Shalia's Diary Omnibus

by Tracy St. John

  Dusa turned dominating Dramok on Weln, making the Imdiko lie in the bed with me and Esak. Dusa sat in a chair, putting his feet up on another. “That doesn’t look comfortable,” I said.

  “Everyone be quiet and go to sleep,” he ordered, though he smiled at us. “I decide where I’m comfortable and who sleeps where. No more arguments.”

  I didn’t want to fight with any of them. Not when we were coming close to the end. I was a good little Shalia. I shut up and snuggled between Nobek and Imdiko, enjoying the warmth of the two bodies settling against mine. Though it wasn’t very late, I was asleep only seconds afterward.

  October 23

  Aw, isn’t this sweet? I finally have a real friend...I think. I hope.

  It all started as I headed for Medical to see how Mom was doing. I’d opted to walk this morning instead of taking the shuttle. The heat had fled before the first chill of autumn, and I was enjoying the crisp air. I was so busy concentrating on how amazing it felt not to sweat that I didn’t notice the perky blonde hurrying to catch up to me until she was practically in my face.

  She was cute as a button with her shoulder-length hair, blue eyes, and pert little nose. Her cherub’s face wore a brilliant smile. I judged her to be about my age. She was dressed for the cooler temperatures with a light woolen coat, corduroy trousers, and ankle boots.

  When she saw I was aware of her, her smile grew into a brilliant beam. She started talking immediately.

  “Shalia Monroe? You hang out with a couple of Kalquorians named Dusa and Esak, right? And the commander of this peanut gallery, that big stern Nang? I’m Candy Dixon. Can I walk with you? Do you mind?”

  It took me a couple of moments to catch up to the rapid-fire questions she shot at me. By the time I’d recovered, Candy was falling in step, bouncing along next to me.

  “You’re going to Kalquor too, right? Please say you are. If you are, we can compare notes, stick together, keep an eye out for each other. I’m a terrible judge of character and need someone to make sure I don’t clan with a bunch of losers. Not that I’m talking about clanning for money or any of that kind of stuff. I mean I want good men, men who don’t act like jerks and treat a woman horribly. Nice guys. You know?”

  “Yes,” I managed. The blond tornado had blown every sensible notion out of my head. Stupidly, I said, “Your name is Candy?”

  She rolled her eyes theatrically. “Yes, my dad said I was the sweetest thing ever, so he insisted. Mom could never tell him no, so Candy it was. Your name is better. Shalia. So pretty. It rolls off the tongue. It sounds musical.”

  “Thanks.” I finally figured out how to be a part of the conversation. “Have you been here long?”

  “About a month, the same as you, right? You got here a week ahead of me. You know, you’re my hero. I couldn’t get up the guts to choose Kalquor when I wanted to until I heard about you working with the aliens.”

  “You’re joining a clan?” I sounded like the dullest tool in the shed, but Candy was hard to keep up with. Her statements piled on each another in her breathless, happy voice.

  “Yeah. People said nasty things about you, but I think you’re doing fine. I was pissed off when those bitches kidnapped your mom. I couldn’t believe that! Most people thought that was pretty low, even if they didn’t care for you. Now they’re becoming more understanding. They’re seeing the Kalquorians aren’t bogeymen and starting to relax a little. So here I am, being as brave as you and saying, yes, I’m fond of Kalquorians. I want to join a clan, and I don’t care how anybody judges me for it!”

  The woman was a conversational steamroller. Candy was well aware of how she presented herself, because she started laughing.

  “Shalia, I am an absolute motor mouth, so feel free to interrupt me when I start talking. I mean to make one comment, and then everything in my head just kind of blurts out with it. Don’t you feel sorry for the men who end up with me? Jesus, Mohammed, and Moses, I am going to be the last woman to find her clan. I’ll open my mouth, and they’ll all run away.”

  I had to laugh. I wanted to be suspicious of Candy, but she was too funny and adorable to invoke my cynical side. She laughed along with me.

  “You could take a breath now and again,” I said. “At least you’re upbeat.”

  “Oh, I’ve cried an ocean since Armageddon. Two oceans. I went a crazy for a while. Hiding and starving and scared of what would happen next...well, who wouldn’t go insane? I was alone.” Candy’s sunny disposition faltered for a moment. “All alone with nobody to talk to.”

  I felt sympathy for her. At least I’d had Mom. “What happened to your family?”

  “They lived in Atlanta. My brother and two sisters too.” Candy blinked hard. “There aren’t even any bodies to bury and say goodbye to.” She looked at me. “It was really our own bombs that went off?”

  “Yeah.” The old guilt hit me. I’d known but I hadn’t told, leaving people like Candy to mourn.

  “Bastards. Well, one nice thing; Holy Leader Copeland got a shock when he found himself in Hell.” Candy acted cheered by the thought. The bounce returned to her step. “Where are you off to?”

  “Medical. My mother had a stroke.” I was glad for the change of subject.

  “Oh no!” Candy took my arm and pulled close, as if she were an old, dear confidante. “I’m so sorry, Shalia. A stroke after what she went through with that whole abduction! Will she be all right?”

