by Francis CoCo
Our room opened up to a courtyard with wrought iron tables and chairs and bushes in concrete. Kind of cute, I thought as we carried our things inside the room and laid them on the bed.
“This isn’t bad,” Angela said, looking around. She went over and pushed open the curtains and looked out. A large, scraggly looking palm tree stood just outside the gate surrounding the courtyard, visible from the window. I hadn’t seen a palm tree since being a kid and going to Florida. I’d seen them as I was driving, but I hadn’t paid attention. My mind was so focused on this Light business, that I hadn’t stopped to think about the fact that we’d just traveled across the country. We were in Arizona, for goodness sakes. I’d never been to Arizona. I’d never even thought of coming to Arizona. It would be nice to do some sight seeing, to check it out, but I couldn’t even think of doing anything like that. All I could think of was why we were here. And I couldn’t do a thing until this was all over, and we knew.
The room had two good-sized beds with crisp white sheets and pillows and fuschia comforters with flower appliques and purple curtains. The walls were painted bright yellow. It was nice and cold in the room.
Max fell back on one of the beds and said, “Guys, can I please take a shower before we go anywhere? I have been in a car for two days and I am ripe.”
“We’ve all been in a car for two days,” Angela said, reaching into her purse and taking out her pack of Lucky Strike’s. Max put out his hand and she handed him a cigarette, took one for herself and they both lit up. Angela sat on the end of the bed and Max lay on his back, smoking and staring up at the ceiling.
“I don’t care if you take a shower,” I said, going over to the desk and opening the brochure that advertised all the nearby restaurants. There was a place called Mr. D’z Route 66 Diner. It was painted pink and teal and reminded me of something from the 50’s. There were little pink and teal colored picnic tables out front. It looked like a fun place to eat.
I smiled down at the brochure. For a minute, I forgot why we were there.
“Hey, you guys want to go to this Mr. D’z?” I said, turning and handing Angela the brochure.
“Oh, that’s cute,” she said, standing up to get the ashtray sitting beside the television. She sat back down and looked at the brochure. After a minute she tossed it onto the bed and turned to Max and said, “So, before the voice told you in the dream to come here, you’d never heard of Kingman?”
Max turned his head to look at her. “No,” he said, “Never.”
All of a sudden, Angela began to cry. Max sat up, “What’s wrong?” he said.
“Why are we doing here? What if something happens to you?”
Max put his arm around her. Angela rested her head on his shoulder.
“Are there any instructions to follow? What did he tell you?”
“He just told me to ‘pay no attention to Beelzebub’s darks, they’re only there to distract you. Stay on the path, look for the Light, he will protect you.”
“What do you mean, he? I thought the Light was talking to you?”
“So did I.”
“But, if it said to you- he will protect you, then, he must not be who you’re talking to.”
“I know.”
“So, if you’re not talking to the Light, then who is telling you to go to Arizona?”
Max rubbed his head, “I’m not sure,” he said.
“So, if you’re not sure, then why are you going?”
“I won’t lie,” he said, “I’m nervous. But I have to know.”
“Maybe Paige and I should go with you… I don’t think you should go alone.”
“No. He told me to come alone. You can’t come.”
“Well, can you at least take your phone? Turn it off, but take it.”
“No. I’m not taking my phone.”
Angela looked at me. I knew she wanted me to help plead her case, that he should at least take his phone, but I knew what Max was thinking and I agreed; that they, or he, or whatever it was that had summoned him here, would know and then, whatever was supposed to happen, might not happen.
“He can’t take his phone Angela, he has to do it exactly like he was told. We didn’t come all the way to Arizona to fuck this up.”
Angela looked down, at the mauve carpeting, “I guess,” she mumbled.
Max stood up. He smiled, “I’m going to take a shower and then we’ll go to that Mr.D’z, okay? After that we’ll drive around Kingman, see what’s what- And, don’t be worried, it’s going to fine. Maybe it will even be great! Maybe there’s some treasure chest I’m going to find...”
“Some big diamond,” I said, “a box of money...”
“I wish,” said Max.
He grabbed his duffle bag and headed for the shower.
We had arrived in Kingman on a Saturday evening. Max was to meet the Light on Sunday. No time had been given, the voice had only told him to come at twilight. He was told to go to Hualapai Mountain, to get on a certain hiking trail and to take so many steps. Once he’d taken so many steps, he was to look for the Light. That’s all he knew.
As the time neared, we all got quieter. In fact, we hardly said a word to one another all day Sunday.
We woke that morning early. It was the day. The day that might change our lives for the better or the day that might change our lives for the worst.
What if he didn’t return? That was the question that kept running through my mind. What kind of friend was I, to let my friend go to some mountain to meet something I didn’t understand, without so much as a cell phone? What kind of friend would aid and abet that? But then again, what if something wonderful happened? Besides a box of money, I couldn’t imagine what that would be, but still, maybe something fantastic might happen. Plus, I didn’t really have any say in the matter. Max was going whether Angela and I agreed or not, we were just there to offer support. This was his deal, not ours.
