A Fairy's Guide to Disaster

by A W Hartoin

Gerald shrugged and peered into Horc’s face.

  “I’m okay,” said Horc. “We wood fairies are sturdy.”

  “Yeah,” said Gerald. “I’ve heard that about wood fairies. We better get out of here before that man decides to douse us again.”

  I got my feet under me and tried to stand. My legs shook. They wobbled so violently, I fell back. “I don’t think I can.”

  “Let her rest,” said Iris.

  “No way,” said Gerald. “This place is swarming with humans.”

  He grabbed my arm and pulled me to my feet. Now my whole body shook and my teeth chattered. The wall swam in front of my eyes, looking like white liquid, dripping and oozing.

  Iris put her arm around my shoulders and said something in my ear. I could hear her. I just couldn’t understand the words.

  Gerald and Iris hooked my arms over their shoulders. I watched the bowl bottom sink away from under my feet. They flew me onto a shelf inset into the wall with a window behind it. My body convulsed when it touched the chilly granite surface.

  “She’s too cold,” said Gerald. “We have to get her into the sun.”

  They pulled me into a patch of warm sunlight and I stopped convulsing.

  “What’s wrong with her?” asked Iris.

  “I think she’s in shock,” said Gerald. “We’ll never be able to carry her to the mantel. I’m going to get some blankets. You stay here and keep her awake.”

  “How?”

  “Do whatever you have to. Pinch her. Shake her. I’ll be right back.”

  Iris lay down next to me, pressing her warm body against my cold one.

  “I’m okay,” I said, then everything went black.

  When I woke up, the patch of sun was huge and almost hot. A pile of blankets covered me up to my chin. I could hardly move under their weight. Iris sat next to me combing her hair. It bounced and coiled into ringlets with each stroke. I worked my arm out and touched her arm.

  “You’re awake,” she said.

  “How long have I been out?” I asked.

  “All night. It’s morning,” said Iris.

  “Is everybody okay?”

  Iris tucked her comb into her pocket and said, “We’re all fine. I found some of our old diapers for Horc and Easy. I made them some shirts and pants from some of Mom’s fabric.”

  “You’ve been busy,” I said.

  “It was easy.”

  I patted Iris’s hand. I didn’t trust myself to speak. My throat felt all hot and twisty. A headache bloomed in my forehead and my stomach flipped around like I’d swallowed a fish.

  “Do you want something to eat?” asked Iris.

  I wasn’t sure I could eat anything, but I nodded anyway.

  Iris jumped up and clapped her hands. She flitted away, past the mom with her mug and landed on the granite-covered table in the center of the kitchen. She strode across the table with her shoulders thrown back and lightness in her step that I’d never seen before. She went to a spot of brown, and then flew back to me with a thick flake.

  I sniffed and took a small bite. It tasted like Mom’s flatbread, except crispy and sweeter. “What is it?”

  “Bran flake. It’s good, isn’t it?”

  I nodded and nibbled on the flake.

  “Matilda?” Iris’s happy expression vanished like it’d never been there at all.

  “What’s wrong?” I asked.

  “When do you think Mom and Dad will get here?”

  “I don’t know. Shouldn’t be much longer.”

  “What if it is? What if they don’t come?” Iris asked.

  “They’ll come. It hasn’t been that long.”

  “What if they’re not looking for us?”

  “Of course they’re looking for us,” I said. “Don’t be ridiculous.”

  “It’s not ridiculous. Easy cried last night for his mom. He thinks she’s never coming. Gerald doesn’t say it, but he’s worried, too.”

  I didn’t say anything. I was worried, too, but I didn’t want it to show.

  “What if they’re hurt and waiting for us to help them?” asked Iris.

  I watched the mom pour a brown liquid into the bowl and sneeze. I couldn’t lie to Iris. Something could’ve happened to them when the humans came to take our mantel. Something definitely happened to Easy’s mom.

  “We could ask the humans for help,” said Iris.

  I heaved the blankets off my legs and stood. The mom left the kitchen, but Judd remained slurping what looked like bran flakes out of a bowl with a spoon. I pointed at him. “Ask the humans? They can’t see us. Remember?”

