“I have an hour. Coffee sounds good.”
To that, I smiled, and when he offered to give me a ride, I smiled even harder.
“Sorry for snapping at you.” He rubbed the back of his neck before starting the car up. “I didn’t catch your name…”
“Oh, I’m Kelly,” I filled in for him. “And your name?”
“Uh…Quinton. Quinton Cane.”
I nodded with a small smile, and he pulled away from the clinic. I was beaming inside.
I had him. I was close to him. He was in my clutches and that pleased me in more ways than one.
Little did he know that I belonged to Polly Heights Rehabilitation Clinic, too, just like his mother. Little did he know that I’d been checked in for drug overuse, and was still in therapy to control my personal disorders.
Little did he know that he was going to be stuck with me forever.
Eight
CANE
I hated that I couldn’t be around to see Kandy off. Instead, I was in the hospital recovering, ready to break the hell out already. Just a few more hours, I reminded myself, but it was getting harder to settle with the idea of that with Kelly on my back.
I had to find a way to get rid of her without being too crazy about it. She’d found the letter my father had sent to me from prison. The words weren’t delightful either. They were a threat.
Though I hated him and he hated me, he knew a lot of things about me—things that I’d wanted to keep buried for the sake of my new life, my business, and my family, but he would use my mistakes just to piss me off and ruin me.
I knew that my past would bite me in the ass one day…I just didn’t think it would be so soon. My father had eight more years to go in prison so anything he had to say, even now, would have been meaningless. His word as a jailbird wasn’t worth shit…but anything Kelly said could have tarnished me completely.
I never thought I would be able to hate someone as much as I did my father, but I hated her. I always felt something was off about her, but assumed it was my paranoia and lack of trust in everyone kicking in.
My gut was right about her. With all her beauty and patience, there was no choice but for her to have a major flaw or two. Meeting her at the clinic, but not knowing why she was really there? Never seeing her there again after she’d run into me? It was like she’d planned all of it—staged it somehow, but why on earth would she go out of her way to do such a thing?
* * *
Later that night, I dreamt about my sister. It was funny how that worked. I remember telling Lora that our bond was like the one of twins. If she were in trouble, I would know it. I’d feel it deep down in my soul—a tingle so deep in my palms it drove me mad—and sure enough, she’d call text or call me a few hours later about her problem.
The same went for me—whenever I was in deep shit or just overwhelmed with stress, I’d get a random call from her. Always on time. Always to pull me out of my funk and away from reality for a while.
But in my dream, something was wrong. Someone was chasing her through a dark alley. She ran into a building and hid for a while, but he grabbed her. She was screaming. I could see it all but couldn’t do a damn thing to stop it. It’s like I was a fly on the wall, helpless, only a small buzz to a loud storm.
I gasped, springing up a little too quickly on the bed. The rush made the back of my head throb, and my breaths came out labored.
I looked around the hospital room, so glad Kelly was nowhere in sight. None of her things were here either. Thank God.
I stared down at my lap, listening to the many footsteps going back and forth outside my door.
I sat back again, trying to relax, but I couldn’t help remembering Lorelei always begging to die, and the thought of the memories made my heart ache. That’s probably why I had that terrible nightmare.
She hated her life—was so fucking miserable, and it killed me because there wasn’t much I could do about it to help her. At sixteen, I was still worthless. I played sports and attended debate clubs after school, just to have an excuse not to come home until my father was too tired to deal with us. I would sign Lora up for anything that would keep her after school with me. Cheerleading, yearbook committee, even reading programs. I did what I had to do to make sure my sister was always nearby and safe.
Don’t get me wrong, she wasn’t suicidal. No, she was too afraid to ever commit such a heinous sin and had too much pride to bother. She just wanted to die. She wanted to be struck by lightening or hit by a car. She wanted death to claim her so much that she hooked up with drug dealers and coke-heads, just to wind up in trouble with them, probably praying she’d get shot at or murdered by some lunatic by chance.
All it’d ever gotten her was a warning from a cop or a simple slap on the wrist because my mother was the type of woman to do anything to get out of a sticky situation. Yeah, the whole town knew who Nyla Cane was. They knew all about the seductive, beautiful woman with the brown hair and pretty face, with two kids and a shitty husband, so we never really got in trouble.
Lora would relax for a while, whenever the slap on the wrist happened, but then she’d find her next fucked-up drug dealer. While Lora wanted to ruin her life because of the shit she was going through, I sought to better mine. I wanted to do great things. I wanted to get my family away from the bad side of town and especially away from my abusive father…but I knew I couldn’t do it clean. I couldn’t get out unless I committed crimes too…
I did what I had to do, and Kelly knew all about it. She preyed on me from the very beginning and I was too dumb to see it.
If I’d known any better, I would have shoved my middle finger in her face the moment I saw her at Polly Heights.
I was an idiot who trusted a manipulative, psychotic bitch and now I had to figure out how to dig myself out of this deep, unforgiving hole with only my bare hands.
I hoped Lora would call. I would have called her, but she’d changed her number. After what we last went through, she swore she never wanted to speak to me again, but I kept my number the same, just in case.
