Fire & Ice

by Lisa Logue

  “Sexy, huh? That’s a new one,” I chuckled.

  “I wish I’d have known you then,” she stole a glance, but not before I saw the desire in those big brown eyes.

  “That wouldn’t have been a good idea. I killed for fun. I hunted women down and took what most men would have been willingly given. It wasn’t sexy, it was predatory.”

  “But they did give it, you said so yourself. They went to bed with you because of you, not what you are. Being a vampire is a bonus,” she shook her head in exasperation.

  “A bonus? I have no idea what you mean,” I said as she turned toward me with a strange look.

  “You are the sexiest, most intelligent man I’ve ever met. There’s something about you women can’t figure out. They know you’re trouble, but it’s the good kind. The kind that makes them go weak in the knees just thinking of all the dangerous things a man like you could do. There’s a passion in your eyes that is raw and deep, emanating from somewhere deep inside. Being a vampire enhances your emotions, right? You feel it much stronger than any other man could. It’s not a curse, Christian,” she exhaled roughly, trying to mask her excitement.

  “How can you see any good in what I am? At any second, I could kill you. Not that I’d ever want to, but I could. One wrong move and you’d be gone. How does that not scare you?”

  “You work too hard for that. You drink that elixir to prove to yourself that there is more to being a vampire than the bloodlust, no matter how strong of a hold it has on you. There isn’t really anything you could do to make me think you’d kill me, aside from actually doing it.”

  “Your judgment is clouded by your emotions,” I smirked at her.

  She shrugged, “Maybe, but even if I felt nothing I’d still want you. Sadly, I’d want to see what kind of passion you are capable of. The fact that you fight against it makes me want it even more.”

  “So if I gave in, you wouldn’t want me?” I challenged.

  “Oh no, I’d want you. The difference is…you might want me,” she turned away again as a shudder caught her by surprise.

  “There’s more to this story. If you want to hear it I’ll continue. We know there isn’t an ending, but there is a promising future,” I rubbed her arms through her jacket and she turned into my chest. Our time together was never dull.

  “Can we finish this at the cabin? It’s getting colder,” she murmured into my chest.

  “Hang on, I’ll get us back,” I tucked her into my body and carried her close as I soared over the ground. In seconds, we were in her room.

  “Why is it we always end up in my room? I think I’ve only seen yours maybe twice since I’ve been staying here,” she teased.

  “There’s really nothing to see. Your room is much nicer, trust me,” I kicked my shoes off and leaned against the wall. I was nervous to be in her room. The last time, we ended up making out before I hurt her again and she cried herself to sleep.

  “Mmhmm. I guess that’s the best answer I’m going to get. Give me a minute to change. You’re not going to disappear, are you?”

  “No, I’ll be here when you finish,” I smiled. She was used to me slipping away. While it was tempting, she probably would have made me finish telling her at some point anyway.

  While she shuffled around in the bathroom, I reminisced about the past. The time with Alex and Jasmine was wild, to say the very least. For far too long, I took what I wanted, whenever I wanted, with little regard for anything but myself. It was reckless, but I couldn’t deny that it was freeing. I didn’t worry about the consequences, or for that matter, didn’t know about any. Blood fueled my haze, proving to be the drug it is. While I needed it to live, I didn’t need it from people all the time. Engorging myself did nothing to ebb the thirst, it simply filled me until the next victim fell at my feet.

  Chapter 10

  Colorado, 1960

  Austin nudged me with his foot, “Look, this is where you grew up.”

  A rather large log cabin sat among the rolling hills of the forest, surrounding it almost completely. A large lake, about the size of two football fields, spanned the entire front of the land. The cabin was weathered and aged. It looked abandoned; I suppose it was.

  “It doesn’t look familiar. How do you know I lived here?” I turned away from the window.

  “Your parents were listed as living here. I’m assuming they led normal human lives. We’ve got nothing on record to state otherwise.”

