The Reluctant Outlaw (Love Inspired Historical)

by Karen Kirst

  Oh, how wrong he was, she thought. He was dangerous. In an ironic twist, he was even more of a threat now than before. There were no obstacles, no reasons for her to deny her feelings. And that was downright scary.

  “I realize an apology can’t make up for all the mistakes I’ve made,” he continued, “but I am sorry. If I could go back to that morning at the mercantile, I’d do it all differently, anything to have spared you and your family this grief. Do you think you can forgive me?”

  Evan held his breath as he watched the emotions marching across Juliana’s face.

  “What happened wasn’t entirely your fault. And you’ve worked hard at keeping me safe, even though it put your mission at risk. I wish you would’ve confided in me, however. You’re right—knowing your identity would’ve saved me a lot of worry.”

  He could see the hurt reflected in her clear green eyes. His heart dipped. He didn’t deserve her forgiveness, but he craved it. How could he live with himself if she couldn’t move past this?

  “I also understand that you felt you were making the right decision not to tell me.”

  He blew out the breath he’d been holding. The glow from the kerosene lamp highlighted the copper streaks in her thick tresses, tumbling down around her shoulders. How he longed to take her in his arms and hold her close. That was out of the question, of course.

  “I never intended to hurt you, Juliana,” he murmured.

  Her lashes swept down to hide her eyes. “I know.” Her voice lowered to match his.

  “There are others my deception has hurt.”

  She lifted her head. “Henry and Rose?”

  “Yes. I think it’s best if I tell them the truth about us.”

  He paused to gauge her reaction. He sensed her apprehension. Would she agree or disagree?

  “I definitely think it’s the right thing to do.”

  He should’ve known she’d want to do the right thing. He exhaled. “They won’t be too happy with us,” he warned. “Are you prepared for that?”

  “They have every right to be upset. We tricked them. And they’ve been nothing but kind to both of us. They deserve the truth, even if it doesn’t affect them directly.”

  “I agree.” It wouldn’t be pleasant, admitting his deception to his new friends, but he didn’t want to put it off. “When do you want me to talk to them? Now?”

  Juliana moved to her knees, lifted the flap and peered out. “Rose is busy. Henry is playing a game of chase with the kids. How about after lunch?” she suggested, peering over her shoulder at him. “We can talk over a cup of coffee.”

  “Coffee?” His black brows rose hopefully.

  “You’ll be having tea,” she replied firmly, refusing to be swayed by his entreaty.

  “Tea is for females,” he grumbled. “I want coffee.”

  “I’m going to ignore that remark.” She arched a brow at him. “Maybe tomorrow. For now, let’s stick with the tea, okay?”

  He scooted down until he was lying flat and stared up at the top of the tent. “Yes, ma’am,” he sighed, amazed that a simple conversation could wear him out.

  “Evan?”

  She was crouched in the opening, looking like a vulnerable young girl with her earnest expression. “I’m glad you’re better. There were times when I feared you wouldn’t pull through. In fact, I—” Her breathing hitched, and her gaze skittered away. “Never mind. The important thing is that the worst is over, and you’re on the mend.”

  He swallowed hard, with effort reining in his runaway emotions. “Any other woman would’ve bolted the moment I passed out,” he declared. “You’re a woman of great mercy and compassion, Juliana. I’ll never forget your kindness toward me. I wish I could repay you somehow. Saying thanks doesn’t seem to be enough.”

  “Your getting well is reward enough.” Her tender smile warmed him deep inside. “Think you can get some rest?”

  He didn’t want to rest. He wanted to talk to her. “I’ll try,” he huffed, doing his best to sound pitiful.

  Her eyes narrowed. “I’ll be back soon.”

  She slipped out the opening, and Evan watched her boots, skimmed by the hem of her dress, until they disappeared from sight. His eyes remained on the spot she’d vacated, wishing for what he couldn’t have. He closed his eyes and, although he wasn’t sleepy, within minutes he drifted off to sleep.

