Shalia's Diary Omnibus

by Tracy St. John

  If they do decamp, I won’t be going with them. The transport taking Mom, Candy, me, and a few others will be arriving within the week. Dad promises I’ll be on my feet by then. He’s fussing over me more than usual, which I won’t pretend to not enjoy. With Mom no longer a worry for me, I’m wallowing in being taken care of for a change. Candy keeps calling me ‘Grand Lady Shalia’. I don’t mind. She spends a lot of hours sitting with me, making me laugh.

  Weln also comes to visit me when he is able, but he’s got his hands full with the disabled population. I woke up in the middle of the night to find him sitting in the chair next to my bed. He’d cradled his head in his arms on the mattress by me and fallen asleep that way. I thought he needed to sleep, but I couldn’t resist stroking his hair out of his face. His eyes opened and he smiled at me.

  “Doing all right, my hero?” he asked. His voice was thick with exhaustion.

  I shushed him. With what voice I had, I whispered, “I’m fine. Go back to sleep.”

  He did, and so did I. I woke this morning when he kissed me as he left.

  Nang is alive and made big trouble. Dad said he came while I was unconscious.

  “He told me, ‘It’s obvious Shalia can’t be on the next transport to Kalquor. She must remain here until she recovers.’” Dad shook his head. “I explained you would be ready by the time it arrives, but he wouldn’t hear of it. That’s when it got ugly.”

  I’ve never seen Nayun mean. I can’t even imagine it, especially since he’s an Imdiko. Note to self: Imdiko does not mean ‘pushover’. It turns out their breed can be as unbending as the Nobeks if they have something to fight for.

  Dad informed Nang he was out of line and had no say in the matter of whether I would be on the transport to Kalquor. He invoked guardianship over me, telling the commander I had acknowledged Nayun as my adoptive father. He called in Weln to bear witness to that, which my sweetheart did.

  “I hope that was acceptable for me to do, Shalia,” Dad said. “I don’t want to overstep my authority, but I had to protect you. It was clear Nang meant to keep you here for his own ends, not for your welfare. I was afraid for you.”

  I answered him with a hug. “You are twice the father I deserve, but I’m keeping you anyway. I will forever be your daughter.”

  Dad kind of glossed over the rest of the story, telling me Nang backed off. I heard the rest of the details from Weln.

  When Weln affirmed that I considered Nayun my father, Nang tried to invoke his own right to be my guardian, using his office of commander as his claim. At that point, Dad vowed he would tear Nang’s throat out before he would let such a thing happen. Weln backed Dad up, and there was a lot of shouting. Then shoving started, and it appeared as if the situation would degenerate into an all-out brawl between Dad and Nang.

  Somebody must have raised the alarm, because Dad’s clanmates Bitev and Rak showed up and started yelling at Nang. Rak threw the commander several feet down the hall. “You don’t touch my Imdiko, and you don’t threaten his child!” the Nobek yelled. He stomped after Nang, determined to lay down a little more punishment.

  Before it could go any further, Nang’s Nobek and Imdiko came running in.

  “I thought there would be a massacre there in Medical,” Weln confessed. “Nayun was screaming, telling Nobek Rak to move off because he wanted the pleasure of beating the hell out of Nang. Meanwhile, Nang’s Nobek comes in and growls at everyone. He’s a vicious beast, a monster no one who appreciates life wants to fuck with. Rak, as pissed off as he was at Nang for shoving Nayun, stopped in his tracks. If you’d seen Nobek Kru standing there, you would have run screaming. That bastard is scary and could have taken Clan Bitev apart all by himself.”

  However, Kru did not attack Dad or his clanmates. Instead, he and Imdiko Trenu started yelling at Nang. The crux of their argument was that he had no business pursuing me when there was no hope of bringing me into the clan. Nang said he was enough man for me and they should let him have me. Just because they weren’t attracted to women shouldn’t keep him from having a Matara clanmate to love and cherish.