I’d hoped she’d let me hear her voice again. I hadn’t heard it in two years. I missed my sister to death and hoped that, despite her stubbornness, she’d feel our spiritual connection and know that I needed her.
Nine
KANDY
I had the last drive on the way to Indiana while Mom napped. Ten and a half hours didn’t seem so bad until we were actually on the road. We had only made four stops, and made sure to keep our drinking and eating to a minimum.
The closer we got to the school, the more on edge I became. I tried to see this as a new chapter—a chance for me to start over and make new friends and try new things, but it was kind of hard to see it that way with Cane constantly running through my mind.
When we were finally there, I parked and let out a lengthy breath, staring ahead at the building. I’d seen it once before.
All of the buildings looked the same to be honest. Gothic architecture that seemed a bit daunting at first, but after staring at it for a while, the look grew on me. It was unique. I loved them—the vintage bricks and intricate structure.
Not only that, but compared to Georgia, Indiana was different. For one, it was much livelier here. It could have been the trees, and how the tips of them were splashed with color, proving fall was well on it’s way, or maybe it was the freshly cut grass that I could smell through the open sunroof. Everything here was earthy and real, unlike where our suburban home was located.
I spotted several students, all female, walking to the building I would be residing in with their parent or parents. They all carried luggage or big items like comforters and sheets and some even had softball gear. Most of them had smiles on their faces, and I instantly envied their joy. I wanted to walk into this building happy too. Instead, I longed to go back home and make things right again.
“Well,” Mom sighed, unclipping her seatbelt. “You ready, sweetie?”
“Yeah.” I let out a breath
, unclipping mine too. “Better now than never.” We both pushed out of the car and before we grabbed my things, we checked in with a redheaded girl with a clipboard standing in the lobby. Her name was Henley and she was one of the resident assistant’s for our building. She had frizzy hair and freckles, but was super petite and adorable.
“We’re so happy to have you here, Kandy!” Henley chimed. “Believe it or not, I’ve heard so many great things about from the other softball players!” Henley followed Mom and me back to the car to help us unpack. One thing I learned during the first two minutes of meeting Henley: she loved to give compliments and loved to talk even more.
“Lots of them admire you,” she went on. “Especially the other freshman! As a matter of fact, you’re sharing a dorm with the girl who was just talking about your pitching record. She’s super excited to meet you, but I won’t tell you her name—it’s best if roommates meet each other and form their own introductions first, you know?”
“Sure,” I said with a soft smile. “Makes sense.”
“That’s a really good thing to do,” Mom noted. “It’ll give you someone to hang out with, hopefully. You know, I remember when I was in college. It was a while ago, but I had a roommate who loved to party.”
“Seriously?” Henley squealed—literally squealed. She had a high-pitched voice and normally I would have found voices like hers annoying, but it wasn’t at all. She had a welcoming, comforting tone to hers—a genuine one that made you feel like a friend. I realized now why she’d become an RA.
“Yep. She was such a fun girl. Really sweet too,” Mom responded. “We hit it off as soon as we met each other, became inseparable, but then we graduated and life got in the way. She got married right after graduation and moved to New Mexico with her husband. We still keep in touch here and there.”
“Wow, that is so cool,” Henley sighed. “Well, at least we know that your mom won’t mind you getting down and partying every once in a while, Kandy!” Henley nudged my arm with her elbow and a small wink.
“I guess not,” I laughed.
We collected the smaller items first, and then took the elevator up two floors. It wasn’t a long walk down the hallway before Henley beat us to the door to open it. It was vacant, but one of the beds was already made up, swathed in a pink and purple polka-dotted comforter, as well as decorative pillows.
I was glad whomever my roommate was had taken the bed by the wall. I loved being by the window. The room was pretty spacious for a dorm. There was even a two-seater sofa between the beds, pressed against the north wall. I’d seen one of the example rooms a few months ago, but it was slightly smaller than this.
“Wow, this is really nice!” Mom exclaimed.
She wasn’t kidding. Though the walls were ivory and the beds combined were half the size of my bed back at home, it was a quaint, comfortable size. The floors were covered in clean blue carpet and it actually looked new. Whoever my roommate was, she had a nice setup on her end. Even her laptop had a purple and pink case. I had a feeling we were going to get along just great. I mean, she loved purple. That sealed the deal.
It took us three more trips up and down the elevator before we could start unpacking. Henley left us to it, and went to help the other student athletes check in and unpack, and when she was gone, all Mom could talk about was how she loved the dorm and hoped I would love it here too. She also talked about how sweet Henley was and was glad I’d made a friend already. I wouldn’t have called Henley a friend just yet, welcoming us was her duty, but she was nice.
With every step closer to finishing, my heart began to race. I realized I wouldn’t see Mom or Dad again, probably until Thanksgiving. For four whole months, I would be away from my family…and that frightened me in more ways than one. I had never been away from them for more than a week, and even with that timespan, I always missed them.
We wrapped up on fixing my bed. It looked dull in comparison to my roommate’s. My comforter was white and teal. My pillows all white. She even had fuzzy purple pillows. It truly put mine to shame.
When we finished, Mom and I decided to grab some lunch at a pizzeria on campus.