  Gnawing pains in his stomach woke him some time later. He was warm, so he tossed off the quilt and reached for his pants. It was a struggle to put them on while he was on his back, but finally he succeeded and had just finished buttoning them up when Juliana entered the tent. When her gaze fell on him, she almost dumped the soup on the ground.

  “Oh! I’m sorry! I can come back—”

  “It’s okay, I’m decent. I hope it tastes as good as it smells.” He had his long-sleeved undershirt on, so he didn’t bother with finding his button-down.

  “Be careful, it’s hot.”

  Evan accepted the stoneware bowl and spoon from her. A quick glance at her face revealed two bright spots of color on her cheeks. He didn’t comment. Instead, he focused on the steaming vegetables floating in rich broth.

  Juliana had brought a bowl for herself, and she sat down opposite him. He was pleased she had chosen to share her meal with him, even if they weren’t inclined to speak. The silence was a comfortable one. At times, they commented on the weather or the Talbot children, but all in all it was a quiet affair.

  When they had finished, Evan began tugging on his boots.

  “What are you doing?” Juliana demanded, eyes wide.

  “Four of us can’t fit in here, can we?”

  “I suppose not. Still, I’m not sure it’s wise for you to be up and about so soon.”

  He heard the undertone of concern in her smooth-as-velvet voice, and it warmed him. “Juliana, I’m only walking to the nearest shade tree, no farther. I’ll be just fine.”

  She bit her lip. “You might experience some dizziness. I’ll walk beside you in case you do.”

  Evan didn’t have any objections to that, of course. She went out first and waited for him. After being in the tent’s dim interior for so long, it took a minute for his eyes to adjust to the bright sunshine. He would’ve liked to have his hat, but he hadn’t seen it since before he got sick.

  As Juliana predicted, weakness assailed him, and his knees threatened to buckle. Immediately, he curled his arm around her shoulders and leaned into her, allowing her to steady him as they slowly crossed the grass. Holding her close filled him with contentment.

  His heart felt lighter than it had in a long time. As soon as he’d prayed to God and asked for forgiveness, peace had flooded his soul. Instead of being burdened by guilt, he now felt free to pray anytime he wished. The grief that had been his companion for nearly a year was still there, but now he didn’t carry it alone. His Lord was there to help share the burden and make it bearable.

  He was glad to be out in the fresh air. The sweet perfume of wildflowers teased his nose, and the whack of a woodpecker’s beak filled his ears. Bees buzzed between blossoms, hovering for a time before darting off to the next one. As they passed beneath a leafy bower, he spotted a fuzzy-tailed squirrel above their heads. The little animal scurried away as soon as he saw them.

  They settled in a shady area not far from the tent, but the short walk had left him feeling weak and out of sorts. That worried him. They needed to get on the trail as soon as possible.

  Seeing Henry striding their way, Evan pushed his worries aside. First things first. He had some explaining to do. He didn’t peg Henry Talbot as the type to hold a grudge, but he’d been wrong before.

  Henry had two cups in his hand, one of which he passed to Evan. Seeing Henry’s wink, Juliana protested.

  “You know he’s not supposed to have that.” She eyed Henry sternly.

  “He needs the energy.” Henry smiled, not looking the least bit repentant.

  Evan inhaled the aromatic steam rising from the dark liquid and
sighed. The coffee smelled strong and bracing, just the way he liked it. Taking a long drink, he eyed Juliana over the rim of his cup. Then he held it aloft.

  “I’m willing to share.”

  Her eyes widened and her lips parted. He didn’t get to hear her response because Rose appeared at that moment with a cup for Juliana. Too bad. He rather liked sparring with her.

  Evan didn’t immediately bring up the issue of his and Juliana’s true relationship. He listened as the other couple spoke of their departure and their plans for the near future. Beside him, Juliana grew increasingly fidgety. Without looking at her, he snatched her hand up and, placing it on his knee, gave it a reassuring squeeze. She squeezed his hand in return.

  He cleared his throat and threw a glance her way before addressing Henry and Rose.

