Chasing Destiny

by J. D. Rivera

  “You do know that’s not original, right?”

  “I do, but I can’t think of anything else.” I eyed him for a second as I took another bite of brownie. I wasn’t stopping until I ate the entire pan, crumbs and all. “Why Darkness, though?”

  “You don’t have to answer all these questions, baby. Kristin’s hurting and just being rude.”

  “It’s fine,” he said to Holly. Then he turned to me again. “Well, when you’ve been picked on for your name all your life, you’ll do anything to make people stop. I went the whole scary route. You know, making people think I was some sort of Satan worshipper. I wasn’t, but they didn’t know that and they stopped making fun of me because I scared them.” He chuckled and shook his head. “One day, this punk kid called me out and mentioned something about trying to be dark. I don’t really know how it came about, but we decided to call me that. It sounded good to two seventh graders. Anyway, the nickname stuck and so did our friendship.”

  “I’m sorry you were picked on. Kids are mean.”

  “They are, but you also just laughed.”

  “I’m sorry,” I replied, genuinely. I hated being mean.

  “It’s okay. I’d laugh, too.” He eyed the pan. “Now, can I have a brownie for sharing my name?”

  I looked at the three left. “I guess, but just one.”

  He chuckled and grabbed one. “Thanks. Now I’m going to go to the bedroom and study while you girls talk.”

  He left the room and Holly sat down next to me. “I think I might like him.”

  Her face lit up in a smile. “I think I might love him.”

  We sat there for a moment, not saying anything. “I’m going to take a nap if that’s okay with you.”

  “Sure. I’ll go study, too. If you need anything, just let me know.” She stood and began walking toward the bedroom door.

  “I will.” I watched her open and close the door, then let my head fall back.

  Once I finally fell asleep, I dreamed of a wheat field and a man with beautiful blue eyes and tattoos. The only difference was that in the dream, he stayed when I told him I was pregnant.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Carson

  I had been gone from the apartment—and Kristin—for almost a week. I had even taken the chicken-shit way out and grabbed some extra clothes and my textbooks while I knew she was in class.

  I still loved her, though.

  And that fucking hurt.

  If everyone thought I had spiraled out of control after Sam, they were about to get shocked. I was actually aching—everywhere.

  “Are you going to move back in? Because we already got a new roommate after you left,” Benny, my old roommate, told me.

  I had been holed up at my old apartment. I didn’t want to be around any of my real friends. They’d expect me to talk and every single one of them was happy. Happy in love.

  Just fuck all of them.

  “Are you wanting me to leave?”

  He shrugged. “I don’t care if you stay. I was just checking to see if I would be getting any rent from you.” He was joking, but I wasn’t really in the mood for it.

  “I don’t think so.” I got up and went to the fridge, grabbing a beer. I had pretty much just been drinking since I had walked away from Kristin.

  “Do I need to go get more beer?” Tyson asked while walking out of his bedroom, scratching his stomach.

  “Yes,” I replied. I pulled my wallet out of my jeans and grabbed some cash. “Here. This should be enough.”

  He grabbed the cash out of my hand, and then slipped on some flip flops. “I’ll be back.”

  By the time he returned, I’d downed two more beers. I knew I should stop, but instead, I walked over to the liquor stash and moved some bottles around until I found the one I wanted.

  Whiskey.

  “Y’all wanna have a party?” I asked, pouring the liquor into a glass.

  “Sure.”

  I downed the glass, then began pouring more. “Send out some texts.”

  After the second glass, I started drinking beer again. People always say not to mix beer and liquor, or you’re not supposed to drink one before the other, but it had never bothered me. I could do a shot followed by a cup of beer all night.

  The apartment began filling up with people—a lot of fucking people. And I was seriously shit faced. I was sitting on the couch with two girls surrounding me, one massaging my chest and the other rubbing my junk.

  One was a blonde and the other was a brunette. My eyes stayed focused on the brunette. “Kristin,” I mumbled before I tipped my beer back and swallowed. I didn’t think the girl was her or anything, but she had similar hair and I fucking missed Kristin.

