Dead Shot

by Ethan Johnson

  Her chair was pulled out by a waiter dressed in a full suit and pushed in again. Her water glass was turned right-side up and filled almost to the rim. A black napkin was placed on her lap, and the waitress set a thick book in front of her. She repeated this ritual with Lyssa, then Sapphire, who shook her head and told her to take them away. She smiled genially and obeyed.

  Sapphire leaned over to the waiter. “We’ll have the chef’s menu. And give us some air.”

  The waiter nodded as she slipped something into his hand. He discreetly pocketed it in his suit coat and nodded again. “Yes, Mademoiselle,” he said, and left the room. The door closed behind him, and Sapphire leaned back in her seat.

  “Ugh. They’re trying way too hard.”

  Diana raised her eyebrows. “Oh?”

  “Yeah, well, whatever. It’s nice to make them squirm. Especially after nine hours of Gumshoe Griggs.”

  Lyssa raised her glass. “Hear, hear!”

  Sapphire snorted and turned to Diana. “You sure you’re up for this? I’d hate for you to swallow wrong again.”

  Diana raised her glass defiantly. “I can handle it.”

  They took a swig of their drinks, and Diana fought the urge to cough up whatever she was swilling. She counted to three, then forced it down in a single gulp. She grimaced and shook her head.

  “That’s handling it?”

  “I’m used to better stuff.” She tried to think of what Alexa Charlevoix drank but didn’t recall anybody mentioning it by name on the show.

  Sapphire set her glass down and leaned forward. “Name it.”

  “They don’t have it here. It’s okay, I’ll stick with this.”

  “Name it.”

  Diana panicked and tried to come up with a suitable answer. She didn’t get a good look at the bar selection, and if any other drink offerings were in the book that graced her place setting for all of ten seconds, she was none the wiser. She leaned over to Lyssa. “What’s that stuff Alexa drinks?”

  Lyssa cocked her head, then nodded when she realized who Alexa was. “Oh yeah, it’s really high-end. I mean, this place is really amazing, but they only have it in Cape May. At least, that’s the only place I’ve ever seen it.” She shot Diana a wink.

  Sapphire rang a bell, and the door flew open. The frilly waitress bent down beside her. “We’ll have a bottle of Cape May’s finest.”

  The waitress looked confused for a moment, then smiled and nodded. “At once, Mademoiselle.”

  Sapphire sat back in her seat. “I should have ordered two bottles.”

  Lyssa bobbed her head from side to side. “It’s something of an… acquired taste. Definitely not for everybody.”

  The waitress returned with the Master Sommelier. He had a wine bottle draped across a towel, and he held it label-side up to Diana, who looked it over, then looked up at him. He seemed to be expecting her to do something, so she nodded. He nodded back and stood the bottle up on the table. After expertly removing the cork, he showed it to her, and she nodded. He poured a bit of the wine into a silver tray he wore on a chain around his neck and sipped it. He made funny faces like he was swishing mouthwash. He made slurping sounds, then spat out the swig into a silver cup. He nodded and raised the bottle. He poured a small amount into her glass and stood back.

  “Can’t I have more?”

  “Swirl it around, dummy.” Lyssa laughed. “You know… like Alexa does.”

  Diana kicked herself for not remembering her mannerisms. She tried to emulate Alexa’s smooth, graceful moves. She was a multi-billionaire. She could fly around the world anytime, anywhere. She closed her eyes and pictured what she did when she sat in restaurants. She’d raise the glass and sniff it. Diana took a sniff, and a pungent smell tickled her nostrils. She opened her eyes, and swirled the glass a little, then sniffed it again; deeper this time. The pungent odor was joined by something… else. She wished she could put it into words.

  The sommelier nodded to her and waited for one last ritual. Diana thought for a moment, then took a sip. She swished the warm liquid around her mouth, then swallowed. It burned her throat a bit, but nothing at all like whatever she was given from the outset. She looked up at the sommelier, and in her best Alexa Charlevoix impression, she said, “Darling, that’s simply marvelous.”

