Shalia's Diary Omnibus

by Tracy St. John

  I let loose as he jerked once more. Elation bloomed in my belly to fling wide throughout the rest of me, making my toes curl under and my torso bow. That put my poor spanked rear on the floor, and the flash of pain added to the explosion. Nang howled and released his own pleasure.

  We fell apart afterward, Nang flopping to his back, spread-eagled across the floor. I curled on my side, not wanting to abuse my ass anymore. I was going to have to find some aspirin somewhere. No way in hell would I approach Dad for a pain inhibitor, not when he was no fan of Nang.

  After a few moments of recovery, Nang looked over at me. “Are you all right, little one? I didn’t really hurt you, did I?”

  I gave him a lazy grin. “Only the kind of hurt I enjoy.”

  He chuckled. “You are wonderful. You know that, don’t you?”

  I pretended nonchalance. “Yeah, that’s what they all tell me.”

  Nang propped up on his elbow. “I’m serious, Shalia. I enjoy that we are so compatible when it comes to intimacies. You are the most perfect lover I’ve ever had.”

  I blinked at him. He sounded sincere. “Thank you. I don’t understand why I find submitting and pain so arousing, but I’m glad to have someone who doesn’t judge me for that.”

  He reached over and stroked my cheek. As rough as he’d been while we were in the throes of passion, he was twice as gentle now. “All I see is perfection.”

  It made my heart thump the way Nang looked at me. Oh, please don’t tell me another man has decided he’s fallen in love.

  November 13

  I just got off the vid with Dusa and Esak. I’m sniffling like I have a cold. It’s over between us. I have to accept it. But damn, this is the worst. Seeing them in front of me, big and gorgeous and not being able to touch them–it was awful. Almost as awful as being set free.

  We didn’t fight. Actually, the complete opposite happened. More than ever, I understand how much they care for me.

  Dusa started off by saying, “You look beautiful, Shalia. I not sure whether I’m happy or heartbroken to see you. We miss you.”

  That started the waterworks immediately. I smiled as best I could even with my eyes leaking. “I miss you too. You have no idea how bad I wish you were here. How’s the head, Esak?”

  He bent a little so I could check his scars under the bit of hair that had grown. “It is earning a lot of respect from the other Nobeks here. I will be cleared to work again in a few days, so I will have plenty of time to show them my strength and honor before my hair covers these.” He straightened and his expression turned grim. “I am not happy I wasn’t there to protect you from those who shot at you, Shalia. If I had been with you, you would have never ventured so close to the fence.”

  I shrugged. “My bodyguard put himself between me and Candy and the blaster fire. I wasn’t in danger at all.” Bullshit, but I didn’t want Esak to worry.

  Dusa also turned serious. “Shalia, I’ve spoken to Weln. I need you to listen to me and try to understand what I’m going to tell you. I care for you. We love you and would do anything to make you our Matara.”

  I nodded. I was afraid of what he might say next, since I figured Weln had told him all about my liaison with Nang. I didn’t dare speak.

  Dusa gave me a resigned smile. “However, it cannot happen. I cannot clan you, as much as my soul screams to. Our relationship as lovers is over, Shalia. All I wish for you is to be happy.”

  I cried harder. I think if he’d called me a slut and shouted at me, it would have been easier than this.

  “Are you hearing me, Shalia? I’m telling you to not reject new lovers in misguided loyalty to my clan. Do you understand?”

  I nodded.

  “Tell me. I want to hear you say it.”

  It was difficult to talk around the ache in my throat. Somehow I managed to choke out, “You expect me to explore relationships with other men.”

  “Exactly. I appreciate that we mean enough to you that you would have difficulty accepting that, but you must move on. Say you will and that you’ll not feel guilty for doing so.”

  I looked at him. “I don’t know that I can do that, Dusa. It’s wrong to cast you aside so quickly.”

  He smiled. “You didn’t cast us aside. The situation is beyond us all, and we have to live with it. Tell me you’ll at least try to not feel badly. Being the source of your pain is the last thing I’d ever wish.”

  I rubbed at the tears spilling down my cheeks. “I’ll try. No promises.”

  “Good.”

  We talked a little more. Dusa was doing an excellent job in his rescue missions, impressing his commanding officers in a short amount of time. The bigger venue of the Atlanta outskirts was giving him more opportunities to advance in rank. I could tell that was a big deal to him. Esak was excited about the larger numbers of gangs and Earthers banding together to fight against the Kalquorian Atlanta base. It’s a huge task since the security forces are trying to capture and not kill those people.

  “A challenge worthy of a Nobek,” Esak beamed. “Killing is easy. It takes real skill to defeat and subdue an enemy instead.”

  While the situation might suit a Kalquorian, it gave me the heebie-jeebies, especially looking at Esak’s still-fresh scars. “Be careful for your clan and my sake,” I begged him. “Those Earthers are looking to kill you, and I don’t want that to happen.”

  “I will, Shalia. Don’t worry about me.”

  Yeah, right.

