Bittersweet Deception

by Liz Fielding

  Afterwards he stroked her hair, holding her against his chest where she could hear his heart hammering against her ear.

  ‘you have a job for life, Kate. Bedwarmer-in-chief. I’ll have the contracts drawn up tomorrow,’ he murmured.

  She ignored the sharp little pinprick of pain at the words as he kissed her brow. She hadn’t expected professions of undying love. There would be time enough, later, for pain. But not now. Now she was in his arms and that was all that mattered.

  ‘I already have a contract,’ she said, laughing a little shakily. ‘Don’t let’s get carried away.’

  ‘That contract covers cooking. It wasn’t exactly what I had in mind.’ He kissed her tenderly. ‘Did I hurt you?’

  She shook her head and blushed. ‘I tried to tell you.’

  He drew back and looked down at her. ‘Did you think I hadn’t guessed? Why did you think I wanted to wait?’ He traced the line of her jaw with his mouth and she clung to him dizzily. ‘You said once that I’m not your type.’ He smiled lazily down at her. ‘Now, in the light of your somewhat overwhelming response to me, would you care to revise your opinion?’

  ‘you already have far too good an opinion of yourself,’ she said, but softened the words with a smile.

  ‘Not true. I know my faults. But that’s not the reason you held me at bay for so long.’

  ‘No. I suppose I’ve been holding the world at bay. But after David—’

  ‘David?’ He was very still. ‘I thought I had successfully routed all my rivals. Then you manage to produce another man and confound me. Who is this David?’

  She stiffened at the edge in his voice. ‘I…I was engaged to him. A long time ago. That’s all.’

  ‘All?’ His eyes narrowed. ‘I don’t think so.’

  ‘When mum and Dad died he made it very clear that Sam was a responsibility he couldn’t handle.’

  ‘you’re not serious?’

  Kate couldn’t look at him. ‘He said if I didn’t arrange to have her fostered the wedding was off.’

  A sharp sound escaped his lips. ‘Then you seem to have had a lucky escape.’

  ‘No, Jay. Sam is an expensive girl. There were always fees for dancing lessons, shoes, travelling…a hundred things you wouldn’t dream of. And now fees for the dance school. Who would be prepared to take on that responsibility? David may have been self-centred, but he had his own life, he wanted to start a business. He may have been cruel, but he taught me a valuable lesson not to get seriously involved. I couldn’t have taken that kind of rejection twice.’

  ‘So?’ he asked softly. ‘What changed your mind? How was it that I found you waiting for me in my bed one night?’

  She didn’t want to answer that question. Had no answer to it, except that she had fallen helplessly and hopelessly in love with him. And she wasn’t about to tell him that.

  ‘I thought…couldn’t see any reason…why I shouldn’t take the affair that you were offering. I was the only one who would get hurt. I didn’t know…’ She gasped as he touched her and her eyes smoked with desire.

  ‘Well, my love, you certainly know now.’

  ‘Yes. I do,’ she said a little fiercely. She allowed her fingers the freedom to trail the outline of his shoulder. Then her tongue began its own exploring sorties, her senses drowning in the sharp scent of sweat and the taste of salt on his skin and the urgent stirring of his need for her.

  ‘Fast learner, aren’t you?’ he said, pulling her down to lie on top of him.

  ‘I have an excellent teacher.’

  ‘The lesson isn’t over yet, my darling.’

  * * *

  ‘Jay?’

  ‘Yes, my love?’ He looked up from his perusal of the morning paper and frowned. ‘you haven’t eaten anything.’

  ‘I will. In a minute.’

  He put his paper down and took her hand. ‘What is it? Not fed up with married life already?’ It was nearly six weeks since they had returned from London. If the first weeks of her marriage had been agony, since the night of the thunderstorm it had been bliss. But she had never forgotten the conversation she had overheard with Annabel. He had promised her that it would be a matter of weeks. She knew it couldn’t last for much longer. And she had to know.

  ‘No,’ she said, in answer to his question. She would never tire of him, never in a million years. ‘But…’ It was all so difficult. And her beloved Jay sitting opposite her in nothing but a towelling wrap was doing little to help her get her thoughts straight.

