Shalia's Diary Omnibus

by Tracy St. John

  They had to tell me about it later, because...well, I went crazy. Not bouncing off walls and straitjacket crazy, but a quiet and huddled kind of crazy. I hid in corners and inside closets and under furniture. I barely talked. I cried a lot. I had nightmares that ended with me screaming my throat raw.

  I saw things that weren’t there. Usually it was a movement at the corner of my eye that looked like something small with spiky orange hair and a fluorescent green coat. My room in Medical had to be lit day and night. Otherwise I would see things in the shadows; maybe a tombstone-toothed smile, as if some monstrous Cheshire cat lurked there. Those waking nightmares are fading, thank the prophets. The last time I saw something that wasn’t there was three days ago.

  Dr. Tep says the baby is fine, thank goodness. My dads have commed to say they’re glad I’m safe and to send them a message as soon as I’m able. No doubt worried he’d upset me, Nayun didn’t cry...but his voice choked up. Their Matara Joelle also left a message, saying she was sorry for what I’d been through. She seems nice. I’m not sure why I’ve been putting off talking to her. I’ll have to do that soon.

  Betra, Candy, and Katrina spend hours with me every day. It is good to see my friends again. They cried over me when I first got back, but since then it’s been all jokes and funny stories and ‘let’s make Shalia happy again’. They’ve had a lot more to do with me pulling myself together than the psychologist Dr. Feru...who is a decent fellow, incidentally. He’s talking about letting me loose from Medical in a few days. Maybe a week. We’ll see how it goes.

  Then there is the man who kept me intact through the worst time of my life. Oses has returned to work, which Betra assures me is the best possible therapy for a Nobek. Betra also says Oses is quieter than he was before and keeps to himself for the most part. My liaison is worried for his friend. Betra may not want to have sex with Oses, but he loves his would-be suitor, at least as a brother. When they happen to encounter each other in my room, Betra is not standoffish anymore. He smiles at Oses and looks him in the eye as they converse. It’s Oses who has become hard to reach. Not because he desires Betra any less...I can tell that yearning is still there from how he looks at the Imdiko when Betra’s back is turned. I think Oses is simply trying to put the pieces of his life into place again, though in a less dramatic fashion than I am.

  Oses doesn’t keep to himself where I am concerned. He stops by each day, even if it’s only for a few minutes before he pulls a double shift. We don’t discuss our captivity with each other. We don’t talk much about anything. Both of us are content to be in the other’s presence. When you have someone who will do anything and everything to keep you alive, the rest is just noise. I have that in Oses. I hope he knows he has that in me.

  He and I may not be clan anymore, but we are family in our hearts. To me, that is more precious than any legal binding.

  SHALIA’S DIARY

  BOOK 5

  A Clans of Kalquor Story

  By

  Tracy St. John

  © copyright October 2014, Tracy St. John

  Cover art by Erin Dameron-Hill, © copyright 2015

  This is a work of fiction. All characters, events, and places are of the author’s

  imagination and not to be confused with fact. Any resemblance to living persons or

  events is merely coincidence.

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  March 28

  This morning Oses and Betra showed up in my room in Medical at the same time. Betra smiled as sweet as sugar at the Nobek. He greeted him with a cheery, “Good morning, Commander.”

  Oses nodded, his expression as noncommittal as its normal fierce set ever gets. “Hello, Betra.”

  I noticed that Oses’s gaze lingered on Betra’s face longer than politeness required. In fact, he stared long enough that my liaison flushed a little bit. Boy, I hope they don’t start butting heads again over the fact Betra doesn’t screw guys and Oses is dying to screw Betra.

  Betra came over and dropped a kiss on my forehead. “How are you, Shalia?”

  “Sane.” I gave him a brave smile.

  He stepped back to allow Oses to also kiss me hello. The Nobek’s intense stare was all for me. “Are you still having nightmares?”

  I shrugged. “I probably will for a while yet. I haven’t hidden in any closets for a couple of weeks though. Dr. Feru is happy about that. Baby steps, you know.”

  Speaking of baby, I was reminded to rub my belly. I have a definite bump these days, courtesy of my growing hitchhiker. Tep has warned me that when I start having sex again, I have to be cautious.

  Oses caught my motion and put his hand over mine. “I hope this little one is doing all right as well.”

  “He...or she...is active. Healthy too, they say. We’ll find out if it’s a girl or a boy soon.” Nervous anticipation about the news caused a flutter in my chest. The more evidence I had of my child being real, the more anxious and excited I became.

  “Sixteen weeks?” Betra asked.

  “Or seventeen. Tep can’t quite pin it down. The sizes and pace of development of hybrids vary too much for him to be certain.”

  “I do hope you have it before we get to Kalquor,” the liaison enthused. “I want to meet your child.”

  Out of the clear blue, Oses suddenly asked, “Why did you never tell me that your uncle abused you?”

