DefyingHisFate

by MarieMedina

  “It occurred to me. And scared me.”

  “Scared? I find that hard to believe.”

  Reese shifted to sit down, the boards hurting his knees. “Why?”

  “Why? Because when I said I loved you, your reaction was anger. And disdain. As if me loving you was so unthinkable. And laughable.” Nathaniel stood up and moved away a bit, gazing down at the river. “I couldn’t sleep for days. I didn’t understand what I’d done wrong. How I’d so misjudged what was happening between us.”

  “I didn’t love you then. And hearing you say it made me panic. I’m saying that in hindsight, but it’s true, even though I might never have been able to admit it before now.”

  Nathaniel gripped the railing and closed his eyes. “You didn’t love me then? Did I hear that right?” He opened his eyes and looked down at Reese. “Did you mean to phrase it that way?”

  Reese stood up and went over to him. As much as he wanted to touch the prince, he didn’t. “Yes, I meant to phrase it that way. I felt more than lust, but it wasn’t love. And the idea of it growing into love made me lose it. Loving you meant not being completely in control anymore.” He paused and took a deep breath. “I won’t say that I love you until I’m absolutely sure. But when we met again a couple of months ago, something was different. Inside me.”

  “You still seemed angry when you came to see me.”

  “I was. I’d call it defensive, but…” He paused, at a loss. “I don’t know what to say. I’m asking for a chance to be with you.”

  * * * *

  Nathaniel gripped the railing even tighter. His voice didn’t sound like his own when he said, “And why should I give you that chance?”

  “You shouldn’t. You should probably run away from me.”

  “I did that once before. I wanted to stay and fight for you, but your words hurt too much.”

  “I’m sorry,” Reese said with surprising gentleness.

  Nathaniel’s breath caught in his throat. Reese had never said that to him before. “I forgave you long ago, but it still gets to me at times.”

  “You forgave me before I even asked?”

  “Yes. That’s what you do when you love someone. I forgave you. I kept wanting you. And I couldn’t be with anyone else.”

  Reese inched closer, his voice low. “You said that. In your room that night.”

  Nathaniel couldn’t resist continuing. “How did you feel about that?” He’d actually said it in the first place hoping it would affect Reese, who had always been possessive even if he hadn’t thought of it as a form of love.

  Reese came close enough for Nathaniel to feel the heat from his body. “I think I made it clear how much it excited me. I tried to walk away, but I couldn’t resist you down on your knees like that, knowing you’d done it for no one else.”

  “But you’ve been with others.”

  “Yes. Lots of others. But since that night I first came to the palace a couple of months ago, I haven’t been with anyone. Touching you again changed everything. I wrote that note to hurt you, and I’m sorry for that too.”

  Nathaniel looked over at him. “I’m not sure if that makes me feel better or not.” He turned a bit to face Reese better. “I’m glad you didn’t really go out and fuck someone that night, but I don’t want our relationship to be like that. Doing things to get reactions. Even though I’ve been guilty too. I want a real relationship with you.”

  Reese’s eyes held so much turmoil as he said, “I know.”

  “Is that what you’re offering? Because that’s the one and only thing I want from you.”

  “I can’t stop thinking about you. I can’t even look at anyone else with real interest. And I wasn’t excited about meeting my cariad for even one second. I want you in my bed. But, I always wanted that.” He rested his hand gently on Nathaniel’s. “There are other things I want. Things I didn’t care about before. Took for granted.”

  Nathaniel wanted to pull his hand away but didn’t. “Like what?”

  “I want to see you smile. I haven’t seen your smile in a long time.”

  “Haven’t felt like smiling.”

  Reese seemed to panic as he gripped Nathaniel’s hand and pulled it to his chest. “I want to be there for you if you need to talk about your family. What happened with your father. The struggles and burdens of all your new responsibilities. And I want to do all the things you begged me to do before. Go on walks. Come to dinner at the palace. Go riding with you. And walk down the street holding your hand.”

