Love Finds You in Amana Iowa

by Melanie Dobson

“But what do you think?”

  She glanced behind them, at Amalie and Niklas talking along the pathway. “I—I don’t know.”

  “We must pray, Amalie.”

  Her voice fell to a whisper. “My name is Hilga.”

  He turned from her so abruptly that something twisted in his neck. But he couldn’t let her see his burning face. Or sense the burning in his heart.

  “We will pray,” he said before he turned to walk again.

  God help him in his prayers.

  * * * * *

  Poor Niklas, Amalie thought. He waited in agony beside her even as he tried to carry on a pleasant sort of conversation. Or maybe the talking was to distract him from the beautiful girl on the bridge in front of them.

  He chattered on about the upcoming harvest and the fact that her kitchen house was almost complete and he kept talking about the beauty in the forest. Amalie tried to appreciate his interest in the wilderness around them, but she would rather be in the kitchen house, over a stove, than hiking this muddy path through the woods.

  In spite of his attempt at conversation, Niklas’s eyes kept wandering back to the slender figure in front of them and the sight of the handsome man hovering over her on the bridge, intent on her every word.

  Surely Matthias would treat Hilga better than he did the other sisters in their society. For Niklas’s sake, he had to be good to her.

  When they started walking again, Niklas groaned as if he was in pain.

  “Why don’t you talk to Carl and Louise?” Amalie asked as they stepped off the bridge onto the dirt pathway.

  “What would I say?”

  “That you love their daughter. That you want to marry her.”

  “I won’t be old enough to marry for two more years.”

  “Then you should talk to Hilga,” she countered. “And ask her to wait.”

  Niklas pointed to Matthias’s back. “But she loves him.”

  “How do you know that?”

  He shook his head, resigned to a life without Hilga. Amalie wanted to shake him. Like so many others, she’d been watching Hilga at the train station, and the woman clearly wasn’t as excited to see Matthias as she should have been. Even as they walked through the forest, reunited after three years, they didn’t appear to be talking.

  Amalie loved Carl and Louise Vinzenz, but they were clearly blind in this instance. In wanting Matthias to be their son, they were sacrificing their daughter’s happiness.

  “Hilga knows how you feel, Niklas, and I believe she feels the same for you.”

  He glanced over, questioning her. “She has never said anything to me.”

  “I’ve seen how Hilga looked at you in Ebenezer, how her face would light into a smile whenever you were near. It seems to me that she loves you just as much as you love her.”

  His voice climbed. “Do you think?”

  “It’s clear to everyone except perhaps you and her parents.”

  He shook his head slowly. “I’ve loved her for a long time.”

  She smiled. “I understand.”

  “But she is supposed to marry someone else.”

  “You have to fight for her, Niklas.”

  “But what—what would Matthias say?”

  “Exactly what he thinks.”

  Niklas paused. “Ja, he would.”

  “You aren’t afraid of Matthias, are you?”

  He paused. “I’m more afraid that Hilga will laugh at me.”

  “You will spend your lifetime wondering, Niklas, if you don’t ask her how she feels.”

  “If she says no—I will see her for the rest of my life, walking around with Matthias and their children. I don’t know if I can bear it, knowing that she knows how I feel.”

  “It’s possible that you might be the one walking beside her instead.”

  She looked at Matthias and Hilga walking silently in front of them, and her own mind wandered. In no time Friedrich would return to her. He would get off the train, and the two of them would stroll under the trees together, back to the village.

  There would be much for them to talk about, so many words and thoughts that they hadn’t been able to communicate in letters while she was still in Ebenezer. She could almost hear him, entertaining her with stories about the war and the reasons that he had to leave her. Then he would tell her how much he missed her, and she would tell him she missed him as well.

  Matthias and Hilga weren’t like that. They walked through the forest like they were strangers. Or maybe they were just nervous after being apart for so long. Maybe that was why Matthias had been so irritable lately—he’d been nervous to see the woman he would marry.