  “You can call me that if you want,” she replied.

  I shook my head and pushed them away from me. I needed air. Shakily, I got to my feet and stumbled over to the patio doors. The door pushed open and I fell outside. My knees hit the grass first, followed by my face.

  I rolled over and stared at the sky. How had this become my life? I wanted to go back to a week ago when my life was filled with happiness and I had a beautiful girlfriend.

  Could I take her back and raise a child that wasn’t mine just to be with her? I really didn’t think I could do it. I was just taking this baby as a sign that Kristin and I weren’t meant to be together. I was meant to fuck random women.

  “Hey there,” I heard. “What are you doing out here all alone?”

  Speaking of random women, I glanced up to see a woman, maybe early thirties, sauntering toward me. “Just needed some air.”

  “I understand that.” She sat down next to me and I pulled myself into a sitting position.

  “What are you doing out here? You partying?” I asked, half joking, half serious. She was really attractive. Shoulder length dirty blonde hair, nice lips, and curvy body.

  She laughed. “No. I live next door. I came out here to yell and scream at someone, but I found you instead.”

  I glanced over her body. “I’m glad you did.”

  “Oh yeah?” She seemed to be looking me over as well. “You wanna come talk back at my apartment? My couch is a lot more comfortable than the grass.”

  I stared at her for a moment, contemplating my options. On one hand, something seemed wrong about this situation, I just couldn’t put my drunken finger on it. But on the other hand, I didn’t have a girlfriend anymore, or did I? I was pretty sure my storming out and not coming back had ruined my relationship with Kristin. I was a single guy being propositioned by a hot older woman. And I needed to clear my mind.

  I got to my feet. “Lead the way.”

  ***

  Something was licking my forehead. Something with a very wet tongue.

  What the hell?

  I cracked one eye open and was met with the ugliest face I had ever seen. I’m not sure what two types of dogs went at it and created this one, but it should’ve never happened. Two bug-eyes, huge ears, matted hair, and the biggest tongue that kept licking my forehead.

  Where the hell am I?

  Wherever I was, the place needed to be on hoarders. It was disgusting. Pizza boxes, coke cans, and old food layered the coffee table in front of me. The carpet looked like it hadn’t seen a vacuum in years. And boxes surrounded the walls.

  Oh fuck, my head was pounding. I must’ve drank a lot.

  “I see you’re awake.”

  My eyes followed the voice. An attractive woman was standing at the other end of the couch, near my feet. She was wearing a tank top and shorts and her hair was brushed back into a ponytail. Her appearance was a stark contrast to the apartment. Maybe she didn’t live here either?

  “Yeah,” I said. My mouth tasted like death. “Is this your place?”

  “Yeah. Can I get you some water? You look like you might need some.”

  She was right; I did need some water. My throat was dry, but looking at the cleanliness of the place, I couldn’t chance drinking out of one of her glasses. “I’m okay.
”

  “You sure?”

  “Yeah. Hey, can you tell me where I’m at so I can call someone to come get me?”

  She placed her hands on her hips. “You don’t remember where you’re at?”

  “I’m sorry. I was really drunk.” I had no idea if I had slept with this woman or not, but I was only wearing my boxers. “Do you know where my clothes are?”

  “Over there.” She pointed to a chair with my clothes wadded into a pile.

  “Thanks,” I replied, standing. I walked over and began yanking them on. “So, um…about last night—”

  “We didn’t sleep together, if that is what you’re wondering. I mean, you did wake up on the couch.” Smirking, she walked over to the dog and began petting him. His looks were starting to grow on me. Like he was so ugly he was cute.

  “Right…” I slipped my foot into my boot. “Well, thanks for letting me crash on your couch.”

  “I really hope you can work it out with Kristin. You sound like you really love her.”

  “What? I mean, I do.” I cleared my throat. “What exactly did I tell you?” I had no idea why I cared. It wasn’t like I’d ever see this woman again.