  Nathaniel pulled away then, walking back toward the palace. Reese caught up with him and stopped him. “You remember?” Reese said. “I thought saying that would make you happy.”

  “Of course I do. And it does, but…” Nathaniel closed his eyes at the memory. They’d been walking back to Reese’s house after an evening of skinny dipping, and Nathaniel had tried to hold Reese’s hand. Reese had snatched his hand away, even though no one was around to see them. Nathaniel opened his eyes again. “Reese, you have to mean this. I’ll go crazy if…” He found he couldn’t finish the sentence. Why did I say that? I just keep giving him more and more power no matter how hard I try.

  “Crazy? Because of me? You don’t mean that.”

  “Don’t tell me what I don’t mean!” Nathaniel yelled, all of his emotions finally spilling out as if a dam had broken. He grabbed Reese and threw him up against a tree to their left. “I love you. And I am going to show you and your stubborn heart that you love me too.” With that, Nathaniel grabbed Reese by the hair and kissed him roughly.

  Reese struggled a moment but then returned the kiss with hunger. They wrestled there against the tree until they both were breathless. Nathaniel looked into his eyes and said, “I’m a damned fool, but I’m going to give you another chance. My way. My rules.”

  “Your rules?” Reese asked, his eyes wide with excitement.

  Nathaniel nodded slowly.

  “What kind of rules?”

  Nathaniel released him and walked back over to the bridge. “Have dinner with me tomorrow night. We’ll discuss it then.”

  “What happens between now and then?”

  Nathaniel went back down on his knees. “First, we finish fixing this bridge.”

  Reese nodded slowly and lowered himself to the ground again. After a couple of minutes, he said, “Thank you.”

  Nathaniel gave him a brief smile, even though the future somehow felt more precarious now than it had an hour ago.

  Chapter Seven

  Reese made his way quietly down the stairs and paused a few seconds before stepping onto the floor. He tread slowly to the backdoor and opened it with enough care that it didn’t make a sound.

  Only to see his sister walking straight toward him from the well.

  She smiled at him, but then her expression changed as she took in his clothes. She slowed and finally stopped as she looked at his gray slacks and blue button down. Then she accessed the scuff-free black shoes and belt, neither of which would be very practical for work. “Why are you wearing clothes for the human world?”

  “I have somewhere to be tonight.” He really wished he had a gift for making portals. If he did, he would’ve been able to go straight to the human world alone to meet Nathaniel.

  “Who’s taking you? What’s going on?” she asked.

  As Reese tried to think of something to say, Gretchen’s smile returned, her eyes lighting up as well. “You’re dressed nice and heading for the human world. Has to be with Nathaniel.”

  Reese had no desire to hide what was happening from his sister, but his nerves were on edge. “Yes. We’re going to have dinner.” He gave her a look he hoped had enough pleading in it and added, “Just let me go. I don’t want to be late.”

  “Like he would care.” She pointed her finger in his face. “You be good. And nice.”

  He pressed his lips together for five seconds before allowing himself to speak. “Why would I be going at all if I don’t plan on being nice?”

  H
er eyebrows shot up. “You actually want me to answer that?”

  “No. I’ve had enough hard truths lately.”

  She looked at him and then came over and straightened his belt before smoothing his shirt. “By my reckoning this is the third chance he’s given you. Most people don’t get this many. Or deserve them.”

  “Are you trying to put me in a bad mood? I promise I understand how lucky I am. And I’m already nervous.”

  She went on as if he hadn’t said anything. “He must really love you. If you just let him show you that love without pulling away from it, I think you’ll see you do love him.” She gazed up into his eyes. “No matter how skeptical or scared you feel.”

  “Will you get out of my head already?” he said softly, echoing the phrase he used to scream at her when they were young. He could see how he’d pushed her away as they grew into teenagers, but she’d always stood by him and loved him. Just like Nathaniel.

  When she started to say something else, he drew her into a hug, which based on the noise she made seemed to stun her, as he’d expected it would. As he let go, she said, “Wanted to shut me up that bad, huh?”

