Once on a Time

by A. A. Milne

  CHAPTER XII

  WE DECIDE TO WRITE TO UDO'S FATHER

  "Now, my dear Princess," said Udo, as soon as they were alone. "Letme know in what way I can help you."

  "Oh, Prince Udo," said Hyacinth earnestly, "it _is_ so good of you tohave come. I feel that this--this little accident is really my faultfor having asked you here."

  "Not at all, dear lady. It is the sort of little accident that mighthave happened to anybody, anywhere. If I can still be of assistanceto you, pray inform me. Though my physical powers may not for themoment be quite what they were, I flatter myself that my mentalcapabilities are in no way diminished." He took another bite of hissandwich and wagged his head wisely at her.

  "Let's come over here," said Hyacinth.

  She moved across to an old stone seat in the wall, Udo following withthe plate, and made room for him by her side. There is, of course, away of indicating to a gentleman that he may sit next to you on theChesterfield, and tell you what he has been doing in town lately, andthere is also another way of patting the sofa for Fido to jump up andbe-a-good-dog-and-lie-down-sir. Hyacinth achieved something verytactful in between, and Udo jumped up gracefully.

  "Now we can talk," said Hyacinth. "You noticed that lady, theCountess Belvane, whom I presented to you?"

  Udo nodded.

  "What did you think of her?"

  Udo was old enough to know what to say to that.

  "I hardly looked at her," he said. And he added with a deep bow,"Naturally when your Royal Highness--oh, I beg your pardon, are myears in your way?"

  "It's all right," said Hyacinth, rearranging her hair. "Well, it wasbecause of that woman that I sent for you."

  "But I can't marry her like this, your Royal Highness."

  Hyacinth turned a startled face towards him. Udo perceived that hehad blundered. To hide his confusion he took another sandwich and ateit very quickly.

  "I want your help against her," said Hyacinth, a little distantly;"she is plotting against me."

  "Oh, your Royal Highness, now I see," said Udo, and he wagged his headas much as to say, "You've come to the right man this time."

  _"Now we can talk," said Hyacinth_]

  "I don't trust her," said Hyacinth impressively.

  "Well, now, Princess, I'm not surprised. I'll tell you somethingabout that woman."

  "Oh, what?"

  "Well, when I was announced just now, what happened? You, yourself,Princess, were not unnaturally a little alarmed; those two littlegirls were surprised and excited; but what of this Countess Belvane?What did _she_ do?"

  "What _did_ she do?"

  "Nothing," said Udo impressively. "She was neither surprised noralarmed."

  "Why, now I come to think of it, I don't believe she was."

  "And yet," said Udo half pathetically, half proudly, "Princes don'tgenerally look like this. Now, why wasn't she surprised?"

  Hyacinth looked bewildered.

  "Did she know you were sending for me?" Udo went on.

  "Yes."

  "Because you had found out something about her?"

  "Yes."

  "Then depend upon it, _she's_ done it. _What_ a mind that woman musthave!"

  "But how could she do it?" exclaimed Hyacinth. "Of course it's justthe sort of thing she _would_ do if she could."

  Udo didn't answer. He was feeling rather annoyed with Belvane, andhad got off his seat and was trotting up and down so as not to showhis feelings before a lady.

  "How _could_ she do it?" implored Hyacinth.

  "Oh, she's in with some enchanter or somebody," said Udo impatientlyas he trotted past.

  Suddenly he had an idea. He stopped in front of her.

  "If only I were _sure_ I was a lion."

  He tried to roar, exclaimed hastily that it was only a practice one,and roared again. "No, I don't think I'm a lion after all," headmitted sadly.

  "Well," said Hyacinth, "we must think of a plan."

  "We must think of a plan," said Udo, and he came and sat meekly besideher again. He could conceal it from himself no longer that he was nota lion. The fact depressed him.

  "I suppose I have been weak," went on Hyacinth, "but ever since themen went away she has been the ruling spirit of the country. I thinkshe is plotting against me; I _know_ she is robbing me. I asked youhere so that you could help me to find her out."

  Udo nodded his head importantly.

  "We must watch her," he announced.

  "We must watch her," agreed Hyacinth. "It may take months----"

  "Did you say months?" said Udo, turning to her excitedly.

  "Yes, why?"

  "Well, it's----" he gave a deprecating little cough. "I know it'svery silly of me but--oh, well, let's hope it will be all right."

  "Why, whatever is the matter?"

  Udo was decidedly embarrassed. He wriggled. He drew little circleswith his hind paw on the ground and he shot little coy glances at her.

  "Well, I"--and he gave a little nervous giggle--"I have a sort ofuneasy feeling that I may be one of those animals"--he gave anotherconscious little laugh--"that have to go to sleep all through thewinter. It would be very annoying--if I"--his paw became very busyhere--"if I had to dig a little hole in the ground, just when the plotwas thickening."

  "Oh, but you won't," said Hyacinth, in distress.

  They were both silent for a moment, thinking of the awfulpossibilities. Udo's tail had fallen across Hyacinth's lap, and shebegan to play with it absently.

  "Anyway," she said hopefully, "it's only July now."

  "Ye--es," said Udo. "I suppose I should get--er--busy about November.We ought to find out something before then. First of all we'dbetter---- Oh!" He started up in dismay. "I've just had a_horrible_ thought. Don't I have to collect a little store of nutsand things?"

