Love After Loss

by W. Mae Smith

  I had never taken suppressants before. It felt a little strange. I, unlike some omegas, enjoyed my heat. I loved that alphas could smell my stimulated glands and would do anything to have their hands on me. I felt powerful in some way, being able to drive these alphas crazy and then have the chance to fuck uncontrollably for days on end. This time would be a little different for sure. Alphas probably wouldn’t even be able to smell me. I wasn’t so excited for that.

  On the contrary, I did have a new man in my life. Maybe it would be good for me to be in control for this heat. If only he could be ready for me for when my heat came. We could have such an amazing time together.

  It was just a matter of how long he would take to come around. I couldn’t wait forever and Damien seemed to have something going on that was interfering with his natural instincts. I didn’t want to make him mad by coming on too strong. After all, he was an alpha and they usually liked to play leader.

  It had been a couple of days since my stimulating encounter with Damien. I was feeling much better and was going to go back to work soon. A part of me was sad I was no longer going to be home all do to catch an opportunity with Damien but I had to make money once more.

  Patrick was at work and I had nothing to eat because he was the chef of the household. I thought I’d make something simple so I landed on noodles. The water was at a boil when I heard a knock on the door. My heart flittered and I skipped to open it, hoping Damien was on the other side. To my luck, he was.

  “Hi,” I said. Already lost for words at the sight of his dark, manly features. I opened the door wide and motioned for him to come in. Without hesitation he took off his sandals and accepted my invitation, stepping into the living room. I thought it was slightly strange since he had been too shy and uncomfortable with me in the past.

  “How have you been?” He asked. He was seemingly extroverted today.

  “Good, I’ve been feeling a lot better. I think I’ll be back to work in a day or two,” I said, surprised my nerves didn’t get the best of me. I was able to come up with a straight answer without turning into default slutty Carlos and making some sort of sexual innuendo.

  “That’s good to hear.” He smiled and looked around. “So, what are you up to?”

  Oh my god. Was he just here to hang out? Say hello? I told myself to remain calm and let him make the moves. If something was going to happen, I had to let my alpha make the first move even though I was clearly the move maker out of the two of us.

  “I’m just cooking dinner,” I answered, pointing to the pot on the stove that had begun to boil. Normally I would have jumped his bones by now but there was something too real about him that made me hold back. I added the noodles to the boiling water instead.

  “Well I won’t keep you then,” He said as he leaned his stunningly large body against the couch. It couldn’t support his weight and slid out from under him abruptly. He stumbled slightly then caught himself. He looked up at me, his black cheeks seemed to glow red and we both burst into laughter. “Whoa, guess I didn’t quite realize my own weight there.” He was still laughing and began to pull the couch back into its original place.

  “Such a strong burly man you are.” I flashed him a sexy little grin. I couldn’t help but flirt just a little. He returned my grin but with shy eyes.

  “Well, like I said, I won’t keep you.” He continued, “I just wanted to address what, well, what you saw the other day.” His formality was intimidatingly sexy.

  “Oh yeah?” I picked up a fork and began testing a noodle, which was not quite ready.

  “I just, I didn’t want you to think I was crazy or anything.”

  “What’s wrong with crazy?” Impulsively I started licking my lips and eye fucking him from head to toe. I couldn’t hold back my flirting any longer.

  “Nothing, I guess.” Damien seemed to notice my eccentric body language and began looking down at the floor to avoid my aggressive eye contact. “Well, I just wanted to let you know what’s going on I guess.” It seemed like he was about to admit something. I stopped playing around and gave him my full attention.

  10

  Damien

  Standing in his kitchen now I was beginning to feel nervous. I came over to explain to him why I had acted so strange the other day. I wanted to tell him, in sparing detail, that I suffered from PTSD from my time in the army. I was finding it very hard to focus though as he stood there making pasta with no shirt on and what looked like no boxers either, only a thin pair of pajama bottoms separating him from me. He was shorter than me by almost a foot but he was fit and young and walked with a confidence that made him appear taller than he was.

