by Jude Ouvrard
The doctor and nurse continued to discuss Juliet's condition, but I got overwhelmed by all the medical jargon. It reminded me of how I'd felt when I woke up for the first time in the hospital after the bombing. All I could hear was the medical staff, discussing my condition. I could barely see, my vision was blurry and the pain in my head was unbearable, but I remembered looking up to find them all watching me like I was some sort of freak.
I was brought back to reality and Juliet's hospital room when I heard Megan calling my name.
''Avery, are you okay?'' she asked me with a look of concern.
I nodded and tried to get my head together. ''Yes, I’m sorry. I’m okay.'' I took a few seconds to force myself to relax, my body had tensed as I processed the memories.
Megan repeated everything the doctor had said, which confirmed that Juliet's condition was already a lot better than when we'd arrived.
''I’m going to spend the night here. You can go home and sleep in your own bed.''
''No, I'll stay with you. You can sleep and I'll watch over Juliet. I'm used to being up for long hours and at night. You need to rest.''
''No... I can't let you do that.''
''Of course you can.''
She looked at me, astonished. She was probably expecting me to go home for the night. But I felt a responsibility to do it. She was exhausted, I could see it in her eyes. Her skin looked pale too. She had dealt with a lot of stress today. I could catch up on my sleep tomorrow, it wasn’t a problem.
''I’m going to get you dinner later and I'll buy your coffees for the night,'' she offered.
''It's not necessary,'' I laughed. ''Staying up all night was part of my daily life for years. I don't need coffee. Staying awake comes naturally to me.''
''I have to tell you something. At first, when I heard that you were going to stay here while Carter is deployed, it made me nervous. You intimidated me. You seemed so strong, independent and serious. Before Carter left, he asked me to keep an eye on you. He told me that despite your tough facade, you were an amazing woman, generous and funny. He wanted me to look after you because he feared you were going to be lonely.''
Hearing what Carter had told her touched me and Megan's admission was humbling.
She continued. ''The first time I knocked on your door, my hands were sweaty and I was relieved when I heard your music blasting, because I knew you wouldn’t hear me. When I returned home, I felt bad, though.'' I could see the embarrassment in her face. ''But when I finally saw you, I was relieved and when we started talking I knew that you were everything Carter had said. I'm proud to call you my friend.''
''I’m proud to call you my friend and I’m more than happy to help you and your daughter. We're both away from our loved ones. We have to support one another.''
She got up and gave me a hug. It wasn't a meaningless embrace, rather, it represented everything girlfriends shared. Friendship, love, kindness and respect. She was my first female friend in years. I knew we were getting along before, but the events of today had changed everything.
She was basically raising her daughter by herself. She made it look easy but I knew that it wasn't. She needed to know I was there for her. Now and always.
11.
August 30th. 2007
Carter
I was following the fourth member of our team into the back street behind an abandoned building. We had been advised of the presence of danger. The night was terribly dark, and I was thankful for the night vision equipment. This area was actually giving me the creeps. The building was three stories high and some sections of it looked like they had caught fire. It wasn't safe for anyone to be inside of this deathtrap.
We had to eliminate the building, it was the goal of this raid. While the explosives were being placed around the building, I was making sure nobody had noticed us in the immediate vicinity.
The building was quickly prepared for destruction, we were fast and competent and the raid had been well-planned out. I kept a wary eye on the surroundings, it was the middle of the night and the city remained calm. I got the signal that the detonation was ready.
I reached the convoy at the same time as the building was destroyed. We left the scene without a trace of our presence ever being there. The noise of the explosion was going to alert the citizens of the city, but by the time they got to the building, we would be long gone.
I loved the adrenaline rush I felt during our missions. I knew when I retired, it was something I would miss.
The ride back to camp was silent for the most part. The tiredness we all suffered from was fast becoming overwhelming. We'd been out on a lot of missions lately, and sleeping in small bursts each day.
I hadn’t had a chance to talk to my wife for over a month, or written her a letter in days. I knew she would be understanding, but I wanted her to know how things were here and that I was doing okay.
I wanted to take a few minute to put some words on paper but I couldn’t keep my eyes open or even hold a pen.
"Hey brother!" Remy greeted me when we arrived at the camp.
"Hey bro!"
"Are you okay? You looked a bit nervous earlier," he suggested.
"I hate the back streets. It was dark and narrow and I always feel like I can’t breathe.''
''Yeah, it wasn't the ideal environment but I didn't mind it. It was different to have nobody notice us. No shooting, either.''
''I’m sorry man, but I gotta sleep. I’m so fucking tired.''
''Yeah me too. We're getting old!'' Remy joked.
He was right. I didn’t have the same resilience I'd had a few years ago. I never doubted that I could do my job properly, I’d always given Special Forces one hundred percent and nothing had changed in that regard.
I laid on my bunk, trying hard to fall asleep. I was so freaking tired, but I couldn’t shut my head down. My mind was too busy thinking about missions, raids, ambushes. It was a big part of my life and my brain was always trying to find ways to bypass the enemy.
