Unacceptable

by Kristen Hope Mazzola

  “That was impressive.”

  He bit my neck. “Sugar, you haven’t seen anything yet. The things that I have planned to do to you will rock your world.”

  It only took a few fast, hard pumps before I felt Abel swell and pulse inside me as his head fell to my shoulder.

  Abel carried me to the bed, climbing in next to me. He grabbed two packets of Fun Dip from the nightstand and glanced at me with a small smirk and a raised eyebrow.

  “That looks freaking delicious.”

  He threw a blue raspberry over to me and we cuddled, eating candy like high schoolers after prom.

  My eyes wandered over his bare chest, noticing the deep blues and purples covering his ribs.

  “Do they hurt?”

  He shook his head, licking the last of the blue powder off of the white candy stick. “Babe, there ain’t nothin’ to worry about.” He kissed the top of my head. “I’m fine.”

  We threw away our empty rappers, Abel wrapping me up in his strong arms.

  “Goodnight,” he whispered.

  Waking up still cradled in Abel’s arms in the middle of the night was a little awkward. The whole thing was awkward, but perfect in its own way. How do two people just fall into such a great rhythm like that so fast? It felt like Abel and I were two puzzle pieces that had finally found each other.

  I wiggled out from under his arm, pulled his shirt on over my bare body, and made my way down to the kitchen, praying for a cold bottle of water.

  I opened up the fridge to find one last bottle. I cracked the seal and started to chug when I was startled out of my skin by a raspy voice coming from the kitchen table.

  “Who the heck are you?” asked the mysterious stranger cloaked in the shadows. I shot around to look at him, gasping for breath and nearly spitting all the water out onto myself.

  I flipped on the kitchen light and my heart sank. It was like I was looking directly into my own eyes.

  I started hyperventilating.

  I was dizzy.

  My entire body started shaking.

  “Crickett? Is that you?” the man said, getting up from the table.

  “What the fuck are you doing here?” I spit out, stepping backward into the refrigerator as I recoiled from the man that used to be my dad.

  “I should be asking you the same question.”

  Abel’s large frame took up the entryway to the kitchen. “Rave? Crickett? Everything okay in here?”

  “So it really is you!” Rave’s eyes got wide, staring at me.

  “Do you know her, Dad?”

  I couldn’t breathe. “Did you just call him…” I was about to pass the fuck out.

  No fucking way.

  This cannot be happening.

  “Abel is my stepson.” Rave took his seat again at the table with a sigh. “And this young lady over here is my daughter.”

  Abel’s face got white. He started to pace the floor. “Is he why you came to this town?”

  I nodded.

  “You’ve been looking for me?” Rave pulled the chair out next to him, but there was no way I could be that close to him yet. I was too freaked out, not to mention I was practically naked, standing there in just a white t-shirt. Thankfully Abel was so much bigger than me that his shirt was like a damn dress, but still, I had never felt more exposed in my life, especially with both of them staring at me.

  I had imagined seeing my father again over and over for years, but I’d never thought that he’d be sitting in the kitchen in a motorcycle gang vice president’s house wearing a matching cut at four in the freaking morning claiming to be his goddamn stepfather. This was all too damn much for me to take.

  “Fuck you, Rave!” I yelled and stormed out of the kitchen and straight out the front door, grabbing my purse and keys off the coffee table on my way.

  “Crickett wait!” I could hear Rave running after me.

  Tears were already pouring down my face as I ran down the front steps off the porch.

  “Please let me explain,” he called after me, but I was already in my car, engine going.

  I rolled down my window. “You had your chance to explain for years. Instead you ran up the mountain and played dad for another fucking kid? You make me sick.”

  I sped out of the driveway and was just about a mile down the road when I realized that I had no idea where to go. I still had the motel room, but the key for it was back at Abel’s, along with all my other shit.

  I really need to start thinking things through more often.

  Quickly the headlights of two motorcycles were hot on my tail. Abel rode up next to me and started yelling at me to pull over. I was crying hysterically, shaking my head no and swerving all over the road.