  Betra started. His eyes went wide in shock, and he was unable to answer at first.

  “I told him, Betra,” I said to give him a second to recover. “I thought Oses should understand why you reject his advances.”

  The Imdiko frowned. “I reject his advances because I do not have any interest in sex with other men. That my uncle forced himself on me has nothing to do with that.” He looked at Oses and sighed. “It does have everything to do with why I’m so uncomfortable with the least indication of physical intimacy with men. I realize I’m overly sensitive about that.”

  “Like when I touched your hair while we played with Shalia?” Oses pressed.

  Betra smiled sadly. “Exactly. I went overboard in my anger. As for why I never told you...I’m not sure.” He shrugged. “I’ve kept it secret from everyone but Shalia. Talking about it takes me to that time and how guilty I felt. It’s as if I were at fault for what he did.”

  “That’s not true.”

  “I know it in my head, but it’s not how I felt when it happened. That’s why I kept it to myself. Since I never told you, you must have believed you could convince me to relent. I apologize for not explaining myself.”

  Oses blew out a breath. “It’s I who should beg your pardon. I’ve been pushing at you to consider me as a potential clanmate, or at least a lover, for months. I thought I could seduce you into changing your mind. You said no, you said it plainly, and that should have been enough. Instead, I ignored your insistence simply because...simply because.”

  I remembered that Nobeks did not profess their love to other men. It hung in the air nonetheless, a huge awareness that could not be spoken but was understood.

  It affected Betra deeply. His eyes went bright and he swallowed hard before putting his hand on top of Oses’s, which covered my hand.

  With obvious difficulty, Betra said, “How can I tell you what’s in my heart without giving you hope for what will never be? If a man can love another without sex playing a part, then we would be lifemates. Oses, you are important to me, more than you can possibly grasp. But I can’t offer you more than a platonic relationship.”

  The Nobek nodded. “I understand that. It is less by far than what I wanted for us, but
I would not harm you for all the empire. If I can only have a small part in your life, then I will take it.” He chuckled then, but it was an empty sound. “In these past weeks, I have learned that even the tiniest rewards must be appreciated. I will accept what fate has chosen to bestow and be grateful for it.”

  With that, Oses turned and left. Betra and I stared at each other in the wake of his pronouncement.

  “At least he won’t be chasing you around anymore,” I offered weakly.

  “I do hope he meant it when he said he would remain a part of my life, though.” Betra looked at the empty doorway, as if hoping Oses would return.

  When he did not, we talked about things that wouldn’t make either of us sad: the baby, messages I needed to reply to, my potential suitors and the lottery, and anything else we could think of that had nothing to do with my abduction or Oses. Betra stayed until Candy and Katrina showed up to make me laugh with tales of their latest sexual conquests. I think the gals make up half the stories they tell me, but it’s great fun to be silly.

  March 29

  I’m sprung from Medical at long last. Dr. Feru has released me into the wild with sedatives to help me when I can’t fall asleep.

  Betra accompanied me to my quarters. It was odd to enter my rooms once more, as if visiting a house I’d occupied in the distant past. It had only been six weeks, but it seemed a lifetime since I’d been in those rooms.

  “Come see,” Betra invited me as he opened my closet. “Candy helped me pick out some maternity clothes from ship’s stores. You should be all set for a while.”

  I laughingly plucked at a ruffled pink concoction with a short skirt. “It could be worse. Heaven only knows what Katrina would have picked out for me to wear.”

  “Thongs and high heels,” Betra snickered. “That woman is hopeless.”

  “You mean you would object to me in a thong?” I teased, but I was already self-conscious about my rounding belly. I wasn’t convinced I wanted Betra spying me in little or no clothing.

  “Absolutely. It covers too much.” Betra leered. “In fact, I wondered if I could see you without anything on while I have the chance to get you settled in.”

  “That’s right. You’re the guy who thinks he lusts for a round, ripe figure.” I couldn’t keep the disbelief out of my tone.

  He grinned. “I know I do. Please, Shalia? I’ve been dying to see you since you’ve begun showing.”

  “Ugh,” I muttered. “I wouldn’t mind having sex, but I was hoping we could turn all the lights off first.”

  “Come on,” Betra coaxed, already tugging on my blouse. “You’re beautiful. You excite me. Let me look.”

  I let him pull my shirt off. Though I privately found my growing girth to be exciting simply because of the evidence of life happening inside me, I didn’t kid myself about how I appeared. The word blob comes to mind.

  I fussed the instant my belly came into view. “Is that a stretch mark? Oh jeez, it is. How is it I have one so early on?”

  “Quiet, woman,” Betra commanded. He sank to his knees before me and framed my gut with his hands. He stared sappily at it. “Look at this. Look at you!”

  “You look,” I groused. “I’m avoiding it as much as humanly possible. Maybe I’ll peek when the kid is out and my stomach doesn’t suggest I’m smuggling a soccer ball.”

