“Get over yourself, Cane. That’s not even why I’m here. To be honest, I completely forgot about the meeting with your nymphomaniac ex-girlfriend.” She had that crease in her forehead, the one where I knew she was mad, but it made her look too damn cute and innocent to take seriously.
“What’s wrong then?” I reached out, reeling her in by the waist.
“Is she going to be a problem?” she asked, pointing back with her thumb. “Because if she is, I want you to know that I’m not in the mood for it, okay? And what the hell did she mean you’ll be leaving me at the altar? What kind of person says that?”
“Kandy, she is not going to be a problem, all right? She’s just trying to get under your skin. That’s it. She’s still living in the past, but I’m moving forward. You have nothing to worry about.”
She combed her fingers through her hair. “Okay…whatever. Look.” She grabbed my hands and squeezed them. “I know you said we aren’t supposed to keep secrets from each other, but there’s something I have to tell you.”
My brows pulled together. “What is it?”
Her throat bobbed, and with an exasperated breath, she dragged me to my chair and made me sit, then sat on my lap. “Okay, remember when I said was visiting my mom for lunch yesterday?”
“Yeah?”
“Well, we didn’t just have lunch. She took me to see my gynecologist again.”
“What? Why?” I asked.
“Because…” She bit her bottom lip. “Okay, here’s the thing. I haven’t been feeling well the past few days. It started big time a couple days ago, when you were out of town. Lora took me to get a pregnancy test, and when I took it…it came back positive.” She looked me in the eyes, and I heard my pulse in my ears, slow and deep, as she said the words I never thought I would hear. “I’m pregnant, Cane.”
Ten
KANDY
“Wait. WHAT!” His voice wasn’t angry, but by the expression on his face—his wide eyes and slack jaw—I could tell he was surprised. Much more than I assumed he would be. “But…shit. How—I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’m happy as fuck to hear this, but…how?”
“I don’t know.” I bubbled out a half-laugh, half-sob as I looked him in the eyes. “I just—I am!”
“Shit…baby. Holy fuck, this changes so much!” He collected me in his arms. “Are you glad?” he asked, stroking my hair back. “Excited?”
“I’m not sure how I feel yet. My doctor said my uterus is much better now. A lot stronger. The baby implanted well.” I looked up at him. His eyes were glistening. Was he happy or upset about this? “I wanted to tell you days ago, but I wanted to hear from the doctor first. The thing is…” I pulled out of his arms and stood, grabbing his hands. “There’s still a big chance that I could miscarry, Cane. Even though everything looks good for now, the doctor isn’t making any promises.”
“Bullshit. You have my baby inside you now, Kandy. We did that.” He studied my eyes, his still damp. “Before, he told you there was barely a chance. Now you are and…” He sucked in a breath and smiled. “It’s fucking incredible, baby. You’re strong and resilient. We’ll do whatever we need to do to make sure you and the baby are okay.”
I have to admit, I was shocked to hear him saying all of this. I thought surely he’d need time to process the fact that he would become a father soon, but his smile…it was real. His words were real.
“Are you really happy about this?” I asked softly.
“Fuck, Kandy.” He capped my shoulders and looked up at the ceiling briefly before leveling his eyes with mine again. “I’m starting a new life with you. Will a lot change for us with a baby? Yes, but this isn’t something we can’t handle. This is a chance, and we need to take it.”
“But what if I do end up losing it?” I looked down at my stomach. “I’m scared that I will, Cane.”
“No.” He reeled me closer, dropping a kiss on the middle of my forehead. “You can’t think like that.”
“Dr. Bhandari said by thirteen weeks he’ll have a much better idea of how my body is handling the pregnancy…if I make it that far.”
“How many weeks along are you now?”
“He said five.”
“Hmm. Not too long now. Two months.” He leaned back to look at me. “I don’t want you thinking negatively about this, all right? You’ve got me. I’m here, Kandy.”
“I know.” I tucked my hair behind my ears, walking around him to sit on the edge of his desk.