  She and Friedrich might turn out like that if they weren’t careful. Lovers through their letters but strangers in person.

  She and Niklas followed Matthias and Hilga out into the fields at the edge of the forest and then into the village where Carl and Louise and many others were waiting. The celebration continued as half of them crowded into Henriette’s kitchen. They would be eating in shifts until Amalie’s dining room was complete.

  As Niklas left for the dining room, Amalie brushed her hands across her apron and walked toward the kitchen door. It was time for her to return to the kitchen, to help Henriette and Sophia and the other assistants who’d been assigned to help with the dinner rush.

  Reaching for the door, she turned and saw a flash of blue over her shoulder. Brass buttons gleaming in the sunlight. Her heart leapt, her fingers frozen around the doorknob.

  Friedrich?

  She squinted at the soldier, trying to see his face under the brim of his hat. Clutched at his side was a cane, supporting his left side as he moved through the village.

  Had Friedrich been hurt in the war?

  This man seemed shorter than Friedrich, more husky than the man she remembered.

  But it had been three years since she’d seen Friedrich. Perhaps she’d forgotten how tall he was.

  It felt like she was in a trance, as she released the door handle and moved to the man. Drawing closer, she saw his mustache, a grayish tint that matched his hair. And she saw the solemn expression frozen onto his face. It wasn’t her Friedrich, but why—

  Dear God.

  Why was this soldier in Amana?

  Ah God, my days are dark indeed,

  How oft this aching heart must bleed.

  Martin Moeller

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Amalie’s body trembled as she stepped farther away from the safety of the kitchen house. There were thousands of soldiers in Iowa, seeing one shouldn’t alarm her so. She tried to approach the man, to welcome him to the village, but she didn’t want him here. If he brought news with him, she didn’t want to hear what he had to say.

  Matthias appeared unexpectedly beside her, and she welcomed his presence. While she couldn’t seem to find the words to say, he didn’t hesitate. “Are you here to take more of our men away?”

  The soldier shook his head. “No.”

  She waited, wishing the man would change his mind and say he had come to Amana to deliver more conscription letters or that he was here to tell them about a new law.

  “Then what do you want?” Matthias’s words sounded hollow. Scared.

  “My name is Colonel O’Neill,” he said. “I’m looking for a woman named Miss Wiese.”

  Amalie stepped forward with a shaky smile. “I’m Amalie Wiese.”

  He didn’t return her smile.

  She struggled to take a deep breath, fighting to control her voice. “Do you know Friedrich Vinzenz?”

  The man’s head dropped. “Friedrich was a good soldier.”

  She swayed to the side, and Matthias secured her arm before he spoke with the colonel.

  “What do you mean, he was a good soldier?”

  “Friedrich—he was killed during the Battle of Chickamauga.”

  The world seemed to spin around her.

  “Killed—” The word tasted bitter in her mouth. She could say it, but she couldn’t com
prehend it. The brick houses around her blurred, and the kitchen house seemed to disappear as she collapsed onto the dirt street. If only God would take her away as well, take her to Friedrich.

  “Amalie.”

  She heard Matthias whisper, but she didn’t see him. His arms scooped her off the dirt, and she buried her head on his shoulder.

  “Where is he?” she heard Matthias ask.

  “The Federals lost the battle, so they will have to wait to retrieve those men who were killed.”

  “But how do you know he is dead?” Matthias demanded.

  Hope surged within her. Maybe Friedrich was still alive. He could be wounded or captured or something else. If they didn’t have his body, they couldn’t know for certain he was gone.

  “I received a telegram this morning.” The man’s voice was filled with regret. “One of his fellow soldiers saw Private Vinzenz fall. He said Friedrich would want me to tell Miss Wiese.”

  “How—how did he die?” she whispered.

  The colonel shook his head. “I don’t have any more information.”