  I was just about to give him my explanation when he started to lick his lips and lower his gaze seductively down my body. He was so hot I forgot what I was saying. Urges pulsed through my body. I tried focusing on anything in the room to keep my concentration.

  “So, I’m not crazy, well maybe a little but…” I tried to begin explaining as my eyes followed his cooking process. “Wait, what are you doing?” I stammered as my train of thought was distracted by his nonexistent homemaking skills. I watched him take a bottle of cheese whiz from the fridge. He stopped himself with the full spoon in his hand when looked up and saw my reaction.

  “What?” He said with a guilty look on his face.

  “You are not going to put that in there, are you?”

  “Well, yeah, I’m ah…not the best cook.”

  I stepped over to him and retrieved the artificial cheese from his grasp. “Well, let me teach you.” I smiled.

  Now that I had discovered my feelings for Carlos were not going to hurt me, I had intentions to pursue him and was happy for this opportunity for a cooking lesson; It was a chance to let my confidence shine. Carlos had a very dominant personality even though he was an omega. Clearly his dominance was not reflective in the kitchen so I was happy to take over.

  I stepped around him and opened up the fridge. I took a look inside. “Well, you don’t have much but this tomato, butter, maybe some spices will work.” I turned back to look at him giving him an eyebrow raise and corky grin.

  “Um, I’m not sure what spices we have. Pat’s the chef.” He looked a bit taken back, as if no one had ever approached him this way. This omega was used to taking control, or at least abusing his sensual powers to make control. This will be fun, I thought; teach his sassy self some home making skills.

  I taught him step by step how to make the foundation for a basic sauce. The entire time his eyes were open wide, taking in everything I did. I loved the way he watched me. I was enjoying that he had let go of his aggressive flirtatious energy as well. It was nice to sort of, hang out, without our smells and urges interfering. When I finished the sauce, Carlos thanked me and asked if I wanted to join him. Since we were having such a nice time I obliged.

  As we sat and ate Carlos opened up to me. We talked about his family in Colombia and his decision to move to the California for school and for more opportunities that his family wouldn’t otherwise be able to have. He told me about his friends, Justin and Rory, and how Justin had been in the army just like me and had found Rory. They had a romantic tale that seemed like something that could only happen in fairy tales.

  Carlos told me he had never been in a serious relationship, which didn’t come as a surprise. But when the table turned and he began to ask me about my past relationships, my mood changed instantly. I realized I was not ready to let Carlos hear my story. He was young and fun. I didn’t want to burden him with my scary past.

  “So,” he looked up at me with his smoldering eyes underneath his perfectly acred eyebrows, “what’s your story? You’re so dark and mysterious. What happened?”

  The question seemed all too real. I shut down and retreated to my awkward humor. I wasn’t ready to get into this with him, not after the wonderful night we had just had. “Well I think I get my darkness from mom and dad; African decent, you know?” I finished with a wink. Surely that would distract him
from furthering the conversation, and it did.

  “Hah. Hah.” He said in a sarcastic manner, but he couldn’t help giggling. “You’re funny.” He said with a twinkle in his eye. I smiled, happy the conversation was over. I needed to get out though, before it came up again. I wanted to leave on a high note.

  “Carlos, this was fun,” I said it like I truly meant it, which I did. “I just have a lot of promotional stuff to catch up on for the bar, you know?”

  He looked a little disappointed but nodded in acknowledgement. “No worries,” He smiled, “I’ll clean up. I mean, you did teach me how to cook.”

  He was so cute I wanted to leap across the table and bend him over. But I didn’t want to ruin our amazing evening, I didn’t want to rush whatever was starting to shape between us. I stood up and so did he. He leaned in for a polite goodnight kiss on the cheek and as he did I felt our energy burning like fire between each other. I had to take a deep breath before I opened my eyes and continued out the door.