  ‘Well?’

  ‘I think we ought to settle a few things. About the future.’

  He frowned. ‘What things?’

  ‘Please don’t make it difficult. You know exactly what I mean. I would like to know… I need to know…’ she swallowed. ‘How long are you planning to keep up this pretence at marriage?’

  Only the slightest darkening along his cheekbones suggested that he might be angry. ‘Are we pretending? It all seems very real to me.’

  ‘I… Well…’ She stopped.

  ‘Of course, you always planned that it should be temporary. I had forgotten. Well, how long did you plan our affair should last?’ he prompted, a little harshly. ‘Always supposing I had succumbed to your wanton blandishments.’ She didn’t answer. ‘Or was I to be just a one-night stand?’

  Her cheeks flamed and the creases at the corners of his mouth deepened slightly. She looked away, unable to bear his amusement. ‘my contract is until the end of September… I would have been leaving then.’

  ‘Your contract? Of course, it’s so obvious I should have thought of it myself. However, I must insist on an option to renew it…if circumstances dictate.’

  ‘What circumstances?’

  He regarded her steadily. ‘I’m sure something will turn up.’

  CHAPTER TEN

  KATE woke early. It was still dark and for a while she lay quiet and still, listening to Jay’s even breathing. She felt oddly queasy but thought that if she stayed perfectly still the feeling might go away. Then she knew it wasn’t going to, and as gently as haste would allow she eased herself from the vastness of the four-poster and bolted for the bathroom.

  Afterwards she stared at her reflection. How could she have been so stupid? In the week before the wedding she had been too numb to think about anything very much, let alone precautions against pregnancy, and once they were in London it had no longer mattered. She had known she was late. But there had been so many upsets, so much tension that she had allowed herself to ignore the now all too obvious truth. She touched the smooth contour of her abdomen, wondering at the miracle that was taking place within her. A baby. Hers and Jay’s. She looked at herself in the mirror and her reflection smiled idiotically back.

  She splashed her face with cold water. Colour was already returning to her lips but she felt weak and she returned to bed. Jay hadn’t moved, but as she edged back under the cover his arm wrapped itself around her, fastening her close to him, and for a while she lay there, hugging her joy quietly to herself.

  When she woke again he was standing over her, a tray in his hand. ‘Come on, sleepyhead. It’s nine o’clock.’

  ‘What? It can’t be.’ She threw back the cover and sat up quickly. ‘It’s Sunday. I must get up…’

  ‘Time enough. I’ve brought you some breakfast.’

  The thought made the queasy feeling come back, but the tray contained nothing more threatening than tea and a few thin slices of toast which Jay, propping himself beside her on the bed, helped her to eat.

  ‘Happy?’ he asked, brushing back a dark wing of hair that obscured her face. ‘It’s important, you know, when you’re having an affair, to enjoy it,’ he said with absolute seriousness. ‘Even when you’re married to the person you’re having it with. Not much point otherwise.’

  ‘I bow to your experience in these matters.’ She forced herself to make a joke of it. ‘And you?’

  The warm brown eyes laughed. ‘I can’t remember when I last enjoyed myself so muc
h.’ She felt a twinge of guilt at her own double happiness, wondering whether Jay would be quite so pleased with life when he discovered she was pregnant. Then with a painful start she realised that he must not find out or he would feel obliged to stay. This was the something that would turn up. He had realised the danger, even if she hadn’t.

  She loved him too much to bind him to her that way. It no longer mattered how long he was prepared to stay with her, she had her own very personal calendar. She would have to leave Fullerton Hall before he ever began to suspect.

  Kate arrived in the kitchen to find everything done and waiting. In the weeks since they had returned from London Nancy had taken on more and more of the catering and now even more of the responsibility was going to fall on her. She would have to be given promotion and a rise.

  ‘you’ve done wonders. I’m obviously totally surplus to requirements.’

  Nancy looked horrified. ‘Oh, no, Mrs Warwick. That’s not true. I couldn’t manage all the ordering and the books.’

