Be Still, My Love

by Deborah J. Hughes

  To keep my focus inward, I concentrated on my breath and as I did so, I said another prayer. Despite what people like Modesta thought, God was very much a part of this process. I set about protecting myself by envisioning a white light surrounding me and made my intentions clear to those in spirit. I would make contact with Abigail and Nathan and help them resolve whatever fear kept their souls trapped from moving on. I also hoped to lessen the fearful atmosphere that was slowly taking over the resort. Prayers told and concentration in full focus, I sat and waited. I was aware of everything, most prevalent was the faint sounds of the ocean as it washed ashore, receded, washed ashore and receded. I heard the willows blowing in the breeze and settling sounds old homes made. But underlying all was a stillness that I found somewhat unnerving. A sense of waiting permeated the air … a feeling that something was about to happen.

  In my mind’s eye I began to see a vision, blurry at first but becoming clearer. Abigail. She approached me with apprehension but I didn’t think it was me she feared. I sent out a message to her that I was here for her, that I wanted to help her. The energy in the room intensified and began to hum, a kind of hum that was felt from deep within. The hairs on my skin began to prickle, my scalp tingle. I opened my eyes and saw shadows moving about the room. Startled at first, it nearly broke my concentration, but then I knew there was nothing here that was going to hurt me and I settled down. The shadows began to form and dance before my eyes and then they began to take shape. I heard Abigail’s soft weeping and my own eyes filled with tears.

  “Come to me, Abigail.” I spoke softly into the room hoping the sound of my voice would help solidify the psychic energy into something more tangible.

  Afraid. So afraid. Abigail’s voice filled my head and though it wasn’t an audible sound, her voice was very clear and distinct to me.

  “What are you afraid of?”

  My poor, poor Nathan. My tears fell steadily along with hers and I had to wipe at my eyes to clear my vision.

  “What happened to Nathan, Abigail?”

  Something was beginning to disturb our connection. I wasn’t sure what it was, but I knew that Abigail was as aware of it as I. She was about to flee. “Don’t! Don’t go, Abigail. He can’t hurt us. He can’t hurt you and he can’t hurt Nathan.” Although it wasn’t necessary to speak out loud, I found myself doing just that, keeping my voice soft and hushed.

  No. I can’t … I can’t do this.

  Her sorrow was so complete it was almost overwhelming. “Listen to me, Abigail. Listen to me. You and Nathan have passed on. You are no longer among the living. Whoever hurt you cannot touch you again. It’s time for you and Nathan to find each other.”

  Lost. So lost.

  Despair washed over and through me. Her despair. I swiped at the tears blurring my vision and drew in a deep breath to try and gain some sort of emotional control. “You are not lost. You are only unaware. Your fear blinds you to the truth. Listen to me, Abigail, I speak only the truth. Trust me.” I invited her in to the very essence of me so she could see for herself that I was here to help her. I had no reservations at all about allowing her to invade my mind, my heart and mingle with my soul. For a brief moment it was as if I were two people in one body and then she withdrew. My tears dried up almost instantly and then before my eyes a blurry white shapeless cloud began to form. I watched fascinated as the pale light gathered in the room and began to take on the form of a young girl. Physical phenomenon of this sort was not something I was particularly used to so my heart started pounding in response. My throat felt tight as my emotions went a little haywire. Calm, I had to calm down and accept what was happening. I was not afraid but my fascination could interfere with the process and it took all my training to maintain calm acceptance. Within minutes, Abigail’s form stood before me. Though she wasn’t solid, she appeared to be. If I looked at any one part of her, I could see through her but if I looked at her as a whole, I saw her as if solid flesh.

  “You no longer have to fear him, Abigail. Tell me what happened? How can I help you?” The girl standing before me was slender, her face very pretty, her thick dark hair was long and pulled back with pearl barrettes on either side of her head, showing off her high prominent cheekbones. Her eyes looked sad, filled with sorrow, and her full mouth trembled with the effort to hold back tears as she stared at me. She turned her head to look behind her and then she glanced at me in rising fear. I, too, glanced to the area behind her but saw nothing. The nagging feeling that something wasn’t quite right began to increase to a pestering degree but I ignored it for now. If someone was coming, I’d deal with him when he got here. For now, I actually had Abigail standing before me and I was not going to waste the moment. “Nathan is looking for you Abigail. His spirit seeks yours.”

