As the opening act finished up, the crowd grew thicker. Ethan watched the stage crew tear down their equipment. Excitement filled the air, their chatter a constant hum around him.
Soon.
The lights went out and the fans started to scream. Then the music started and the spotlight centered on the stage, and moments later, Mia came up from a hole in the floor, a smug smile on her face. The intensity of the screams increased.
She started to sing and sauntered over to the mic stand, docking her microphone. And when they got to the chorus, she was bouncing, the fans doing the same.
“Bounce, bounce,” she screamed, bouncing up and down, flapping her arms, getting the crowd even more excited. The concert goers responded, bouncing up and down with her. Though he wasn’t bouncing, he could feel the electricity in his body.
He loved how she started the show so full of energy. Mia definitely had grown as a performer since seeing her at the beginning of her tour. She sounded great—so full of confidence.
And she looked fantastic in her tight, faded jeans full of holes that showed so much of her beautiful legs and a vintage, black T-shirt. Both wrists were full of bracelets and cuffs. Her nails were painted dark and she wore her favorite pair of black Doc Martens.
“Good evening, Indianapolis. My name is Mia Devereux and this is my band,” she said with a sweeping arm behind her. The crowd screamed as she spoke to them. “Last Star!”
A few songs into the set, a stagehand ran out with her acoustic guitar. She smiled her thanks and then fitted it over her head. As she adjusted it, she turned her smile onto the crowd.
“Hi everybody!” The crowd roared in response. “Time for me to pretend I’m more than a pretty face with a voice.”
She started to strum the guitar and closed her eyes. The instrument forced her to stay in place, so to compensate, her face grew very expressive. Her eyes closed, her brows moved to emphasize the different notes, as did her head, as she sang her song.
And then she sang his favorite song, “Slow but Sweetly.” Her voice as sweet as the title suggested. He knew the first time he’d heard her sing that song that he loved her. He had only known her for one week but he knew. And ever since that day, his love for her had thrived. Hell, even now, without her, his love for her continued to grow.
Mia treated them to a couple songs before she carefully removed her guitar and handed it to a stagehand. Before heading back to her microphone, she detoured to the drum stage and took a drink of water. She appeared nervous. She rubbed her forehead and had some words with Todd and Marty before smiling at them. Taking a deep breath, she returned to the mic.
“So, I’ve gone and made some changes to the setlist. I hope you’ll understand. But after six months of playing certain songs, I’ve got to the point where I’ve had enough. So we have some new songs to replace the ones scrubbed. And you all will be the first to hear these live.”
The crowd liked the sound of that. Ethan had a feeling he probably wouldn’t. She found him in the crowd and held his gaze, giving him a tentative smile. She’d warned him. These were songs to him. Guess he’d better listen.
The first new song touched on what happened in St. Paul. More like what transpired over the phone when he told her about Kristen.
I keep living out that night
Over and over again
I can’t stop thinking about it.
It’s killing me now . . .
He listened to the lyrics, heard her pain, her confusion, and it flooded him with guilt. Ethan wished he’d known back then what a life-altering decision he’d made when he’d decided not to go visit her in New York. Instead of thinking about that, he had focused on his anger.
His focus was now on her, watching her perform, absorbing it all. Somehow he was going to change her mind. He needed to.
After the song was over, there was a flurry of activity as a couple of stagehands set out two stools and made a quick adjustment to her mic stand. Marty sat on the left stool and set his acoustic guitar on his lap, strumming a little while he waited for Mia. She slowly made her way there. He saw dread on her face. She did not want to do this song.
Mia sat down, tucking one of her legs beneath the other, and looked over at Marty, waiting for him to begin. A few notes in and she began to sing, her breathy voice like a feather in the wind. He listened but was distracted by her fidgeting with something in her hand. Focusing on it, he saw it was her engagement ring.
Will you give up?
Will it be too much?
Can we ever go back?
