by Sam Bailey
Because I wasn’t American I wasn’t allowed to use the golden ticket, but I managed to track down the lad who came second in the competition, a lovely guy called Jesse Cline. I gave it to him and he ended up getting really far in the competition. In fact, while he was appearing on American Idol, I was on The X Factor over here.
A few days into the holiday I checked my emails and I had one from The X Factor UK saying: ‘Congratulations. You’ve got an audition on 12th April’. We were flying home on the 11th and it was Craig’s 40th on the 12th, so we were having a massive party at the house. The timing could have been better (seriously, what is it with me and bad timing?). Thankfully I was able to rearrange the date, but it meant I had to go all the way to Cardiff to audition.
The week after we came back from Florida I headed down to the Motorpoint Arena in Cardiff. I’d been in the queue all day when one of the researchers, a guy called Ollie, came over and started talking to me. I was still heavy at the time and I was telling him about how I used to be a size ten and now felt like a heifer. I explained that the reason I’d shied away from trying out for so long was because I was so self-conscious. There were other people in the queue who looked like models and I felt like this bloated mess. I told him all about working in the prison service and my life back in Leicester, and he frantically wrote everything down.
When I eventually got to perform, I sang ‘Who’s Loving You’ by The Jacksons, and when I finished everyone started clapping and I was handed a ticket, which meant I was through to the next round. I wanted to jump up and down I was so happy. I had to go for another audition that day, and then they asked me to go back the following day to sing for the executive producers. I sang ‘Who’s Loving You’ again, and a bit of ‘Run To You’ by Whitney Houston. When I finished they were very straight-faced and said casually, ‘We’ll let you know.’ That was it. I was convinced I was out and headed back to Leicester feeling really despondent.
Life went on as normal. I went back to the prison service and tried to forget all about The X Factor; in my mind I’d failed again. I was leaving work around six weeks later and when I turned on my phone Ollie the researcher had left me a message saying, ‘Sam, great news. We’ve got you an audition this Thursday at the Excel in London. Can you make it?’ I thought it would be another audition in front of the researchers or producers because they have so many people to get through before putting together the shortlist in front of the real judges. But no. This time I was going to be performing in front of Sharon, Louis, Nicole and Gary. I frantically rang Craig to tell him the news, and the next day at work I was begging people to cover my shift the following day so I could go to London. Thankfully someone stepped up and offered to swap a day with me, and even the governor of the prison wished me good luck!
Craig and I were up ridiculously early on the Thursday to drive to London in Craig’s little van. I didn’t really think about the audition too much on the journey. I’m not one to overthink things and worry until I really need to. I always leave things to the last minute, even if it’s learning the lyrics to a song. I’ll have a last-minute panic but it always gets done. I think I work better under pressure.
We had to be there for 7am and when we were waiting in the queue, we got chatting to a band called Next of Kin and their family and friends. We ended up in the waiting room with them and I was fascinated because they’d been through it all before when they were younger, so they were telling me about how the music industry works and how tough it can be. I knew a bit about the business thanks to being on the club circuit, but it was nothing compared to what they’d experienced.
They’d been on the brink of being massive back in the Smash Hits era and then it had all gone horribly wrong for them. They wanted to make it so much and I felt so bad for them. Their audition was amazing and they can really sing. They performed a song their mum had written and it was unbelievable. I absolutely love those boys and we’re still in touch now. I’ve even got a Next of Kin T-shirt that I wear to bed!
I also met another lovely lad called Tom Mann, who was a part-time football coach, and a load of the kids he coaches had come along with him. He was such a nice lad and he was a bit different because he played the guitar when he performed. I thought he was really talented too.
As Craig and I sat in the waiting room, I joked about wanting to sing with Gary Barlow. Who wouldn’t? But I did also add that he wasn’t as nice as Craig. I didn’t want to make him feel insecure when I was about to meet one of the country’s biggest heart-throbs (and I don’t mean Louis). I also talked about how I felt, at 35, that this was my last shot at a singing career. And I meant it. It’s so hard to break into the industry anyway, but when you’re an overweight woman over 35 who’s been knocked back a couple of times it feels harder than ever. But as I said at the time, you’ve at least got to try. I knew that day could completely change my life.
Every time the cameras came round to film me I seemed to be eating. Mainly pretzels. Dermot came over to do an interview with me and he was really lovely and chatty. After several hours, I was finally called in to see the judges. I was bloody petrified walking into that room. Even though there were lots of members of the crew in there, it felt quiet and empty because all I could see were the four judges looking at me. I felt and looked hideous. I was wearing black harem trousers with heels and a green snakeskin top. It was the only thing I had in my wardrobe that was vaguely smart because I never went out. It was also the only thing I could fit into and felt comfortable in. Wearing heels is always a big thing for me because I can’t walk in them to save my life. I’m a bit bow-legged and I’m always worried that I’m going to look like Whoopi Goldberg in Ghost. It was okay when I was doing the clubs because I was just standing in the corner of a room and I would usually walk on in heels and then take them off after one song. No one noticed because they were usually half-cut. I’d washed my hair and left it to dry naturally, so it was really curly, and I had hardly any make-up on. I think it’s safe to say I don’t do glamour unless someone else is doing it for me!