  Abigail turned back to me, her eyes wide with hope even as she seemed to be worried about something behind her. Something I could not see though I sensed in the vaguest of ways.

  Nathan. My love.

  “Call him, Abigail. Call him to you.”

  She shook her head as if to deny her ability to do such a thing but I nodded in encouragement, meeting her eyes, willing her to see the possibilities. She needed to believe it was possible to see him again and through my own belief, hers could be encouraged. She closed her eyes for a moment and in that instant the shadows in the room began to shift, the soft moonlight swirl and gather and then Nathan was standing there right beside her. He didn’t look disheveled and soaked with rain like he had when I last saw him. He stared at me as if I were the ghost, which, under other circumstance, would have been quite amusing. But my adrenaline was at an all time high and it was all I could do not to get overwhelmed by what was happening.

  I managed to nod my head toward Abigail and he turned to look at her. She was already staring at him, her expression one of disbelief. They stared at each other for several long moments and then Nathan lifted a hand as if to touch her.

  “Abigail?” His voice was like a hushed whisper amplified just enough to make it audible to my ears.

  Abigail took a step toward Nathan and reached toward his outstretched hand. They did not touch. I wondered if it were possible for them to do so? Touching was a physical thing and they were no longer in physical bodies. So how did it work on the other side? The two lovers gazed at each other and I knew as I watched joy flood their faces that I had my answer. They were spiritually reconnecting, their souls mingling one within the other. Though I was not part of it, I could feel their connection. It reminded me of those precious moments I used to share with Mike when we became one body, one spirit, and our connection to one another was so intermingled that there was no distinction between us … no boundary of where I stopped and he began. I even had moments like that with Kade. But I pushed those thoughts away and returned my focus to the pair before me.

  “If you see light, you must both move toward it and once you do, you will know no more fear, no more pain.” They pulled their gazes from each other and turned to look at me, their expressions hopeful. In the next instant they both turned as if something had just startled them from behind. I wasn’t sure if they were looking at the wall or into a dimension I could not see but whatever was there had them both concerned. Nathan turned back to me and raised a hand in entreaty. I felt him like an alarmed whisper within my mind. He believed me to be in peril. Surprised by the urgency of his message, I stood and squinted through the shadows around me in an effort to locate the danger. I saw nothing. Then I glanced out the window.

  My heart started pounding fast and furious as I walked to the window and pressed my hands to the cold pane. For the moment, the two spirits behind me were less important than what I was seeing out on the back lawn. Besides, I had a strong suspicion they were no longer with me.

  Someone was running up the path toward the fountain. At first my heart skipped in fear that it was Kade (I did not feel it was safe for him to be here) but then I realized as he drew closer that it was Nathan. He looked up and saw me in the w
indow and waved his hands wildly, shouting the whole time though I couldn’t hear what he was saying because a storm was taking place, the rain coming down in torrents as intermittent lightning flashed across the sky. I plastered myself against the window in terror for him for I knew what was about to happen. My fingers curled into fists and it took all my willpower not to pound at the glass and tear free from the confines of the room. Abigail’s screams reverberated loudly through my mind and I knew I was witnessing the night Nathan died.

  In horror I saw someone come from behind the garden cottage and creep toward Nathan who was completely focused on the window…on Abigail. I wanted to warn him but knew there was nothing I could do. And just like that I found myself in a position Sheila had been in two years earlier. Had she been in a similar position? Wanting to warn me of Mike’s pending accident but like me now, could do nothing to stop it?