“Shit,” he hissed, turning to face me with his hands on his hips.
“What?”
“Have you told your dad?”
“That…is something I have to think about. I have to figure out how to tell him without him flipping tables and slamming doors. I haven’t even told him we’re engaged yet.”
“Fuck, he’s really gonna kill me now.” He huffed a laugh, stepping between my legs.
I grabbed his face, cupping it in my hands and leaning up just a bit to kiss him on the lips. When the kiss broke, I ran the tip of my nose over his and let our foreheads connect. “Are you sure you’re happy with this?” I whispered. “I don’t want to ruin what we have.”
“I’m happy that it’s possible.” He lowered his hands to my waist. “Look, Kandy…the things I said to your dad years ago about having kids? That’s in the past. I don’t feel that way anymore. Being with you changed all of that. Having a kid gives me the chance to be a better man. Not only that, but imagine how cute the little thing would be.” He put on a full, boyish smile, and I giggled, pressing a hand to his chest.
“He or she would be cute.” I met his soft, gray-green eyes. “What do you want it to be? If we make it that far?”
He thought on it for a moment. “A boy, so he can look after you and protect you when I get too old to do so.”
I couldn’t fight my smile. All of this baby talk was making me emotional as hell, so instead of responding with words, I responded with action, and kissed my fiancé.
I was going to do everything in my power to carry this baby right and hope there wasn’t a tragedy at the end. Cane and I deserved this. After everything we’d been through, we deserved our own slice of happiness. We’d faced a lot of battles, been through a lot of wars, but going through a high-risk pregnancy was going to be our biggest fight of all.
Deep in my heart, I knew it could either make us or break us. I prayed it would be the former.
Eleven
CANE
A baby?
I still couldn’t wrap my mind around it, yet the truth had been spilled, and I’d swallowed it all. She’d even shown me the ultrasound pictures. After so many years, I didn’t think it was possible for us, yet there it was. She’d run straight to me with the possibility that maybe we could have a good life after all, with a family we created. I knew she really wanted a kid one day—or to at least try for one when she was ready.
I wouldn’t have called this an accident, but rather a blessing in disguise. I just prayed this blessing lasted the full nine months.
Over the course of the next month, Kandy was anxious, while I was….slightly overbearing. As soon as she’d told me, I had Cora look into the best gynecologists in the metro area. I booked an appointment for her to be seen, and Mindy drove to Charlotte to tag along. She didn’t want to miss out on any of the details.
For the most part, the doctor said Kandy was fine—the same results her last doctor had uncovered. But Dr. Maxine suggested Kandy pretty much be on modified bedrest. She didn’t have to stay in bed all day, but she wasn’t supposed to stand more than a half hour at a time, and no strenuous working out, driving, or sex.
You’d think Kandy would have listened and taken things a little more seriously, but did she? No. She was so damn hardheaded, and I was getting fed up.
“Did you not hear what your doctor said, Kandy? You are not getting on that treadmill!” I was standing in front of the treadmill in her office, blocking her way.
“It’s a harmless walk, Cane! I won’
t even go fast! I don’t want to just sit around getting lazy and fat.”
“It doesn’t matter if you go fast or slow, you shouldn’t be on it! You’re supposed to be relaxing as much as possible!”
“Oh, my God, you are unbelievable!” She rushed around me to get out of the room, hurrying down the stairs. I rushed after her.
“Kandy, slow the hell down! You have slippers on! You could fall!”
“Yeah, well, if I fall, I’ll just fucking fall, Cane!” She went down the hallway to get to the kitchen. When I got in there, she was yanking the fridge open, taking out a green smoothie. Mama was in the kitchen as well, looking between us, trying to figure out what was going on.
“What? Are you going to tell me I can’t drink this, or it might poison the baby?”
I planted my hands above my hips. “Shit, will it?”
“Ugh.” She rushed around the counter to get past me, glaring back once before disappearing.
“Slow your ass down!” I bellowed, but I was certain she didn’t listen.