  “I, uh, have a confession to make,” he began, feeling heat rush into his face. “There are some things I haven’t told you about Juliana and myself, about how we met and the true nature of our relationship.”

  Henry looked bewildered. His wife’s gaze searched Evan’s face as if trying to guess the meaning behind his words.

  Drawing in a deep breath, he said, “Juliana and I are not really husband and wife.”

  Henry stared hard at Evan, his dark gaze dropping to their clasped hands. With a light squeeze, Evan released her hand, which she quickly withdrew. He knew what the other man was thinking. Henry had witnessed that kiss and other displays of affection normally reserved for married couples. No doubt he thought they were living in sin.

  “I want to assure you both that nothing improper has happened between the two of us. We met five days ago when our paths crossed unexpectedly, and we’ve been traveling together out of necessity. When you and your family showed up, I figured it was best to pretend to be married. Juliana didn’t want to do it but I insisted, knowing how it would look if we didn’t.” He looked from husband to wife. “I’m sorry I lied to you both.”

  “I’m sorry, too,” Juliana rushed to add, her expression full of remorse. “I think of you as a dear friend, Rose, and I hope you can forgive me.”

  “Of course I forgive you,” Rose said, her eyes full of questions. “I would just like to know what’s going on. The man who’s following you—the one who hurt you—is he the reason you are traveling together?”

  “We know it isn’t any of our business—” Henry began.

  Evan interrupted. “No. You deserve an explanation. I’ll have to start from the beginning, though.”

  Starting with the death of his parents, Evan told them everything leading up to that day in the mercantile. They listened with rapt attention, scarcely believing he’d actually kidnapped Juliana. When he’d finished, they sat in stunned silence.

  Henry was the first to speak. “Juliana, you obviously have been through quite a lot this week. Are you sure you’re all right? Would you like to add anything to Evan’s account?”

  “I’m fine—honest. God has carried me through these last few days. He’s protected me, and I’m sure He’s comforted my family as well. Evan has been a perfect gentleman. He’s done nothing to make me feel afraid or uncomfortable.”

  Evan didn’t know about the perfect part. He regretted the pain he’d caused her family, and realized he’d have to face them one day soon. That was one confrontation he wasn’t eager to have.

  “I see.” Henry appeared thoughtful.

  Rose Talbot’s curiosity was not so easily satisfied. “I’m curious about something. Henry will likely say I’m being nosy, but I have to say what’s on my mind. It seems to me the two of you have come to care for each other a great deal. The affection between you isn’t pretend, is it?”

  Evan feared they could hear his heart banging against his rib cage. How could he possibly answer this question? He wasn’t ready to face the truth himself, much less admit to it in front of Juliana. She’d already said she didn’t love him—the day he kissed her. And really, how could she? After everything he’d put her through…

  His mouth dry, he took another swig of coffee. “Juliana is a remarkable woman, Mrs. Talbot. She’s put up with a lot, and yet, she has found it in her heart to forgive me. I count myself lucky just to know her.”

  He hoped his answer would satisfy the other woman. He felt the weight of Juliana’s stare, but he couldn’t bring himself to meet it.

  “I think I know the reason for my wife’s questions.” Henry leaned forward to address Evan. “You see, the two of you have spent days in each other’s company without a chaperone. When Juliana’s family finds out, they’ll expect you to marry her. Have you thought about that?”

  Evan bowed his head. It was true. A single man and woman traveling for days and nights on their own—no one would believe they were innocent of wrongdoing. Juliana’s reputation was at stake.

  “No,” he heard Juliana say. When he lifted his head to look at her, he recognized the defiant tilt of her chin. She met his gaze, her eyes full of fire. “I won’t be forced into marriage. It’s not fair to Evan or myself.”

  Evan’s gut twisted. He wanted to do what was best for her, but marriage wasn’t in his plans. Marriage meant commitment and, eventually, attachment. He didn’t want that. It hurt too much to lose someone you loved.

  “Think what the townspeople will say, Juliana,” Rose insisted, her face a mask of concern. “You’ll be shunned by many.”

