“Thanks for the fire you lit under my whiny butt, I needed to hear it and I don’t think anyone else could have delivered it so I’d pay attention. So, when can we get you two hitched?” Erika asked his shoulder, he was so much taller than her.
“Well, Andy is still technically married to you, but, we are having an affirmation ceremony Monday. Then, as soon as we can make it legal, we will.”
Erika pushed off his chest, obvious approval in her eyes, “Oh my God, that’s wonderful. I’m so happy for both of you Marco.” Just then, Andy made his way into the room, juggling three mugs of hot tea.
Looking between Erika and Marco, he feigned outrage, “You just couldn’t wait for me could you? You spilled the beans.” Taking their respective mugs from Andy, they both blew on them in the same manner before taking a test sip.
“She asked.” Marco’s defense sounded like a remorseful child, but it was all an act. They all burst out laughing and it was beautiful. The three of them used to laugh all the time, but hadn’t shared such a light moment since Erika came home this time.
“Let me just say, I love you both very much, and I am not mad about the annulment. I’ll sign anything you need to file it officially. I won’t lie, I was—until I gave it some thought—but I made a list and realized that, yet again, you’ve put me first, even when I couldn’t see it. Somehow, you always know what I need, even when I don’t.” Erika sipped her tea before continuing.
“Like I said, I made a list. I know, finally, it took me long enough right? Anyway, I decided that no matter why Walker hasn’t acknowledged the baby, by choice or ignorance, is irrelevant to this. It doesn’t really change the fact that it’s his choice to make for himself, but not for others.” She waved her free hand in Andy’s direction to stop the protest bubbling up to his lips.
“I know what you think Andy, I acknowledged that he may not know, but it doesn’t change what I’m talking about. It’s his choice for himself, but not for the rest of her family.” Erika’s eyes roamed her belly as her hand caressed it, leaving no doubt who “her” was. “I’ve spoken with Walker’s mother, and I’m visiting her on Tuesday. If it’s okay with you both, I’ll take the jet after your ceremony and if Francis wants, I’ll have the baby there, where Walker’s family, her family, can be a part of it. I’ll remain there as long as they want her in their lives. I still have my place and can take the advertising job I was offered a few months ago after she’s born. I called and it’s still available. Surely by that point, Walker will definitively know and can act on what he wants to do, but I will not show up in town and shove this baby down his throat.”
She took a deep breath and tried to squelch the hope growing in her heart. “You have to understand, I can’t…I just… If he doesn’t know, then that’s kind of great in a way, because it means I won’t lose my daughter and he isn’t ignoring her, but I can’t operate from that place, because if it’s not true, then I don’t think I can recover. I’m not trying to think the worst of him, really, I’m not, it’s just self-preservation. You get that, don’t you?”
Andy interrupted her. “Sadly Cinderika, I do get it, all too well, and of course you can take the jet. Everything is still in both our names, and that will never change. As for you moving back, I can’t say I won’t miss having you around, especially now that there will be another amazing little lady joining you soon, but I understand. And I respect your wishes, but will you please just talk to Walker? I really think it’s a mistake you will regret if he thinks you kept this from him for whatever reason.”
“Yes, if he calls me, I will talk to him, but I can’t extend myself right now. I think after I talk to Francis, I’ll be ready, one way or another. I know you mean well, so I say this with love…butt out—I got this. I would appreciate you not filtering any more info to him, please. I promise, I will make contact, within the first few days okay? You’ve made your position known, and you gave me the push I need. Now, it’s up to me to do what I think is best, for me and the baby.
“I believe Walker will come around one day, and when he does, his daughter will be there. I will not allow anyone to use distance as an excuse. If he does want to pretend she doesn’t exist, he can, but I will not be to blame for keeping her from him or his family.”