  “No. But I just realized you fight so hard for the prince because you know what it’s like to love me and get nothing in return.”

  She rolled her eyes. “Nothing? I’d hardly say that. I know you love me.”

  Not sure how to respond to that in light of what he’d just realized, he said, “I’ll only be gone a few hours.”

  “I’m not your keeper,” she said. “Do as you like.”

  “Yes you are. And I’m lucky.”

  One hand on her hip, she said, “You sure you’re my brother?”

  “I mean it. I never would’ve gone to the palace if you hadn’t needled me. And I’d still be unhappy.”

  “You happy now?”

  “Getting there. Maybe. I’m guessing it depends on how this all goes.”

  Instead of giving more advice, which he could tell she wanted to, she smiled and said, “Have a good time.”

  He nodded, again unsure how to respond to that. He expected he would have a good time, if he could ever get his nerves to settle and his heartbeat to slow.

  * * * *

  Nathaniel tried to focus on his menu, but he preferred watching Reese as he looked around the restaurant. He leaned forward a little and said, “Is this all right? It’s private, but we’re not completely alone.”

  They were seated on the main floor of the restaurant’s dining room, but their table was on a sort of raised dais by a window, far enough away they couldn’t really be overheard. Nathaniel hadn’t wanted to have to talk around their issues with humans present, but he’d thought it best if they weren’t completely alone. He still couldn’t be sure what kind of things might make Reese skittish.

  “It’s fine.” Reese looked down at the menu. “I haven’t eaten in this world in quite a long time.”

  “I did a lot of traveling the past year. Sometimes with Rory but on my own most of the time.”

  “You just felt like traveling?”

  “Yes, but there were other factors.”

  “Me.”

  Nathaniel nodded. “Yes. You seemed to be making an effort to avoid me. I tried to make it easier on us both.” He glanced at his menu again. “Honestly, there was a time I thought I was past it all.”

  “You never met anyone?”

  “There were lots of interesting people, but not anyone I liked that way.”

  “No one I was with compared to you.”

  Nathaniel looked up. “I’m glad, but I’d rather not talk about it. It’s over.”

  “All right, but I’d like to talk about everything. I don’t mean details, but…” He trailed off and shrugged.

  The waiter walked up, and Nathaniel ordered wine. They sat in silence for a moment before Nathaniel said, “What else is there to say about it?”

  “Well … while I knew no one came close to what I’d experienced with you, I had myself convinced it didn’t matter. I didn’t realize until we were face to face again how unhappy I was.”

  “Did it feel empty? Different from before?”

  “Different from before you? Yeah. It was different. Felt like I was looking for something and never finding it.” Lowering his voice, he said, “No one submitted the way you did. No one … I don’t know. I’d say no one wanted my touch as much as you did.”

  Taking a chance, Nathaniel whispered, “There’s no one in this world or ours that could even begin to do that.”

  Reese’s eyes darkened. “Will that part be the same? You were far from submissive yesterday.”

  “I don’t know. We’ll have to see what happens.”

  Reese nodded as their wine arrived. They ordered, the waiter thankfully seeming to sense they wanted as much privacy as possible. “I’ll be … I don’t know how to put it. I can change. In that area. I know at first the contrast was part of our chemistry, but…” He shook his head. “I’m awful at this. Everything I want to say sounds stupid in my head.”

  “You aren’t used to talking about the emotions.”

  Reese shrugged. “Never felt them with anyone else.”

  Nathaniel wanted to skip dinner and take Reese straight back to his bedroom, but he knew this right here was what they needed. “It really scares you?”

  “Hate saying it, but that’s the only way I can think to put it.”

  “It shouldn’t. I’d never hurt you.”

  “That’s not what I’m afraid of. I’ve learned that countless times over. You ought to hurt me. Ought to want to hurt me.”

  “But I don’t and never will.” He paused before he asked, “What do you mean then? What scares you?”