  11

  Carlos

  The past few days I had been delirious with hope from the dinner I’d had with Damien. It had been so perfect; every moment of it up until the fatal question of “What’s your story?” That seemed to bring dinner and anything else that was about to happen to a complete stop.

  Since I was recovered from my cold, I started working again. I worked after classes in the evening at a coffee shop named Browns. Since it was still winter holidays I was the only one working on shift.

  Everyday I came into to work all I could think about was Damien. I just loved the person I became when I was around him. He let me forget about our animalistic instincts with heats and urges and fucking. He made me think about something deeper, something that would last; true qualities of a mate, true qualities of love.

  As I poured people’s cappuccinos and iced mocha lattes I started to worry that maybe my over-confident personality was too much for him as an alpha. Maybe he sensed my promiscuity from my past and wanted to stay far away. It wouldn’t be the first time a guy had left me thinking I was too much of a slut to ever be considered his mate.

  I was just so smitten, but after a few days of not hearing from him I was beginning to think maybe I was right; he didn’t like me. I would try to catch him on his way out the door but that didn’t seem to work. So I tried knocking on his door to invite him over for another cooking lesson, since the first one seemed to work out so well. To my dismay he was never home.

  By the fourth night I couldn’t take it anymore. Patrick came home from work early and I bombarded him with questions. “Have you seen him around? Has he said anything about me? Is there something wrong?”

  “Whoa, whoa,” Patrick eased me away. “Relax, I haven’t seen him much. He seems busy. I think he’s distracted by something, he hasn’t really talked to me much.”

  “So he didn’t mention anything about me? Do you think he’s distracted because of me?” I was desperate for answers.

  “I don’t know. I did overhear him say one thing though. It was a little strange.”

  I jumped at him, grabbing his hand. “Tell me! Tell me!”

  “Yeahh, yeahh, I’m about to.” He shoved my hands away. “So he was talking to the other owner of the bar and he said something about having to see a doctor.”

  “A doctor?” I didn’t understand.

  “Yeah, he was talking about taking time off to see this doctor. Or that he had been taking time off to see this doctor. I forget the exact wording. So that’s maybe why he was so distracted or whatever.”

  “That’s it?” Spastically in my mind I was trying to put together why he would be seeing a doctor and if it could possibly have anything to do with me. “Maybe he has an injury? And he’s too embarrassed to show me?”

  “Maybe.” Pat looked at me sympathetically. “That’s all I know Carlos. Sorry, you’ll have to figure this one out on your own.”

  I didn’t understand. If only he would let me in, come over and talk to me. I couldn’t keep being ignored. If he wasn’t going to acknowledge me, somebody would.

  My heat was coming soon, and with or without suppressants, I knew I would want someone to be there with me. Even if I ended up at some random heat house, I couldn’t let the idea of this alpha determine whether or not I was going to be fucking during this heat.

  I didn’t want to give up the idea of Damien but I couldn’t wait forever. Tomorrow was my day off so I decided I’d go get myself prepared: Set up a den, wash my toys and maybe go on a prowl around the streets to allure some unexpecting alpha. That would be much better than some heat house. Maybe I’d make a certain someone jealous as well when he heard the noises coming from the other side of our shared wall.

  12

  Damien

  My night with Carlos had been so fun. I felt so bad for avoiding him the past couple days, but I was scared. After our dinner it was clear we were more than just scents, instincts, and urges, I really felt something for Carlos.

  I was scared because he was just so young. I didn’t know if he was going to understand my history or even understand the concept of being in a mated relationship.

  I went to see my therapist that week. I started seeing her many years ago when the post-traumatic stress started, months after Anthony disappeared.

  I told her the fears I had about Carlos. “What if I’m crazy?” I asked. “Aren’t you only supposed to have one mate in a lifetime? That ship had sailed. What if this is just some played out fantasy in my head?”

