Every Tear You Cry (Redeeming Love Book 4)

by J. E. Parker

  Erect your walls, guard your heart.

  My chin trembled. I wanted nothing more than collapse to the ground and burst into frustrated tears, but I refused to do so. I’d already cried enough to last a lifetime. It didn’t matter how much pushing him away hurt, I wouldn’t let another man bring me to that point.

  I would never give someone that much power again.

  Needing space, I stepped to the side and out of Brantley’s hold.

  I ached at the loss of his body pressed against mine.

  “So,” I said, changing the subject as I fixed the hair that Brantley had pulled from my messy bun. “What do you want to do for supper? The boys and I were planning on helping you and Bella unpack tonight. We can order takeout, or I can always cook. We’ll just need to go to the grocery store first.”

  Brantley’s eyes focused on me. “You’re helping me unpack?”

  “Yeah.” Finished with my hair, I straightened my dress. “Didn’t Hope tell you?”

  “No.”

  “Of course she didn’t.” I shook my head. “Well, you’re stuck with me tonight. I told Hope I’d help you get all moved in, and I won’t go back on my word.”

  “I’m not complaining, baby. Trust me.” His signature smirk appeared. “But you have to let me repay the favor.”

  Cheeks flushed, I turned to the side, facing the open door. “Sure thing. Just know that I only accept payment in the form of tacos or chicken wings. Your pick, Pretty Boy.”

  I winked at him and walked outside into the sunlight.

  Brantley’s explosive laughter followed me the entire way.

  Clara

  Mayhem greeted me when I stepped back inside.

  A smiling Maddie and Hope sat at the dining table watching Liam, Declan, Bella, Lucca, and Melody run laps around the oversized kitchen island. They zoomed around a bickering Grandmama and Shelby who were busy plating food and pouring drinks. The kids high-pitched screams, followed by roaring laughter from the living room where all the men—minus Brantley—had gathered, echoed through the house, bouncing off the walls.

  It was beautiful chaos.

  “Clara,” Maddie called my name, drawing my attention. “Where have you been?” She drummed her fingers against the table, a curious expression on her face. “And where the heck is Brantley? How come he didn’t follow you inside?” Her eyes narrowed. “You didn’t kill him, did you? Because I am far too pregnant to help you dispose of a body.”

  Nosy, nosy, nosy!

  “No,” I said casually, refusing to show my embarrassment. “I’m sure he’ll come inside when he’s ready to.”

  Maddie’s brows climbed her forehead. “Huh,” she replied, seeing straight through me. “Would you look at that?” She smiled and turned her attention to Grandmama, who was watching us both, an amused grin on her face. “Didn’t take as long as I thought it would.”

  Hope laughed, and before I could ask Maddie what she was talking about, Brantley walked in the back door. My body reacted and unable to stop myself, I turned my head and peeked at him from over my shoulder.

  When his eyes met mine, my breath hitched in my chest.

  He winked before looking at Hope. “Shortcake,” he said, holding his arms out. “Do I get a hug or what?”

  Without saying a word, Hope stood and crossed the room. Sliding her arms around Brantley’s waist, she closed her eyes and laid her head against his chest.

  Irrational jealousy roared to life inside me. It was stupid—so stupid—because I had no reason to feel the way I did. For one, Brantley wasn’t mine, and for two, Hope was his soon-to-be sister-in-law, plus my best friend. Still, despite knowing those things, I couldn’t shake the bile-inducing feelings uncoiling in the pit of my belly.

  You’re acting like an idiot, I chided myself. Get it together.

  I ripped my gaze from them and focused on Grandmama. Eyes locked on me, she wore a look of understanding on her face. Like Hope, the crazy old woman had read me like a book since day one. She knew of the thoughts running through my head.

  Crooking a finger, she beckoned for me to come closer.

  I moved, dodging the kids still running amuck around the kitchen. “Hi, Clara,” Bella squealed as she ran by me. “Bye, Clara!”

  “Careful, babies. If one of y’all falls, I’ll cry.”

  “We won’t fall.” Liam zipped past me, Declan hot on his heels. “Promise!”

  They disappeared into the living room as I rounded the island.

