Once on a Time

by A. A. Milne

  CHAPTER XX

  CORONEL KNOWS A GOOD STORY WHEN HE HEARS IT

  I quote (with slight alterations) from an epic by Charlotte Patacake,a contemporary poet of the country:

  _King Merriwig the First rode back from war,_ _As many other Kings had done before;_ _Five hundred men behind him were in sight_ _(Left-right, left-right, left-right, left-right, left-right)._

  So far as is known, this was her only work, but she built up somereputation on it, and Belvane, who was a good judge, had a highopinion of her genius.

  To be exact, there were only four hundred and ninety-nine men. HenrySmallnose, a bowman of considerable promise, had been left behind inthe enemy's country, the one casualty of war. While spying out theland in the early days of the invasion, he had been discovered by theChief Armourer of Barodia at full length on the wet grass searchingfor tracks. The Chief Armourer, a kindly man, had invited him to hiscottage, dried him and given him a warming drink, and had told himthat, if ever his spying took him that way again, he was not to standon ceremony, but come in and pay him a visit. Henry, having caught aglimpse of the Chief Armourer's daughter, had accepted without anyfalse pride, and had frequently dropped in to supper thereafter. Nowthat the war was over, he found that he could not tear himself away.With King Merriwig's permission he was settling in Barodia, and withthe Chief Armourer's permission he was starting on his new life as amarried man.

  As the towers of the castle came in sight, Merriwig drew a deep breathof happiness. Home again! The hardships of the war were over; thespoils of victory (wrapped up in tissue paper) were in his pocket;days of honoured leisure were waiting for him. He gazed at eachremembered landmark of his own beloved country, his heart overflowingwith thankfulness. Never again would he leave Euralia!

  How good to see Hyacinth again! Poor little Hyacinth left all alone;but there! she had had the Countess Belvane, a woman of greatexperience, to help her. Belvane! Should he risk it? How much hadshe thought of him while he was away? Hyacinth would be growing upand getting married soon. Life would be lonely in Euralia then,unless---- Should he risk it?

  What would Hyacinth say?

  She was waiting for him at the gates of the castle. She had wantedCoronel to wait with her, but he had refused.

  _As the towers of the Castle came in sight, Merriwigdrew a deep breath of happiness_]

  "We must offer the good news to him gradually," he said. "When a manhas just come back from a successful campaign, he doesn't want to finda surprise like this waiting for him. Just think--we don't even knowwhy the war is over--he must be longing to tell you that. Oh, he'llhave a hundred things to tell you first; but then, when he says 'Andwhat's been happening here while I've been away? Nothing much, Isuppose?' then you can say----"

  "Then I shall say, 'Nothing much; only Coronel.' And such a clever!"

  "Oh, I have my ideas," said Coronel. "Well, I'll be out of the waysomewhere. I think I'll go for a walk in the forest. Or shall I stayhere, in the Countess's garden, and amuse myself with Udo? Anyhow,I'll give you an hour alone together first."

  The cavalcade drew up in front of the castle. Handkerchiefs flutteredto them from the walls; trumpets were blown; hounds bayed. Down thesteps came Hyacinth, all blue and gold, and flung herself into herfather's arms.

  "My dear child," said Merriwig as he patted her soothingly. "There,there! It's your old father come back again. H'r'm. There, there!"He patted her again, as though it were she and not himself who was indanger of breaking down. "My little Hyacinth! My own little girl!"

  "Oh, Father, I _am_ glad to have you back."

  "There, there, my child. Now I must just say a few words to my men,and then we can tell each other all that has been happening."

  He took a step forward and addressed his troops.

  "Men of Euralia (_cheers_). We have returned from a long and arduousconflict (_cheers_) to the embraces (_loud cheers_) of our mothers andwives and daughters (_prolonged cheering_)--as the case may be (_hear,hear_). In honour of our great victory I decree that, from nowonwards, to-morrow shall be observed as a holiday throughout Euralia(_terrific cheering_). I bid you all now return to your homes, and Ihope that you will find as warm a welcome there as I have found inmine." Here he turned and embraced his daughter again; and if his eyetravelled over her shoulder in the direction of Belvane's garden, itis a small matter, and one for which the architect of the castle, nodoubt, was principally to blame.