  She reasoned with me. “Damien, your fears are only limiting you from growing. Anthony and you were never mated. Carlos could be your chance at finding a true mate for life. Don’t you think you’ve waited long enough?”

  I nodded. She was always right. “But what if we mate and my episodes come back? What if they start haunting me again with the unfinished plans Anthony and I never got to live?”

  “Just because they came back once, doesn’t mean they will come back again. They were most likely triggered from the feelings you felt when you first smelt Carlos; he most likely had a similar scent to Anthony. But now those feelings have most likely evolved into their own new feelings. I encourage you to follow them. They may take you on a whole new journey you weren’t expecting; One far away from your past.”

  I took a day or two to let her words sink in. She was right. I should try and pursue my feelings, but I had two problems that kept coming up in my mind. The first problem was if I was actually ready to start a new relationship. The second problem was that he might not accept me with my baggage. After a long battle in my mind I decided it would be best to be open and honest with Carlos. My feelings for him were too strong to be ignored.

  It was a clear evening so I went for a jog to calm my mind and gather my words that I was going to say to him. I got home, showered, shaved, and put on my favorite cologne. I double-checked the schedule to make sure Patrick was working. Perfect, he had just started his shift so I had about six hours to tell Carlos everything I was feeling.

  I was ready. I walked across our deck and knocked on the door. No one answered. I knocked again. I heard some flustered movements and Carlos yell out, “Hold on, I’ll be right there!” Followed by a crashing and banging.

  I tried the door. It was open. I poked my head inside. “Hello? Everything okay in here?” My eyes suddenly widened with lust. I stepped my whole body inside and closed the door behind me. Carlos stood in the doorway of his bathroom wearing nothing but a pair of tiny boxer shorts and a set of long yellow rubber gloves. Water was dripping off his body and he was covered in soapsuds. What really made me lose my mind though was the nine inch baby blue dildo in his hand. My train of thought was lost and all I could think about now was my own nine inches. I had to have him.

  I stepped towards him. He was shocked I had let myself in without an invitation and looked slightly horrified that I caught him cleaning his toys. His long yellow rubber gloves and sudsy naked body were like something from an omega fantasy film. I
couldn’t help but to walk towards him.

  “I was just cleaning…” He mumbled still seemingly in awe as I moved closer to him. I couldn’t control myself. I put my hand on his chest and guided him up against the wall behind him. I pressed my big black chest against his. We looked at each other for a long moment not saying anything. The tension built, as our bodies remained pressed against one another’s.

  I began to feel his sexy muscular body all over with one hand. His eyes turned from disbelief to desire. Our lips were so close I could almost taste him but I resisted him by biting my lower lip. I took my gaze to the dildo that was still in his hand.

  “Can I help you?” I said, as I began removing his boxer shorts.

  The cotton shorts hit the ground and I slipped one hand around his cock, taking the dildo from his grip with the other. He let me take it and began moaning in wanted anticipation. I started stroking his cock slowly until he was hard and swollen.

  “I’ve been wanting this so badly Damien.” Carlos breathed into my ear.

  I worked his shaft slowly. I imagined that he was a sensual romantic lover, liking it slow and rhythmic. I wanted to take my time pleasing him. “How badly do you want it?” I breathed back into his ear. He said nothing but wrapped his arms around my neck and kissed me hard and deep.

  I slipped a finger his into his wet hole. “Oh! So badly.” He moaned with pleasure. I kissed him back just as hard and started slipping my fingers inside him and out until he began dripping. I removed my fingers and replaced them with the end of the dildo. I began teasing and taunting him but never entering him more than an inch.

  “You want that?” I whispered to him. He cried out yes and I began to ease the rubber cock slowly inside his hole. He was feeling my body all over. His warm hands made my nipples rise.

  He ripped off my shirt and we let our bare chests rub together, hot and sweaty. I moved the dildo slightly faster and deeper making him wetter. He began to scream, crying out in delight.