  “Except for my brother. Does anyone know he’s my brother?” I tried to remember the face of the vampire that I saw from a distance. The fear and hatred in his eyes kept me away.

  “Apart from us, no. I doubt he even knows you’re alive.” Austin clicked his pen and began writing furiously. Why he didn’t use magic was still a mystery to me.

  “So, that’s it? I’m supposed to live here completely alone even though I have a younger brother out there who doesn’t know I’m alive?”

  “Pretty much,” he kept scribbling.

  “Well, I guess it’s settled then,” I huffed.

  “Christian, what would you possibly say to your brother? You can’t remember him, or anyone else for that matter. All you have are glimpses of your past. You know who he is, but you don’t remember a thing about him. He’ll ask questions that you can’t answer; at least not yet.”

  I wanted to tell him he was wrong, but it was no use. I couldn’t remember my brother. Hell, I didn’t even know his name! I sighed and went back to looking at the place that was once my home. Honestly, I was petrified of what waited inside.

  “I won’t be able to stay here long. We’ll fix the place up and map out the land. It looks like all if it is still intact. I’m surprised the house is still standing. It’s been almost fifty years,” he stared at it in awe. I just stared.

  Nothing about the cabin made me feel anything. I could vaguely remember being here, but it was like looking at negatives. It never really seemed like me, although I knew it was.

  The car came to a stop and I got out slowly. It smelled of fresh water, dirt, dust and game. I didn’t sense any humans in the area, which was both good and bad. Austin began barking orders to the driver while I walked around the bank of the lake, admiring the view.

  They picked a great place to live. The sun kissed the top of the trees as it set, casting a heavenly glow throughout the whole area. I wondered if I appreciated it as much before I could no longer walk in sunlight. At least I couldn’t before I met Austin.

  Picking up a rock, I skipped it across the lake and smiled. It went farther than I’d ever thrown one before. Buzzing sounded in my ears as it rushed back to me; we’d play out here while mother did the laundry. Father taught us how to skip the rocks and I always threw them farther, but my brother was close behind me. He was more competitive, especially when it came to getting father’s attention.

  Gasping for air, I bent and rested my hands on my knees. I hated when that happened. Since Austin fed me the herbs I got pretty realistic, but very rough, flashbacks. I’d see their faces and hear them speak, but it was distant, like I was a bird flying high above them.

  “You alright?” Austin approached my carefully.

  “Sure,” I said and straightened up, ignoring the dizziness.

  “Let’s go inside. I’ve cleaned it up a bit for you.”

  I followed him inside. It was dank and dirty, but somewhere in the back of my mind I was saddened by its condition. Some of the original furniture was in the living room, covered with large white sheets, as were the bookshelves that lined the walls. I knew my mother’s books were there. It wasn’t in a flashback this time; I remembered reading them by the fire with her. I stifled the urge to rip the sheets from everything. I’d wait until Austin was gone to do that.

  “I thought you said you cleaned it up?” I ran my fingers along the kitchen counter, caking the tips heavily with dust.

  “I did. The place was a mess. At least everything is in its proper place now. It’s your home, Christian. You should
be the one to do it, not me.”

  Nodding, but not really listening, I saw something that caught my eye. I crouched beside the stove and hesitated. Beneath a pile of dust bunnies and dirt, was a locket. Carefully, I picked it up and held my breath as I opened it. A picture of me rest on one side and a picture of my brother on the other. The back was inscribed with her initials.

  “Did you find something?” Austin crouched beside me.

  “My mother’s locket,” I whispered.

  “You’re sure?” he asked excitedly. I nodded.

  “She never took this off. I remember her showing my brother and me that our pictures were inside. She said it was so no matter how far apart we were, she’d always have us close to her heart,” I said as my voice cracked.

  “You remember that?” he arched an eyebrow.

  “Apparently, although I didn’t have a clue until I touched it.”