  The sommelier smiled and filled her glass. Sapphire snapped her fingers. “Hit me up with that stuff. I have to try this.”

  An hour later, Sapphire poured the last of the wine into Diana’s glass with a broad grin. “Man, I still can’t believe how you showed Griggs up on the range. I stole that target you shot. I’m having it framed.”

  “Wasn’t nothing,” Diana said, with a drawl.

  “Wusn’t nuthin’,” Sapphire said in a mocking tone. “For the love of God, what backwater did you come from?”

  Lyssa set her glass down and glared. “Leave her alone.”

  Sapphire raised her arms defensively. “Hey, just kidding around, lighten up.”

  Diana straightened up in her seat and took a sip of water. “Where are you from?”

  “Here.”

  “What, New Jersey?”

  “No, here. The Cotillion. I practically grew up here. My Dad was always busy, Mom didn’t cook worth a damn because she came from money too, and we were always going out. They liked this place the most. I think it was because it was closest to home, honestly.”

  Lyssa looked around the room. “Could you imagine living here? That would be weird, having people bring you food and stuff whenever you wanted. Wait, I meant ‘perfect’.”

  Sapphire gave her a withering stare. “Um, hello, nannies and stuff.”

  Diana sipped her wine. “What got you into police work?”

  Sapphire shrugged and picked at the wine label. “Rebellion, frankly. My Dad wanted me to marry at or above my station. I wanted to earn my money for a change, and I liked the idea of ordering people around and carrying a gun. My parents flipped out, but my Dad compromised and pulled strings at the precinct to get me a support staff role.”

  “So, you don’t carry a gun?”

  “I totally do. What cop doesn’t? We just didn’t tell them that. They think I count pencils or something.”

  “But you’re stuck behind a desk.”

  “Most of the time. Sometimes I go out on runs, but not as the lead officer. If Dad calls, they say I’m out checking the tire pressure on the fleet.”

  Diana leaned forward. “He believes that?”

  “Who cares? As long as I see a little action before being bored to death listening to Griggs drone on about official procedures or whatever nonsense, I’m happy.”

  Lyssa shrugged. “He’s a lieutenant. He’s got to have a bit of experience, I’d think.”

  Sapphire tipped her head to the side, sarcastically. “Oh, you think? Well, you’re wrong. He was a rank and file officer, same as you’ll be, up until about three days after Arbor Day.”

  Diana’s eyes widened. “What happened?”

  “Most of the precinct died. You know that, doofus.” Diana looked down, and Lyssa patted her shoulder. Sapphire took a drink and continued. “He whined to the chief and anybody else who would listen, and they gave him a battlefield promotion. That’s why he’s got such a stick up his ass about being corrected.” She gave Diana a sly grin. “Or beaten.”

  “I totally get that,” Lyssa said.

  “Don’t feel any sympathy for the bastard. He’s a woman-hater, through and through. I’m surprised he didn’t hound you two out the door on day one. That’s what he did to the class before you. They had 30 revved up and ready recruits, fresh off Arbor Day, all looking to kick someone’s ass, or lock people up, or, on occasion, fight for truth, justice, and all of that other inspirational crap.”

  Diana gulped. “It seemed like he wanted our whole class gone.”

  “He does, at least the first few waves. He wants to be able to say they all stunk, and when the brass is about to give up and consider other options, he’s going to refer
his buddies in, and start up his own little fiefdom.”

  Diana had no idea what that word meant, but she thought she caught the gist. “Prestige,” she said.

  “Hm? Oh, yeah, basically. I should say it’s not really his buddies, more like people who owe him favors, or who he wants favors from. He’ll mold them in his image, and the precinct is going to be me and an army of buttheads. No offense. I’m figuring he’ll make you two miserable enough to quit.”

  Lyssa patted Diana’s shoulder defiantly. “Not gonna happen.”

  Sapphire snorted. “A bit of free advice from someone who’s been around: make it much less obvious that you’re lovey-dovey.”