  “You didn’t really tell me anything. We met outside and decided to come back here. You sat down on the couch and began mumbling things about a girl named Kristin, then you passed out. I’ve been around long enough to know when a man is mumbling about a girl, yet he’s come home with another woman, something needs to be worked out.”

  I nodded. “Again, thanks for letting me crash on the couch.” I opened the front door and realized I only had to walk one apartment over. Thank God, because my mouth was fucking dry. And I needed a toothbrush.

  After showering and brushing my teeth, I dressed and decided I had to get myself out of this funk. I couldn’t live my life drunk, only sobering up to work with clients at the gym. I also needed to pass my classes. Showing up half drunk or hungover wasn’t going to cut it.

  I tossed my clothes into my bag and left the apartment after throwing down some twenties for Benny and Tyson to cover all the food and beer I had consumed over the last week. I didn’t feel like facing Kristin, I was still a little drunk and felt like she deserved for me to be sober when we talked again, so I decided to go hang out with Hayes. He might be domesticated now, but he was still my best friend.

  Once I parked my truck, I marched up the sidewalk and rang the doorbell. A moment later, Mackenzie answered. “Hey, Carson.”

  “Hey. Is Hayes around?”

  “Yeah,” she replied. “He’s in the backyard with Harley. Come on in.” She stepped out of the way and I entered the house. “I was just making us some lunch. Want something?”

  “That would be great. Thanks.”

  “Of course.” She pulled a face. “It’s only sandwiches and chips, though.”

  I laughed. “That sounds good, actually.”

  She nodded and I made my way through the house and out the backdoor. Hayes was pushing Harley in a swing across the lawn. “Hey.”

  “What’s up?” he replied.

  “Nothing. Sorry I didn’t call first…” He knew Kristin and I had broken up, but I hoped he wouldn’t ask questions. “I just didn’t feel like going home.”

  “It’s fine.” He was silent for a moment as he pushed Harley a little higher. “Wanna tell me why you didn’t tell me Kurt was seeing my little sister?”

  Fuck! “Huh?” I played dumb.

  “Yeah, dipshit. He slept with more girls while we were in high school than any other person. My sister deserves better than that!”

  I could tell he was pissed, but I still felt the need to point out the obvious. “I think that was you.”

  “What?”

  “You were the one who slept with every girl in high school.”

  “Fuck you,” he replied. “Seriously, why didn’t you tell me?”

  I sighed and sat down in a lawn chair. “Kurt told me a few weeks ago and I had told him then that you and Luke wouldn’t be happy about it. But it wasn’t my business, so I didn’t say anything. I did confront Lacey before your wedding though, and she begged me not to say anything to you because it was your day and she didn’t want to ruin it. I told her she deserved better.”

  “Shit yeah, she does.”

  “How’d you find out?” I asked, genuinely curious.

  He shook his head. “My dad. Apparently, he came to the house and picked her up for a date.”

  “That’s—”

  “Shocking? Yeah.” He looked over my shoulder and smiled.

  “I have food,” Mackenzie announced.

  I turned to see her setting sandwiches and chips on the patio table. “I’m starving.”

  “Me, too. I swear I didn’t eat enough for breakfast,” Hayes grumbled as he stopped the swing and lifted Harley into his arms.

  We walked over to the table and sat down. “Thanks for the grub, Mackenzie,” I glanced toward the pitcher in the center, “and the tea. I haven’t had any in like a week.”

  “What is it with you two and sweet tea?” She shook her head.

  My phone began ringing from inside my jeans. I pulled it out, but didn’t recognize the number. I answered it anyway and that was the moment my whole world stopped.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Kristin

  Over the last week, I had come to accept the fact that I was pregnant and I would probably be a single mom. Carson hadn’t so much as texted me, but I hadn’t texted him either. In fact, I had grown angry. The way he had yelled at me and then just walked out pissed me off the more I thought about it. It also showed me just how immature he was. We were in a relationship and he just stormed out without any other correspondence.