I was so overwhelmed to be there and I still couldn’t quite believe that I was standing in front of the real judges. Literally feet away from me were music mogul Louis Walsh, Sharon Osbourne, who’s been in the business for years and is an absolute legend, Gary Barlow, who is basically amazing, and Nicole Scherzinger, who is so stunning and talented. I felt like I either wanted to leg it out of the room as fast as I could or pray the floor would open and swallow me up. I was so intimidated.
Sharon spoke to me first: she loved the fact I was a prison officer and asked if I put handcuffs on people. I said I did but not pink fluffy ones! Sharon then asked me if my dream was to sing, and of course I said yes. Then it was time for me to do my to audition. And breathe… It felt like it took an age for my backing music to start, but once it did I just went for it.
I chose to perform ‘Listen’ by Beyoncé because there was a girl at my American Idol Experience audition who sang it. I’d never really heard it before and I thought it was amazing. It’s ironic that I got the chance to support Beyoncé as part of my winner’s package all those months later.
That particular song was also almost like a statement, because I’d been singing for so many years and no one had ever really listened. My voice had been really strong for about four or five years, ever since I’d branched out on my own and started to sing lots of different types of songs. I had my own PA system and I had freedom but no one had really stood up and noticed and told me I had talent. I desperately wanted some recognition. I also wanted it to be about my voice. I didn’t want to be judged on how I looked and for people to just see a mum or a wife or a prison officer.
I stood there, closed my eyes and gave it my best shot. I tried not to look at the judges because I didn’t want them to see how petrified I was. I didn’t want anyone to feel sorry for me. Your eyes are the windows to your soul, they say, so people can really see hurt or anything else you’re struggling with. About halfway through the
song I sneaked a peak at the judges and I could see them all looking at each other as if to say ‘WHAT?’ In my head I kept thinking, ‘I hope I’m doing alright.’ When it came to the end of the song the last note sounded awful, and as I belted it out I thought I’d totally cocked it up. I was cross with myself.
When I finished I realised that all of the judges were on their feet giving me a standing ovation. It’s hard to put into words how amazing that felt. I was so emotional and I was trying so hard not to break down. I found out later it was the first standing ovation all of the judges had given, and they were nearly at the end of the auditions. Wow.
Louis said he wasn’t expecting me to sound like that at all. Nicole was gobsmacked and said I sang the song exactly how it should have been sung. Gary spoke next and said that my voice was incredible. It was all too much for me and I got really teary, especially knowing that Craig was outside watching everything. I got four ‘yeses’ and I was so overwhelmed I ran out of the room to see Craig (not easy for me in heels). He gave me a massive hug and half of me was crying and the other half was embarrassed that so much attention was on me.
Everyone in the waiting room started clapping me and it was so surreal. Craig said that as soon as I started singing, the entire waiting room went quiet. I was so happy that I’d been myself. I hadn’t tried to be anything I wasn’t with cool clothes and loads of make-up. I’d stayed true to myself and the judges liked it. It felt like a real validation that I was okay. My husband looked the other day, and the video of my audition has had 11 million views or something ridiculous on YouTube. It does make me wonder whether I should have worn something a bit more glam, but I think I would have looked and felt even more uncomfortable.
The first thing I did was phone the kids to tell them I’d got through, and they were so excited it set me off and I burst into tears again. Those moments will be etched on my mind forever. Every time I watch the video back – which isn’t often, I might add – I really pick at it. There are so many bits I wish I could go back and change. I came in too early on the song, for a start. The first ‘listen’ should have been much later and I knew straight away I’d done it wrong. I don’t know if the judges realised, and I had to carry on and pretend nothing was wrong, but inside I was dying.
After that, I was whisked off all over the place to do interviews and I didn’t even get a chance to eat because things were so manic. I was expecting to be at home by 6pm having egg and chips and seeing the kids, but because my audition caused a bit of a stir I didn’t get home until really late. Craig and I did a Maccy D’s run on the way back; I think that was our first conversation after my audition, actually – what to have for dinner. After we left the Excel we both sat in silence for about half an hour driving up the M1, both of us thinking ‘Did that really just happen?’ It had been non-stop and that was the first chance we got to really take everything in and process it.
I was told that the next round would be in front of 4,000 people at Wembley arena. Oh. My. God. That was going to be the biggest crowd I’d ever performed in front of. I needed some new clothes desperately! I knew my hoodies and jeans wouldn’t cut it. I had to ask friends to come shopping with me and help me out because I was so clueless. I felt like a Weeble in everything.
Craig and I talked about what I would sing and I felt so nervous. We went back and forth with so many different ideas but in the end I decided to sing The Jackson’s ‘Who’s Loving You’ like I had done in my first audition. It was a song that meant a lot to me because I used to perform it back when I was a teenager. It may sound a bit crazy but people used to tell me I sounded like Michael Jackson when I sang it, and I knew it was a song I could really belt out.