  When I was within Grandmama’s reach, she smacked my arm. “Ow,” I gasped, more surprised than hurt. “What was that—”

  “You have nothing to worry about with that man,” she interjected, pointing at Brantley. “He’s so smitten with you, he can’t think straight.”

  “What are you talking about?” I asked, ignoring the way my heart sped up at her words. “He’s not smitten—”

  “The hell he isn’t,” Shelby cut in, following in Grandmama’s footsteps. “No matter what he’s doing or who he’s talking to, his eyes are always on you. He tracks your every move, Clara. Men don’t do that for no reason.”

  I pinched the bridge of my nose between two fingers. “Why are y’all even telling me this? I’ve told you both multiple times that I want nothing to do with men. As far as I’m concerned, my future as a single old cat lady is all but etched in stone.”

  “Keep telling yourself that,” Grandmama mumbled under her breath.

  Setting down the pitcher of tea she’d been holding, Shelby turned to face me head on. After crossing her arms over her chest, she gave me a no-nonsense look that meant business.

  Great, here we go... The Mouth of the South is ready to unleash her fury on me.

  “I am about to tell you the same thing Maddie told me after I met Anthony. Don’t let that bastard steal more from you than he already has, Clara. You deserve happiness, and if Brantley can give it to you, then let him.”

  “Shelby, I can’t—”

  She held up her hand, cutting me off. “I’m not asking you to marry the man. I’m just saying, don’t let what happened before affect you now. Put it in the rearview mirror and don’t look back.” Shelby’s warm hands cupped my cheeks. “Because trust me, sugar, if you don’t bury the past, it will bury you.”

  Knowing she was right, I nodded. “I’ll try.”

  She wiped her eyes with the back of her hands. “That’s all I’m asking for.”

  Leaning to the side, she peered past me to Grandmama." Can we eat now, crazy Old Biddy?” She nodded toward the table where a scowling Maddie still sat. “Cause if we don’t sit down soon, pregzilla over there may kill us all.”

  “I heard that, Blondie!” Maddie fussed.

  “Alright, y’all,” Grandmama called out, “it’s time to eat.”

  Within seconds, the kitchen filled with people.

  Hendrix, who carried a giggling Melody in one arm and a laughing Lucca in the other was the first to appear, followed by Anthony who was carrying baby Ryker. Then came Felix, Ashley, and Evan, who had Bella seated on his shoulders.

  At the sight of Evan and Bella together, Brantley’s eyes lit up. “About time you dragged your sorry a—”

  Hope smacked his arm with the back of her hand, cutting him off. “Watch your mouth, doofus. The kids will hear you.”

  “What? I was going to say butt,” Brantley lied.

  I shook my head and scanned the room. “Where are my little delinquents? Did they—”

  Before I could finish my sentence, Pop appeared with both Liam and Declan tucked under his arms. “I’ve got them.” He shook his head and smiled at me. “They attacked me the second I walked through the front door and haven’t let up since.”

  That didn’t surprise me one bit.

  The boys had bonded with Pop the moment they met him, and over the last two years, that bond had only strengthened. He was the first positive male role model they’d had, and they loved him to death. And to show their love, they always gave him a hard time, anno
ying him to within an inch of his sanity.

  “Liam, Declan, you two leave poor Pop alone and sit at the kid’s table. It’s time to eat.” At the mention of food, both of my sons broke free of Pop’s hold and darted to the small, multicolored table where all the kids sat. They were soon joined by Lucca, who was yelling so loud I could hear nothing but him.

  Little turkey is a loudmouth just like his mama.

  Shelby must’ve known what I was thinking because she glared at me before turning away from the kids and flipping me off.

  I bit back a bout of laughter.

  Across the room, Evan stood Bella on the floor. She ran to the kid’s table. Plopping down on the seat next to Declan, she picked up her fork and looked around the crowded room. When her gaze met mine, she smiled from ear-to-ear and giggled.

  I damn near melted.

  I blew her a kiss as I leaned closer to Grandmama and asked, “Who are we missing?”

  Her eyes searched the room. “Carissa and Heidi are working at the shelter, so we’re only missing Kyle, Charlotte, and Keith. The latter two should be here any minute, but I’m not sure about Kyle.”