_____
“You’ve got to eat something,” Angela said. We were sitting around the hotel room. It was three o’clock on Sunday and Max was to leave in a few hours to head towards Hualapai Mountain. None of us had had a bite to eat all day. The very thought of food made me sick. I didn’t want to eat anything. I knew Max felt the same as me, times ten, but he needed to eat- if he were going into the woods, onto some hiking trail in the summer in Arizona, he needed to eat something.
“I can’t,” Max said, pressing his palms into the bed and crossing his ankles in front of him, “the thought of food makes me absolutely sick, please, leave me alone about it.”
Angela began to pace back and forth. She had been chain-smoking all day, as had Max, and the room was smoky. I was sitting at the small desk up against the wall. All of us were a nervous wreck.
“I’m not so sure about this, Max,” I said, “I don’t know… as it comes closer to time for you to go, I’m just not so sure you should...”
Max stared down at the floor. He didn’t say anything. Angela stopped pacing and turned to look at him. After a minute she said, “Let’s just go back. Don’t do it. As simple as that- we can go back, there’s nothing that says you have to go… let’s turn around and go back home.”
Max didn’t answer for a few minutes, he just continued to stare down at the floor and then, he said, “I have to go.”
Angela went over to the bed and sat down beside him. She threw her arms around his neck and started to cry. They sat like that for a few minutes, her crying and him staring down at the floor, not saying a word, his arm bent and his hand pressed against her arm that was wrapped around his neck.
After a few minutes, Angela stopped crying and she rested her head on Max’s shoulder. The three of us spent the next two hours in complete and total silence, not saying one word until the sun began to descend and Max stood up and said, “It’s time. I have to go now.”
We said a few words and hugged him goodbye and when he’d left, Angela went into the bathroom and locked the door.
_____
Angela�
�s cell phone rang. She came out of the bathroom to where it was sitting, on a towel at the sink, and grabbed it.
“Hello?” she said, hurriedly. It was Max. She put it on speaker.
“Well,” he said, “I’m here. I’m at Hualapai Mountain, I just wanted to say goodbye before I… before I go.”
“Hi Max,” I said, getting close to the phone so he could hear me.
“Hi Paige,” he said.
“Are you okay?” said Angela, “can you do this?”
“Yeah, I’m okay. There are people here, hiking, camping, I’m not alone out here, I’ve seen plenty of people...”
Angela let out a sigh of relief. She looked at me and smiled.
“Great,” she said, “that makes me feel a little better.”
“Me too,” I said, “did you drink plenty of water, on your way there?”
“Yeah, I just drank a bottled water on my way, and I’m carrying a water with me… I don’t have to go that far, from what I can tell, I should be where he told me to go within an hour or so...”
“Okay. Good,” said Angela.
There was silence on the other end. After a minute, Max said, “Well, the sun will be setting soon...”
“Okay,” I said, “you’ll be okay. Just come back as soon as… it’s over.”
Another pause. The line was quiet.
“Love you guys,” Max said.
“Love you, too.” we answered.
“Okay, then,” Max said, taking a deep breath, “goodbye.”
The phone clicked.
He was on his way.
_____
“I can’t believe we haven’t heard anything,” Angela said, lighting her 100th cigarette of the day. It was ten o’clock at night and we were both sitting crossed legged on the bed. Me on one and her on the other. We hadn’t heard a peep from Max.
“I know, but, we will.” I said. Truthfully, I couldn’t be sure that we would. I didn’t know any more than she knew and I was just as worried as she was. At what point did we freak out? At what point did we go looking for him? Or call the police? God forbid...
“What should we do?” said Angela, “I’m about to go crazy. How long do we sit here?”
We had been sitting in the hotel room all day, since early that morning. We hadn’t turned on the television, hadn’t eaten anything. Maybe that was the problem.
I grabbed the remote and clicked the television on. I scrolled through a few channels until I found The Golden Girls – a show from my childhood that always made everything in the world feel right and good and safe. I turned the volume down so that we could barely hear it- just enough to fill the quiet hotel room with a little noise.
“Why don’t we order a pizza?” I said.
“Are you hungry?” said Angela, “because, I’m not hungry at all.”
“Actually, I am getting hungry, so, why don’t we call Domino’s or whatever they have out here and get some pizza- watch some Golden Girls, keep ourselves from going insane while we wait- and then hopefully, Max will call soon?”
Angela stared at me. After a long silence she said, “What if he dies?”
“Dies? Oh my God, no! Don’t say that, he isn’t going to die...”
“Don’t play stupid, Paige, you know he could die. Anything might happen.”
I couldn’t argue with her. It was true. Anything could happen. I knew that as much as she did.
“Fine,” I said, “you’re right. He could die. We could die. I don’t know what’s going to happen anymore than you do- anymore than Max does… but, this wasn’t our decision, it was Max’s, we’re just here so that he doesn’t have to do this alone.”
Angela was quiet for a few minutes. She bit at her nails. After a long silence, she said, “That dog wasn’t good.”
“No,” I agreed, “definitely not.”
“The chip in Max’s hand, I mean, what the fuck was that?”
“Don’t ask me,” I said, “I have no idea...”