“As you wish my lady.” Andy bowed and went all old-world charm before returning to Marco. “Since chatty Kathy here already told you about our affirmation, I guess that only leaves the cruise for me to gab about. I am taking Marco on a pseudo honeymoon cruise. We leave right after the ceremony. We’ll be out of communication for two weeks, no cell phones or computers or work, but we will be back in time to be there for the birth. If you still want us there?” It was asked with a false sense of casual inquiry, but Erika could tell Andy was pondering the possibility she was pushing him out.
“Of course I still want you there. Just because I am embracing her new family, I’m not pushing out the old one. And I will kick anyone’s hinny who protests. Besides, you’re my labor coach. I need you there.” Andy’s sigh of relief was intense.
Changes were happening so fast, it made her head swim, but they weren’t all bad, they just were, unknown. And more were coming down the pipe, fast and hard.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
TUESDAY AM
ERIKA
Andy and Marco’s ceremony was absolutely beautiful. She couldn’t remember ever witnessing two people that deeply in love. She loved Walker that much. For a ripple in time, she believed he returned it, and he did, at least for a moment. But she’d spat on anything they had or possibly had, more than once. Sure, she was a strong independent woman, one who was supposed to only want a man, not need one. But inside, she was also a hurt little girl who was unloved and unwanted, and when it came to Walker, it wasn’t just want, it was need. Understanding that truth didn’t equate with rationality. Even with the knowledge, she still couldn’t bring herself to reach for the golden ring. That deep-seeded fear of rejection kept her from grasping the hope that was being offered to her.
The day after Andy gave her the annulment papers, Walker called. Even though she told Andy she would take it, and she meant it, when she saw the caller ID, she panicked, pushing it to voice mail repeatedly. She couldn’t bring herself to hear his voice yet and not break down completely. Finally, he gave up when she didn’t answer after the sixth time and it was obvious she was rejecting the calls. Then, her text started blowing up.
With each new alert tone, she cried harder. He was valiantly trying, but she couldn’t…her emotions were all over, so she just wept with each unanswered plea from the man she loved.
WALKER: Erika-we need to talk
WALKER: Please answer the phone
WALKER: Erika???
WALKER: If you’re not ready to answer please tell me when you will be
WALKER: Please?
WALKER: I really want to hear your voice
I have so much to say to you - but texting it doesn’t seem like the right way & I want to do things right this time baby - please?
WALKER: At least let me you’re ok?
WALKER: Erika?
WALKER: Come on - I know I don’t deserve it but give me the chance to say what I need to - then you can go back to ignoring me if that’s what you want but hear me out at least
WALKER: Erika?
I wrote you a letter - but didn’t have the guts to send it
please just talk to me babe
WALKER: ok - you leave me no choice - I want to talk to you but you won’t pick up the phone or even text me back - I get the message - I’m not one to pick up on subtleties but I read you loud and clear - I won’t continue to harass you but that doesn’t mean I’m giving up - I’LL NEVER GIVE UP ON US!
You said you wouldn’t either – so I’m holding you to that
WALKER: I love you - always & want to marry you and start a family - that’s a dream that I’ll never stop chasing - I’ll give you some time if that’s what you need but don’t think I’ll back off completely -
expect to hear from me next week & every week after that until I win you back or you tell me to fuck off - there will never be anyone else in my heart but you
I love you Erika - I always have - I always will - til next week
After she read the messages a hundred times, she messaged back, short and sweet, just to give him some closure, because his texts seemed almost panicked. Despite her recent behavior, she wasn’t a bitch. She couldn’t say what he needed to hear right now either, but at least it was acknowledgement of his attempts to communicate, and confirmation that she was alive. That was all she could give right now. She wanted to give more, oh how she wanted to, but she wasn’t in a place emotionally where she could.
ERIKA: I can’t do this Walker. My emotions are all over the place right now. Just another month, maybe I’ll be in a place to talk, after.
Walker replied simply.