  “We could make them see us and they could take us back to Whipplethorn to find Mom and Dad.”

  “How, Iris?” I asked. “When’s the last time a human saw any wood fairy? Six generations ago. Even Dad can’t do it.”

  Gerald landed on the shelf with a frown on his face. “You could do it.”

  I crossed my arms and leaned against what had to be a piece of yellow fruit. It felt hard and silky under my hand. The smell was glorious, sweet, and exotic.

  Gerald frowned deeper. “You could do it, Matilda.”

  “I’ve never done it before, and believe me, I’ve tried,” I said.

  “You didn’t want it bad enough,” said Gerald.

  “That’s what Dad said.”

  “See. You want it more now and so you’ll do it.”

  “Why me?” I asked. “You want it just as badly.”

  “You’re bigger. Size matters.”

  “Now that’s ridiculous. We’re so tiny to them. My being a bit taller won’t make any difference.”

  Gerald went to Iris’s side. “It’s you that will make the difference. Humans would want to see you.”

  “What makes you say that?”

  “Humans love fairies. They write books about us, draw pictures, and make fairy toys for their children. If a human could meet a fairy, they’d want to meet one like you. You’re…” Gerald swallowed and his usual resentful expression came over his face. “You’re perfect. You’re just what a fairy should be. Not me, and not Iris.”

  “You think I’m perfect?”

  “I think a human would find you perfect. It’s not the same.”

  “You do think I’m perfect.” I grinned and punched him in the arm. “You like me.”

  Gerald rubbed his arm. “I like you the way you like Horc.”

  “That’s good enough for me,” I said.

  “What about me?” asked Iris.

  Gerald raised an eyebrow at her.

  “Do you like me?”

  “You’re all right when you’re not annoying me,” he said.

  Iris smiled and linked her arm with his. “I’ll take it.”

  I looked over at Judd, wondering if I could make him see me. What would happen if he did? I’d never made contact with a human before. What would he do? As I watched him, Judd dropped his spoon on the table, glanced around, and drank out of his bowl. He plunked his bowl down on the table, splattering white stuff across the gleaming surface.

  “Nice,” I said.

  “Just because he’s a slob doesn’t mean he won’t help us,” said Iris.

  “What is it with you and asking for help?” I asked.

  “Help is good. What would we have done without Soren?”

  “You’re right about Soren, but that’s different. He’s a wood fairy. These are humans.”

  Gerald paced back and forth on the edge of the shelf, muttering to himself. I took the opportunity to look around. Beyond the yellow fruit was a basket filled with huge spoons and spatulas. They had to be at least one hundred foot lengths long. On the other side of the shelf, a three-tiered metal basket hung from the ceiling. The top level contained yellow ovals with pitted skin. The middle held round blackish-purple things and the bottom was filled with apples. I smiled at the apples. At least something was familiar. The smells of the fruit drifted around together, creating a sweet invisible fog that made my mouth water. Mixed in with the fruit sm
ell was a more pungent scent. I looked until I spotted a conical tree, standing in the corner of the shelf.

  “Gerald, do you know what all these things are?” I asked.

  Gerald jumped when I spoke. He looked surprised to see us still standing there.

  “I was thinking,” he said. “Maybe we could get the humans to drive us to Whipplethorn. It took vehicles to get us so far away. It’ll take a car to get us back.”

  “Maybe we should wait for our parents to come here,” I said.

  “Do you know how long it would take to fly the distances we’ve been driven? Are you willing to wait when we don’t know what’s happened to them?”

  Iris shook her head no and turned to me.

  “I’m not getting these humans to see me until I know more about them,” I said.

  “That’s prudent,” Gerald agreed.

  “And slow,” said Iris.

  “For once, I’d like things to happen slowly. It would be a nice change. Now, Gerald, do you know what these fruits are or what?”

  Gerald smiled and pointed to each one. “Those are bananas. Those are lemons, plums, and apples.”

  “What about the tree? I didn’t know trees could smell so strong,” I said.

  “It’s not a tree. It’s rosemary. An herb.”