Now I knew I was going through to the next round I had to let work know what was happening. I hadn’t shouted from the rooftops about my audition, so not that many people knew about it. I hadn’t told any of the prisoners at that point, but I knew it was going to be televised so they were definitely going to find out eventually – even if I didn’t make it past the Wembley audition. I explained the situation to the governors and I had to get confirmation that I could take time off, which luckily they were brilliant about.
By the time the arena audition rolled around in July 2013, I’d hit 36. We were allowed to take as many people along with us as we wanted, and of course everyone and their dog wanted to come. I was particular about who I took along, though. I didn’t want people who were just there for the ride: I wanted people who were a support and had been there for me. There were a few people that kind of came out of the woodwork after years and wanted a piece of the action and I ruffled a few feathers because I said a few couldn’t come. It had become quite draining and I didn’t want my ‘entourage’ to be the focus of the day. I would happily have just had my closest family and friends but in the end there were about 20 of us, and that was more than enough.
My friend Karen works for a printing firm so we got T-shirts made up for my kids saying ‘Sam Bailey’s daughter’ and ‘Sam Bailey’s son’ with the X Factor logo on the front. When other people saw them they all wanted them too, so the majority of people who came along were wearing a ‘Sam Bailey’ top.
I had to be at the audition really early and it was mad being at Wembley knowing I was going to be singing on the same stage that so many world famous singers had performed on. It just happened to be one of the hottest days I’ve ever experienced. I was wearing harem trousers again, this time with a leopard-print sleeveless top and some sandals. I still felt like a fat mum, and the little bit of make-up I’d put on had sweated off on the drive up, so I must have looked a right state.
There were so many people waiting outside the venue to see the judges and they wished me good luck as I went in. It was all new to me and it felt weird that people were pulling me from pillar to post and fussing over me. I was starting to recognise people who had auditioned for the show before, and that felt really big time because I knew they’d been there in previous years. The website Digital Spy had already printed information about who was good and who was standing out at the early auditions and they’d named me. Someone must have been tipping them off. I was pleased they’d name-checked me, but it also felt quite scary because now I had to live up to the hype.
It was such a long, busy day and people were running around manically with clipboards and radios. We were waiting backstage for ages; the crew had cordoned off about half of the arena and there were boxes for us to sit on. There was also a make-up area. The camera crew were filming people getting ready in the mirrors and they asked if I wanted to go and join them and be filmed and I was like, ‘Erm, this is as good as it gets! I won’t be putting on any more make-up on today. This is me.’ My kids loved it. They got to meet Louis, and Nicole came and had her photo taken with them, and I think it will probably always be one of the best days of their lives.
My mother-in-law was with us and she’s got fibromyalgia so she can’t stand for too long, and my sister-in-law was about six months pregnant. My friend Christine was also in a wheelchair and I was so worried about all of them. Making sure the kids had enough juice and everyone had drinks helped to take my mind off what I was about to do. Every time someone went out and performed you could hear the screams from the audience and it would stop me in my tracks and remind me where I was and what I was doing.
Just before I went on stage Dermot came over to have a chat and it was so funny to see all of my friends and family packing in tightly around me so they could get on TV. Tommy was having a whale of a time with Dermot. They became best buddies. Dermot was so taken aback by how much Tommy looked like him when he was a kid. They were pinching each other’s noses and playing and it was so sweet. Dermot is one of the nicest guys you’ll ever meet.
I felt like I’d been there for days and done a million interviews when the time came for me to perform. I was standing at the side of the stage watching Kingsland Road, and then it was my turn. I felt so aware of myself walking out onto the stage. Thankfully I didn’t
have heels on but there wasn’t even a hint of ladylikeness in the way I walked over to the mic. Gary said, ‘Oh, here she comes!’ and I gave him a quick smile. I introduced myself to the audience and told them what I did for a living and loads of people cheered, but there were definitely a couple of boos too.
I started singing and I properly went for it. My bolshiness came out as I moved around the stage. I’m not a dainty hand-moving kind of person, I’m a definite fist puncher, and I was doing that all the way. I had my eyes closed and when I opened them everyone in the arena was on their feet. It was amazing. In that moment I didn’t care what happened afterwards because I’d got what I came for. I’d got recognition and it felt unbelievable. I would have died a happy woman there and then.
After I sang ‘Who’s Loving’ the judges joked that they felt like they were at a Sam Bailey concert and then said they wanted to hear another song. I performed ‘Run To You’ by Whitney Houston and that song has always reminded me of my dad. There have been so many times where I’ve wanted to run up and give him a hug but he’s not around anymore, so it was really emotive for me. I liked to think he was watching me from somewhere, giving me a measured nod and saying it was ‘handsome’.
When I finished, the judges said that they could have sat there and listened to me all day, and they all said they wanted to see me at the next stage. I mean, seriously? One day I was working in the prison service, and the next I was performing for music legends and 4,000 members of the public, including some of my family and closest friends. Who does that? Up until that point I wouldn’t have said it was ‘Sam Bailey from Leicester’.