  They were more intent on warning me to be cautious. “Stay clear of that damned perimeter,” Dusa said. “I swear, if Weln coms to tell me you’ve been hurt or worse, I’ll come out there and blow up the damned Academy myself for not keeping you safe enough.”

  “I have no intention of going anywhere near the fence,” I assured him. “At this point, I’m counting the days when I can climb on that transport to Kalquor. Without you here, this place sucks.”

  That made him and Esak smile. “We would have been miserable there once you’d left,” he said. “It’s just as well we were transferred.”

  The conversation didn’t go on much longer after that. It means a lot to us to see each other, but it’s agony too. It really, really hurts, which is why I keep boo-hooing. At least Dusa and Esak aren’t mad at me. At least they don’t hate me. Maybe one day I won’t smother in remorse about turning to Nang for strength. I hope so.

  November 14

  I was on my way to visit Nang this morning when I ran into Matt King. He was out strolling around Academy grounds, acting as if he didn’t have a care in the world. It has been quiet for a few days. A lot of the lockdown restrictions have been lifted. Non-security personnel are told to stay out of sight of the perimeter fence. That suits me fine. I’m in no hurry to be shot at again.

  That makes me wonder how Matt feels about being so close to coming under attack like Candy, me, and my bodyguard did. He must have heard the ruckus since he couldn’t have gotten far when the bastards outside opened fire. I bet there was a ceremonial changing of the shorts as soon as he walked into his quarters.

  He acted happy to speak to me. That’s a politician for you. If he knows what he’s doing, he can con you into thinking you’re his very best friend. Don’t get me wrong–I’m fond of Matt. He’s a good guy. But I have a well-honed edge of cynicism that the most hale-and-well-met fellow can’t assuage.

  “Hi Shalia!” His smile could have beamed the dark side of the moon bright. “You look wonderful today. It’s nice to have things quiet for a change, huh?”

  “We’re overdue,” I agreed, stopping to chat.

  I didn’t want Matt walking with me to Nang’s office. He might understand a professional relationship, but the fewer that know I’m banging the big guy, the better. There’s a reason I have a bodyguard lurking nearby. My escort this morning kept several feet back so that he didn’t intrude while keeping an eye on me. Half the time, I don’t even realize the Nobeks are there anymore.

  “You won’t have to worry with this place much l
onger, I hear. The word is that the transport to Kalquor will be arriving in less than two weeks,” Matt said.

  “Really?” I counted in my head and realized he was correct. I’d lost all sense of the passing days with everything that’s been happening.

  “You are heading there, right?”

  “Of course. Mom needs medical care as fast as possible, and Kalquor is considered the best.” Dad’s grim outlook if she didn’t get their help preyed on my mind.

  “Indeed they are. I’m three or four weeks from heading to Mercy Colony myself. I had planned to live on New Bethlehem, but they’ve banned all new colonists from that place. Something’s up out there, but no one will say what the problem is.”

  Of the farming colonies, New Bethlehem is the most ambitious. I was surprised to hear they’d cut off new residents, especially in the wake of Armageddon.

  “Mercy is supposed to be pretty nice,” I said. Mercy Colony is also very traditional when it comes to keeping to our former state-sponsored religion. No way I was setting foot in that place.

  “I’m looking forward to a new start,” Matt said. His look became concerned. “I’m worried for you and the others going to Kalquor, however. My understanding is the same transport will be taking our incorrigibles to Galactic Council space to be arraigned and tried for their various crimes. I wonder how safe you’ll be on the same ship?”

  “Hmm. I didn’t realize they’d be along for the ride.” The people who had kidnapped Mom were among those detained by the Kalquorians. I’d wondered off and on, with more meanness than I care to admit, how the Pageant Trio were doing under lock, key, and Kalquorian guard. I have no sympathy for those bitches. I’d like to see their heads shaved and them forced to wear burlap sacks for the rest of their lives.

  Yeah, I’m petty.

  “You should check into that,” Matt advised. “Since your mother was targeted, you don’t want to take chances.”

  “You’re right,” I agreed. I’m pretty sure the Kalquorians will keep the malcontents locked up tight, but Mom is my responsibility. I would be remiss in not making myself informed as to all the details so I can guarantee her safety.

  Matt and I parted company, him strolling along, whistling and looking up as the breeze rustled through the pine needles over our heads. I hurried because Nang was waiting for me. Who knows what he’d do to me if I was late for our ‘meeting’?

  I wasn’t late, but he put me through my paces in the most delightful, rough manner. The bastard tied me down on his desk and then surprised me with a vibrating dildo. He did things and put it in places I won’t write down, making me beg him to let me come until I was hoarse. Each time I got close to getting off, he took it away. When he tossed it aside and took me, I was hurting from the need to orgasm. Damn, I hated it but I loved it too. He finally let me climax. Afterward, I called him every name in the book. He laughed.

  I’m beginning to accept the fact that I’m something of a kinky freak who prefers my sex weird. I have no idea if I would enjoy normal sex anymore after screwing all these dominating Kalquorians. Oh well, there are worse things to be, I suppose. I’ve never killed anyone at least. That should count for something.