  She picked up a huge plate of fried chicken from the counter and made her way toward the table. “Hendrix, is Kyle coming?”

  Kyle Tucker was Hendrix’s best friend and fellow fireman. Both worked under Pop’s command at station 24 in downtown Toluca, the county next to the one where we lived. Kyle was quiet and closed off, but I could tell he was a good guy.

  If he weren’t, Hendrix wouldn’t have let him within fifty feet of Maddie. Protective wasn’t a strong enough word to describe Hendrix Cole when it came to his wife.

  Speaking of Hendrix… “Is Carissa coming?” He asked Grandmama. When she shook her head, he continued. “Then Kyle isn’t either. If he’s not on shift, which he isn’t, then he’s wherever C is.”

  Shelby scrunched up her nose. “He’s a tad bit obsessed with her, isn’t he?”

  Hendrix tapped his knuckles against the tabletop. “Obsessed isn’t a strong enough word. If it were anybody else, I’d have a problem with it, but Kyle would never hurt Carissa. Not to mention, C likes it.” He looked at Maddie. “Am I right or am I right, Pretty Girl?”

  Maddie blew out a breath. “I think you may be.”

  Once again, stupid, irrational jealousy roared to life inside me. Carissa and her younger sister, Heidi, were beautiful people. Sweet, kind-hearted, and gentle, both girls deserved only the best. I was happy that Carissa may find that happiness in Kyle, but damn it, why couldn’t I have found a good guy like my friends had?

  Ever since I was a little girl, all I’d wanted was my prince charming.

  Instead, life gave me a monster.

  A monster that left me scarred, jaded, and too emotionally damaged to open myself up to another man, no matter how good he may be. The permanent crippling fear that Colin had inflicted on my soul made it impossible to even fantasize about loving another man, much less actually do it.

  Just thinking about it caused my heart to ache.

  Why, since the day I was born, had I drawn the short end of the stick?

  It was a question I’d never have an answer too.

  “Hey, Red,” Evan said, looping an arm around my shoulders. I hadn’t seen him walk up. “What are you thinking about so hard?”

  “Stuff I shouldn’t be thinking about.” There was no point in lying to him. Evan would know if I did. “And you know what I’m talking about.”

  Evan nodded. “Yeah, I do.” After tracing his tongue over his bottom lip, he clenched his jaw tight. “I want you to stop. That motherfucker is gone, Clara, and he’s never coming back. I made sure of that.”

  Don’t think about the past, I told myself.

  Willing my mind to focus on something else, I looked around the room. As if on automatic, my eyes gravitated toward Brantley, and what I saw made all the air leave my lungs in one quick swoosh. Holding baby Ryker in his arms, he rocked him from side to side. He looked down at his only nephew with so much love and adoration it made my belly flip.

  Evan dropped his arm from my shoulders and pointed at Brantley. “That pain-in-the-ass over there is a good brother, but he’s an even better father. Give him a chance, Clara. Promise you won’t regret it.”

  “Evan, I—”

  “Just try being his friend,” he urged, interrupting me. “I swear on my life you won’t find a better one. Christ knows he needs it after everything his ex-wife put him through.”

  “Not a fan of hers, huh?”

  “Hell no,” he growled. “Witch never deserved Brantley, and she sure as hell doesn’t deserve Bella. Not after the bullshit she’s pulled.”

  I wanted to ask him what kind of stuff she’d done. The question hovered on the tip of my tongue, but by some miracle, I kept my mouth shut. “Fineee.” I faked exasperation. “I guess I’ll be his friend.” I poked him in the center of his chest. “But you owe me. Just remember, I only accept payment in the form of—”

  “Chicken wings and tacos, I know.” He huffed out an amused breath.

  “Well,” I sassed. “As long as you know.”

  “Clara,” Grandmama hollered, grabbing my attention. Finished giving the kids their plates she headed toward the table. “Come sit your butt down, Miss Fancy Pants. I’d like to eat before I die of starvation.” She cut her eyes at Maddie. “Or before a certain granddaughter of mine stabs me with a fork.”

  Oh for heaven’s sakes.

  “Hold your horses, I’m coming.”