  All of a sudden, Rave was in front of me, braking. I swerved off the road, barely missing his back bumper, and slammed my car in park.

  I was a mess. My emotions were getting the better of me.

  Snot was pouring from my nose.

  I wasn’t wearing real clothes.

  I wanted to be mad, but I was more hurt than anything.

  Abel got off his bike and came to my window. “Crickett,” he yelled through the window, “Unlock your doors now.”

  I shook my head, hands glued to the steering wheel.

  “I’m not asking. Let me in this goddamn car. You’re too upset to be driving. You’ll fucking kill yourself or worse, someone else.”

  There was no one on the roads at four in the morning in this tiny town in the mountains of North Carolina, but I knew he was right: I was too upset to be driving. I slid over into the passenger seat and hit the unlock button. Abel slid into the driver’s side and locked the car again. He grabbed my hand.

  “So Rave’s your old man, huh?”

  I nodded.

  Thanks Captain Obvious.

  “That doesn’t change the way I feel about you.” He was firm, resolute.

  I stared out the window at Rave as he just sat on his bike with his head in his hands. “I don’t know if I can do this.”

  “Do what? See him or be with me?”

  “Both, maybe. Fuck, I don’t know. I just fucked my goddamned stepbrother.” The words made me feel sick.

  Abel started laughing a little.

  I shot him an evil eye, tears still staining my face. “What the fuck could be so funny right now?”

  “Have you seen Joe Dirt?”

  I nodded.

  “The scene where he’s fucking that chick that isn’t his sister but he makes her scream ‘I’m your sister’ just popped into my head.”

  I gasped and slammed my fist into this shoulder. “You’re an ass.”

  “Yeah, probably.” He grabbed my hand. “Look. We’re two freaking adults. An hour ago we were the same two fucking people as we are right now. Just because you’re Rave’s daughter, you think that changes?”

  I shrugged. “It’s just all so fucked.”

  His lips brushed the back of my hand. “Rave married my mom after I was eighteen. I only call him Dad since I don’t have one anymore and it’s less confusing for Raine.”

  Abel’s eyes filled with pain and the ice that had built up around my heart in the last thirty minutes started to melt.

  “Is he good to her?”

  “The best. I don’t have any family left. I have the club and Rave. That’s it.”

  “Daddy! Higher!”

  The warm sun beat down on my smiling face as my dad pushed me higher and higher on the swing. It was a beautiful warm summer day.

  “How’s that princess?”

  He shoved me harder and I went flying through the air as fast as the wind.

  “Weeee!” I screamed.

  “Let’s get you home for some lunch.” He grabbed the swing to slow it down.

  “Just a little bit longer?” I pleaded, popping out my lower lip.

  He grabbed me, holding me close to his chest as he kissed my cheek. “Tomorrow’s your first day of school, don’t you want to get your Cinderella backpack all ready?”<
br />
  I gasped with excitement. “Yeah!”

  “Ok, well then we better head home. Love you princess.”

  He kissed my hair and walked us over to his white truck. “Love you too, Daddy!”

  Tears were streaming down my face as Abel shook my shoulder. “Zone out there for a minute, babe?”

  Ugh. Hearing my stepbrother call me babe was weird, but not even an hour before he’d been my beautiful stranger that I was falling hard and fast for.

  This is going to take some getting used to.

  At the end of the day, he was mine and I was his, even though it was wrong. I barely knew him; he was my boss, not to mention my freaking stepbrother. It just felt too right.

  I mumbled, “Yeah. Just remembering.”

  “Good stuff?”

  That’s when I realized I was smiling, still looking out the window to Rave, who looked extremely distraught.

  “He loved me.”

  I had finally remembered how much he had meant to me and I him. We really did have a bond, and that made it that much more confusing.

  “Why didn’t he fight for me?”

  “I think Rave is the only one that will be able to answer that one.”

  I slumped down in my seat. “Can you take me home?”