After devouring the slices, our stroll back to the dorm was leisurely. We knew our time was limited. Even though Mom was staying the night in a hotel and would only be a short drive away, this was going to be our last walk together for a while. Honestly, our last of anything for a while.
“I have a question, Kandy, and I want you to be completely honest with me.” Mom’s face had turned serious, her pace slowing.
I avoided drawing my brows together. “What is it?” I already knew what she was going to bring up though. Cane. We hadn’t spoken much of him in the car. While she drove, I slept and vice versa.
“How long was it going on? What you and Cane were doing?”
I snatched my eyes away. “Mom, I really don’t want to talk about that right now.”
“I know, I know, but, I can’t help wondering, sweetie. Was it before you turned eighteen?”
“No,” I answered, head shaking. “Nothing happened until I turned eighteen.”
I noticed the relief glitter in her eyes. “Well…I guess that’s good. I mean—not good, but…ugh. Who am I kidding? None of this is okay.” She looked ahead again. “I really thought he was one of the good ones. A good friend.”
“He is good, Mom. And he is a good friend, too. Friends aren’t perfect.”
“He had sex with my eighteen-year-old daughter.” Her tone was harsh. When she noticed the frown steal my features, she softened up. “I just…I’m at a loss for words, I suppose.”
“I understand.”
“I just keep thinking about all the times he was around,” she murmured. “There was one time, a few weeks after he and Kelly split, when I saw him staring at you. You were talking to your father, so I thought he was just admiring the way you two interacted because he’d never had a father figure…but the more I think about it, the more I realize he was probably looking at you because he wanted you.”
I dropped my head, pressing my lips flat.
“Did you protect yourself at least?”
“What do you mean? I’m still on my birth control.”
“Yeah, but with a condom too?” she asked sternly, eyes boring into mine. “He’s older. You don’t know who he’s been with or what he does in private, Kandy.”
“Oh my God, Mom! Please! Stop acting like I’m on trial here! I’m not one of your plaintiffs in a courtroom.”
She breathed in through her nose and stopped walking, sealing her eyes to collect herself. “I just need to know,” she said, looking at me again.
“You want the honest answer? No.”
Her throat bobbed. She looked everywhere else but at me. “Do you need to take a pregnancy test?”
“No, Mom. I’m fine. I promise.” I grabbed her hand. “Can we please stop this? I’m so sorry for hurting you and Dad. I didn’t think…” I sighed, looking down at my feet.
“Didn’t think you’d get caught?”
“Yeah,” I whispered.
I couldn’t bring myself to look at her anymore, but I could feel her scanning me like she could hear every thought running through my head.
She started walking again, huffing lightly as she tossed her hair over her shoulder. I matched her stride. “Thank you for being honest with me.” We were quiet again. I could hear other students talking and calling for each other, wheels running over gravel in the parking lot close by. “Let’s stop talking about that for now, okay? You’re in a new state with new things surrounding you. You’ve got a fresh start. You ready to be out in the real world alone?”
I shrugged. “I guess so. Kind of nerve-wrecking though.” I paused. “I’ll miss you guys.”
“Yeah,” she breathed. “We’ll miss you too, baby.”
We were quiet a beat, going toward my building again. “Mom…look, I really hope I haven’t ruined things back at home—I mean, I just hope Dad will be okay and can go back to work
soon. I want things to go back to normal…for all of us.”
She stopped walking again, which made me stop too. She then grabbed my hand, leading the way to a bench only several steps away. We sat down and she turned so her knees were touching mine and my hands were in hers.
She rubbed the back of my hand with the pad of her thumb, a trembling smile sweeping over her lips.
“Mom—”
“It’s easy for us to forget that you are growing up, Kandy,” Mom sniffled and I clamped my mouth shut. A tear slid down her cheek, but she pulled her glistening eyes up to look at me. “Especially your dad. He still wants you to be the five-year-old girl who ran to him about every little problem. Sometimes, I wish you were that girl too, but I have to remember that you are growing and that certain things in your life will be just yours and we aren’t allowed to interfere or disrespect that. Your privacy is important. What you do on your own time, is yours. We all have our escapes—our thrills.” She lifted a hand to swipe at her face. “Once your father realizes that you are independent, and capable of making your own choices, things will go back to normal. We all do dumb things and he knows it. He will be okay, though. As soon as I get back, I will be applying for jobs—hell, I may even start up my own firm. I’ve always wanted to, and it’ll be great working from home.”
“That would be really good for you, Mom.”
“It will. I already have previous clients who are happy to give me the chance. They know how dedicated I am to my job.”
“So…that means you won’t take the job that Cane set up for you?”
She let out a ragged breath, pushing her gaze to the side and shaking her head. “I’m not going to lie, it’s a great job. It pays really well and I have a shoe-in so I’d have it in the bag, plus the company has clients with really deep pockets. They’re willing to pay for hard work. I would love to have it. Even if I took it, I’m almost certain I would never see Cane because of how busy he is and the fact that his attorney goes to meet him…but I can’t do that to your father. Not right now. He wouldn’t be happy with that decision, whether I see Cane around or not. I don’t want to cause any tension.”
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