Blush: A Strangers-to-Lovers Romance

by Rachel De Lune

  His smile pulled at his lips, and he looked so sexy. “Yes.”

  That smile was dangerous to me. In so many ways.

  But it also helped to clear any doubt I had. “I hope your parents like me.” I waggled my eyebrows.

  “They’ll love you. And Gwen’s banned from speaking to them.” Leo grabbed my waist and sat me on his lap. “I meant every word this morning. I love you, Astrid.”

  “I know.”

  I just wished I were as confident in my own heart’s feelings.

  29

  Astrid

  I was exhausted.

  Leaving Leo at the station had been more painful than I’d ever imagined. Much like when we were together, our timeline seemed to be on steroids—faster, bigger, and more intense than when time passed for everything else. We were in our own bubble—a family bubble now—and in a matter of days, my life had been reshaped, just like before.

  The thought of picking up and moving in with Leo was alien at first, but after going home with him, meeting his family and seeing just what he’d worked for, it was hard to argue. He was offering a family I didn’t have. And more than that, I wanted to be with Leo. It wasn’t an easy step to take, though.

  Sawyer and Belle were coming over later. Our usual catch up was overdue, thanks to Sawyer’s trip to Paris, Belle’s work schedule, and my time with Leo. It might even be our last one for a while, as well. The thought took my breath away for a second. Belle had been my rock over the last year. We’d grown closer than ever, where Sawyer and I had drifted apart.

  I didn’t have the energy to sort any of the bags when I came in. I left them where they fell and prioritised Finn’s routine. He was out of sorts and needed to get to sleep before the girls came around.

  Did you get back all right?

  Yes. Just sorting Finn out. Bath and then bed. He’s tired.

  Tell him goodnight from me x

  “Did you hear that? Daddy says goodnight,” I cooed down to Finn on his change mat as I set about dressing him for bed. “Now, are you going to be patient while I grab your milk?” I looked down at him, thrashing his legs about and straining to roll over to his side. He’d do it any day now.

  I left him on the floor—I didn’t trust him not to roll right off the bed—and set about getting his milk sorted. It wasn’t long before his little lungs were put to work. He hadn’t learnt to be patient about his bottle that was for sure.

  When I came back to collect him, I saw him lying on his tummy, looking a little stuck and trying to pull his head up to look about. “Oh, okay, little man. You decided you wanted to learn a new trick.” He looked at me, but his face was all red and blotchy from the earlier crying. “Okay, milk first, then we’ll tell Daddy what you did.”

  Sawyer was waiting in the kitchen as I sneaked out of the bedroom.

  “God, you scared me. I didn’t hear you come in.”

  “Give me some credit. I knew you’d have the baby to sort out.” She pulled the cork on a bottle of white wine and poured herself a glass. “Wine?” she asked.

  “I’ll pass. Thanks. It’s been a busy day.”

  “Oh, come on, Astrid. When are we all going to go out like before, huh? A proper girls’ night.”

  “When I can sort a babysitter, and Alex lets you out for the night.” I smiled at her, not wanting to get into a fight already, but unable to resist the remark.

  There was a gentle knock at the door, and I already knew it would be Belle. I went to answer it, leaving Sawyer to her wine.

  “I want to hear everything.” Belle leaned in to give me a quick hug. She had the biggest smile on her face, and her enthusiasm, as ever, was infectious. “Sorry, I got held up. Some meeting at work,” she announced as she went to sit with Sawyer.

  “I’ve only just arrived,” Sawyer greeted her.

  With both of them here, the nerves started to build about the next step. I wanted to tell them about what Leo and I talked about, and I wanted them both to be happy for me. Belle would be supportive no matter what I decided, but the thought of leaving London terrified me, even more than having Finn on my own.

  “Is he asleep?” Belle asked as she took a sip of wine on offer from Sawyer.

  “Yeah, we should be good.”

  “Finally, well… spill, lady.”

  “Spill what?” Sawyer looked at Belle, confused as to the narrative, but then she didn’t know what had been happening since she’d been off with Alex.

  I took a deep breath and kept hold of every word that Leo said to me. His courage was what I needed now—his belief in us. But for that to come to fruition, I needed to make the leap of faith myself, or we’d forever be relegated to the what-ifs of a broken family, and I didn’t want that for Finn. “I’m thinking of moving in with Leo.” My face split into a grin that was impossible to hide as I announced the idea.

  “Eeee,” Belle squealed quietly, clapping her hands together from excitement.

  “Hang on a moment, what are you saying?” Sawyer cut through the happiness with her condescending tone.

  “I told Leo about Finn, and we’ve been spending some time together. I should never have kept Finn from him.”

  “And so you’re going to make it up to him by moving in with him? Please tell me this is a joke.” She rolled her eyes and crossed her arms over her chest—no room for misinterpretation with that move.

  “No, it’s not a joke, Sawyer,” Belle interrupted.

  “You’re going to ruin your life!” Sawyer exclaimed. “And it’s all over a stupid man who can’t offer you anything.” She stood up and waved her arms frantically around.