  Kate laughed. ‘You will, you know.’ She was going to have to. ‘It’s the next stage in your training. You can help me with it this week. But if you don’t need me just now I could do with some fresh air. I’m going for a walk.’ And in the quiet of the wood she decided what she would do.

  She prepared an early lunch for everyone, but was then steered out of the kitchen by Nancy who insisted she could manage. She tried to read a magazine but couldn’t concentrate, wondering if everything was all right in the kitchen.

  ‘I miss that stupid dog, you know,’ Jay said at last, raising his head from a book.

  Kate managed a smile. ‘Me too. She was always a good excuse for a walk if nothing else.’

  ‘Why don’t you get a puppy? It will be company for you while I’m gone.’

  Panic stabbed through her. ‘Gone?’ she demanded. So soon? Surely just a week or two longer?

  ‘I do have to work sometimes, Kate. I’ve rather let things slide during the last couple of months and I had a rather desperate call this morning. I have to go to London for a few days.’

  On a Sunday? It took a minute to control her breathing properly. Annabel was getting impatient. ‘Of course,’ she said. ‘I understand. I think I might spend the time sorting out the nursery.’ His eyes darted to hers and, afraid she had given herself away, she rushed on. ‘It’s full of old toys. I talked to Tisha about restoring it to a Victorian nursery…’

  ‘She mentioned it. I don’t think we should open the nursery, Kate.’ He regarded her intently.

  ‘It would be a wonderful attraction. Tisha thought so too,’ she said.

  ‘Did she?’ He shrugged. ‘Well, find out about it if you must.’

  ‘I might as well make myself useful. I’ll need to consult some experts though. I’m no historian.’

  ‘Norwich museum should be able to help, or maybe the National Trust. They must have something along similar lines.’

  ‘I could always try mike Howard,’ she said, with a touch of irritation.

  ‘I doubt you’ll find him very reliable as a source of information,’ he said, and for a moment she thought she had managed to dent his complacency. ‘But try him by all means if you think he can help.’

  * * *

  She found it difficult to sleep on her own. The bed was vast and she kept reaching for Jay and waking up when he was not there.

  He had been away three days and although he never failed to phone at least twice each day, she missed him more than she thought it possible to miss any human being. She had always been so self-contained. Once she had broken with David she had made a point of not getting involved. Hardly difficult when she was working most evenings, and holidays had been spent with Sam. A younger sister in tow seemed to have a very dampening effect on the ardour of any potential admirer.

  At least, she thought, running to the bathroom, with Jay in London she had been able to indulge her morning sickness without the additional strain of trying to be quiet as well.

  The knowledge that she was expecting Jay’s baby gave her a deep happiness, despite the complications this added to an already over-complicated life. She had never imagined having a child of her own and now she treasured the secret like a miser and made her plans.

  She would look for premises for a small restaurant or a catering business in east Anglia, abandoning her plans for London. She didn’t want her child to grow up in a city. She had already started to look in the local papers. Not that she would buy anywhere too close; when she disappeared from Jay’s life it would be for good.

  She showered and dressed with the utmost care in one of her new outfits and decided to take advantage of Jay’s absence to drive down to Suffolk and have a look around. Time, after all, was no longer on her side and her baby’s future was more important than her own misery that Jay was in London with Annabel.

  On the way back she had a sudden yearning for oranges and stopped to buy some at the vegetable stall in Oulton market. As she took the bag she found mike Howard at her side.

  ‘Kate! May I offer you my best wishes?’

  ‘Thank you, mike,’ she said with cool reserve.

  ‘Come and have a cup of coffee. My office is just over there.’

  The thought of coffee brought on an immediate attack of queasiness. ‘Not coffee, mike, thanks, but I’ve been meaning to telephone you. Is there anyone locally who can help me with a Victorian nursery? I’m thinking of opening the nursery wing to the public.’

  ‘That’s very enterprising of you. You’re becoming a major attraction. I could probably help with some National Trust leaflets—’ he ushered her through into his office ‘—and there are some books you should read. I’ll look up the library index and let you have a list.’