  Trenu fired back with, “You’re not in love, Nang! You’re obsessed with her, and that’s not the same! If you loved her, you’d acknowledge our clan is not prepared to care for her and you’d let her go.”

  Nang’s clanmates told him he was in need of psychiatric care. Trenu threatened to report him to his superiors and have him removed from command if he didn’t get help. Nang issued a threat to his Imdiko that Weln wouldn’t repeat. At that point, Kru grabbed Nang by the throat and shoved him up against a wall. He said something low that none of the witnesses caught, but it cowed the commander. Nang turned white as a sheet.

  He apologized to the shaking Trenu, who cried in the wake of whatever terrible thing Nang said to him. Kru ordered Nang to go to his office and stay there if he valued keeping all his body parts. Nang left the building without another word.

  Trenu and Kru apologized to Dad and his clanmates. “Nang will not set foot in here again,” Kru declared. “On my honor, he will keep his distance from Matara Shalia. I swear it.”

  “He’d better not,” Dad said, still pissed off. He ranted even with that insanely scary Nobek standing there with his fangs out and looking mad enough to rip walls down with his bare hands. “If I catch him anywhere near my daughter, you will no longer have a Dramok, Kru. I promise you that.”

  When Weln finished the story, I sat there with my eyes ready to pop out of my head. “Holy shit,” I breathed. “I wonder what Kru said to Nang to scare him so bad? How can a Nobek act that way with his Dramok?”

  Weln smirked. “Nang was not being a good clan leader. His clanmates can take action against him if they want.” He sighed. “They need counseling. Their union is a big mess because of what Nang has done. I’m glad he’s not my Dramok.”

  What a crazy tale. I feel I dodged a bullet with Nang. I don’t want any more to do with that man. I hope I never set eyes on him again.

  My com’s going off. Now what?

  Weln commed to ask me if I’m up for a couple of special visitors. Oh gosh, do I dare hope? I’ve gotta call Dad and ask for a brush so I can do something with my hair.

  November 22

  Sad Shalia. Again. I don’t dare cry or Weln will tell Dusa and Esak. They’ll be unhappy that their visit upset me.

  As I’d hoped when Weln commed to say I had special visitors coming in, it was my favorite Dramok and Nobek. They’d received clearance to come here with a shuttle full of supplies from Atlanta. They’d received the okay because they’d explained they needed to check on their Imdiko following the attack on the Academy. I can’t begin to explain how amazing it was to see the three of them all together, all at once again.

  It’s been less than three weeks since they were sent off, but it felt like it had been an eternity since I was last held and kissed by Dusa and Esak. They spent the few hours we had fussing over me. I won’t lie and say I didn’t enjoy it.

  I lost track of how many times those two thanked me for going back to save Weln. It became pretty embarrassing, in fact. I keep thinking how it was my big mouth that let the attackers know through Matt King when the Galactic Council’s transport was landing. Me a hero? My big, fluffy butt I’m a hero. Not even close. Saving Mom, Weln, and Dad earned only a little compensation for screwing up.

  Weln acted pissed off with himself. “I was supposed to keep you out of trouble, Shalia,” he grouched. “Instead, you had to pull my ass out of the fire. Literally.”

  “I wouldn’t have left if you hadn’t practically dragged me up those shelves to the attic,” I reminded him. “You did save me, and therefore, saved yourself. Stop kicking your own rear, Weln, or I’ll have Esak kick it for you.”

  “You were all brave,” said Dusa, ever diplomatic. “My Imdiko and Shalia are alive. That’s all that matters to me.”

  They didn’t have long to visit, just yesterday afternoon and last night. We made as much of it as we could, but that
wasn’t a lot since I was stuck in bed. The boys kept me company though, telling me about the Atlanta area.

  “It’s awful, Shalia. The people that came out of there are so traumatized,” Dusa said. “A woman with three children walked up to me as I was doing a search, and she asked if I would shoot them all right away so they could be put out of their misery quickly. They were starving and sick. She was sure I was there to kill them.”