  “Of course, as long as by home, you mean back to my place so you can get some pants on and finally get the answers you’ve been looking for.”

  “Thanks.” I leaned over and kissed Abel’s stubble covered cheek.

  Abel dialed Holt. “Hey man, sorry to wake you.”

  I felt terrible that Holt had to keep cleaning up my messes.

  “I need you to come with me to pick up my bike in a minute. I’m driving Crickett back to the house in her car. Long story. Get dressed. Be home in a minute.”

  Chapter 8.

  After getting back to Abel’s house, putting clothes on, and pacing around Abel’s room nervously for about thirty minutes trying to talk myself out of my next move, I went down to the kitchen where Abel and Rave were sitting at the dining room table.

  Abel shoved up from the table when he saw me making my way into the room. “Well, I’ll leave you two to it for a bit. I’ll be right upstairs if you need me.” He squeezed my shoulder before heading up the stairs.

  Words escaped me as I took the seat across the table from my father. I crossed my arms; my heart was guarded and I was completely prepared to keep those high ass walls in place.

  He cleared his throat. “Do you have questions for me?”

  I shrugged. I had a million, but I had no idea where to start. I felt all of my walls growing higher with reinforced steel being added.

  He shifted in his seat, went and grabbed two beers from the fridge, opened them, and set one down in front of me with a koozie on it already.

  I smirked a little. “That’s the only way to really drink a beer.”

  He took a sip. “Ah, yup. Nice and cold with a koozie on it. You don’t want cold hands or warm beer.”

  I laughed to myself, thumbing the tab on the top of the can. “I say that too.”

  A little bit of the tension melted away as we sat in silence for a few minutes.

  Finally, Rave’s gruff voice broke the quiet. “How’d you know to find me here?”

  I looked into his eyes for the first time since I’d realized it was really him. “I got a letter from you when I was ten. The return address said Vilas.”

  “You got one of my letters?” He perked up a little, shifting an old shoebox in front of him.

  “One of? I only got one ever. Didn’t feel like writing to your kid was too important did you?”

  The crow’s feet at the corners of his eyes pulled down as concern spread across his face. “I wrote you hundreds of letters over the years. Here, let me show you.”

  He walked the large box over to my end of the table and took the seat next to mine. “They always got returned to me, but I kept trying. I’m glad one got through.”

  I opened the shoebox to see letter after letter unopened, some looking only weeks old, all with my mother’s chicken scratch on it: Wrong address. Return to sender.

  My heart hurt.

  “How could she?” My voice shook as tears stung my eyes.

  Rave sat quietly as I tore through the box, getting down to what looked like files of legal papers dating up until my sixteenth birthday.

  “You fought for me?”

  His head fell as tears started to drip slowly down his cheeks. “There wasn’t much I could do after your mom claimed I beat her that night I ran off. I got about thirty minutes down the road before cops were cuffing me and throwing me in jail for three days. There’s so much to tell you, sweetheart. But please just know that the moral of all this is I never wanted to leave you with her. I wanted to protect you and I failed.”

  “I was so wrong all these years.” My head was spinning, trying to take it all in.

  His hand landed on mine and I laced my fingers through his, gripping with all my might.

  “All those years wasted.” He coughed a little. “And look at you.” He tried to smile. “You’ve turned into such a beautiful woman. Abel is quite taken with you, and that says a lot.”

  I wiped the tears from my cheeks. “So what now?”

  He leaned back in his chair. “We make up for lost time.”

  We sat and talked for hours, about the good and the bad. He told me how he’d actually been part of another chapter of the Unacceptables back in Arkansas and that was how he’d found his way to North Carolina. I went on to tell him about how my mother had spiraled out of control. I even told him that I used to be a stripper. I could tell the words stung, but he listened and didn’t show judgement.

  When I heard Raine’s light footsteps trotting down the stairs, I felt like no time had passed with my father and me.

  Raine bolted for him. “Pop!” she yelled, jumping into his arms. “Have you met my friend Crickett yet?”