  ‘That would be great. Jay said you wouldn’t be a very reliable source of information.’ She forced a smile. ‘I can’t think why.’

  ‘Well perhaps he wasn’t referring to social history.’ He fiddled with a pen on his desk. ‘The thing is…Jay is rather angry with me. You see, I rather misled you, Kate. I planned to write and apologise but then suddenly you were married and it didn’t seem quite the thing… Perhaps I can do it now?’

  Kate sat perfectly still. ‘Misled me, Mike? I don’t follow you.’

  ‘That day I tried to avoid you.’ He looked extremely uncomfortable. ‘Jay hadn’t exactly warned me off. He just said that there was someone else in your life and he thought perhaps I should know.’

  She placed her head on one side. ‘I see. And you assumed it was Jay?’

  ‘Well, yes. Obviously.’ No, Mike, she thought. Not obvious at all. Jay had, if anything, underplayed his hand a touch, but mike just wasn’t that subtle.

  She wouldn’t have believed she could feel any worse about what she had done. Apparently she was wrong. Not only had she exposed Jay to unpleasant publicity, but he had been an innocent victim.

  She rose. ‘Perhaps you could let me have those leaflets some time?’

  The telephone was ringing as she walked into the house and she picked up the receiver in the hall.

  ‘Kate?’ Jay’s voice was edged with concern. ‘I’ve been trying to get you for hours. No one seemed to know where you were.’

  ‘I’ve just been having a look round. I went down as far as Beccles.’

  ‘Well, don’t. If you want to go sightseeing, wait until I can take you.’

  Kate forced a light laugh. ‘What is this? I don’t need a chaperone.’ Before he could answer she pressed on. ‘I saw Mike Howard today. He’s going to try and get me some information for the nursery.’ Jay made no comment and she gripped the receiver. ‘He explained about…what he said…’

  ‘Did he?’

  ‘I’m sorry, Jay. I should have known.’

  ‘Don’t blame yourself. My motives weren’t that pure.’ He laughed softly and her heart flipped at the sound. ‘Not pure at all, in fact. I’ll be home about midday tomorrow. Perhaps I could spend the afternoon demonstrating…?’

 
; ‘Why, sir, I don’t know what you mean.’ But when she carefully replaced the receiver, a tear slid down her cheek.

  * * *

  The sky was dark and overcast when she woke and it hardly seemed to be day although the clock said eight and the sun must have risen, somewhere beyond the grey. She made a pot of tea and carried it through to the sitting-room and switched on the television.

  Annabel Courtney was laughing. She was leaning back on the sofa in the studio, laughing at something someone off-screen had said. It was quite preposterous that anyone who had got up at five in the morning should look that good, but then, Kate had to admit, she had everything to start with. Tall, a beautiful figure and that glorious glowing blonde hair.

  The camera moved and Kate froze. Jay was leaning towards the woman, touching her arm in an almost intimate gesture. She only just made it to the cloak-room before she threw up.

  Nancy knocked very gently. ‘Mrs Warwick? Kate? Are you all right?’

  She opened the door and leaned weakly against the frame. ‘I ate some of those prawns that were left in the fridge last night. Perhaps you’d better throw them out.’

  The girl looked at her a little oddly but nodded. ‘Just you get back to bed. I’ll call the doctor.’

  ‘No.’ She made an effort to stand upright. ‘I’m fine now. I’ll be all right.’

  But she wasn’t. The doctor ordered her to spend the rest of the day in bed and take it easy for the rest of the week.

  ‘There’s nothing wrong with you. You’re just tired. It’s quite normal in early pregnancy. Nancy will look after you; she’s done it for her mother often enough.’ He turned as the door opened. ‘Jay, good to see you, dear boy. Now I’ve just been telling your wife to take things easy. No more of these late nights at discos for a while, do you hear?’

  Jay stood in the doorway. ‘I believe it was gadding about Suffolk that tired her.’

  ‘Hmph! Well, make sure she gets plenty of rest, she’s only a little thing after all.’