  “Can we eat it?” asked Iris.

  “I think humans cook with it, but I don’t think they eat it straight. Horc probably would though. He’ll eat anything.”

  I spun around. “Wait a minute. Where are the babies?”

  “They’re sleeping,” said Gerald.

  “Still, they probably shouldn’t be alone.”

  “Easy’s mom left him alone.”

  Iris crossed her arms. “Don’t start that. She didn’t do it on purpose.”

  “I don’t know that. Maybe that’s just the way they are,” he said.

  I fluttered up and landed on the banana. Gerald’s words bounced around in my brain. I couldn’t quite figure out what he was getting at. I walked the length of the banana, trying to find a way in through the thick peel, so I could taste it. The fruit appeared to be well protected. I kicked it as Iris and Gerald landed beside me.

  “You won’t get in like that. We’ll have to wait for one of the humans to open it,” said Gerald.

  I turned to him and said, “What did you mean by ‘that’s just the way they are’?”

  Gerald stared out into the kitchen and ignored me.

  “Yeah,” said Iris. “No wood fairy would ever abandon their baby.”

  “Well, they’re not exactly regular wood fairies, are they?” Gerald met my surprised gaze.

  “Of course they’re wood fairies,” said Iris. “What else would they be?”

  “They’re not like us. Just look at them and you can tell,” said Gerald.

  “Mrs. Zamora is beautiful,” I said, thinking of how Mom kept looking in the mirror after Mrs. Zamora moved in. She would fluff her wings and rub berry juice on her lips.

  “I’m not talking about being beautiful. They don’t look anything like us,” he said.

  “So what?” Iris frowned fiercely. “Neither do you. You’re wings aren’t iridescent at all.”

  “Right and I’m not a real Whipplethorn. We’ve established that. Now, what are they? Think about it. They avoid us. Stay inside. Never come to council meetings. Easy can read minds. Come on, girls.”

  I looked out of the kitchen toward the stairs. I didn’t really care what the Zamoras were as long as they didn’t care what I was. I felt better and was itching to explore. We were in a real human house. A human house filled with human stuff. I wanted to see the rest of it. “Okay. So I think I’ll take a look around and check things out.”

  “Don’t you even want to know?” asked Gerald.

  “Gerald, I already know. They’re different. So are you and so am I. Who cares?”

  “They’re mindbenders. All of them. Jeez, you two are dense,” said Gerald.

  CHAPTER 17

  I flew up the stairs with Iris close at my heels. Gerald’s information rattled around in my head. I didn’t know which was more surprising, that the Zamoras were mindbenders or that Gerald’s family had known and kept it quiet. A few days before I never would’ve imagined them staying quiet to protect someone. Gerald’s father irritated my dad with his haughty ways and sly insinuations about intelligence. They had all those books and they never shared them. Gerald’s family always seemed to be trying to get an advantage over everyone else, but when they had the chance to out the Zamoras, they didn’t take it. I couldn’t wrap my mind around it.

  Iris and I reached the top of the stairs and hovered on a landing area. Four doors hung open inviting us in four different directions. I turned to Iris to get her opinion and found my sister watching with sad eyes and a downturned mouth.

  “What’s wrong?” I asked.

  “I don’t know what to think,” Iris said.

  “About Gerald?”

  Iris’s brow wrinkled. “No. About Easy. He’s a you-know-what.”

  “The Zamoras never did anything to us,” I said.

  “How do we know? Dad said mindbenders can read your mind, put ideas in your head and make you do things you shouldn’t. What if they had something to do with the humans coming and taking our mantel?”

  “Mindbenders are just another type of wood fairy. Just like how I’m a kindler. It’s just how we are and I don’t believe they knew anything about the humans coming. Mrs. Zamora loves Easy. I know that for sure. What do you want to do? Toss Easy out because of who he is?”

  “No.”

  “Good. Now let’s do some exploring while Gerald watches the babies. Which door?”