  Betra kissed all over my expanding girth. “You are an idiot, Shalia. This is amazing. Here’s a kiss for you –” he smacked lips to belly loudly “—and here’s a kiss for the babe. Another kiss for each of these wonderful marks of honor –”

  “Marks? Plural? I’ve got more than one?” I bent double to check, whacking my skull against Betra’s. I saw stars.

  I received a few sharp smacks on my bottom too, courtesy of Betra’s ready palm. “Stop behaving like a ninny,” he told me. “Embrace your fortune. Your body is a miracle. You have to realize that.”

  That man really has an obsession for pregnancy. I get the idea that if Betra had the chance to bear children himself, he’d do it in a heartbeat. He’d be useless to everyone because he’d spend all day rubbing his stomach.

  “And these!” he exclaimed, getting past belly worship long enough to note my larger breasts. “By the ancestors and Mother of All, these are wonderful.”

  Any further praises Betra might have sung to the swelling body o’ Shalia were cut off because he opted to fill his mouth with my tits. Oh double joy – the thrill of lust and the relief of shutting him up.

  I suppose I should be delighted that Betra is so enamored with my growing figure rather than being turned off. He takes it a tad far though.

  I lost track of embarrassment and irritation as he suckled and kissed my breasts. Happy zings traveled from my mounds to my clit as my lover lavished attention. I sighed and sank into the joy of being erotically mauled.

  It got even better when Betra moved his hands up the backs of my legs, under my skirt. He grabbed hold of my ass, pulling me close to himself as he continued to devour my breasts. He kneaded my flesh with those big hands. The room was filled with sucking sounds and sighs.

  My senses hummed with contentment. Okay, so maybe baby bump worship was good after all. I certainly wasn’t complaining right then.

  Betra pulled my panties down so that they fell to my ankles. I was barely aware when I stepped out of them. Instinct held sway over me, because my attention was riveted on the Imdiko’s mouth and hands as they moved over my flesh.

  My skirt was tugged off too. I was naked and not worried about it after all. Betra made me feel too incredible.

  He scooped me up in his arms and stood. “I am taking you to bed and I am going to fuck this glorious body,” he proclaimed, as if speaking before an assembly. What a nut.

  As soon as he put me down, Betra started in on kissing and caressing boobs and belly again. After a few moments of that, he stood up to peel the top of his formsuit down to his waist.

  Oh my gosh. I’d forgotten how beautiful that man is. Once again, I was reminded of how long it had been since I had last had intimacies with Betra. All at once, I knew how much I had missed him. It was wonderful to be home.

  Betra didn’t finish disrobing. Instead, he gazed at me and groaned. He returned to slurping Shalia like an ice cream. I had no complaints at that moment, but again...in hindsight, it was over the top.

  When he could tear himself from me, Betra hopped about as he pulled a boot off. Then more attention was lavished on me. Then the other boot. Then more attention.

  When that crazy Imdiko stood up to pull the rest of his uniform off, I said, “Would you get naked, already? You’re a maniac, Betra!”

  “Hey! Since when are you in charge of sex?” He was finally nude for my happy contemplation. “I thought you knew who ran this show.”

  I snorted even as I reached for him. “Oses usually is too, but he’s taken a few commands from me.”

  Betra was leaning down towards my chest, ready to recommence with Breast Fest. However, my words gave him pause.

  “Oses bottomed for you? Oses?” He went wide-eyed at that.

  “It was a matter of our survival,” I answered. “Neither of us was crazy about it, but I guess in the right situation he’s up for that kind of thing.”

  “Really?” Betra’s gaze went far off, as if contemplating.

  “What?” I could practically see the hamster running on the wheel in his head.

  He shook himself to revert to the here and now. “Nothing. Or maybe something. Let me think about it.”

  I wondered what that Imdiko had going on in his head, but he re-directed his attack. Instead of revisiting my boobs and stomach, Betra latched onto my pussy. That short-circuited my brain, and I forgot all about wondering why Betra would find Oses’s ability to submit so interesting. I’m pretty certain that’s what he intended.

  While licking and kissing me down there, my lover positioned himself between my legs. He propped my legs on his shoulders, lifting my hips and opening me. I sighed with pleasure
as Betra mouthed me with exquisite thoroughness. As he did so, he gently rubbed my rounded belly. We were both getting what we enjoyed.

  Ah, the artistry of Betra performing cunnilingus cannot be overstated. He started with gentle, wet kisses, letting his tongue peek out for delicate tastes as he did so. From there, he grew more enthusiastic. He dipped his tongue into me for a while, fucking me with it. Then he carefully inserted a finger, watching my face as it pressed in and out.

  I sighed. “I don’t remember you ever being this gentle.”

  “We’re supposed to be more careful,” he murmured. He started kissing my tummy once more as he pushed a second finger inside me. Between smooches he said, “Do you not enjoy it? I’m still in control here.”