  I wasn’t going to stand for this. Not now. “What is your problem, Sawyer? God. You’ve never liked Leo, and I don’t know why.”

  “I don’t have to like him. He’s a nobody, and you were foolish to go and see him again. It’s bad enough you kept his baby.”

  “Sawyer!” Belle gasped.

  “Well, guess what, I did. And now Leo’s back in my life, and you can’t do anything about it. So you can either support me or forget it.” I scowled at her, furious that I needed to defend my family and my decisions to my friend. Right then, I hoped she’d just walk out. It would have been easier because I could see that one of us would take this argument too far.

  “I’m just looking out for you, Astrid. That’s all I’ve ever done. If you don’t choose to see that, it’s your own fault. I can’t even believe that after everything, you’re going to consider this.” She flapped her arms about.

  “Do you even hear yourself? You’ve tried to stop Leo and me before, but I refuse to listen to you this time. You only care about yourself and your precious lifestyle.”

  “How can you say that,” she screamed. “You have everything you need right here, and you’re still determined to throw it all away. I love you, Astrid.” She paused, hurt radiating from her eyes as she stared right at me.

  Belle and I chanced a look at each other before I turned back to her.

  “You love me? No, you don’t. Right now, I can’t even imagine you having the compassion to love anyone.” She was making me so mad.

  Her face morphed from one of hurt and distress, to a perfectly put-together veneer of a woman who got her own way no matter what. “Like a sister. I love you like a sister. But you’ve been blinded by this boy. He’s no good for you. You need to forget about him and focus on your life here. You can’t see how lucky you are, and still it’s not good enough for you. Some of us have to work so hard and still don’t have everything that you do.”

  “He’s the father of my baby and the man I love, Sawyer. Don’t you get that?” She was being so cruel. It took me a minute to realise the word that slipped from my own lips. Maybe it had just needed a little shake for it to unstick itself?

  “It’s okay, Astrid. If you can’t see a way through this, we’re here for you. But you need to choose us.” She raised her eyebrows and looked expectantly at Belle.

  “Wow, Sawyer, don’t pull me into this me
ss. I’ve been waiting for over a year for Astrid to come to her senses. I’m happy for them because Leo and Astrid being together is the right thing. Don’t ruin it for them.” Belle wasn’t one for firm words or confrontation, but right then, I was so relieved that she was on my side.

  “And don’t make me choose, Sawyer. Because I’m going to choose him.” And right then, I knew my decision. I’d choose Leo. I’d choose me, and I’d choose a family for my son.

  “Then why did you even ask me if you already knew what you were going to do? I thought you cared about us. About me?”

  “I do, but this isn’t a you-versus-him kind of situation. This is me talking to my friends about an important decision in my life. Perhaps you should have done the same when your father cut you off.”

  Her eyes popped like saucers, and I regretted the words despite our argument. Belle still didn’t know all the details concerning Alex Wiseman. Sawyer’s eyes narrowed at me as if I just caused her physical harm before turning away.

  “You’ve never been serious about a guy before. What’s so special about this one?” She practically spat the words out. “Actually, I don’t care. We’ve been best friends for years. If you’re willing to throw that away so easily, then fine.” Sawyer marched towards the door.

  “Sawyer— ”

  Belle grabbed my arm. “No, let her go. She is just looking out for herself. As always.”

  The sound of the door slamming reverberated around the room and within thirty seconds, the grizzling of Finn replaced it.

  “I’ll get him.” Belle went, leaving me a little stunned at the fall out with Sawyer. She had always been a bit of a bitch. But this? Her words had hurt and only added to the layers of guilt and regret that had papered over my heart when it came to Leo. If she hadn’t lied to me in the first place…

  “Hey, little guy. I’m going to miss you so much.” Belle’s voice broke the train wreck playing out inside my head.

  “What?” I asked, waking myself up and offering to take Finn. But Belle didn’t give him up and just cuddled him harder.

  “I said I was going to miss him.” Her eyes started to shimmer as she swayed with Finn on her hip.

  “Oh, Belle. We’ll see you all the time. We’ll visit, you’ll visit.” The realisation of just how much I’d miss Belle hit me like a wrecking ball, and my eyes couldn’t stave off the fall of tears.

  “I know. And I’m so happy for you. You’re finally going to get your happy ever after.” I laugh-sniffed through the tears. That’s all Belle had ever wanted. Not just for herself but for everyone she cared about. Her own happily ever after was undoubtedly due now.

  I wrapped my arms around her in an awkward position as she still had Finn, but I’d have crushed her to me if it were possible.

  “So,” she cleared her eyes and composed herself, “what now?”

  “Now, I put the apartment on the market and move, I guess.”

  “Selling?” Belle questioned. “You don’t want to sub it out? Give you a regular income?”

  “Belle, you’re not hoping—”

  “Oh, no no. We couldn’t afford this place. I’d have to find a third job if I was to move in here. I just meant that it would give you options. Two grand a month is a nice salary.”