  After I’d dressed him down to my satisfaction, I asked Nang about the violent Earthers being taken to the Galactic Council of Planets for evaluation. I worried out loud about the security measures that would keep them from those of us going to Kalquor.

  “Oh no, they aren’t traveling on the same transport as you and Eve,” he assured as he untied me and helped me dress my wobbly body. “You’ll be on one of the empire’s transports, while the violators will be on another owned by the Galactic Council. That bunch will be picked up in four days.”

  “Great,” I said, rubbing the reddish cord marks on my wrists. Nang didn’t tie them too tight; I’d just strained against them. I’m glad it’s cold enough to wear long sleeves so nobody notices. I should show the marks to Candy before they fade though. She’ll go nuts to view evidence of me being tied down.

  “By the ancestors, Shalia, look at your arms! Why did you fight so hard?” Nang fussed over the welts, putting a cream on them to ease the swelling and pinkness.

  “I’m sure it has nothing to do with you tormenting me by withholding orgasm,” I remarked in a dry tone. “You are a vicious bastard, Nang.”

  Instead of laughing as I thought he would, Nang surprised me with a gentle kiss. It felt kind of weird since minutes before he’d been demanding and ruthless as he fucked me silly. Now he caressed me like I was a fragile china doll.

  He whispered, “You don’t have to leave on the next transport. You could stay here with me and leave Earth when I do. It would be nice to travel together to Kalquor, wouldn’t it?”

  My throat closed to see his hopeful, wanting expression. Damn, I’d already lost so much. I wished that staying with him was an option, even with all the violence around us. Having him escort me to Kalquor, where I have no idea of what to expect, would be something of a relief as well. I’m tired of not knowing what’s coming next. Having an anchor to latch onto was tempting.

  Tempting, but not enough to think twice about what I had to do.

  “Thank you, Nang,” I said, after returning his sweet kiss. “I have to take Mom to Kalquor as soon as possible. I can’t wait one second longer than absolutely necessary to be sure she’s taken care of.”

  I didn’t add that if sticking around had been an option, I’d leave with Dusa’s clan instead of Nang. Why be a bitch if I didn’t have to?

  Disappointment darkened Nang’s expression, but he nodded. “Of course. Forgive me for not thinking of Matara Eve’s needs.” He gave me a rueful smile. “It’s just that you have made me a happy man these last few days, and I hate the idea of giving you up. It makes me forget everything else.”

  I smiled up at him. “We’ll have to enjoy what we have now.”

  I’m almost back to where I was with Dusa and Esak: involved in a relationship that’s going to end soon. The big difference is that I’m not in love with Nang. Sure, he means a lot to me as a person. I do care for the big guy, even if the words ‘jerk’ and ‘bastard’ come up often when I talk about him. He’s hot and delicious, and he values my thoughts. That means a lot.

  I think I’ll miss Weln more. Yes, I’m still sleeping with Dusa’s Imdiko along with banging Nang. Sue me. I love sex, and Nang and Weln are very different men. Weln is a sweetheart, looking out for me and fussing over my welfare. He’d mean as the same to me as Dusa and Esak if we had the time and ability to remain together. Plus, Weln is my last link to the other two. When we make love and I fall asleep in his arms, I can almost feel my favorite Dramok and Nobek there with us.

  Okay, so I’m behaving like a tramp. Maybe that’s what I am. I can’t figure out how to cope without both Nang and Weln nearby. Sex has little to do with it, when you get down to it. I need them, damn it. I just do.

  November 15

  I’m knocking out a few notes about today as I wait for Weln to come in. There’s not a lot to write about besides a bunch of trivia. I’ve bathed and had Weln’s dinner delivered already, so I’m bored. Really bored. I need to come up with a hobby or something to do.

  I spent a few hours with Candy today in her quarters. Kalquor is sending her information about the clans currently in the lottery system. I guess they are eagerly awaiting the arrival of our vaginas, ha-ha. Sheesh, we’re nine months away and the men are lining up for us Earther girls. It’s sad when you think about it. Imagine being so desperate because your species is dying out.

  Candy had her computer up and was flipping through files of eligible clans who have won the privilege to court us. I say ‘won’, but in reality, the clans are selected randomly so everyone can have a fair chance. A clan chosen to vie for a female mate answers questions designed to help them find the most compatible candidates for their personalities.

  The women are supposed to answer our own set of questions, which I haven’t bothered with yet. For one thing,
there are about five hundred questions. Are you kidding me? When I asked Dad about it, he said, “Some of the questions are the same ones over and over, worded in different ways. I guess it’s so the system can figure out exactly what it is the potential Mataras require from their mates.”

  Another reason I haven’t bothered is that I’m not ready. First, I didn’t plan to clan at all. Then I didn’t intend to clan, but if I had to, it would be with Dusa. Now, as I get used to the idea that his clan is out, I find it too sad to move on. I haven’t answered a single question on that ridiculous list yet.

  Candy, on the other hand, devoted three straight days to it. She told me she considered every question very, very carefully, mulling it over at least five minutes before answering. “Only those perfect for me should approach,” she said. “I couldn’t wait to finish it and view my suitors, but at the same time, I wanted the best to pick from.”