  Abigail’s terror raced through me as the figure sneaking up on Nathan prepared to strike him down. I could see clearly now that the object I had seen in his hands when I had the vision earlier was a tree branch. Probably a hefty piece of driftwood picked up from the shore. Though I tried to identify Nathan’s attacker, they were just too far away. Besides, it was too dark and the slickers he wore kept him well hidden. I watched helplessly as Nathan was struck down and dragged from sight and then suddenly I was glancing wildly around the room. Abigail was taking over. I felt like a phantom body trapped within her as she ran down the winding staircase to the door. She pulled and pushed and pounded the panel to no avail. The door was locked. Vaguely I wondered if the bells I’d hung on the doorknob were making any noise but had a strong suspicion they were not. I didn’t hear them at any rate.

  Abigail’s despair and helplessness robbed us of strength and I crumbled on the stairs in a flood of tears. In this moment, we shared a common, tragic bond. I’d been in this place of despair that she suffered and I felt her pain mingle with my own. As I lay there awash with tears and grief, a coherent thought suddenly entered my head. I needed to separate from Abigail and get control of the situation. But before I did so, I needed to maintain this connection with her just a little longer. I had to know what truly happened. Eventually Abigail’s sobbing stopped and we lay calm and quiet. I hoped that through me she would now realize that the scene she just saw was an event that took place a long time ago. She needed to get past this.

  With Abigail’s deep-seated sorrow filling my soul, we finally sat up and I waited to see what would happen next. When the time was right, I would pull myself from her influence and become an observer. For now, I would remain as Abigail. We stood up and climbed back up the stairs. As if she were in trance herself, Abigail walked toward the balcony door and my heart pounded wildly in response. The sounds of pelting rain and the flashes of lightening were gone and I realized that we had moved forward in time. I was about to learn what happened the night Abigail died. Somehow I managed to keep my own sense of awareness in tact as we opened the door to the balcony and stepped out.

  The storm was indeed gone. It was a clear night. Stars littered the sky and a breeze blew my hair about. I pulled a shawl I knew existed only in Abigail’s world closer about me. This was Abigail’s moment, her memory, and I was going to go with it up until the point where she went over the edge. I had no intensions of doing the same.

  We walked to the parapet and looked out over the water. Abigail’s sadness wrapped around and through me like a heavy, suffocating cloak. Underlying all that sadness was fear and utter helplessness. We were alone in this moment as we looked out at the ocean and up to the stars. Whoever had killed Nathan now threatened Abigail and we waited quietly for the moment of reckoning to come.

  A noise behind me made me swing around and my heart gave a hard thump as I saw that someone stood in the doorway to the turret room. He looked quite real but I wasn’t sure if I were seeing him through Abigail’s eyes or through my own. He stood in shadow so I couldn’t see his face. My impression was that he was about my age or a little younger. I sensed that this was still Abigail’s memory and relaxed. No fear then. He couldn’t hurt me. But I was going to have to separate myself from Abigail at some point. When she went over the edge, I was not going with her.

  “Why did you do it?” It was my voice speaking but it was Abigail doing the talking. The young man standing quietly in the doorway stepped closer, out from the shadows and into view. I didn’t recognize him but I guessed him to be Carter. He had shaggy thick hair that flopped across his forehead and partially covered his eyes. He was tall, lean, and he looked quite incapable of murder. The expression in his eyes was tender, concerned and his mouth was pressed together in sympathy.

  “I didn’t do anything, Abby. I tried to stop it.”

  “No, I saw you. I saw you!”

  “It wasn’t me, Abby! I would never do anything to make you cry. Never.” The boy’s impassioned face told me that he was speaking the truth.

  “Oh, Willy, I am so afraid. Why would anyone want to kill Nathan? Why?” Abigail broke down in tears and the boy came forward to wrap her in his arms. He loved her. I could see it as well as sense it. She called him Willy. Who was Willy?

  “Don’t cry, Abby. I won’t let anyone hurt you.”

  “But Nathan is dead. He’s dead, Willy, and I love him so much.” Abigail collapsed against him sobbing and the boy holding her didn’t know how to deal with it. His arms tightened around her as he spoke softly in her ear.