  There was another storm of cheers, the battle-cry of Euralia, "_Ho,ho, Merriwig!_" was shouted from five hundred throats, and the mendispersed happily to their homes. Hyacinth and Merriwig went into thePalace.

  "Now, Father," said Hyacinth later on, when Merriwig had changed hisclothes and refreshed himself, "you've got to tell me all about it. Ican hardly believe it's really over."

  "Yes, yes. It's all over," said Merriwig heartily. "We shan't haveany trouble in _that_ direction again, I fancy."

  "Do tell me, did the King of Barodia apologise?"

  "He did better than that, he abdicated."

  "Why?"

  "Well," said Merriwig, remembering just in time, "I--er--killed him."

  "Oh, Father, how rough of you."

  "I don't think it hurt him very much, my dear. It was more a shock tohis feelings than anything else. See, I have brought these home foryou."

  He produced from his pocket a small packet in tissue paper.

  "Oh, how exciting! Whatever can it be?"

  Merriwig unwrapped the paper, and disclosed a couple of gingerwhiskers, neatly tied up with blue ribbon.

  "Father!"

  He picked out the left one, _fons et origo_ (if he had known anyLatin) of the war, and held it up for Hyacinth's inspection.

  "There, you can see the place where Henry Smallnose's arrow bent it.By the way," he added, "Henry is marrying and settling down inBarodia. It is curious," he went on, "how after a war one's thoughtsturn to matrimony." He glanced at his daughter to see how she wouldtake this, but she was still engrossed with the whiskers.

  "What am I going to do with them, Father? I can't plant them in thegarden."

  "I thought we might run them up the flagstaff, as we did in Barodia."

  "Isn't that a little unkind now that the poor man's dead?"

  Merriwig looked round him to see that there were no eavesdroppers.

  "Can you keep a secret?" he asked mysteriously.

  "Of course," said Hyacinth, deciding at once that it would not matterif she only told Coronel.

  "Well, then, listen."

  He told her of his secret journey to the King of Barodia's tent; hetold her of the King of Barodia's letter; he told her more fully ofhis early duel with the King; he told her everything that he had saidand done; and everything that everybody else had said and done to him;and his boyish pleasure in it all was so evident and so innocent, thateven a stranger would have had nothing more reproachful for him than asmile. To Hyacinth he seemed the dearest of fathers and the mostwonderful of kings.

  And by and by the moment came of which Coronel had spoken.

  "And now," said Merriwig, "tell me what you have all been doing withyourselves here. Nothing much, I suppose?"

  He waited nervously, wondering if Hyacinth would realise that "all"was meant to include more particularly Belvane.

  Hyacinth drew a stool up to her father's chair and sat down very closeto him.

  "Father," she said, stroking his hand where it rested on his knee, "I_have_ got some news for you."

  "Nothing about the Coun--nothing serious, I hope," said Merriwig, inalarm.

  "It's rather serious, but it's rather nice. Father, dear, would youmind _very_ much if I got married soon?"

  "My dear, you shall get married as soon as you like. Let me see,there were six or seven Princes who came about it only the other day.I sent them off on adventures of some kind, but--dear me, yes, theyought to have been back by now. I suppose you haven't heard anythingof them?"
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br />   "No, Father," said Hyacinth, with a little smile.

  "Ah, well, no doubt they were unsuccessful. No matter, dear, we caneasily find you plenty more suitors. Indeed, the subject has beenvery near my thoughts lately. We'll arrange a little competition, andlet them know in the neighbouring countries; there'll be no lack ofcandidates. Let me see, there's that seven-headed bull; he's gettinga little old now, but he was good enough for the last one. Wemight----"

  "I don't want a suitor," said Hyacinth softly. "I have one."

  Merriwig leant forward with eagerness.

  "My dear, this is indeed news. Tell me all about it. Upon what questdid you send him?"

  Hyacinth had felt this coming. Had she lived in modern times shewould have expected the question, "What is his income?" A man mustprove his worth in some way.

  "I haven't sent him away at all yet," she said; "he's only just come.He's been very kind to me, and I'm sure you'll love him."