WALKER: A month is too long to wait just to talk to you - but I WILL wait for you forever love - call you next week
She kept re-reading his messages again, and again, and again. Even now, as she sat on the plane, she kept turning things over in her head.
He mentioned family, but was that a hypothetical family, or was he speaking of their daughter?
The questions just kept mounting.
What about Augusta, if they aren’t together anymore, maybe that’s why he’s is trying to fix things with me? Am I a consolation prize? Is the marriage he talks about for the sake of the pregnancy?
Talking to herself was getting her nowhere. No answers to be found, just more bleeping questions. She hoped to achieve some clarity after meeting with Francis, and if not then, maybe after the baby was born the clouds in her head will lift and lucidity could return.
Answers weren’t forthcoming from her bleeping phone either, no matter how many times she re-read those expletive texts. Tossing it to the seat next to her, she curled us as best she could on the minuscule jet seat, and tried to nap.
Soon, she’d land, pick up her newly leased vehicle, and head back to her place to freshen up before making her way to Francis and Frank’s for the shocking big reveal.
***
TUESDAY (PM)
ERIKA
Erika pulled into Walker’s parent’s driveway around dinner-time. She was starving, but wasn’t sure she could stomach anything. Nerves had her wound tighter than a drum. Francis had insisted on it being a dinner thing, she always wanted to feed people. She was a typical southern belle, with old-south charm, too. Thinking about her perfect pecan pie made Erika weak in the knees. She was always first in line at the gatherings for her slice before it was all gone, because the Reid’s loved their pecan pie.
When she stepped from the car, the baby went nuts, river-dancing on her kidney. “Calm down angel, mamma needs to get through the next few minutes without collapsing because your granny is going to freak when she sees me,” she chided her bulging belly.
Making her way up the walk, her foot hadn’t even reached the bottom step yet when Francis burst through the front screen door.
“Oh, just let me look at you sweetheart,” Francis examined her with her hands resting on her hips. Clapping her hands once and making her way down the steps toward Erika, she bear-hugged her like a long-lost child, and with surprising strength for such a petit woman. Maybe five foot four in heels and ninety pounds soaking wet, she had a hold like a Russian wrestler. Pulling away slightly, but keeping her hands on Erika’s biceps, Francis shocked the holy crap out of her with the words that came from her mouth.
“Please, for the love of all that is holy, tell me that’s my grandbaby in there?”
What? She sounded like she wanted it to be true, like she expected it. Erika was so dumbfounded, her knees were giving way and her vision was going gray.
“Frank! FRANK! Get your behind out her and help me with this child.”
Erika was only vaguely aware of Frank’s hands at her side as apparently he and Francis guided her into the house and deposited her gently on the couch.
When Francis forced a mug of hot tea into her hands and asked “May I?” while indicating toward her belly, Erika knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, this child would know the love of grandparents. Her heart soared as she nodded her head.
The hopeful look that overtook Francis’s face as the unborn child kicked a hearty “hello” was just a precursor to her tears. Erika realized she had yet to answer the question posed to her outside and it was ripping Francis and Frank’s hearts out. The waiting…Erika knew first-hand how awful the waiting was when you needed answers.
“It is. She is.” Francis looked up with a guarded belief shimmering in the tears filling her eyes—eyes so much like Walker’s it hurt to look into them. Frank stopped his pacing in the corner of the room and came to Francis, resting a reassuring hand on her shoulder where she sat on the coffee table with hands still engaged in what looked like a game of pat-a-cake with her restless grandchild.
They stilled, everything did. Even the air in the room, and Francis choked out, “You mean she’s…?”
Emotions cut off the rest of her question.
Her hands left the game with her granddaughter and one landed on Frank’s, the other curled over her mouth in what can only be described as an attempt to physically stifle the flow of her emotions.
Setting the mug down, Erika took a deep breath and put them out of their misery. “Yes, this is 100%, no doubt about it, your grandchild, granddaughter.”