“Cane, you have to give her some space,” Mama insisted.
“Space? What space? What if she falls or trips, then what? She could lose it all over a stumble!”
“I get that, but right now, she’s hormonal, fatigued, nauseous, and stressed, and those four things combined are not a good feeling, son. And it’s not good for the baby, either.”
I sighed, sitting on the stool at the counter. Mama was frosting a red velvet cake. Apparently she was in charge of bringing baked treats to her sobriety meetings. She no longer attended as a person who needed to understand their wrongs, but more so as someone who coached others into wellness. She’d gotten into doing yoga and meditation, and I think it was paying off for her.
“Look, Ma, the doctor told her she needed to relax. I was there to hear it myself last week. She practically wants her on bedrest until the thirteen weeks are over. She’s lucky I’m even letting her get out of the bed, let alone come down the stairs wearing those stupid slippers around the damn house! They don’t even have traction on the bottom!”
Mama chuckled, head shaking.
“What’s so funny?”
“You,” she continued a light laugh. “I remember when everything she did was so cute to you. Now you’re upset because she has a mind of her own, even stooping so low as to call her slippers stupid.”
I rolled my eyes, pulling out my cellphone when it chimed. “They are dumb. That fuzzy shit on them gets all over my bed.” I read over the email from Eden and rolled my eyes a second time.
As you are aware, I wasn’t pleased with the sponsorship banner your team created for the store.
I’ll be arriving Thursday morning to see the new one. I expect you to be there.
“Look, I get that you want her and the baby to be safe, but she’s dealing with a lot as it is,” Mama said. “Maybe you can go for a walk with her in the neighborhood, get some air. I’m sure she’s tired of being cooped up in this house, and if she gets the chance to see that baby’s eyes one day, she’ll get enough of being trapped in here anyway. Trust me, it’s best if she gets out while she can. When is the baby due exactly?”
“They think around early April. The sixth of April is the precise date the doctor gave us.” I groaned, rubbing my face. “I’m worried. That’s all. I keep thinking about the downside of all of this, and I know it will haunt her. I’ve read about it, and miscarriages aren’t easy. She said her mom went through them, so she’ll have someone to talk to who understands, if it does happen, but I don’t want her going through that. I just want her to be careful and to take this a little more seriously. I mean, I know she cares, but she’s still young and naive about a lot of things.”
“I know, baby, but you can’t fight fate. If it’s meant to happen, it will happen. Besides, she’s young, and all young people think they’re safe from harm until something bad happens—not saying that it will. But, you know.” She shrugged. “That’s one of the trials when it comes to being in a relationship that has an age difference, I suppose.”
“I guess.”
She finished icing the cake and then cut two slices, putting them on separate plates. “There. One for you, and one for Kandy.” She cocked her head. “Get up there. Make up with her.”
I sighed, picking up the plates and the forks and carrying it to our bedroom. Kandy was in there, sitting on the built-in window seat. When she heard me coming in, she glanced over her shoulder, then rolled her eyes. She was feistier, now that she was pregnant, and a lot more emotional. She would cry at the drop of a hat, and get angry just as quick. It was strange, but as I was told, hormones are powerful. A pregnant Kandy wasn’t to be taken lightly.
“Cake?” I offered, holding a plate out to her.
She narrowed her eyes as she looked at it then turned away. “I’m not hungry.”
I exhaled, placing the plates on top of the dresser and then walking to her. Sitting beside her on the bench, I looked her over. She was wearing yoga pants and a Nike shirt. Did she really think she was going to walk in those stupid fucking slippers on a treadmill, though?
“Look, I know you think I’m being a—”
“An overbearing jackass?” she snipped, cutting me off. “Yeah, you are.” She folded her arms.
“I’m just trying to protect you and the baby, Kandy. Okay? I feel like you aren’t taking this as seriously as you should be.”
“How, Cane? I’m not just going to sit around and get fat. I need to move—do something! I’ve binge-watched literally everything on Netflix and all of the On Demand movies. I need to move—to do something.”