  I shook my head. I couldn’t imagine that level of desperation. “I have no doubt you took excellent care of her.”

  He smiled. “She couldn’t believe it when I gave them food and water in the shuttle on the way to the refugee camp. When the medical techs took her and the children to be evaluated, she kept saying, ‘I’m dreaming. This can’t be happening. You’re Kalquorians.’”

  “We have a lot of wounds to heal between our people,” Esak observed. He squeezed my hand. His hair is growing in fast. It nearly covers the evidence of his scars already. He looked wonderful. All three of them did.

  I made Dusa promise they’d look me up when they returned to Kalquor. No matter where I was or who I was with, I told him he’d better find me and say hello. I gather that might be inappropriate for a clanned Matara to have former lovers show up on her clan’s doorstep, but I was adamant about the matter.

  “I’m not joining any clan who won’t accept there might be other Kalquorians I care about,” I informed him. “You guys saved my life and my sanity on more occasions than I can count. I’m not giving you a choice in the matter. You will visit me.”

  Dusa laughed and ducked his head, probably to hide the tears in his eyes. “Yes, Shalia. We will come visit you when we reach Kalquor.”

  Dusa and Esak have gone back to Atlanta. Soon I’ll be leaving too. The transport that will take me to Kalquor arrives in a week. I don’t know whether to cheer or cry. I’ll probably do both. I’m trying very hard to be grateful I got to touch Dusa and Esak one last time. No, we didn’t have sex during their brief visit, but being alive and touching them again is far from mundane. I’m not taking that gift for granted. It will be a long stretch before I see them in person again.

  November 28

  I haven’t written much in several days. I’m spending almost every waking moment with those I’m about to leave behind, though Dad and Weln’s work schedules are making that difficult. When I’m not with them, I’m begging what I can from the procurement specialists here at the Academy to take with me to Kalquor. I’ve collected clothes for me and Mom, toiletries, little amusements to while away nine months of travel, that kind of flotsam. They’ll have stuff I can use on the arriving ship as well, items collected from here on Earth.

  My Kalquorian government-issued allowance will kick in the moment I board the transport. I can spend it if I want en route to my new home. We’ll be stopping at different places like space stations, colonies, and planets along our course to the empire. Candy acts as if this is a pleasure cruise we’re embarking on, instead of leaving our home forever. She makes me wish I wasn’t such a Gloomy Gus. I’d do anything to trade some of my pessimism for her optimism.

  Tomorrow is the big day. Goodbye Earth. Goodbye Dad and Weln. Goodbye Dusa and Esak. Sure, I can com or vid them. In fact, Dad has made me swear to check in with him at least once a week.

  Since being released from Medical three days ago, I eat my evening meals with Dad’s clan at his insistence. I adore Bitev and Rak. They make me feel I’m an actual member of their family. I think if I had more time, I’d be calling all three ‘Dad’. They all do that caress of placing the palms of their hands on my cheek, which Weln explained to me is the traditional manner fathers greet their daughters. It’s nice to be cared about and damned hard to be leaving it behind.

  It’s not as if I’m never going to see any of them anymore, not when technology has them only a click away. It’s not the same as being with them all, face to face. No more hugs from Dad. No more fatherly advice from Bitev. No more cautions from Rak. Most of all, no more lovemaking like Weln and I did last night.

  Great, now I’m thinking about that. It was really, really bittersweet. We went to bed and Weln held me close. After he entered me, we lay there, kissing and talking for quite a while. When we did get around to the actual sex, Weln was sweet and gentle and slow. My climax was like that too. We stayed linked afterward, neither of us willing to part from the other. I dozed off for a short while, then Weln woke me for more of the same. That was our entire night. We’d love a little while, sleep a little while with him still inside me, then when fresh arousal woke Weln again, we make love some more. When he left for his shift this morning, he told me to expect more of the same tonight. It will be our final night together. I bawled my eyes out after he was gone.