  “We believe so. Once she gets to Kalquor and sees their doctors, they hope to have her back to her old self.”

  “See? You and I are reasonable to adore them.” Candy glanced around and whispered to me, “Those Kalquorians are gorgeous. I must be a freak to think so, but I don’t care. The idea of being intimate with those big, strong men has got me crazy! Have you...you know?”

  Then her mouth flew open, and she went a deep shade of pink. “Oh, I am so sorry! That is none of my business. Tell me to shut up, Shalia. Don’t let me talk like that!”

  I laughed again. Candy was utterly, wonderfully ridiculous. I couldn’t help but want to shock her to discover how she would react. “As a matter of fact, I have been with them. I was with three of them last night.”

  Candy’s mouth was so wide open, a manhole would have been jealous. She shrieked and jumped up and down, jerking my arm as she did. “No! Were you really? Are they amazing or is it scary? Does it hurt? You have to tell me. I’m still a virgin.”

  Thank heavens nobody was nearby to hear her carrying on. “Candy, quiet down! Do you want everyone to hang us for being whores?”

  She clapped her hand over her mouth and checked our surroundings. “Sorry,” she whispered. “But I want to understand what it’s all about. My mom explained it all to me, in private of course. She said it wasn’t like what the nuns explained. That it wasn’t bad and ugly. That it was great when a man loved you. She said I should look forward to sex, not be afraid of it.”

  “She was correct, as long as you’re with the right man.”

  “Or men.” Candy giggled. “Three of them? Wow, that’s amazing.” She stared at me with something approaching awe. “Not at the same time, though. I mean, where would you put them all?”

  I lost it then. I stopped there on the path and howled until tears flowed down my cheeks. I don’t think I’ve laughed so hard in my entire life. It was then that I knew I wanted Candy for my friend.

  She stood there, grinning at me while I bent over double with the hilarity of the whole encounter. Finally I was able to continue on. Still gasping for breath, I looped my arm back in hers and tugged her down the path.

  I said, “Candy, it’s more complicated than the fact there are three men. I have so much to tell you about sex with Kalquorians.”

  We decided we’re going to get together for an extended talk as soon as I feel comfortable with Mom’s progress. I look forward to it.

  October 23, later

  Damn, what a day. Mom woke from a nap, looked at me sitting next to her, and started to cry. />
  I leaned over her. “Mom? Mom, are you hurting?”

  Her voice all slurry, she said, “No. No, Shalia. I’m so sad.”

  “Why Mom? What’s wrong?”

  “You’ve been such a good daughter, Shalia. I don’t deserve you.”

  It took a few seconds for me to decipher what she was saying, because she had trouble talking. Then I realized that Mom was lucid. The dementia had receded, leaving me with depressed Eve.

  “Don’t be silly, Mom. You know I love you.”

  “I know, but I’ve been so mean so often. I don’t want to be. I love you, Shalia. I want to be a decent mother.”

  When she’s like this, it’s smart to hide any pills in the house, along with the sharp objects. Mom couldn’t move and couldn’t act on her overwhelming guilt. Is it wrong that I was kind of grateful for the stroke that kept her safe from herself? Probably.

  She bawled for at least five minutes, apologizing to me all the while. She begged me to tell her it wasn’t too late for us to repair our relationship. As with all the episodes before, it was heartbreaking. But before, I’d had no real hope she would get better enough for us to be a real mother and daughter.

  Now there is Kalquor. No guarantees, but a strong ‘maybe’ that I will end up with the mother I was supposed to have. When she slipped back into her dementia state, I hung onto that hope. They can make her better. They can erase the effects of the stroke, reverse the dementia, remove her bipolar illness.

  It sounds like a tall order. Some or all of it might not happen. There’s a chance, and that’s more than we had before.

  Jeez, I need my life to not be so complicated. Can I get a break, please?

  October 26

  I haven’t written in a few days. I’m trying to wrap my head around what’s happening.

  First the good news: Esak is on his feet. He’s not allowed to work, but he’s getting better fast. Too fast, it turns out. Because once Medical clears him for travel, he and Dusa are leaving.

  Two nights ago, I went to their dorm to visit after sitting with Mom. When I got to their room, I found Weln sitting on the edge of Dusa and Esak’s bed, his expression filled with profound shock. Dusa sat next to him, with his arm wrapped about the Imdiko’s waist, looking grim. Esak lay glaring up at the ceiling as if it had done something to piss him off. To say the room was filled with tension would be putting it lightly.

  “Whatever it is, I don’t want to hear it,” I said. “Dad took me off the anti-depressants, so you’re all ordered to smile for Shalia.”

  Dusa squeezed Weln, and then let him go to stand and hug me. “My sweet, sweet, Earther,” he sighed.

  If all the sorrows in the world could be contained in a single sound, it would have been in Dusa’s sigh. I really didn’t want to know what was wrong. Too bad I hardly ever get my way.

  “We’ve been transferred, Shalia. Esak and I are being sent to the Atlanta rescue site to work.”

  “What? When?” I stared into Dusa’s face.