Avery. I tried to concentrate on her. I looked at her photos one last time before I closed my eyes. Her smile was beautiful, she looked truly happy and excited. The photo brought back memories of our wedding day, which led to thoughts of our honeymoon. She'd been incredibly sexy and hot, in ways I'd never seen before. Of course, we had been intimate before the wedding, but our honeymoon was freaking amazing.
Her skin was soft and warm against mine. I couldn’t figure out why, but I'd been fucking nervous that night. I wanted it to be special for her, she deserved it. When I started pressing feather-light kisses against the delicate skin of her neck, her body had tensed, but only because she was ticklish. Once my lips met hers, there was nothing holding us back. Our kisses were deep, passionate and amazing.
Thinking about it was giving me goose bumps. When we made love, our bodies were connected so tightly that we became one. The connection felt so strong and powerful.
Our legs were entwined and I loved the feel of her skin against mine. She ran her toes up and down my leg. It was a simple gesture but it felt incredible. I was hovering over her, enjoying the sight of her naked curves underneath me. I had spent so many days envying her when we were deployed, she was so good at hiding behind her façade of cool independence. We never demonstrated our love very much in front of others. When I looked at her that night, she was everything I had ever wanted. I had vowed to be with her until death do us part and I wished I would never have to be away from her again.
The feeling of her breasts against my chest and her fingers digging into my back sent me directly to heaven. Our movements were beautifully synchronized and each and every thrust heightened my love for her. We spent the night worshiping one another and enjoying our precious time together.
I knew I would never forget that perfect night. It was my happy place, somewhere to go to escape the realities I was dealing with.
~~~*~~~
After hours of sleep, I was woken up by the noises around me. All the boys were awake and wres
tling like little kids. Remy was fighting with William but I knew they weren't serious, while Patrick was telling them to shut up. He was on the phone. Wait. What? On the phone? Was I going to get to talk to Ave?
I got up quickly and went over to Patrick. ''Are you talking to Megan?'' I mouthed silently.
He interrupted his conversation briefly. ''Yeah, you're next.''
''YES!'' I yelled. I was the happiest man alive. Her voice, her laugh, I was going to hear them both. There was nothing better that I could ask for. After last night and all the memories rolling around in my head, this was going to be good.
I went back to the bunk and pulled on a shirt. I wanted that phone now. What I hated about this deployment was that they were keeping internet and phone available for mission purposes only. We had major security problems and it was decided not to risk the missions by using the internet and phone for personal reasons.
I waited and waited for the phone, tapping my fingers against the wall. I was running out of patience when Patrick finally hung up. He handed me the phone and told me we now had permission to access both phone and internet. It was the best freaking day of this deployment. Finally, I was going to be able to contact my wife more regularly.
I dialed our home phone number and waited impatiently while it rang. My heart was beating fast and I couldn’t control the smile on my face.
When she answered, I couldn’t control myself. ''Baby!'' I yelled with enthusiasm. ''Avery! My shining star!''
She was laughing and it felt so good to hear that sound. ''How are you doing, husband?'' she asked through her laughter.
''I’m better now. I'll be able to call and email you now. The order's been lifted.''
''Finally! That’s wonderful news!'' She took a deep breath and I could tell that the stress and anxiety of not being able to talk to me was lifting. ''How is everything over there? What are you guys up too?''
I hated that she asked the question, because even though she used to be part of this, I wasn't able to tell her. ''I can't talk about it, baby. You know the rules.''
''Right. I know.''
''I miss you, Avery. Are you still hanging out with Megan?''
''Yeah, we're always together. It seems like we do everything together." She giggled. "Shopping, buying groceries, taking walks. We get along great.''
'That's wonderful. I’m so happy that you found a friend. I always thought Megan was a nice woman.''
''She's done miracles with me, Carter, you wouldn’t believe it. Megan is like my savior around here. She's helping me so much with my nightmares about the bombing. I love her.''
''Are you saying you love her more than me?'' I teased.
''I will never love anyone more than I love you, Carter Lewis. I miss you like crazy. I miss you walking around the house in nothing but your underwear. I miss your scent on our bed sheets. I miss every single thing when you're not with me.''
Her voice was breaking and I was worried that she was about to cry. ''Ave, don't cry. I meant it to be a joke. I'm happy for you and I miss everything about you. I can't wait to hold you in my arms again.''
''Soon baby, soon.''
We talked for another thirty minutes. My brain memorized every single word which left her lips. When we hung up, I went back to my bunk and replayed everything she'd said to me. Life was beautiful, she was beautiful.
I couldn't resist it, I had to email her now even though we'd just talked on the phone. I felt so much better now I'd be able to talk to her more easily.
To: Avery Lewis
From: Carter Lewis
Date: 08/30/2007
Subject: Hey wife!
I just wanted to say hi again. You can email me as much as you want. I'll try to get back to you as soon as I can. It's not always easy but I'll love reading your emails and you know I'll always be thinking about you.