Do you think it’ll ever be all right?
You say yes, but I just can’t believe you.
She sang the verse, struggling with her emotions. He’d read her diary entry touching on this—how she felt after returning from Australia and hadn’t heard from him, when he did not visit her in New York.
Not going there was the worst mistake of his life. He hurt her, made her doubt their relationship and pushed her further into the grasp of drugs. Then he went even further and went out with Kristen, chose her over Mia.
How he wished he could go back in time. Things would be so different right now. They’d be together. He wouldn’t be listening to her sing this heartbreaking song, fighting her pain in front of thousands of people.
Pausing, Mia tried to swallow back the tears, but it didn’t work; they fell from her eyes as she finished the song. It was such a beautiful performance. The emotion coming from her had the audience captivated and when the song ended, they burst out in crazy applause.
She wiped her eyes and practically leapt off the stool. Marty hurried to her side, took a hold of her upper arm and spoke to her. She smiled weakly at him as he tenderly touched her cheek and kissed the top of her head.
Crossing the stage to her piano, Mia took a seat on the bench. “So,” she said on an exhale of breath, “That’s never happened to me before! Prior to tonight, I was able to count on one hand the people who’ve seen me cry. That number just went up by over twenty-thousand. And lucky for me,” she said with a roll of her eyes, “this damn show is being recorded and I can see this performance over and over again.”
She laughed at herself and let her head roll, a sign that he knew meant she was trying to relax or calm herself. She took another deep breath and returned to the mic. “This is another new song. It’s called ‘It Could Be Worse.’”
I sit here and wallow.
About lost times with you.
What happened . . .
It’s such a hard pill to swallow.
I’m over here, not quite me.
You’re over there, so mad at me.
How . . . how . . .
How did this ever happen to me?
It hurts, oh God, it hurts,
But baby, it could be worse.
Oh so, so worse.
You said we were meant to be.
Obviously you lied to me.
I know now what I must do,
But please know, baby
It’s the hardest thing I’ll ever do.
It hurts, oh God, it hurts,
But baby, it could be worse.
Oh so, so worse.
It’s time I fear,
To end this, my dear.
I’ve got to let you go,
It’s the only way baby
I’ll know what I’m worth.
It hurts, oh God, it hurts,
But baby, it could be worse.
Oh so, so worse.
Oh so, so worse.
Listening to the song, hearing her emotions, Ethan was knocked to his seat, his eyes fixed on her as she sang about letting him go. Fuck. This just didn’t sit well with him. He was afraid. Not for him, but for her.
After the song was over, she rose from the piano and headed to center stage and her mic stand. “I hope you like the new songs. I’ve poured my heart into them the past few months. This new one is called ‘Falling Apart.’”
She took a few steps back, turning her head to look at
Todd on the drums. They smiled at each other before he started the song with a steady beat of the deep bass drum. Marty and Clark followed a few beats later on the guitar and bass. This song was loud and hard. Mia stepped back up to the stand, her hand casually holding onto the mic, full of attitude. Her eyes twinkled with mischief right before she opened her mouth to sing.
Fuck.
I’m stuck
And shit out of luck.
Don’t know how to get out, baby
Get out of this fucking mess I’m in.
Beyond any doubt,
You’ve got me falling apart.
Despite the intensity and playfulness of the performance, all Ethan wanted to do was pick her up and hold her forever and never let her go. He wanted to make everything better for her. But that would not be happening.
After the song was over, she leaned against her mic stand. “Shit! That’s a lot of emotion in those songs. Now I think it’s time to bring the roof down. What do you say?” she asked the roaring crowd.
Mia finished the night out strong. There was no vulnerability now. Just pure rock. Strength. Confidence.
“Thank you, Indy! You’ve been great yet again! Bye, bye!”
And with that Mia rushed offstage.
Ethan knew they’d have an encore, but he wanted to get backstage before the rush. He turned to find Luke staring at him.