  “As soon as possible. Even though he won’t be able to work for a month, the doctors say Esak could be ready to make the move as early as next week.”

  “Gurlucks,” Esak growled.

  “Nobek.” Dusa’s tone was disapproving. He sighed again. “I can’t say I’m not in agreement with you.”

  “The Academy is understaffed as it is,” I protested. “We need Esak here. I need you guys here.”

  Dusa smiled a little at my words. “Atlanta is overwhelmed, with more people who need help than this location. You’re leaving in a few weeks anyhow. We knew we would be separated.”

  “Yeah, but–but this is too soon.” Tears prickled my eyes. “What about Weln?”

  “I have asked him to join my clan, and he has accepted. Getting him transferred will not be an issue.”

  “I’m not going right away.” The Imdiko’s voice was soft. “Not until after you and Matara Eve have left, Shalia.”

  Dusa smiled. “Weln has agreed to stay and keep an eye out for you and your mother on this clan’s behalf.”

  The look on Esak’s face was terrible, as if he was ready to be sick. “My Imdiko and Shalia left to fend for themselves here with attacks coming without warning? It’s not acceptable.”

  Dusa’s voice was sharp. “Shalia is a favorite of Commander Nang’s. She has bodyguards. She’ll be fine, as will Weln.”

  “Commander Nang,” I said, seeing a ray of hope. “I can ask him to delay the transfer.”

  Dusa gave me a smile. “You can try, but don’t be surprised if he cannot help. The commander in Atlanta outranks him. If he has called for additional resources, smaller sites like the Academy have no choice but to obey. The immediate areas around where the explosives went off receive top priority.”

  Dusa tugged me over to the bed, where I could be near the entire clan. “Meanwhile, we’ve decided to hold the official clanning ceremony here. Perhaps you can help us plan that.”

  “I don’t know the first thing about your clanning rituals,” I protested. My mind whirled over the unexpected news of Dusa and Esak’s looming departure.

  “There is no specific ritual for the ceremony itself. It’s up to the clan to speak their hearts and intentions to each other. It’s presided over by a temple priest, if wanted, and attended by those we ask to share in our happiness. Our families are back on Kalquor, so obviously they won’t be here.”

  Weln twisted his fingers in his lap. “They won’t even know for two weeks. That’s how long it takes a message to get from here to there. My mother will be beside herself. She didn’t realize I was serious about anyone.”

  “We’ll record the ceremony and send them the transmission,” Dusa said. He managed a grin for Esak. “I hope your family isn’t too worried when they see your head.”

  The Nobek shrugged. He was busy being mad. “I’m alive. They’ll appreciate that. Besides, I’ve sent them a vid showing them my marks of honor.”

  Dusa tried hard to keep our spirits up. “It will be a happy day. You are recovering, and Weln is our clanmate. All I need to make it perfect is this beautiful woman to witness our joining. Please say you’ll be a part of it, Shalia. It would mean a lot.”

  Of course I will. I’ll do a lot more, too. Like make Nang stop the transfer, at least until I’m on my way to Kalquor.

  I’ve sent the commander messages, asking for an interview as soon as possible. He hasn’t gotten back to me, and I’m peeved. Yes, I comprehend the world does not revolve around Shalia Monroe. I’m well aware Nang is busy dealing with the defense of the Academy. But with Esak due to receive the go ahead to transfer to Atlanta any day and the clanning ceremony set for two days from now, I need this taken care of. If I don’t hear from Nang today, I am going to visit him tomorrow morning.

  October 27

  I miss my anti-depressants. I don’t want to be a weak sister or a big baby, but I’m not sure how I’m supposed to muddle through this.

  Nang was tense when I showed up at his office this morning. There have been no attacks or signs of the Earthers since the assault that hurt Esak so badly, but the strain the commander was under was obvious. The Academy could be hit again at any time. I can understand why he wasn’t as thrilled to see me as usual. I felt bad for bothering him, but damn it, this was important to me.

  “I won’t keep you,” I promised, trying to get as much on his good side as possible. “I’m sorry to bug you over a matter that doesn’t rank as essential to you, but it’s important to me. I can’t begin to explain how important. Nang, I really, really need Dusa and Esak to stay. Please, isn’t there anything you can do? Don’t you have some other Dramok and Nobek you can send to Atlanta?”

  He smiled at me and came close to stroke my hair. For once, he was comforting and not sleazy. “I’m sorry, Shalia. I appreciate how close you are to those two and how this must be hurting you. I would love to make you happy, but in all honesty, this transfer is an excellent opportunity for them both. It’s a rise in rank. Dusa and
Esak are being recognized for their exemplary work.”

  I swallowed against the tightness in my throat. “You’re saying this is a promotion?”

  Nang nodded. “A major rise in rank. Dusa has coaxed in more survivors than anyone else at this site. Esak’s actions defending the Academy at a great cost to himself has earned recognition. Reporting to the larger effort in Atlanta will give them both opportunities to further themselves more.”

  Well, shit. I felt horribly selfish wanting to keep Dusa and Esak here with me. I mean, I’m leaving soon. We’re going to be separated no matter what. Do two or three weeks more matter?