  Okay, so I was trying to mask my hurt with anger—finding every little flaw about him and turning it into something bigger. The truth was I actually understood him. I mean, we were only twenty and if the roles were reversed in some way, I’d probably have freaked out and left as well. It was the silence I couldn’t really wrap my head around.

  “I think I’m going to stay here with you tonight,” Holly remarked from her place on my couch. I had come home after spending a couple nights at her place. I didn’t want to be an inconvenience to her and Gingrich. They needed alone time. And so did I.

  “I’m fine. I promise,” I replied as I snipped a dead leaf off a plant.

  She peered over her magazine. “I know you are. I just want to stay here with my best friend. That’s all.”

  “Whatever. I’ve been staying here all by myself for a while now. You don’t have to babysit me or feel guilty for leaving me alone.”

  “I don’t feel guilty,” she replied. “I love you and want to spend time with you. Besides, it’s a perfect night. Darkness went out with some buddies.”

  “You know, I still think his…fashion sense is a little weird and the name Darkness is really stupid, but I like him. A lot.” I smiled in her direction. “I think y’all are perfect for each other.” I won’t lie and say it didn’t hurt to say that. I was in a lot of pain knowing my relationship was over, but I loved seeing Holly happy.

  “I think we are too.” She tossed the magazine on the table and stood up. “Are you craving anything? I’m starving.”

  “I’m not really hungry.” I wasn’t craving much. My stomach had been queasy and the thought of anything besides brownies made me nauseated. I wasn’t sure if it was the pregnancy or depression—probably both.

  “You have to eat.”

  “Make or order whatever you want and I’ll have a couple bites,” I acquiesced so she would stop worrying.

  “Okay. I’ll order pizza.”

  Oh fuck no!

  I wanted to throw up just thinking about the smell, but smiled instead. She walked to the dining room table where my laptop was sitting open and began ordering. I went to the chair and flopped down, wrapping myself in the throw blanket. I had no idea why I felt so cold, given the temperature, but I did.

  “You okay?�
�� Holly asked as she sat back down on the couch.

  “Yeah. You get the pizza ordered?”

  “Yep.” She picked up the remote from the table. “Wanna see if I Love Lucy is on that one channel that shows all the older stuff?”

  I nodded. I Love Lucy was one of my favorite shows. Lucy cracked me up every time.

  Holly turned the TV on and searched through the channels. “Yes, it’s on.”

  I settled deeper into the chair and snuggled the blanket. It felt comforting and I needed all the comfort I could get, although I was trying my best not to let it show.

  Holly laughed at something Lucy was doing on the TV and I closed my eyes. I felt so tired. The pamphlet the doctor gave me told me it was normal though, so I gave into the feeling and let sleep pull me under.

  “Kristin, Kristin!”

  I jolted and opened my eyes. “What’s wrong?”

  “You were thrashing around. Are you okay?”

  “I’m fine,” I muttered, rubbing my eyes. “It was just a bad dream.” I couldn’t exactly remember it, but I knew it had something to do with Carson.

  “Wanna talk about it?”

  “I don’t really remember it.” I smiled, then stood up. “I’m fine, though. I promise. Just really thirsty.”

  “Okay.”

  I went to the kitchen and grabbed a glass from the cabinet. I felt hot all of a sudden and my head was hurting. After flicking the faucet on, I filled the glass and downed it. My mouth still felt dry and my throat was beginning to hurt, so I drank some more. I couldn’t seem to get enough water.

  What the hell is wrong with me?

  After opening the other cabinet, I rifled around for some Tylenol, knowing I couldn’t take anything containing aspirin. I finally found a bottle near the back.

  Shit, the child lock was hard to open and I was just about to let out a string of curses and slam the bottle on the counter when the lid finally opened. I poured two into my hands then tossed them into my mouth, followed by more water.

  Fuck, I don’t feel good.

  I placed my hands on the counter, then my head. I needed to close my eyes for a second and collect myself. I’d be fine after a couple minutes of rest…I hoped.