“Are you sure you want to go backstage?” Luke asked, his voice full of concern.
Ethan knew he needed to see Mia again. Talk to her. Try one more time to get her to change her mind. Especially after tonight’s emotional show. He wondered if anyone but him realized how hard it was on her. He needed to make sure she was okay. Apologize yet again for his part in this.
He nodded at Luke. “Let’s go.”
Luke
Luke knew it was going to be bad news when Mia and Ethan saw each other backstage. He didn’t want to see their pain. He had no idea what they were going through, no idea why they were apart. Mia told him nothing last night. She expertly kept the conversation away from anything personal. Ethan had been mum too. But Luke didn’t need words to see how much they were both hurting.
He debated about not going backstage with Ethan, but figured the two of them would need his emotional support or maybe even interference.
So here he was, walking down the long concrete hallway, with Ethan by his side. Luke looked ahead, searching for Mia. His eyes quickly swept over a tall blonde standing outside of the dressing rooms before just as quickly returning back to her. God, she was beautiful. Sandy blonde hair framed her oval-shaped face. The beachy waves tumbled carelessly down her back. His gaze traveled lower over her body, stopping at her breasts straining against the conservative, nude, crocheted blouse with its Peter Pan collar and short, puffed sleeves. The blouse was in direct contrast with the tight, black, leather skirt that stopped a few inches above her knees.
He had this insane desire to get closer to her, find out the color of her eyes, and inhale her sunny scent. Then the miraculous happened. Ethan headed in her direction. She pushed off the wall and walked towards them.
Luke was a little surprised when she greeted Ethan with a warm smile and a hug. Who was this beauty and why had he never met her and why was she hugging Ethan?
“Hey, boss,” she said affectionately. “Glad to see you here.”
Boss? She worked for Ethan?
Ethan nodded tersely, clearly uncomfortable. “Can we talk later?”
She studied his face and her mouth frowned with concern. Who was this woman to Ethan? He definitely didn’t look happy to see her.
Luke didn’t even know her, but he could tell she did not want to have that conversation with Ethan, but instead of saying that, she smiled at him.
“Sure. Go see Mia now,” she said, ushering him towards the green room. She squeezed his arm and Ethan was off.
Luke had come with him, but he knew that Mia and Ethan needed time alone to talk. He saw her yesterday evening and would see her again this weekend to celebrate Kaitlyn’s seventh birthday.
Finally turning his attention back to the beautiful blonde, he studied her a little closer. She wore black stiletto sandals, showing off the soft pink on her toenails. He raised his line of sight to her eyes. From afar, they looked to be a dark chocolate brown, but when she was talking to Ethan he could see the green surrounding the brown, just like his own. Beautiful hazel eyes.
She turned to him and smiled, showing off her bright white teeth and dazzling smile. “I’m so sorry. I just sent Ethan off without you.”
Damn, her voice was seductive as hell, all breathy and warm, laced with just a bit of humor in it.
“That’s not a problem. Really,” he added when she started to protest. “He and Mia need to work some things out.”
“You know Mia?” she asked curiously.
“Yeah. I introduced her to Ethan.”
She nodded like she finally understood something. “Ah, so you’re the best friend.”
Luke smiled. He liked hearing himself referred to as Mia Devereux’s best friend. There was a time when they had been more than friends. Over eight years ago. But now they were in a much better place. A place where he was loved unconditionally. A place he called family.
“I am. Luke Stapleton. And you are?”
“Allie Kellmeyer, Mia’s manager . . . well, not just Mia’s. I manage the entire band.”
“But Mia’s a little more high maintenance. I completely understand,” he chuckled.
She quirked her eyebrows in surprise and then laughed with him. Her laughter was warm and rich, just like her voice. “You can say that.”
“I’m surprised I’ve never met you before now,” Luke admitted. He wanted to know more of this lovely Allie. He hadn’t had this immediate reaction to anyone in a long time. Not since he met Mia, and even then, it was nothing compared to how his body reacted being near Allie.