  He smiled and kissed her forehead. “Yes, we’re becoming fast friends too.” He winked at me as she bounced Miss Gilda on the table.

  “Good. We need to keep her around. She’s pretty and nice. I like that.” She beamed at me and grabbed my hand. “Will you make me Captain Crunch again? You do it the best with the perfect amount of milk.”

  Raine started dragging me into the kitchen and I glanced over to Rave. “Thank you.” I breathed as relief flooded me. It wasn’t the scenario I had pictured for all those years, but slowly I was realizing that the situation I had stumbled into was probably better.

  He pursed his lips slowly as he nodded. “See you later. I need to head in to the shop.”

  Abel made his way down the stairs, catching Rave at the front door. I strained to eavesdrop on their conversation as I grabbed the fixings for Raine’s breakfast.

  “How’d it go?” Abel’s hands were dug deep into his packets as he glared at Rave.

  “Better than I expected.”

  Abel’s shoulders relaxed. “Good. Heading down to the garage?”

  Rave nodded and Abel slapped him on the back. “I should be heading up there in a few hours, we’ll see how the day goes. Tell Ronda to cover Crickett’s shift again this morning.”

  “Will do.” With that Rave was out the door and I was happily sipping coffee at the breakfast table while Raine chattered away about how happy she was that it was Saturday and she didn’t have to go to school.

  Abel poured himself a cup of coffee and topped off my mug, even adding in a little extra sugar for me. “Hey, Raine?”

  She looked up at him with wide eyes, chomping on a mouthful of cereal. “Yeah, Daddy?” I laughed as milk spilled down her chin while she spoke.

  “How about Crickett and I take you to the park over on Elm today?”

  She perked up in her seat and started bouncing as her cheeks got red. “That’s the one with the really big slide!” The excitement that was pouring out of her was intoxicating.

  “It sure is. Finish your breakfast and brush y
our teeth.”

  Raine scarfed down the rest of her food and bolted up the stairs to get ready. I rinsed my mug with her bowl and started to load the dishwasher when I felt Abel’s hands run up my arms.

  He gently kissed the top of my head. “Are we ok?”

  I turned into his arms, wrapping mine around his waist. “Yes.” Our lips slowly brushed together for the faintest touch of a kiss. “Sorry I freaked out last night.”

  He chuckled a little, pulling away to dig his cigarette box out of his jeans pocket. “You’re not the only one that was freaking out. I thought I was losing you right when I finally had you.”

  I rested my cheek on his warm, bare chest. “You’re not getting rid of me that easily.”

  He let out a slow sigh. “Good.”

  “Am I ever going to be able to work again?” I questioned, pulling away from him to close the dishwasher. “My boss might get pissed if I keep missing shifts like this.”

  He lightly smacked me on my ass before putting a cigarette between his teeth. “I think he can handle it.” With a wink he started to head for the front porch. “Want to join me?”

  I followed him out onto the massive front porch, taking the lit cigarette from him before he lit his own.

  “She’s really taking to you.” Abel motioned toward the front door.

  We leaned against the railing, Abel’s arm wrapping around my shoulders. “I’m taking to her like a bee to honey. You got one freaking amazing kid there.”

  His lips dusted the top of my ear. “You’re freaking amazing.”

  I couldn’t help but laugh. “You’re insane.”

  “How do you figure?” Abel shifted to look at me as smoke blew out from the corner of his mouth.

  “I’m a fucking basket case. I ran away from home to find a man that I can barely remember and wound up here in the middle of family drama and an MC. Pretty nuts, if I do say so myself.”

  “Don’t you believe in fate?” His blue eyes were soft as he laced our fingers together.

  “Don’t start getting all soft and mushy on me, Abel Hellock. Aren’t you supposed to be some sort of badass?”

  He laughed a little. “Yeah, something like that.” He threw his half smoked cigarette on the floor and stomped it out. “Let me go throw a shirt on, Raine will freak if I’m not ready when she is.”