  "Surely----"

  "I should have to start that pretty soon," said Udo thoughtfully."You know, I shouldn't be very handy at it. Climbing about afternuts," he went on dreamily, "what a life for a----"

  "Oh, don't!" pleaded Hyacinth. "Surely only squirrels do that?"

  "Yes--yes. Now, if I were a squirrel. I should--may I have my tailfor a moment?"

  "Oh, I'm so sorry," said Hyacinth, very much confused as she realisedthe liberty she had been taking, and she handed his tail back to him.

  "Not at all," said Udo.

  He took it firmly in his right hand. "Now then," he said, "we shallsee. Watch this."

  Sitting on his back legs he arched his tail over his head, and lettinggo of it suddenly, began to nibble at a sandwich held in his two frontpaws. . . .

  A pretty picture for an artist.

  But a bad model. The tail fell with a thud to the ground.

  "There!" said Udo triumphantly. "That proves it. I'm _not_ asquirrel."

  "Oh, I'm so glad," said Hyacinth, completely convinced, as any onewould have been, by this demonstration.

  "Yes, well, that's all right then. Now we can make our plans. Firstof all we'd better----" He stopped suddenly, and Hyacinth saw that hewas gazing at his tail.

  "Yes?" she said encouragingly.

  He picked up his tail and held it out in front of him. There was alarge knot in the middle of it.

  "Now, _what_ have I forgotten?" he said, rubbing his headthoughtfully.

  Poor Hyacinth!

  "Oh, dear Prince Udo, I'm so sorry. I'm afraid I did that withoutthinking."

  Udo, the gallant gentleman, was not found wanting.

  "A lover's knot," he said, with a graceful incli--no, he stopped intime. But really, those ears of his made ordinary politeness quiteimpossible.

  "Oh, Udo," said Hyacinth impulsively, "if only I could help you to getback to your proper form again."

  "Yes, if only," said Udo, becoming practical again; "but how are wegoing to do it? Just one more watercress sandwich," he saidapologetically; "they go with the ears so well."

  "I shall threaten the Countess," said Hyacinth excitedly. "I shallt
ell her that unless she makes the enchanter restore you to yourproper form, I shall put her in prison."

  Udo was not listening. He had gone off into his own thoughts."Banana fritters _and_ watercress sandwiches," he was murmuring tohimself. "I suppose I must be the only animal of the kind in theworld."

  "Of course," went on Hyacinth, half to herself, "she might get thepeople on her side, the ones that she's bribed. And if she did----"

  "That's all right, that's all right," said Udo grandly. "Leave her tome. There's something about your watercress that inspires me to doterrible deeds. I feel a new--whatever I am."

  One gathers reluctantly from this speech that Udo had partaken toofreely.

  "Of course," said Hyacinth, "I could write to my father, who mightsend some of his men back, but I shouldn't like to do that. Ishouldn't like him to think that I had failed him."

  "Extraordinary how I take to these things," said Udo, allowing himselfa little more room on the seat. "Perhaps I am a rabbit after all. Iwonder what I should look like behind wire netting." He took anotherbite and went on, "I wonder what I should do if I saw a ferret. Isuppose you haven't got a ferret on you, Princess?"

  "I beg your pardon, Prince? I'm afraid I was thinking of somethingelse. What did you say?"

  "Nothing, nothing. One's thoughts run on." He put his hand out forthe plate, and discovered that it was empty. He settled himself morecomfortably, and seemed to be about to sink into slumber when hisattention was attracted suddenly by the knot in his tail. He pickedit up and began lazily to undo it. "I wish I could lash my tail," hemurmured; "mine seems to be one of the tails that don't lash." Hebegan very gingerly to feel the tip of it. "I wonder if I've got asting anywhere." He closed his eyes, muttering, "Sting Countess neck,sting all over neck, sting lots stings," and fell peacefully asleep.

  It was a disgraceful exhibition. Roger Scurvilegs tries to slur itover; talks about the great heat of the sun, and the notorious effectof even one or two watercress sandwiches on an empty--on a man who hashad nothing to eat for several days. This is to palter with thefacts. The effect of watercress sandwiches upon Udo's arrangements(however furnished) we have all just seen for ourselves; but whatRoger neglects to lay stress upon is the fact that it was the effectof twenty-one or twenty-two watercress sandwiches. There is nodenying that it was a disgraceful exhibition. If I had been there, Ishould certainly have written to his father about it.

  Hyacinth looked at him uneasily. Her first feeling was one ofsympathy. "Poor fellow," she thought, "he's had a hard time lately."But it is a strain on the sympathy to gaze too long on a mixture oflion, rabbit, and woolly lamb, particularly when the rabbit part hasits mouth open and is snoring gently.

  Besides, what could she do with him? She had two of them on her handsnow: the Countess and the Prince. Belvane was in an even betterposition than before. She could now employ Udo to help her in herplots against the Princess. "Grant to me so and so, or I'll keep theenchantment for ever on his Royal Highness." And what could a poorgirl do?

  Well, she would have to come to some decision in the future.Meanwhile the difficulties of the moment were enough. The mostobvious difficulty was his bedroom. Was it quite the sort of room hewanted now? Hyacinth realised suddenly that to be hostess to such acollection of animals as Udo was would require all the tact shepossessed. Perhaps he would tell her what he wanted when he woke up.Better let him sleep peacefully now.

  She looked at him, smiled in spite of herself, and went quickly downinto the Palace.