Allie. The woman who basically ran Mia’s professional life or tried to. Mia could be too independent for her own good.
Allie. His counterpart. His other half. She ran the professional. Luke ran the personal. Or so he liked to believe.
Allie. The most beautiful woman he’d ever laid eyes on. Sorry, Mia.
Unaware of his thoughts, Allie kept talking. “The band keeps me pretty busy. I normally make myself scarce when Mia and the guys have personal guests, so . . .”
“Good plan,” he agreed absently. He took a step closer to her and his senses were assaulted by her scent, so citrusy he wanted to drink her up.
He must have made a noise, because she was studying him, looking him up and down. Her eyes boldly staying on his waist and crinkling when she smiled. Her gaze returned to his eyes, her smile wavering a bit before blossoming yet again. He smiled slowly in return and it took a concentrated effort to move his sight from her full and very kissable mouth.
Allie cleared her throat and his eyes were drawn to her lips yet again. He needed a distraction.
“Shouldn’t you talk to Ethan?” he asked.
“Uh, I can talk to him later.”
If he wasn’t mistaken, she was now standing closer to him. Whoa! Was she interested? That would make his night. He needed to know and wished he could just ask her, but this was Mia’s manager, and she’d called Ethan “Boss,” whatever that was about.
“Why did you call Ethan ‘boss?’” he asked her, resting his hand on the wall next to her.
She glanced at his hand near her head, her tongue quickly darting out to moisten her lips and then she answered his question. “Between the tour and wedding plans, I started doing things for him as well. He and Mia have kept me very busy.”
“But now that those two are locked up together, you should be free, right?”
She nodded and held his eyes for a long moment before her gaze fell to his mouth.
“Do you want to get out of here?” she asked him, lightly touching his hand on the wall, that touch sending a shock straight to his cock.
“And go where?” he managed to ask.
“My room.”
Interested!
“To do what?” he inquired coolly or so he hoped.
“Talk,” she said with a wicked, little smile. He laughed and shook his head before grabbing her hand and leading them away so they could “talk.”
Mia
The band stood on the center of the stage, bowing to the crowd, when Mia felt her stomach start to flip-flop and got that awful feeling in the back of her mouth like she was going to get sick. Running offstage, she quickly scanned the area for some place to throw up, luckily spotting a large garbage can in the hall. She bolted to it and unceremoniously released the contents of her stomach. Marty hurried to her side as she tightly gripped the side of the can.
“Mia, what the fuck? You all right?” he asked, rubbing his hand on her back.
She put her hand to her forehead. She swallowed a couple times, worried that she might get sick again. “Fuck! That was the hardest show ever!”
“No,” he corrected her. “The best show ever! You were phenomenal!”
She smiled weakly at him. “Then tell me why I feel like shit?”
“I don’t know. Estranged fiancé in the audience maybe.” Marty noticed that? She wondered who else did. Marty wrapped his arm around her shoulders and squeezed. “Come on, brat. Let’s go.”
He walked her to her dressing room and left, telling her he’d meet her in the green room. She smiled and entered the room, peeling off her clothes as she made her way to the bathroom. Hopping in the shower, she let the hot water wash off the sweat from the show. As she stood beneath the spray, she let her mind go blank, let herself relax, just concentrating on the water beating upon her body.
When she was done, she grabbed a towel and dried herself off. It was so nice to not have the sweat and makeup on anymore. She searched her bag for her toothbrush and toothpaste and sighed thankfully when she found them and hurried to brush away the taste of throw up in her mouth.
Mia changed into a pair of black yoga pants, a white fitted shirt, and a Michigan State hoodie. Go Green! Comfort was definitely the theme tonight. She was so tired. The show took almost everything from her, physically and especially emotionally. She had never cried on stage. Tonight was a first. Stupid tears.
Still Into You Page 3