  Iris gestured to the door that opened up directly in front of the stairs. I rubbed my hands together and zipped in. The room was somewhat of a disappointment. It was a small square, smaller than any room in Whipplethorn. A length of fabric imprinted with monkeys concealed one side. A couple of shiny white things sat on the other side. They looked like they were made of the same material as the bowl in the kitchen. My shoulders slumped. I expected something majestic. I reminded myself to stop expecting, since I was always wrong.

  “What’s this?” asked Iris as she pointed to the squat white seat to their right.

  The seat had a rectangular white box attached to the wall behind it. We landed on a silver lever on the front of the box.

  “There’s water in it,” said Iris.

  I wrinkled my nose. “It smells like…”

  “Wee,” said Iris with a look of disgust. “Do you think it’s a chamber pot?”

  “If it is, it’s really big even for a chamber pot for humans,” I said. “Let’s check out the other one.”

  We flew up onto the other white thing and discovered it was just another bowl like downstairs in the kitchen.

  “Let’s go through another door. You pick,” said Iris.

  I picked the door to the far left and wasn’t disappointed. The room was quite large and furnished with walnut furniture with pleasing lines but few carvings. I went straight to the bed and landed in the middle of a blanket that looked soft as cattail fluff. Iris plopped down next to me, lying on the bed and sighing. I watched my sister’s sweet face smiling with growing enjoyment.

  “I could go to sleep right here,” Iris said.

  “Me, too.”

  “Gerald will be mad if we don’t come back soon.”

  “He’ll be mad either way,” I said. “He’s good at it.”

  “Gerald’s not so bad.” Iris flipped over and nestled her head in the crook of her arm.

  “He’s not a stink fairy underneath it all.”

  Iris closed her eyes. “I could lay here forever.”

  “I couldn’t.” I poked Iris in the shoulder. “Look.”

  “What is it?”

  “Books. Look at all the books.”

  Iris sat up and her mouth fell open. Bookcases covered the wall next to the door from floor to ceiling. I couldn’t believe I
hadn’t noticed them the second we came in. I flitted over and touched the spine of an old book with gold lettering, The Red Badge of Courage. Iris flew around in a frenzy, clapping her hands and counting.

  “There are fifty books on this shelf alone,” said Iris, pointing to the shelf I stood on. “Can you believe it?”

  I shook my head, mute with wonder. Books were so rare. And human books, fairies hardly ever got a chance to read them. I wished one would fall off the shelf and open so we might read a page and see what humans liked to read.

  We spent an hour reading titles and guessing what might be inside those dusty covers. I kept coming back to The Red Badge of Courage. It spoke to me. It must be more thrilling than the one Iris liked, Versailles: A Biography of a Palace, no matter how decorative the spine.

  I ran my hand over the peeling gold lettering once more and turned to Iris. “We better go if we want to look at the other rooms.”

  Iris left her favorite book alone on the shelf. She kept glancing back as we flew away out into the hall. Iris picked the next room and stopped short as soon as she flew through the door. I bumped into her and rubbed my nose where it had whacked the back of Iris’s head.

  “Hey,” I said. “Why’d you stop?”

  Iris turned, her face screwed up so that she resembled a dried up old apple. “Boy room.”

  Definitely a boy room. No mistaking that. It smelled of dirty socks and sweat. Half the bedding hung on the floor off a set of bunk beds. Clothing lay in heaps all over the place. A bookshelf called to me from across the room, but I fought off the invitation. I didn’t want to fly through the sour boy stink despite the intriguing titles on the shelves. Diary of a Wimpy Kid and City of Ember might be interesting, but not enough to tempt me.

  “Let’s try the last room,” said Iris.

  I shook my head. “I don’t think so. I smell a cat in there.”

  Iris made a face at me and started to fly into the room. I grabbed her hand and pulled her back. “I said no.”

  Iris yanked her hand away and flew into a pink room. I zipped in behind her. My eyes darting around the room for a sign of the cat, but didn’t find one. The room was much better than the boy’s next door. No stink, no clothing on the floor. Lace drooped down from a canopy and hung over a small bed, a waterfall of pretty. The bed was nicely made. My eyes ran down the length of the bed and I found myself staring into a pair of slanted pale blue eyes. I lunged for Iris.