  I moved across the kitchen to the place where Brantley stood. When only three feet separated us, I stopped. “Hey, Pretty Boy. Since you’re the new kid and all, I thought you may want to sit beside me,” I teased, batting my eyelashes.

  “Was already planning on it, Clara.” Lifting his hand, he stroked his thumb across my jawline. “I want to be wherever you are. Always. Nothing could keep me away.”

  The room fell silent.

  Swear to God, you could’ve heard a pin drop.

  Unaffected by having more than one set of eyes on him, Brantley continued to stare at me, his beautiful mouth tipped up at one side in a half smile. Meanwhile, I was close to hyperventilating and passing out.

  I opened my mouth to say something—what, I’m not sure—when the front door open and closed. “Ice is here!” Relief washed through me at the sound of Keith’s booming voice. “Wait. Where is everybody?”

  Grandmama cleared her throat. “We’re in the kitchen, son.”

  A second later, Keith, along with Charlotte, stepped into the room.

  “What the hell is going on? It’s quiet in here.” He asked, stepping into the room. “And that ain’t normal.”

  Mouth gaping, Maddie pointed to Brantley and I. “Hush, Daddy. We’re busy watching Brantley and Clara.”

  “Watching them what?” Keith asked, confused.

  “Fall head over heels,” she replied, bouncing her eyes between us.

  “You’re hormonal, preggo,” I said with a roll of my eyes. “Nobody is falling anywhere.” She thinned her lips into a straight line, and I knew she was about to argue so I kept talking, cutting her off before she could get started. “Zip it.”

  My eyes begged her to drop it.

  Thankfully, she did.

  “Fine,” she huffed. “I’ll zip it.” Picking up her glass of tea, she took a sip before mumbling, “for now,” under her breath.

  I’d just turned my head to face Brantley when Charlotte, Hope’s mother, appeared next to him. She wrapped her arms around his waist and squeezed him tight, careful not to squish Ryker. “About time you got here, Mr. B. I was beginning to think you weren’t coming.”

  Brantley’s gaze crashed into mine over the top of Charlotte’s head. “It’s been a long time coming.”

  Needing to sit down before I passed out and face planted on the wood floor, I stepped back. “I’m going to sit down.”

  Without waiting for a response, I turned and took my seat at the oversized
table next to Pop. Head spinning, I clenched my hands into tight fists and rested them on my lap.

  Shelby kicked me under the table, grabbing my attention. “You okay?” She mouthed, her eyes full of concern.

  For a moment, I considered lying to her. But the thought was fleeting. Even if I tried to lie, which I hated doing, Shelby would see right through it. She was as proficient as Evan at reading people.

  She’d smell a fib a mile away.

  I shook my head, hoping she would be the only one to notice. Whether she was, I don’t know. All I know is that I felt like I was slipping into unfamiliar territory, and I wasn’t sure how that made me feel.

  On the one hand, I loved and craved the excitement that being around Brantley created, but I also hated it because it made me feel out of control, something I swore never to be again.

  My life, my rules.

  I was pulled out of my inner thoughts when Brantley pulled out the chair next to me and sat down sans Ryker. It seemed Charlotte had stolen her only grandchild away from his uncle.

  Brantley narrowed his eyes at my fisted hands.

  Placing one of his heavy hands atop mine, he leaned closer until his lips hovered next to the shell of my ear. “I can tell you’re terrified, Firecracker, but you don’t need to be.”

  I was terrified.

  Beyond terrified, really.

  The man had been in town less than thirty minutes, and I’d already kissed him like a lusty harlot in Grandmama’s garage. Hell, if he’d pushed me a little, I may have done a lot more than just kiss him.

  “I won’t hurt you, Clara.” His smooth voice rolled over me, leaving chill bumps in its wake. “I’ll let Shelby castrate me with a rusty hacksaw before I do anything to cause you harm. You understand me?”

  I leaned back in my chair and glared at him. “You better not, because if you do, you won’t have to worry about Shelby,” I muttered under my breath. “I’ll handle you myself.”

  His signature smirk made another appearance. “I don’t doubt that one bit.”

  “Alright, y’all,” Grandmama said. “Now that everyone is seated, let’s dig in before the food gets cold.” She waved her hand, catching Keith’s attention. “Say the blessing, son.”