I love you, shining star,
Carter xxx
I left the computer with a big smile plastered on my face, knowing this deployment had just gotten much easier to cope with. Still, I wished I could go back home sooner and surprise her.
I missed my beautiful wife.
12.
September 19th, 2007
Remy
To: Jeremy Taylor
From: Avery Lewis
Date: 19/09/2007
Subject: Hey soldier!
Remy,
I was so happy to get your call yesterday. I miss our daily talks and your good spirit. You sounded great and I’m glad to hear you're still loving the Special Forces.
I'm supposed to spend the day with Megan, Juliet and Megan's mother. She is in town for a couple of days. I haven't met her yet, but from what Megan said she seems like a nice and caring mother. Which brings me to your parents, have you talked to them recently? They’re great, I miss them.
I haven’t talked to my parents a lot lately. Not since they didn’t show up at our wedding. Mom left me another message the other day, saying she had a migraine on the day we got married and couldn't come. I’m their only child! They couldn't even be bothered with coming to my wedding! I’m still angry and I'm not ready to talk to them about it. I'm not sure I'm ready to talk to them at all.
Enough with the negatives.
I found the gift I’m going to give Carter for Christmas. It's a gold bracelet, I saw it at the mall in Fayetteville. It's a simple Figaro chain but for some reason, I could totally see it on his wrist. I hope he will like it.
I know, I know - don't hate me, I know we're only in September. I'm simply too excited about Christmas because it means you guys are BACK!
Email me back, soldier.
Ave xxx
P.S. What do you want for Christmas? I need your list.
She cracked me up with her Christmas list. I was in the middle of a war zone in Iraq and she was asking me to think about what I wanted for Christmas. My only wish was to be home with Avery and Carter and maybe some of the guys, and have a nice traditional dinner. The perfect juicy turkey with mashed potatoes, gravy and pies. I was never a material guy who needed the newest gadgets. The simpler the better, was my motto. I could use some new clothes but there was no way I was going to ask her to shop for me. I would deal with it when I got back home.
I wanted to get Avery something. I would have to think about it. She'd changed since the last time I saw her, she was no longer the Army girl. She'd transformed into a beautiful young woman and the photos showed a new side to her. It was refreshing to see her smiling.
I hit reply.
To: Avery Lewis
From: Jeremy Taylor
Date: 19/09/2007
Subject: RE: Hey soldier!
Hey Ave,
Thanks for the email. It's always good to hear from you.
It's not going to be a long email because I have to leave in few minutes.
Regarding Christmas, don’t worry about me. I don’t need anything. I just want to have a good time with you and Carter. The only wish I could make is for a good Christmas dinner. Carter talked about it a few days ago and I think he would like that.
I think he will love the bracelet. It's a good idea and I’m sure he will keep it with him all the time.
How's Juliet doing? I heard she was sick a little while ago. Is she okay now? She is such a cute little girl, always smiling. I can't imagine her being sick.
How are you doing Avery? Are you okay? Are the nightmares a thing of the past? You can talk to me about it, I was there you know. We never really forget but we have to learn to live with it. I can tell you that I'm okay. I've been good for a couple of weeks now. Every night, I try to focus on what went well during my day or what I want for the future. I’m not sure why, but it works and the nightmares are gone. You should try.
I have to get going now. I have to keep in shape and train a bit before we get back to work.
Take care Ave and write back.
Remy xx
I pressed send and went directly to the bench press. I had to burn off some of my energy and tra
ining was something that I needed on a daily basis. It was one of my things.
I trained until every muscle was screaming at me to stop. The pain felt great and my body hummed with health. This is what had me coming back to do the same thing every day. My body was covered in sweat; a cold shower was going to be necessary.
''Remy!'' Carter called after me. ''Avery emailed me.''
''Yeah, me too.''
''She seems to be going great! There’s something different about her. Good different.''
''It's true. I was thinking exactly the same thing. She probably tells you more about her life than she does me, but she seems to be happy again.''
Carter was getting emotional. ''I can't wait to be with her again.'' He pinched his nose between his thumb and forefinger, trying to keep control. ''That day is coming, right?''
''It is man! We're already in September, soon it'll be October.'' I gave him a man hug. ''We'll get there soon.''
''Thank you brother.''
This deployment was really hard on him. He was able to do his job, but he was always thinking about her and I thought it was probably normal. Avery meant the world to Carter, she was what he'd never had, a family. He had put all of his dreams into his relationship with her. He wanted kids and to be there for them. Playing soccer or baseball or even playing with dolls if he had to. He was entering another phase of his life. He wanted much more than just the army. He had an important role in the Special Forces and he was aware of it, but he was looking forward to building his family with the love of his life, Avery.
It felt bittersweet to me. I wanted that too, but I knew it wasn't possible. I had lost her. I'd lost the girl I loved. I tried moving on but I just couldn’t seem to do it. I wasn't able to say goodbye. No matter how stupid and wrong it made me feel, I still had hope that one day she was going come back to me.
Our story wasn’t over - she just didn’t know it yet.
13.
October 7th, 2007