“You’re in school now,” I noted.
“Yeah, but you have Lora drop me off every day, just to make sure I get there safely.” She rolled her eyes.
“You only have one more month before we find out if you’re okay to carry this baby or not, Kandy. We haven’t had any mishaps happen yet, thank God, but I don’t want you taking this for granted. Maybe nothing has happened because you’ve been here, and you’ve been careful.”
She didn’t respond, just lowered her head.
“Are you having regrets?”
She avoided my eyes.
“Kandy?”
“I don’t know, Cane,” she muttered.
“I know we didn’t plan for this. I get that. You weren’t expecting it, and sometimes the surprises look like they are setting us back, but it’s only temporary, baby. I promise.” A tear slid down her cheek, and I sighed, wrapping a hand around her head and bringing it to my chest. “Don’t cry, Kandy. Listen to me, okay? You’ve gotten through so much. You’ll get through this too.”
“I’m just so tired, Cane!” She sobbed into my chest. “My boobs hurt, and my throat is raw every morning. I can’t keep a meal down to save my life, but I’m still gaining weight! I feel like I’m in someone else’s body!”
“It’ll pass, baby. I promise.”
“What if all of this is for nothing?” she whimpered. “What if I don’t even end up having the baby?”
“You can’t think like that, all right? I told you—we’re going to think positively.”
“I’m trying, but it’s hard.”
“I know, but you’ve got this, Kandy. You’ve done great. It’s been eight weeks now, and didn’t you tell me that your previous doctor said by the eight-week mark, you’d hear the heartbeat?”
Her cries came to a rapid halt after I said that. She then picked her head up, looking me in the eyes. “Oh my gosh,” she breathed. “I get to hear the heartbeat this week.”
I smiled. “Did you forget?”
Her throat bobbed as she swallowed. “This Wednesday, right?”
“Yeah, babe. And I’ll be right there with you, listening.”
“You think we’ll hear something?”
“I’m staying positive about it, so yes, I think we’ll hear something.”
She grinned then, but tried to bite it back. I grabbed her chin, holding it between my forefing
er and thumb. “I think once you hear him or her in there, it’ll push you in the right direction, make you realize all of this isn’t for nothing. Right now, there’s a big question in the air for both of us. Hopefully hearing it for ourselves will put us on the right track again.”
She nodded, mashing her lips together for a moment.
“I’m sorry,” she mumbled, voice feeble. “I don’t like arguing with you. I just get so frustrated now—like I literally can’t control my feelings.”
“Pregnancy woes,” I teased, and a laugh bubbled out of her. “Come here.” I opened my arms, and she had no problem sliding into them. She curled up on my lap, and I closed my arms, groaning as I held onto her. “Everything will be okay, baby.” I kissed her head. “Just stay strong. I know you can.”
She nodded, and that was all I needed.
My Kandy wasn’t weak. The Kandy I knew had won every battle she’d gone through. She fought for what she wanted, and I knew she really wanted this baby, no matter how tired she was or how much her body was changing.
Her eyes lit up when she realized she’d hear the heartbeat. That was proof enough that she cared, but her fears were popping up, trying to blow those moments of happiness away.
But that’s what I was here for. I refused to let anything happen to her or my baby.
We were going to get through this. After all we’d been through, we had no choice.
Twelve
KANDY
I felt awful that Cane and I were butting heads so much. We were like two rams in an open field sometimes, going head-to-head over the most trivial things. I couldn’t stand it. It wasn’t like us, and I knew most of it was my fault, but sometimes I couldn’t help the way I felt. I couldn’t blame it all on being pregnant, either.
To be honest, I was happy that I could carry a child. I was happy that everything looked okay…but I was terrified of how much my and Cane’s life would change. Especially mine. I would no longer have any privacy or moments to myself. I’d lose sleep, which I hated the idea of, because I loved my sleep. It was precious to me, and I cherished it so much. Not only that, but I still hadn’t told my dad, and I knew the longer I waited, the angrier he would get about it.
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