  Lyssa and Diana turned pink and looked mortified. Sapphire chuckled and drained her wine. “I wasn’t 100% sure. Thanks for the confirmation.”

  CHAPTER 28

  The following morning, Diana’s head pounded and the harsh lighting in the classroom wasn’t helping. She had lost track of how much she drank the night before. Lyssa spent the night passed out on her bed, and now, as Griggs lectured about what to expect on a Ride Day, Sapphire sat in the corner and sipped a can of water, with sunglasses pressed close to her eyes.

  She’d had a good time, and felt she learned more in one evening than she had learned in days at the academy. She couldn’t stand to look at Griggs, let alone listen to whatever he was saying. Which was bad news for her, because he snapped his fingers in her face and snarled at her. “Am I boring you, Miss Pembrook? Perhaps you’d like to find something more interesting to do, far away from here? I can have Officer Neville get you an exit package.”

  Diana sat upright and shook her head. “Sorry, sir. I just… don’t feel good.”

  Griggs snorted and glanced around the room at Lyssa and Sapphire. “Yes, seems to be an epidemic among the females. Very suspicious. Are you going to make it through class today?”

  Diana nodded vigorously, and immediately regretted it. Her brain kept sloshing from front to back after she stopped. “I… I’ll be okay.”

  “Good. Fine. Well then, refresh my memory. What did I just say about Code Nines?”

  Diana rubbed her forehead and suppressed the urge to throw up. “They mean…” She struggled to recall what she had read about the various codes on her own time when she studied the training packet. She decided half an answer was better than nothing. “They’re commonly confused for Code Eight.”

  Griggs frowned. “How so?”

  Diana stalled. “Well, the thing about Code Eight is, and how Code Nine is similar but totally different, is you have to make sure that…”

  Griggs huffed and pointed to Lee. “You didn’t say anything about Code Nines, sir. You were telling us to watch for three common signs of suspicious activity.”

  “Which are?”

  “Loitering, inappropriate clothing, and sudden movements.”

  “Correct. Glad somebody was paying attention. I’d hate to have everybody make fools of themselves today on rides.”

  Diana gulped. “I’m sorry, what?”

  “Ride Day. Today. It was on the schedule. Did you look at it even once?”

  Diana fumed but kept her mouth shut. Lyssa held up the page from across the room, and Diana fished it out of her packet. They’d be out for about six hours, then they were going to have a post-ride debrief with Griggs. She was looking forward to it when she spotted it on the schedule early on, but now, in the thick of a terrible hangover, being trapped in a moving vehicle with a chatty police officer didn’t interest her one bit.

  Griggs gave everybody a fifteen-minute break before handing out ride assignments, which Diana spent kneeling before a toilet bowl and wanting to get whatever was nagging at her out of her system. She could only manage dry heaves. She splashed water on her face at the sink as Lyssa took a nip of something from a silver flask. Diana gave her a questioning glance, and she offered it to her. “Hair of the dog. We need something to get us through.”

  Diana took the flask and threw her head back. The fluid tasted sickly sweet, and she leaned forward, feeling more heaves. Nothing happened, other than drooling into the sink. She tore off a piece of paper towel and wiped her mouth. Lyssa took the flask back from her and screwed the lid on tightly. She slipped it into her boot and fluffed up her pant legs.

  “I’m not sure what I want more right now: to crawl into bed and die, or at least have some action when we’re out on rides. Maybe that will take my mind off going back to bed and dying.”

  Diana nodded. “Yeah, right there with you.”

  “Awww… we can die together.”

  Diana shushed her and checked to see if any of the stalls were occupied. She didn’t see anyone’s feet.

  Back at the classroom, the cadets were given crisp uniform shirts and trousers to change into. The women were escorted to the restroom once more by Sapphire, who leaned against the bathroom door while they changed clothes. She raised her sunglasses and wiped her eyes, which were rimmed with dark circles. “My fault, ladies. Should have waited until the weekend.”

  Lyssa shrugged. “We’ll live.”