  Matthias thanked the man for delivering the news, and Amalie wanted to scream at them both. The man wasn’t to be thanked.

  “I’m sorry,” Colonel O’Neill said, and she moaned at his words.

  “I’ll take care of her,” Matthias told him.

  She lifted her head and tried to push away from him. She wanted to run and hide. Cry. Scream. Anything but be near Matthias right now.

  “Let me go,” she hissed as he carried her away from Colonel O’Neill.

  Friedrich Vinzenz was gone.

  * * * * *

  Matthias carefully lay Amalie down on the sofa and closed the room’s curtains to ward off the sunlight and the curiosity of all those who loved her. She mumbled something he didn’t understand, so immersed in her own pain that she didn’t seem to realize where she was or whom she was with.

  He slid down into a chair, his head in his hands. Everything within him ached. He wanted to pretend the colonel was wrong, that it wasn’t possible for Friedrich to be gone. But in his heart he knew the man was telling the truth.

  The village doctor raced into the room, his black bag anchored to his side. He opened his bag and lifted Amalie’s head, spooning something into her mouth, and she collapsed back onto the cushions. Drifting away again.

  When the doctor glanced his way, he lifted the spoon as if to offer Matthias some of his medication. Matthias shook his head. He would have to be strong for Hilga and her parents first. Then maybe the doctor could give him something to try and block out the pain.

  He raked his fingers through his hair and then leapt to his feet. Amalie was asleep, and he couldn’t stop to let his mind work through the ramifications of losing his friend. Not until he found Carl and Louise and Hilga.

  The Vinzenz family was in the kitchen house, eating their noon meal. When Carl looked up at Matthias, he dropped his fork onto his plate, and the clatter echoed through the room.

  “What’s wrong, Matthias?” Carl demanded.

  He motioned for Carl to come outside and both Louise and Hilga followed them. He struggled in his mind, trying to form the right words, but there was no right way to tell them that their son was dead.

  She loves you, Matthias, but she can’t come back.

  Louise’s words echoed in his mind. The words she’d told him twenty-one years ago when his mother left. How had she done it then, tell a boy that his mother was gone for good?

  And how could he tell them today that the son they loved was gone as well?

  The three of them stared at him, waiting for him to speak. Louise’s eyes were wrought with panic, her fingers fastened around Carl’s arm. Matthias wanted to tell them there was nothing to worry about, that Friedrich had only left them for a season. But right now, eternity seemed far away.

  They followed him into the parlor next to the kitchen house, and Louise gasped when she saw Amalie, asleep on the sofa. Louise teetered on her feet, and Carl helped her into a chair as the doctor reached back into his bag.

  Tears streamed down Hilga’s face even before she heard the news, but he couldn’t wrap his arms around her to comfort her.

  The doctor helped Hilga into the remaining chair, and as they all mourned together, Matthias shared the colonel’s words.

  “My son…,” Louise muttered. “I want to see my son.”

  When Matthias finished speaking, Carl lifted his voice in prayer. He begged God for guidance. For strength. Friedrich was already basking in the light and peace of God, but they needed God’s Spirit there with them today. Desperately needed Him and the hope they had in the cross. The power of the cross.

  “I want my son,” Louise repeated, looking at Matthias as if he were hiding Friedrich from her.

  Carl knelt beside her, tears streaming down his face as he took his wife’s hands. “He isn’t coming back, Liebling.”

  Matthias knew Carl loved his wife, but he had never heard him call her darling before.

  “I want my son,” Louise said again.

  Matthias turned and slipped out of the room. He might like to pretend that he was the son of Carl and Louise, that they loved him as much as they loved Friedrich. He didn’t doubt their love, but he wasn’t Friedrich nor could he ever replace him.

  Out of the village he walked, back through the fields and trees to allow them time to grieve as a family.

  Instead of turning on the trail back toward Homestead, he walked to the Indian Dam. The place where he and Friedrich spent hours and hours fishing.