  “I don’t care,” she declared. “Those who know me know I’d never do anything to bring shame upon myself or my family.”

  Evan noticed her fisted hands in her lap and longed to soothe her, but he didn’t think she’d welcome his touch right about now. He’d put her in this position. She had every right to be angry.

  Rose’s voice was gentle. “It’s not fair, I agree, but it’s the way of things. And it won’t just affect you, my dear. Your mother and sisters will be treated the same as you.”

  Juliana shook her head. “I can’t believe it of my friends. The people of Gatlinburg will understand. They have to.”

  Rose looked on her with kindness. “Perhaps you’re right.”

  “What do you think, Evan?” Henry spoke up.

  He caught Juliana’s gaze and held it. Her inner turmoil was plain to see in her beautiful green eyes. It hurt to know he was the cause. “I want what’s best for Juliana. If that means marriage, then so be it.”

  The second the words left his mouth, he knew he meant every one. He was willing to give her his name if it meant sparing her pain and humiliation. Somehow he’d find a way to protect his heart.

  Her hand flew to her throat. “You can’t mean that, Evan. It’s not what you want, and you know it.”

  “What do you want, Juliana?” He searched her face for a clue. A myriad of emotions crossed her face—anger, fear, longing.

  “I know what I don’t want,” she huffed, “and that’s a sham marriage!”

  Scrambling to her feet, she strode away.

  “Wait—” He moved to rise, but Henry held up a staying hand.

  “Maybe you should give her a few minutes alone. It’s a lot to sort through.”

  Evan settled back down, his gaze following her to the lake. He doubted he could make it that far on his own strength, and it frustrated him. He didn’t like feeling helpless.

  He felt a hand on his arm. Rose said, “Don’t worry, she’ll come around. She just needs some time.”

  He summoned a small smile of thanks before excusing himself. Refusing Henry’s offer of assistance, he made his way back to the tent and lay down to rest and think.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Juliana watched the swans glide gracefully across the sun-dappled water. How she envied their peace and tranquility! Her own soul was in turmoil. Like a tumbling house of cards, her thoughts heaped one upon another in quick succession until she couldn’t make sense of a single one.

  When she’d imagined how the conversation would go with the Talbots, talk of propriety and social expectations hadn’t been on the list of topics for discussio
n. And certainly not marriage!

  Remembering the expression on Evan’s face when Henry brought it up, she dropped her head in her hands and groaned. The idea terrified him. Whether it was the prospect of marriage in general or marriage to her in particular she didn’t know.

  She had to admit—his reaction cut deep.

  He didn’t want a life with her.

  Oh, she believed he liked her—perhaps even admired her—but he didn’t love her.

  Of course in the end he’d agreed to marry her—if she wanted him to. What girl wanted a husband on those terms? What kind of marriage could they have? Besides, she had a feeling he said it out of a sense of obligation.

  Face it, you’re just a liability to him, a little voice said, an unwanted responsibility.

  As the truth sank in, the place around her heart ached with a dull pain. Tears traced uneven tracks down her cheeks. If she’d known how much it would hurt to love someone, she would’ve guarded her heart more closely.

  But from the start, she’d been overwhelmed by her reaction to him. Evan was the first man to make her feel alive and very aware of her femininity. With a single touch of his hand, he could set her pulse racing and make her feel as if she’d just run a mile. Simply being near him thrilled her.

  With each new glimpse of his soul, her compassion had taken root and developed into something more, something deeper. Their shared experiences had forged a unique bond between them. He’d seen her at her worst, and she him. They understood each other.

  It had taken almost losing him to force her to face the fact that she loved him. And she hadn’t cared that he was an outlaw. She was still adjusting to the fact that he wasn’t a criminal at all, but a respectable man.

  A life without Evan would be bleak. Miserable. Unbearable.

  And yet that’s the future she faced. In the coming days, she would be reunited with her family, and he would continue his quest for justice. She would go back to her mundane life while he spent his days and nights with criminals.