  Sapphire stepped forward and swiped the flask from the bathroom counter. She unscrewed the cap and drained it in one swallow. “There, that’s gone now. Not the smartest move, bringing booze on patrol.” Lyssa apologized, and Sapphire looked at the flask disdainfully. “And off-brand rum? What are you, twelve? I expect better stuff next time.”

  She led them back to the classroom, and a row of uniformed officers stood in a row at the front of the class. “Delaney.” Griggs pointed to a brown-skinned officer, who gave her a curt nod. She looked back at Diana, then stepped forward to shake his hand.

  “Harper.” Lee was directed to a brown-haired woman with large front teeth.

  “Pembrook.” Diana was directed to a large black man, who shifted from one foot to another. She extended her hand, and he shook it lightly. He tipped his head. “You’re smaller than I expected.”

  “Oh?”

  “Yeah, everybody says you took out the Stallions. I expected way more meat on your bones.”

  Diana reached into her shirt and produced her horse-head pendant. “How’s this, instead?”

  He smiled and gave a small chuckle. “Boy, I tell ya. The girl ain’t playing.”

  Sapphire walked up and smacked his belly with the back of her hand. “Nope. Make sure she sees more than the inside of a donut shop, huh?” He laughed, and they shared a special handshake. Diana had never seen anything like it. She tried to make out what they did, but all she knew for sure is it ended with them making gun fingers at each other.

  Griggs dismissed everyone, and Diana’s assigned officer lumbered ahead of her. She followed him down the hall, and out a side door to a well-worn police cruiser. He lifted a sheaf of papers from the passenger seat and jammed them onto the dashboard. “I forgot we were doing this today. Hope none of that falls.”

  “I’ll keep an eye on it.”

  “It’s alright. If it falls, it falls. You’ve got to keep your eyes open for other stuff. You ready to put your skills to good use?”

  Diana nodded and frowned. “I don’t have a gun.”

  “I meant keeping a lookout. They told you what we’re looking for, right?”

  “Loitering, inappropriate clothing, and sudden movements.”

  He cocked his head and chuckled. “No, man. We’re looking for someone to bust, to make it look like we’re doing something.”

  The officer Diana had been paired with was named DeMond Hayes, but he said to call him Mond, except around Griggs. “Then you got to be all formal and stuff and say, ‘Officer Hayes’. That boy’s got a real big stick in his ass.”

  “Not a fan?”

  “Naw, he’s alright, but he’s in way over his head. I always stayed away from him. When Arbor Day went down, I was in Jamaica, getting my drink on. It took two weeks to get back to the USA. By the time we got here, I almost forgot who I was, and what I did.”

  “Wow, do you feel guilty?”


  “About what, getting two extra weeks of time off? Hell no.”

  “I meant… you know… the precinct.”

  “Oh. Well, I try not to think about it. I always kept to myself, and just did my job. I mean, I didn’t dislike anybody and tried to just get along, but yeah, it messes you up when most of your fellow officers are just… gone.”

  “Yeah,” Diana said, and looked at her lap. He whistled and pointed to the windows.

  “Eyes up here. We’re on patrol. Rule number one when you’re on patrol: stay alert.”

  Diana scanned from side to side, trying to watch for suspects, but having trouble focusing when the car was moving rapidly.

  Mond chuckled. “Ease back. Just messing with you. You new recruits, man, you’re all uptight.”

  “I just want to do a good job.”

  “You’re doing it. You got the uniform on. That’s two-thirds of the job, right there. People just want to know you’re out there. Here, check this out.” He pulled up alongside a group of people standing on a street corner. He lowered the passenger side window and leaned over. Diana sank back in her seat, trying to stay clear. “Yo, baby, what time is it?”

  A man with an olive green plaid hat walked easily over to the car and flashed a wide grin. He reached through the window and gave Mond an elaborate handshake, even more involved than the one he exchanged with Sapphire. They ended it by wiggling their fingers at each other. “Same time it always is.”

  “You know that’s right.” The men exchanged glances but didn’t speak. Mond turned his head as though he was listening to something through the window. The other man stood with his hands in his pockets and hopped up and down a little.