows me will believe that there was anything between this poor girl and myself except a friendly relationship based on her closeness to my son,” Venus was quoted. And Beebo, reading the statement, could picture Leo writing and rewriting it at the desk in his library, with a cigar fuming in his mouth and a glass of orange juice nearby.

  Somehow, Leo brought it off—partly by expending huge sums on public relations and partly by exploiting Toby’s illness: he hinted broadly that unless the furor died down, the boy’s health was in danger of permanent damage.

  Beebo shed a few tears over it in private. But it was, after all, as merciful towards her as Leo and Venus dared to make it. Her picture was kept out of the papers. She still had some anonymity in this biggest of all big cities.

  It had been two weeks since she returned to New York; weeks spent resting and job-hunting. Beebo was tense throughout the day, for that night the second segment of Million Dollar Baby was scheduled for showing. It was the one in which Venus sang “I’m Putting My All on You”—the song Leo and Beebo had coaxed out of her that night in the recreation room.

  Beebo tried all day to forget about it. But when she came home again that night without a job, Jack had to cheer her up with a cold martini. “When are you going to call Paula?” he said casually.

  “Paula who?” she said with a little smile.

  Jack pinched her amiably in the arm. “She wants to see you. This would be a dandy night not to watch television.”<
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  “How do you know Paula wants to see me?”

  “Well, if she hadn’t called to say so, I’d still know. I’m telepathic.”

  “You’re psychopathic. What am I supposed to do, go over there and beat the daylights out of Miss Plaid Pajamas? You said they were living together.”

  “Were—past tense. I don’t know what the situation is now, with you home. Anyway, pal, what’s the matter with you? Afraid of a little fight? Or isn’t Paula worth it?”

  “What are you promoting it for, Jackson? Taking bets?”

  “If the Pajamas are still hanging around, you can take her with one hand behind your back. Leo must have taught you something.”

  “And after I kayo her, then what do I do?”

  “You claim the fair damsel, stupe,” Jack said. “Jesus, you’re thick sometimes, Beebo.” He chuckled at her.

  Beebo sobered slightly. “Jack, I’m not so sure. I mean, I hurt Paula. I was damned unfair and unfeeling with her.”

  “Really? Unfeeling?”

  “I ditched her for what must seem like the cheapest kind of affair, when Paula needed me and Venus only wanted me.”

  “You’re ashamed of yourself. Is that why you’re stalling? Beebo, don’t you know a girl in love is always ready to forgive her lover?”

  “Provided the lover’s in love with her,” Beebo said.

  “Well, aren’t you? Not one letter did I get from California that you didn’t fret and worry over Paula Ash.”

  Beebo looked at him. “I’ve been thinking about just two people for the past two weeks: Venus and Paula. And every day, it’s more Paula and less Venus. And yet I think if Venus were to call and say, ‘Come back, I can’t stand it without you—I’d go.”

  “No, you wouldn’t, pal. You’ve learned too much.” Jack nodded at the phone. “Besides, she’ll never call. Venus Bogardus isn’t real any more. She’s the doll millions of us will watch and covet tonight on TV. And you’re just one of the millions now.”

  Beebo felt momentarily swamped with frustration. Gradually she became aware of Jack’s voice saying, “Paula doesn’t belong to the public or a bank or a one-track husband. She doesn’t have any of those things. Paula can get up when the show is over and turn the set off, and come back to your side, ready for love. Venus will be gone forever with a turn of the knob.”

  Beebo lighted a cigarette to cover her emotion. “Maybe I should call Paula. The least I can do is apologize. But I don’t want to see her till I’m sure—”

  “Sure of what?” Jack said. “Loving her? Beebo, you can wait a lifetime trying to be sure of love. You didn’t wait to be sure of Venus. I didn’t wait to be sure of Pat.”

  “And look how those affairs turned out,” she said.

  “If we had waited, we wouldn’t have known any happiness at all with them. I still love Pat. We’re friends and I think we always will be. Venus loves you, Beebo, and the things you gave her are the most precious in her life. Because of her, you’re growing up a little, at last. Would you rather it had never happened, just because it hurt?”

  She glanced at him, puzzled. “No. But I don’t want to hurt Paula any more. She doesn’t deserve anything but my love, and I don’t know if I can give her that yet.”

  “Well, she can give you hers. And right now, that makes her the strong one. You need love and it’s her joy to give it. Maybe the gift will transform the recipient. That’s what happened to Venus.”

  “God, if I could make myself love her, I would,” Beebo said, but Jack laughed at her.

  “Hell, honey, that’s her job,” he said. “Be honest with her and she’ll take it from there. If she’s willing to risk a love affair with you now, knowing all she knows, you have nothing to be ashamed of.”

  Beebo doused her cigarette. “Can you eat all that hamburger by yourself?” she said, pointing at it.

  “Without the slightest strain.” He smiled at her.

  “Okay,” she said, answering the smile reluctantly. “I’m going calling. But if I come back here tonight with two black eyes and a broken heart, by God, Mann, you’re going to pay for it.”

  “I can’t wait,” he said.

  Beebo threw a plastic saucer at him, which he fielded deftly, and left with his laughter in her ears.

  She walked through the night air, crisp and cold enough to crack if you just knew how to grasp it, all the way to McDonald Street. It was easy enough to find Paula’s building. Not so easy to go in and ring her bell.