  I have all this stuff to pack in my carry case. Mom’s packing is done. It wasn’t hard to gather her things. Procurement replaced her knitting needles and scrounged up a few skeins of yarn for her to have on Kalquor. It was so nice of them to put in that extra effort.

  My belongings on the other hand...I keep staring at that empty case and all my worldly goods laying out beside it, waiting to be placed inside. I’m having difficulty doing it. This is finally it. I’m leaving. I’m scared as hell, and I’m sad.

  This is really it.

  November 29

  I have left Earth. I am on a shuttle with about two hundred other people, if you count Mom in her stasis chamber. Most are the people Weln took care of, the disabled and infirm who will be treated on Kalquor, then sent on to wherever the Galactic Council decides to put them. I’ve figured out that about seven of us are lottery entrants, hoping to become Mataras to clans. We are on course to the orbiting transport that will take us to Kalquor.

  My eyes ache from crying. They literally ache. Even happy-go-lucky, can’t-wait-to-go-to-Kalquor Candy is bawling buckets every few minutes. Every lucid Earther on this shuttle has cried. We are wrecks, and the Kalquorian attendants are staying busy checking on us, offering drinks and sweets and gentle pats on the shoulders and backs. They don’t try to talk us out of our misery. I guess they understand we need to grieve for all we’ve lost.

  I’m doing a little better than when I came to the shuttle at the crack of dawn this morning. I came apart as Dad hugged me goodbye. I clung to him, my giant of a Kalquorian father. How many times has that man been the rock I needed? Too many to count. No matter what craziness I involved myself in, Dad was there to advise me, to hug me, to gently rebuke me. It really, really hurts to have found a father only to leave him behind so soon. I am determined that when he gets home to Kalquor, I will be there to welcome him.

  He wept like a baby himself. It kills me to watch that man cry. It’s wrong for someone as sweet as him to feel pain. Thankfully, his clanmates Bitev and Rak were there. They came to see me off too. They probably did it to make sure Nayun was okay, but I appreciated my other two would-be dads being there for the strength they offered me along with him. Damn, I wish they all were coming with me.

  Then there was Weln. He and I spent last night the same as the night before, making love as often as possible. There was more desperation to it, however. I felt as if I was trying to not just say goodbye to Weln, but to Dusa and Esak through him. To everything I’d found that was lovely since meeting them. I’m going to visit them when they come home too, I swear it. If only it weren’t so far in the future!

  Gosh, we cried. Earth should have a new ocean for all the tears that were shed.

  I boarded the shuttle when Dad and Weln forced me to. They had to kind of push me into the open hatch because my legs couldn’t be convinced to carry me away on their own. I turned around for a last look.

  I wanted to glimpse the green grass and tall pine trees once more. Unfortunately, the Academy’s landing pad is all asphalt surrounded by tall buildings. At least there was the powder blue sky with a few cottonball clouds to say goodbye to.

  I saw a familiar figure in the distance, standing alone, watching me. It was Commander Nang. I felt
a wave of terror when I spied him, and I wondered if he would try to stop me from leaving. He didn’t move, however. He just watched.

  I don’t know how to feel about him coming to see me off. I don’t know if I should feel anything. I didn’t wave or acknowledge him. He is in the past, and he can’t hurt me again.

  When it appeared Nang would not move, I looked at Weln and Dad for the last time. They smiled at me through tears.

  Dad said, “Please take care of yourself, my daughter. Vid me in a couple of days after you’ve settled on the transport. Visit Medical so they can verify you’re not suffering any ill effects from the smoke inhalation.”

  “I will,” I sobbed.

  “Be sure you also vid Dusa so he can save your contact frequency,” Weln added. “We can let you know when I make it to Atlanta.”

  “Okay.” The hatch started to close, shutting them off from me. I called out, “I love you, Weln. I love you, Dad.”