  She was right. And it was tempting. “We’ll see. I’ll talk to Leo about it.” Now I’d made the decision, we could get to the hard stuff like money. I knew Leo had sunk everything he had into his business, so perhaps having another income until I could transition with the magazine wasn’t a bad idea.” I didn’t want to feel like I had a safety net, though. I wanted to make this work. But maybe I didn’t need to sell the apartment right away.

  I looked down to Finn, who was now perfectly content and back to sleep in Belle’s arms. “You okay to put him down?”

  She nodded and carried him back to his room.

  “I’m going to get going. I’ve got clients in the morning and a back-to-back shift.” Belle gestured to the door.

  I nodded, but before I let her go, I squeezed her to my chest in the hug I wanted to give her earlier. “Thank you. For everything. Without you, I don’t know if I’d ever have come to my senses.”

  “Don’t start me off again.” Belle laughed. “Come on. It’s not like you’re going tomorrow and as you said, it’s not like we’ll never see each other again.”

  She was right.

  That night I went to bed, listening for the soft breaths of Finn, but knowing that I’d made the right decision in my heart. Something had eased as if the steel bands around my heart that kept Leo out had finally broken.

  This might not have been how I’d imagined my life a few years ago, but that didn’t mean this wasn’t the path I was meant to travel. I had a wonderful baby boy and a man who had shown me how much he wanted us in his life. How much he wanted me.

  How did it go?

  Leo’s text wasn’t surprising. That he’d waited all this time was.

  Well, Sawyer made her views known.

  Did you think it would be any other way?

  No. But I hoped.

  So when do you come back?

  His impatience was charming in a way. He’d always pushed for what he wanted, and I was realising now that I was lucky that he wanted me. I shouldn’t be running or doubting his feelings, or mine.

  I’ve not even been gone a night, Leo?

  That’s too long for me

  Let’s talk about it in the morning

  So you are coming back?

  Yes. I’m coming back.

  There were so many things to sort. And I had to overcome that last step that terrified me, but I knew I had Leo there to catch me this time. I wasn’t on my own.

  Night. I love you. X

  I couldn’t hold Leo off any longer. Four days after I’d come back to London, I was packed up and ready to leave. For good.

  Leo had enlisted his sister and her boyfriend to help with the move. All of the items I wanted to take with me were packed up and on the van. My computer, journals, and all the other magazine-related stuff was in the car with us. I couldn’t quite cope with them being relegated to a box in a van.

  Leo’s impatience meant that we hadn’t had a chance to put the apartment on the market, but we also agreed that we didn’t need to make the decision straight away about selling. I’d contacted an agent, and it would be let, partially furnished. The income would be a boost and give both of us some breathing room.

  The important thing was that we’d all be together. Like we were meant to be. I’d have to learn to cope with the guilt that repeatedly reared its head when I thought about our situation. But that was something I’d work out for myself.

  Belle told me that our story wouldn’t have been a proper fairy tale without some sort of drama or problem to overcome on the way. Snow White had to bite that poisoned apple and trust her Prince Charming would come for her. But that was Belle’s view, not mine.

  “We’re all set. The van’s loaded, and we can get a head start at the other end.” Gwen caught me before I went up for a final check.

  “Great. Thanks again. See you at the house, I guess. We’ll have to stop for Finn, but we’ll keep in touch.”

  “Whenever. We’ll get these things unloaded, and see you when you arrive.” She paused as if she wanted to say something else. I smiled awkwardly and looked to the side. “Thank you. I know I was a bitch to start with, but you doing this means everything to Leo. He’s got it bad. And I know you’ll have all the support you need with Finn.”

  “I know. I wouldn’t be doing this if I didn’t believe this was the right call for all of us. It might have taken a while to realise, but I do love your brother.”

  Gwen nodded and turned back to jump in the van.

  I waved them off before going back upstairs to check on Leo. Belle had taken Finn for the last time, giving us some time to get the apartment sorted. The thought of saying goodbye to her was tearing me up inside.

  Sawyer and I hadn’t spoken since ou
r fight, and right now, I couldn’t see a reason why I would want to.

  “Ready to go?” Leo asked as he came out of the office with a small box.

  The place looked huge with half of the furniture missing.

  “Yep. Belle will be back any minute. And then we can go.”

  Sadness engulfed me. This was really happening.

  “You’re not saying goodbye. We’ll see Belle and Matthew again. I promise.” Leo wrapped his arms around me, and it immediately eased the coldness in my chest.

  “I know.”

  “And thank you. I don’t know what I’d have done if you hadn’t wanted the same thing as me.” Leo kissed the top of my head and held me closer.

  “Well, that’s one thing we’ll never have to worry about again.”

  He eased his hold of me, and I looked up into his beautiful eyes. “I love you, Astrid.”

  “I know. And I love you right back.”

  Leo

  Two Years later

  “Finn, come on, man. We got to get you suited up, or your mum is going to kill us both.” I wasn’t sure if he was even listening to me or just set on causing havoc. Of all the fucking days.

  He was hiding under his duvet in his bed. His brown hair was sticking up all over the place and looking nothing like the adorable pageboy that Gwen had pictured for her day.

  “How about I get you cocoa puffs for breakfast if you agree to get ready?” I wasn’t past blackmailing my own son at this point.