  “Then coming back here is a good thing. You’ll start to remember more the longer you’re here. Pretty soon, you won’t have any more gaps,” he patted me on the back.

  “So, I’ll be here alone then?” I put the locket safely in my jacket pocket.

  “No, there are a few vampires I’ve chosen to stay with you. They’ll be able to help you with whatever issues you might still be having. Not to mention it will make your transition into this life easier.”

  “No offense, but I don’t think anything will really make this easier.”

  “Probably not, but we can try. They’ll arrive in a few hours to help out with everything. Do you mind?” he stared at me intently, waiting for an answer I wasn’t sure I was ready to give.

  “Do I know these other vampires? Were they on the compound with us?” I avoided his question.

  “Desi and Luthor,” he nodded. “They’re the tamest vampires I could find. Not to mention you all seemed to be pretty good pals. I figured it was a good choice.”

  The choices could have been worse. Desi and Luthor were among the first to befriend me. They were very different, but also very much alike. Desi was a fair skinned, red headed fire ball with a kind demeanor and overall pleasant personality. Luthor was almost her opposite with dark skin, hair as black as night and possibly the most serious person I’d ever met. They were also the only vampires I knew who understood my problems.

  “Alright, so where do we go from here?” I huffed.

  Chapter 11

  Colorado, Present Day

  “So, where were we?” Lia popped out of the bathroom, probably hurrying so I couldn’t make a break for it.

  “We’re just past the part where I was talking about my eating habits,” I chuckled.

  “It’s not funny,” she tossed a pillow at me, which I caught.

  “Moving on,” I sighed. “Austin made the elixir and pointed me in the right direction. Some more civilized vampires befriended me and I was able to understand how to hold on to my humanity.”

  “Hold onto it? I don’t understand…” she shook her head.

  “When a person is turned, often their minds are so corrupted by the thirst that they fully succumb to vampirism. From the beginning, I wasn’t like the others. While my insides turned to ice, my mind wouldn’t let me forget,” I told her softly.

  “How could you have turned to ice? You feel warm to me,” she teased.

  “I was dead, or dying, Lia. When people die they turn cold.”

  “That doesn’t explain how you’ve been a vampire since I’ve known you, but you feel warm to me,” she accused.

  “I don’t think I can explain that. I’m cold as ice. Inside and out is frozen. That’s how I’ve been for a long time,” I stared into nothingness, remembering when I could feel my heart beating.

  “I don’t believe that. You wouldn’t be helping me if you were incapable of humanity, with or without whatever blood supplements you’re taking. Maybe if you didn’t think that about yourself, you could see what I do.”

  Staring into her eyes, I caught a glimpse of her mind. Oddly enough, she saw me in a light I wasn’t aware of. Every kind word she uttered, every stolen kiss or touch, she truly meant. Her emotions weren’t simply an overreaction; they were a personification of her innermost desires.

  “Maybe,” I whispered.

  “You know that doesn’t really mean anything,” she crossed her arms over her chest.

  “What?”

  “The word maybe. It doesn’t mean anything. It’s one of those words people use when they can’t think of any other answer.”

  “Sometimes there isn’t one,” I challenged.

  She shook her head, “There’s always an answer. You just don’t want to give one.”

  We stared each other down. I had a hundred years to develop my level of stubbornness, she had barely a lifetime. It was infuriating! Each step I took, she challenged me. No matter if we both knew I was right, she’d make me second guess myself. I was crazy for falling for her.

  “Would you like a drink?” I asked curtly.

  “Why not,” she said sarcastically.

  Cursing under my breath, I dashed around the house. The madder she made me, the more I wanted her. There was no questioning my insanity. Every ounce of my being burned for her, yet I didn’t give in. Possibly that was what made me insane.

  “I thought you took off again,” she said quietly from the bed.

  “Nope, I got the drinks like I said I was,” I quipped.