  “I’ll find out who did it, Abby. I’ll find out and punish him.”

  Abigail shook her head. “No, Willy. I don’t want you to get hurt. You must tell my father what you know. He doesn’t believe me. He thinks I am delusional, grief stricken and in denial. He won’t listen to me.”

  “What do I tell him, Abby? Who do you think did it?”

  Abigail shook her head. “I don’t know but he seemed familiar.”

  “Can you think who it might be? Think hard, Abby.”

  Abigail pushed away from Willy and sank down on the edge of the parapet. Even as we did this, my heart jumped in fear. Time to separate, time to step aside and watch what was to follow. But as I started to make the separation, to pull my consciousness from Abigail’s, we heard a sound in the turret room. Obviously we weren’t alone. But was it someone from her time or someone from mine? The mixed events were confusing me. I wasn’t sure what was in the now and what was being remembered by Abigail.

  Willy turned his head. “Did you hear something?”

  That answered that question. If Willy heard the noise, then I was still experiencing Abigail’s memory. Still, I needed to get off that wall.

  Abigail glanced at the door as a new fear took hold within her. She realized the danger and stood up. “The stairwell door is locked. How did you get up here, Willy? Maybe someone followed you.”

  “I came through the secret door. I never told you about it because I was afraid you’d have him use it. If your father had caught him here you would have been in deep trouble.”

  “What secret door?”

  “The one in the wall behind the sofa. You can access another set of stairs through it and come out in the room downstairs. That large mirror that you hate so much covers up the other door.”

  “But I know the turret room very well, Willy. There is no other door.”

  Willy held out his hand. “Come with me and I’ll show you. I don’t want you out here anyway.”

  “Why? Are you afraid I may fall? Then I would be with Nathan.”

  “But you would be dead, Abby. Dead!”

  Abigail gave a forlorn sigh. “Yes. I feel dead inside already.” But she took his hand. We walked back into the turret room and there in the wall beside the sofa, which was now closer to the door rather than centered on the wall, was a dark opening. Willy went over and pulled it shut. The design of the wood paneling made the door’s outline hard to see. It was a great camouflage, very effective.

  “I wish you had told me about that, Willy. I might have been able to sav
e Nathan.”

  “I’m sorry, Abby. Really, really sorry.”

  Abigail laid her head on Willy’s shoulder. “I know.”

  Willy rubbed her arm and stood with her in silence while she cried softly. “Come away with me, Abby. I’ll take you away from here. Away from your father.”

  Abigail lifted her head and looked up into Willy’s pale blue eyes. “What? Where would we go?”

  “Anywhere you want to go. I love you, Abby. I’ll take care of you.”

  Abigail pulled away from Willy and stepped back, her face sad. “Oh, Willy, I wish you hadn’t said that.”

  “Why?”

  “I care about you, Willy. I really do. But I love Nathan. I will always love him.”

  Willy’s face fell with disappointment. “You don’t love me now, Abby, but someday you might.”

  Before Abigail could answer him, a loud noise erupted in the wall before us and the secret door burst open. The gaping darkness beyond the door gave off a sense of danger and lurking evil. The last thought made me shiver for I rarely used that word. I quickly pictured a circle of protective light growing brighter around me but the feeling of menace continued to flood the room. Abigail and Willy started backing from the room and when I realized that we were once again out on the balcony, I started to panic. This is not where I wanted to be.

  Willy’s arm dropped from its protective hold on Abigail’s shoulders as he stepped forward to peer cautiously into the turret room. His face was scrunched with worry when he turned to wave at Abigail in a motion to stay her where we stood. “Stay here, Abby. I’m going to go see who pushed that door open.”

  “No, Willy, don’t! What if it’s the person who killed Nathan?”

  Willy took Abigail’s outstretched hand and squeezed it. “I have to, Abby. I must make sure you are safe. I’ll be right back.”

  “Hurry, Willy. And be careful.”

  Willy smiled at Abigail’s concern. “I’ll be back as soon as I can. Whatever you do … don’t go through that door.”