“Oh, did you hear that Frank? We’re going to be grandparents.” Francis leapt up and embraced her husband in a way that caused Erika a pang of jealousy. She would never experience this kind of shared joy with a husband that she obviously adored. Before Erika could get too lost in her own pity party, Francis pushed away from Frank and deposited her hands on her slim hips, gathering an air of victory around her like a coat.
“You own me a designer bag and matching pumps Mister.”
Frank looked lost. “What are you talking about woman?”
“What am I…you ain’t got a lick of sense old man. Our bet, remember? I bet you she’d be the one to catch our Walker and reel him in and she did, therefore, you owe me my designer purse with matching shoes.”
Wait. What? Reel in Walker. Oh no, they misunderstand. Francis had overestimated their relationship because of the baby.
“Excuse me, Francis? Frank?”
Francis cut her off with a backward wave of her hand. “I’ll get to you in a minute dear, just wait your turn. Right now, I’m dealing with this stump.” She turned the hand she’d just waved at Erika toward Frank to gesture at him. “Are you denying you made such a bet?”
“No woman, I’m not. But that was over four years ago, why should I have to pay now? The end result might have come, but obviously for other reasons, or it would’ve happened sooner. I don’t think it counts.” Frank crossed his arms like a petulant toddler.
Erika was rendered speechless by the display. She didn’t know what to think. Maybe this was just their way. Their relationship always seemed so organic and easy. Like loving each other was second nature to them and they enjoyed a playful banter because of it. That’s how it had always been with Walker, until she messed it up. As friends, they were like this, and Erika dreamed it would be that way still if they had any kind of relationship. Now, they didn’t have a relationship at all, easy or otherwise.
“What do you mean ‘the end result?’” Francis imitated his voice on the last three words, and Erika laughed, really laughed, until she heard the other words coming out of her mouth. “Bets are always about the end result. I knew those two were head over heels even back then. Hell, a blind man could see it. It just took them some years to figure it out, bless their hearts. But the point is, they did and now we are going to be grandparents and I want what you owe me, a new bag and matching shoes.”
Frank did what he always did, he hugged his wife, kissed her head and gave her what she wanted. “You’re right dear. As always. I’ll take you shopping tomorrow
.”
Erika had enough. Her emotions were swinging like a bleep pendulum. Being here was good for the baby, but her, not so much. Seeing Walker’s parents so much in love after thirty-eight years of marriage used to give her faith, now, it just gave her nausea.
“You’re wrong Francis, I didn’t reel in anything but hemorrhoids, forty pounds and an expletive broken heart. Walker and I aren’t together. We never were, and probably never will be. It was one night, that’s it. He hasn’t even acknowledged the baby.” Erika collapsed back onto the couch and sobbed.
Francis was there in an instant, rubbing her arm and cooing soothing nonsensical words to her. “There now honey, shush. We didn’t mean to upset you, but you’ve got to calm down, it’s not good for the baby or you. I’ll admit, when I saw you, I was hopeful. Then when you said she was our Walker’s, well, I went from hopeful to pissed, but kept it to myself because I don’t have the details, and things aren’t always what they seem. I was as mad as a wet hornet because you’re at least eight months along and we haven’t heard hide nor hair about it. Now, I guess I have our son to blame. He has an ass-whooping coming, you can count on that.”
It was obvious Francis was attempting to break the tension with a subject change. “Did you just say expletive dear?”
Erika hiccough laughed, and answered, “Yes. I’m trying not to curse because I don’t want her to hear that language, but I still think in R-rated words, I just try not to say them. It’s harder than bleeping expletive to cut them out completely, so I replace them. Works out better this way.”
“Well, Frank, did you expletive hear that? Our Erika here is a bleeping genius. Maybe if I’d had her expletive smarts, our bleeping expletive idiot son wouldn’t have such a foul expletive vocabulary.” All three of them dissolved into a puddle of laughter.
Indelible You (Imagine Ink) Page 15