  He hadn’t been to their fishing hole since Friedrich left. As the weeks passed, he didn’t want to go without his friend, so he kept waiting until he and Friedrich would fish together again. But now Friedrich would never return to fish with him or work with him or eat their meals together. Their time together on this earth was gone.

  He picked up a rock and ripples sliced the surface when he tossed it in. The book of Revelation talked about a river of life pouring out of the throne of God, clear as crystal. Did the river have fish in it? Perhaps Friedrich was fishing somewhere right now, basking in the glory and wonder of Christ.

  All this time they’d been waiting for Friedrich to come back to them. Now Friedrich was waiting for them to come to him.

  Looking up into the heavens, he wondered if Friedrich could somehow look down upon them all, see how many people were grieving over his death. If Friedrich could say last words to them from the next life, what would he say?

  Friedrich’s unopened letter was tucked away in Matthias’s room, and when he was ready, he would open his friend’s final words to him.

  Collapsing onto a flat rock, his dropped his head into his hands. Out in the wilderness, far away from the brothers and sisters in his community, he grieved for his friend.

  Life’s hourglass flows swiftly on and soon my course on earth is run,

  And what is past is gone forever! Eternity is now my goal.

  F. A. Lampe

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Hidden amongst the branches and fallen leaves in the forest were flocks of wildflowers. Orchids. Wild petunias. Amalie plucked the stems of the flowers and formed a purple and yellow bouquet. There was a large garden with both autumn flowers and vegetables at the edge of Amana, beside the cemetery, but it didn’t seem right to place garden flowers on Friedrich’s grave.

  His heart was passionate and beautiful, and unlike her, he loved the forest. His grave should be covered with flowers just as wild and colorful as his life.

  As she walked out of the woods, she saw the Vinzenz family and Matthias standing in the prairie grass, among the dozen white headboards that marked the graves of the brothers and sisters who’d gone before them into eternity. The wooden headboards on each grave were identical, no grave more or less important than the others. God loved Friedrich the same as every other man and woman in this cemetery, but she didn’t love them all the same. This grave would be closest to her heart.

  There would
be no hymns today or a member of the Bruderrath reading Scripture. When a member of their society died, hundreds of people gathered at the cemetery to commemorate their life, but when Friedrich left for the war, he also left their society. Only his family and Amalie were permitted to remember him.

  She hoped the elders would let Matthias’s marker remain among the other headboards so that many years from now, no one would know that Friedrich had left their community. Nor would they know his body was lost in Tennessee instead of buried in Amana. The grave would remain as a memory of Friedrich’s life for the next generations of their community.

  Matthias dug a small trench for the headboard and secured it in the hard ground. When he was finished, Amalie placed her bouquet beside the marker.

  Matthias offered her his arm as she stood to her feet, and he escorted her toward Louise. Amalie had spent the past two days fluctuating between grieving alone in her room and hoping that perhaps Colonel O’Neill was wrong, that Friedrich had been wounded or taken prisoner instead of being killed. But Matthias and the elders and even the Vinzenz family had resigned themselves to the loss of Friedrich’s life on this earth.

  Louise cried out in the silence, and Amalie felt like she should join her in her tears to honor Friedrich and his legacy, but she felt numb inside, as if her body had ceased to feel anything except pain.

  Beside her, Carl read from the book of Revelation.

  And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away.

  Friedrich was free of pain—and she was grateful for it—even if she had to bear the weight of the pain for both of them. There were no tears for God to wipe from her eyes, but she prayed that in time, God would heal her heart. She didn’t know how she could go on day after day with this pain constricting inside her, paralyzing her.

  Carl finished his reading, resting the Bible at his side, and they all bowed their heads to pray silently. Inspirationists didn’t mourn their dead, at least not in their dress or by wailing like those of the world did. Friedrich had been freed from the burdens of this life, and she was certain he was now enjoying eternity with their blessed Savior.