  Reese looked at his glass of wine. Neither of them had taken even one sip. “Can’t really answer that. I’ve never let anyone else consume me the way you did. Overwhelm me.”

  “Me? Overwhelm you?” Nathaniel chuckled. “That’s news to me.”

  Reese stared at him without saying anything.

  “What?” Nathaniel asked.

  “You smiled just then.”

  Nathaniel felt his chest tighten. He downed half his glass of wine and reached into his pocket. He tossed down a wad of bills and waved his hand. Reese looked over at the shimmering barrier Nathaniel had created by manipulating the air.

  “What are you doing?” Reese asked.

  “I want to go home. Not to have sex, though I won’t rule that out. But I don’t want to sit here picking at our food when we have serious things to discuss.”

  Reese frowned. “I didn’t mean to ruin the evening.”

  Nathaniel shook his head. “Don’t you see? You didn’t. I wanted this all along. You never wanted to talk about anything like this.” He licked his lips. “I think the only things we discussed were along the lines of what you were going to do to me on certain nights.”

  “Maybe we should reverse that.” His eyes seemed to grow even darker as he said, “I’d say I’m in line for some punishment.”

  “Tempting,” Nathaniel whispered. He stood up and drew a door in the wall, opening a portal. He extended his hand to Reese. “Come on. I’d rather lounge around my room and eat whatever I can bring up from the kitchens.”

  Reese stood and put his hand in Nathaniel’s. The prince took them back home before letting the barrier and portal fade.

  * * * *

  Reese could hear his heart pounding in his chest. What was going to happen? Were they only going to talk? They emerged in Nathaniel’s room, and the prince turned to look at him a moment before squeezing his hand.

  “You actually as worried as you look?” Nathaniel asked.

  “Worried?” Reese looked down at their joined hands. “Thinking. Not sure I’d say I’m worried.”

  Nathaniel moved closer. “Maybe I like you worried. Nervous and hopeful.” He tilted his head, a slight smile coming to his lips. “Seems the tables may have turned here.”

  Reese kind of liked that idea, yet he felt
the challenge in it. And he liked that too. “Maybe. I’d bet, though, that I could still pin you to the bed in no time. And I don’t think you’d struggle that much.”

  “But I’d struggle a little?”

  “Of course,” Reese said. “That’s half the fun.”

  “Hmmm.” Nathaniel drew back and let Reese’s hand drop from his. “I’ll go get some food. Make yourself comfortable.”

  As Nathaniel left, Reese looked around the room, which he now noticed hadn’t changed much. He’d been distracted the last time he was there and hadn’t really looked around. He looked at the flowers he’d sent, glad they hadn’t wilted too much yet. The scent filled the room, and Nathaniel wandered over to the balcony he’d entered through so many times. Those nights seemed so far away. At the same time, though, it had felt natural climbing the trellis just a few weeks ago.

  What would’ve happened if I’d waited a bit longer? If we’d had sex that night? Is it better this way? I still wasn’t ready then.

  He sighed, knowing he still wasn’t completely ready today. A cool breeze blew, and he turned his face toward it. He found himself imagining what might’ve happened if he’d simply told Nathaniel a year ago that he didn’t love him and avoided the fight. The prince would’ve been hurt, but they wouldn’t have parted. But would Reese have grown to love him?

  “Reese?” Nathaniel said behind him.

  Reese turned and saw the prince standing in the doorway. “It’s a nice night,” he said.

  “It is. Cool and clear.” Nathaniel came to stand beside him. He nodded his head back toward the room. “I actually brought a cart up.” His cheeks colored a bit. “Seems someone overheard me talking to Sebastian before I left. Maisie was all in a flutter when I came down and started poking around for stuff. She threw some food together. Roasted chicken and vegetables. Bread and cheese. Wine.”

  “The page has probably spilled his side of the story too. It was David. The blond one.”

  Nathaniel laughed. “Oh, you trusted him? Surprised I didn’t catch him leaving the flowers. He loves stirring up excitement.”