  The muscles in my back contracted wildly as her palms pressed into it. I did my best to hide my reaction, but it didn’t matter. She flexed her fingers across my shoulder blades, to my biceps and turned me to face her. My jaw was tight as I stared over her head, thinking of anything other than her proximity.

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you mad. Sometimes I say things I don’t mean,” she spoke softly.

  “You don’t mean?”

  “Okay, I say things I shouldn’t, not that I don’t mean. But do you blame me? No matter what the question, you never have a straight answer. It’s beyond frustrating!” she sighed.

  “I shouldn’t get angry. It seems my frustrating you is frustrating me,” I slipped from her grasp and handed her a drink. Indifference was usually my best weapon. I hoped it would be.

  “So, how did these other vampires help you hold onto your humanity?” she settled on the bed again, I against the wall.

  “First off, I had to learn to hunt all over again. It’s a completely different process when you’re not aiming to kill. It took a while, but I was able to change my mindset. My focus shifted from killing to sustenance, period. The things Alex told me didn’t matter anymore.

  “Second, it was considered breaking a law to use blood whores. They were humans who needed help, no matter how willing. Decades later, I saw the importance. It was convenient, but that didn’t make it right. I was also explained the importance of blood bonds with humans,” I shifted uncomfortably.

  “What’s that?”

  “I suppose it’s a form of ownership, but both parties are willing. Actually, it’s more intense than that,” I downed my liquor.

  “How so?” she inclined.

  “Well, er, blood bonds form a tether between the vampire and the human. Emotions and thoughts are passed between them, forging a bond of mind, body and spirit. They’re forever linked. Think of it as human marriage on acid,” I chuckled.

  “So, you can forge a bond with a human with blood that binds you two together irrevocably?”

  “More or less. There are ways to break the bond, but it is painful for both parties. That’s why it’s frowned upon unless sanctioned.”

  “Let me guess, The Council is supposed to do the sanctioning,” she said sarcastically.

  “Yes. Often, the petitions are approved. However, if a vampire is found to be already bound it could have consequences.”

  “Of course it does,” she spat.

  “What’s the matter?”

  “The Council gets on my nerves more and more each time we talk about it. They have all t
his power to stop people from doing the most mundane things, but they can’t catch Josiah in the act. Doesn’t that piss you off?” she started pacing the floor. Tiny sparks of irritation danced from her skin, charging the room with a hum.

  “I understand the dangers in some of these things because I’ve lived with it for so long. In time, you’ll see why they impose these rules. I do think they’re out of their minds for letting Josiah go. Although I can’t hate them too much because you wouldn’t be here if they hadn’t,” I said quickly.

  She stopped pacing and looked at me curiously, “I suppose that’s true, but it doesn’t mean it was right.”

  “Whether they were right or wrong doesn’t really matter now,” I watched as she did whatever it was to calm herself down. It was quite spectacular to see her demeanor change so drastically in a matter of seconds.

  “I’m better now, you can go on. What else did you need to know?” she sat heavily on the bed.

  “There were a lot of little things, but perhaps the most important was to live among humans instead of running from them. I’d been on the run for so long, that was probably one of the most difficult.

  “I stayed with a small group of vampires here for a while. Following by example, I began to adopt my human habits again. When I’d remember something, I always wrote it down. I’ve got hundreds of journals on those shelves.”

  “Wait, how old are you exactly?” she mused.

  “I was born in 1890,” her smile faltered slightly and I laughed.

  “I didn’t expect you to say that,” she laughed as well.

  “I’m an old man by standards you’ve never imagined. One hundred and twenty two is nothing to joke about. Actually, I’m pretty young. You don’t reach old age as a vampire until you start getting closer to a thousand. I don’t think I’ve ever met any that old, but then again we don’t really talk about our age. The years tend to blend together after a while.

  “That’s partly why I kept the journals. I didn’t want to take the chance of forgetting again. A hundred years of recording thoughts makes for a lot of notebooks. Why do you think I have so many bookshelves?”