  "Well, well, we'll arrange something for him. Perhaps that bull I wasspeaking of---- By the way, who is he?"

  "He comes from Araby, and his name is----"

  "Udo, of course. Why didn't I think of him? An excellentarrangement, my dear."

  "It isn't Udo, I'm afraid, Father. It's Coronel."

  "And who might Coronel be?" said the King, rather sternly.

  "He's--he's--well, he's---- Here he is, Father." She ran up to himimpulsively as he came in at the door. "Oh, Coronel, you're just intime; do tell Father who you are."

  Coronel bowed profoundly to the King.

  "Before I explain myself, your Majesty," he said, "may I congratulateyour Majesty on your wonderful victory over the Barodians? From thelittle I have gathered outside, it is the most remarkable victory thathas ever occurred. But of course I am longing to hear the full storyfrom your Majesty's own lips. Is it a fact that your Majesty made hisway at dead of night to the King of Barodia's own tent and challengedhim to mortal combat and slew him?" There was an eagerness, verywinning, in his eyes as he asked it; he seemed to be envying the Kingsuch an adventure--an adventure after his own heart.

  Merriwig was in an awkward position. He wondered for a moment whetherto order his daughter out of the room. "Leave us, my child," he wouldsay. "These are matters for men to discuss." But Hyacinth would knowquite well why she had been sent out, and would certainly tell Coronelthe truth of the matter afterwards.

  It really looked as if Coronel would have to be let into the secrettoo. He cleared his throat noisily by way of preparation.

  "There are certain state reasons," he said with dignity, "why thatstory has been allowed to get about."

  "Pardon, your Majesty. I have no wish to----"

  "But as you know so much, you may as well know all. It happened likethis." Once more he told the story of his midnight visit, and of theKing's letter to him.

  "But, your Majesty," cried Coronel, "it is more wonderful than theother. Never was such genius of invention, such brilliance and daringof execution."

  "So you like it," said Merriwig, trying to look modest.

  "I love it."

  "I knew he'd love it," put in Hyacinth. "It's just the sort of storythat Coronel would love. Tell him about how you fought the King atthe beginning of the war, and how you pretended to be a swineherd, andhow--"

  Could any father have resisted? In a little while Hyacinth andCoronel were seated eagerly at his feet, and he was telling once morethe great story of his adventures.

  "Well, well," said the King at the end of it, when he had receivedtheir tribute of admiration. "Those are just a few of the littleadventures that happen in war time." He turned to Coronel. "And soyou, I understand, wish to marry my daughter?"

  "Does that surprise your Majesty?"

  "Well, no, it doesn't. And she, I understand, wishes to marry you."

  "Yes, please, Father."

  "That," said Coronel simply, "is much more surprising."

  Merriwig, however, was not so sure of that. He liked the look ofCoronel, he liked his manner, and he saw at once that he knew a goodstory--when he heard one.

  "Of course," he said, "you'll have to win her."

  "Anything your Majesty sets me to do. It's as well," he added with adisarming smile, "that you cannot ask for the whiskers of the King ofBarodia. There is only one man who could have got those."

  Truly an excellent young man.

  "Well, we'll arrange something," said Merriwig, looking pleased."Perhaps your Prince Udo would care to be a competitor too."

  Hyacinth and Coronel interchanged a smile.

  "Alas, Father," she said, "his Royal Highness is not attracted by mypoor charms."

  "Wait till he has seen them, my dear," said Merriwig with a chuckle.

  "He has seen them, Father."

  "What? You invited him here? Tell me about this, Hyacinth. He cameto stay with you and he never----"

  "His Royal Highness," put in Coronel, "has given his affections toanother."

  "Aha! So that's the secret. Now I wonder if I can guess who she is.What do you say to the Princess Elvira of Tregong? I know his fatherhad hopes in that direction."

  Hyacinth looked round at Coronel as if appealing for his support. Hetook a step towards her.

  "No, it's not the Princess Elvira," said Hyacinth, a little nervously.

  The King laughed good-humouredly.

  "Ah, well, you must tell me," he said.

  Hyacinth put out her hand, and Coronel pressed it encouragingly.

  "His Royal Highness Prince Udo," she said, "is marrying the CountessBelvane."