  Beebo looked at the small black button for several minutes before she pressed it. When the answer sounded at once, she wondered if Jack had called to forewarn Paula. She opened the door and walked down the hall with the feeling of reliving in life what she had once dreamed an eon ago.

  Paula’s door was open as it had been the night they met. A slice of light lay across the hall. Beebo felt her heart beating higher in her chest. Soon Paula would appear in a pair of plaid pajamas that weren’t hers, and say sleepily, “Yes?”

  But she didn’t. Beebo stopped at her door and waited. She could feel Paula’s presence somewhere just inside the room. Finally she glanced in, blinking at the light. Paula was leaning against the far wall, facing the door. Her hair had grown quite long in the few months since they had seen each other, and it washed over her pink silk shoulders in an auburn tide.

  Her eyes were enormous and there was a flush of love and fear in her cheeks. She wasn’t just pretty. She was so lovely that Beebo’s breath caught in her throat. Everything Paula felt and feared and hoped for shone on her face.

  Beebo stood in the doorway, her hands characteristically shoved into her pockets, her bright blue eyes fixed on this gentle girl who, incredibly, learned to love her in three days and loved her still after three months.

  “Paula,” Beebo said. “Are you still my Paula?”

  “Still yours,” she answered.

  “I don’t see any plaid pajamas around,” Beebo said, but it was no wonder: she didn’t see anything around that room but Paula Ash.

  “She left,” Paula said. “The day you came home. I told her to leave. Oh, Beebo.” Paula shut her eyes, and when she opened them, Beebo was standing beside her, hesitating, absorbing the mystery of their attraction.

  “Paula, I feel as if I’m seeing you for the first time,” Beebo said. “I swear I do.”

  “I’m no match for the goddess,” Paula said, smiling without any malice. She was prompted by an innocent little-girl need to be admired and loved, so transparent that it charmed Beebo completely.

  “The goddess was no match for you.” Strangely, all at once, it was true. “Jack was right—you’re the real woman.” She closed the small space between them, taking Paula’s shoulders in her big hands and kissing her suddenly on the mouth. Paula put her arms around her, so hard Beebo could feel her quivering.

  “Paula—darling—I want to know just one thing,” Beebo said. “Where are your damn sleeping pills?”

  “I gave them to Jack the day you left,” Paula said. “Kiss me again, Beebo.” Beebo obeyed her gladly, over and over, rediscovering with her all the things they had learned to need and love in each other months before.

  When Paula took Beebo’s hands and turned them palms up to kiss, Beebo groaned with the delight she couldn’t hold back. “Paula,” she said, “oh, Paula. I came here like the self-centered idiot I am, thinking I could pay you off for what you’ve been through with a few silly kisses. Honey, I’m the one who wants them. I’m the one who needs them. I just didn’t have the sense to see it.”

  She was full of crazy joy that was part nostalgia, part relief, and mostly desire. The touch, the fragrance, the feel of this marvelous girl were beyond anything Beebo had remembered.

  Beebo picked her up and carried her into the bedroom, bending over her on the bed, her hands supporting her weight on either side of Paula’s face. “Oh, that hair, that mouth—Paula, I came so close to loving you before. And then…Jesus, she dazzled me. Honey, I was helpless with her.”
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br />   “Don’t explain, Beebo. I got through it somehow, and it’s over. Jack practically adopted me. We talked all night every night for a week after you left. He told me you’d be back, and he was so sure of it that I believed him. I knew you weren’t in love with me, but I knew you wanted me. And because of Jack, I never despaired. I wasn’t even afraid of Mona any more. She thought I was nuts, but—”

  “Mona! Has she been after you, too?” Beebo flared. “Hasn’t she hurt me enough? Does she have to take it out on you?”

  “You stood her up for me, remember?”

  “How could I forget?” Beebo leaned over to kiss her. “Unbutton me, Paula,” she whispered.

  Paula complied with a tremor. “Mona thought she owned me,” she said softly. “She shucked me off months before, but I wasn’t supposed to love anybody new for the rest of my life.”

  “Paula…” Beebo seized her hands and looked at her searchingly. “Are you trying to tell me—oh my God!—was Mona the girl in the plaid pajamas?”

  Paula nodded, still opening buttons until Beebo’s shirt slipped off. “She came back this fall when you left. She wanted information about you at first, but then she decided to live with me again. I let her do it. I supposed I was looking for a way to hurt you both. Make you jealous, and get even with Mona for the pain she gave me. She was astounded when I told her to get lost two weeks ago. She’s still waiting for you to snub me, and then she’ll come back to say, ‘I told you so.’”

  “That’s one thing she’ll never say,” Beebo said emphatically. “She won’t have the chance. How could you fall for a girl like that, darling? You so sweet all the way through, and Mona so sour?”

  “It’s you I love, Beebo. Let’s not talk about Mona.”

  Beebo kicked her slacks off, lying down beside Paula. “Did you know Mona was going to send that smear to the gossipists?” she asked.

  “Yes,” Paula confessed and shocked Beebo. “I’ll be truthful. This is the hardest thing I have to tell you, Beebo. I knew, and maybe I could have stopped her, I’m not sure. But I didn’t even try. I knew it would separate you and Venus. It would have come sooner or later, but I wanted you so awfully and this was the fastest way to do it. I couldn’t have done it to you myself. But when I found out what Mona and Pete were up to, I didn’t have the guts to stop them.”