“We don’t know what the Light is...”
“No. We don’t.”
“Maybe we should have talked him out of coming...”
“Maybe,” I said, “but, we didn’t and now he’s… well, he’s gone to meet, whatever, and all we can do now is wait and try not to lose our minds. So, let’s watch television and order some pizza and wait on Max to call.”
Angela stood up. She went over to the sink are and picked up a towel, “I’m taking a shower,” she said, “go ahead and order pizza if you want, there’s cash in my purse if you needs some...”
“Green peppers and onions okay?” I said.
“Fine.”
“Are you going to be okay?”
“No,” she said, going into the bathroom and shutting the door.
_____
I woke and looked around. For a minute, I didn’t know where I was. I had been dreaming. Another dream from my childhood. In this one, I was in maybe, the first grade – and I was at my uncle’s house, playing with my cousin- she was a bit younger than I- and I told her to close her eyes and open her mouth and I would give her a big surprise. She did and I stuffed a fistful of dirt in her mouth. And then I woke up. This had happened. I’d gotten in a lot of trouble for it at the time, - in fact, my aunt and uncle had banned me from their home for a year or two after that. I’d always hated their stodgy, uptight house anyway, so it had been great, not being allowed to go.
I looked over and saw Angela, asleep on the bed beside mine, the box of pizza lay open by her feet. We’d hardly touched it, there was a round uneaten pizza in the box.
Max! Where was he? I leaned over and grabbed my cell phone from the end table. It was one fifteen in the morning. There had been no missed phone call, no text. Oh my God. Where was Max? I leaned back against the headboard and took a deep breath. I felt sick. He’d been gone now for seven hours. If he wasn’t back soon we would have to go look for him.
Chapter 16
Suddenly, I wake to see that, instead of lying in bed at the hotel, I am sitting in the passenger seat of Angela’s car. It is night time. We are outside – on a road- our car sitting still on a lonely road in the dark. There is no one else but us- just us in our car, the only car. I know this scene. Dejavu fills my head. I have done this before. Confused, I look over and see Max in the driver’s seat- as bewildered as I am.
“What?” he says, looking down at his hands. He turns them over, palms up and stares at them. He looks over at me. At the same time, we both turn, almost as if in slow motion, and look into the back seat where Angela is sitting.
“Angela,” I say. Her hair, her shaved head, is no longer shaved- but is like it used to be- long, blonde- beautiful. But- but- it was short yesterday, just yesterday.
“What’s happening?” she says meekly. She reaches up and touches her hair- she pulls a lock of hair in front of her eyes and stares at it in disbelief. She moves like she’s under water- in slow motion. Her eyes are wide, her mouth parted. She reaches back- pulls her fingers through a handful of hair and feels it like she’s never touched hair before. We all seem to move in slow motion- reaching up to touch our faces, holding out our hands, looking at one another, looking around. I reach out and touch the dashboard. The dashboard of the Contour. The car that was demolished months ago when it broke down with us in it on our way back from Minneapolis. The car that was picked up by Azalea wrecker service and turned to scrap.
We all begin to scream. Max pulls out his phone, “Hold on, hold on,” he says frantically, his fingers, moving over the phone, shaking- shaking- shaking so bad. He pulls up Yahoo – looks at the date- begins to scream and scream and scream. He drops the phone. It falls to the floorboard.
“No, no, no...” he says, out of breath, reaching for the phone, reaching, feeling around until he grasps it and pulls it up.
He holds the phone out and Angela and I both lean in to look at it- and we all begin to scream.
Max’s hand is shaking so bad - he drops the phone again but this time he leaves it a
nd opens the car door and gets out and stands on the road, and begins to scream up at the sky.
It is October 27th.
It is October 27th.
It is October 27th.
We have gone back to that night. We are back to that night. Our encounter. Our encounter with the Light.
Max is running up and down the road- in a state of shock- screaming, jumping, yelling, laughing. Tears are falling down his face. Tears are falling down my face- Angela’s too. I have never seen anyone literally laugh while they cry but that is what Max is doing- both at the exact same time- he looks delirious. He stops every few seconds and stands still- stands quietly- taking all of it in- and then he begins to scream and walk up and down the road- and pull at his hair- and look up at the sky and then back to us- the car, the road. Every time his eyes fix on something- it looks like the first time.
Angela and I get out of the car and slowly walk to the hood of the car and stand in front of it. Angela is leaning forward slightly- her hands on the hood as she walks- seeming to need to hang on to something to hold herself up. I get it. My knees are quite literally, knocking- another thing I’ve never actually had happen. The Moon is full. Though dark, the road is lit by Moonlight and everything is dark and blue and illuminated. Suddenly, I remember, leaving Stitches and walking through the parking lot and that line- that Prince song lyric- running through my head The man in the Moon is smiling...for he knows what I’m dreaming of...
“Do you know what this means?!!!” Max screams at us. The look on his face and Angela’s face is something I could never explain to you. It is something I have never seen. I imagine my face must look the same to them. I have never seen anyone look so shocked, happy, crazed, delirious and thrilled in all my life.