by L A Cotton
"I think she said no." I stepped between the two of them knocking his hand away with a little more force than necessary. While tucking Staci behind my back, I glared straight at him. I didn't miss her sharp intake of breath, but I focused on Mikey, daring him to push me. His eyes hardened, and he growled, "And who the fuck are you?"
The guy had balls. I stood a couple of inches taller than him and had at least fifty pounds on his lanky frame. My jaw ticked, and I almost wanted him to push me a little bit further, to give me an excuse to knock him flat on his ass.
"A friend."
What I really wanted to say was boyfriend just to piss him off, but I liked my balls firmly attached, and I knew if I implied there was something more between us, I doubted they would be after Staci was done with them.
Jackass tried to look around me at Staci, but I stepped with him and forced him back. He cursed under his breath and held up his hands in defeat. "Fine, I'll go. But, Staci, we still need to talk."
Staci's hand flew to my back, and she gripped my shirt tight. Something about this guy really had her on edge. Reluctantly, Mikey started to walk away from us. When he disappeared around the corner, I turned to Staci. She was a mess. A river of tears dripped down her cheeks, but she wouldn't look at me. Tilting her chin with my fingers, I said, "Look at me."
Her lips rubbed together nervously, her eyes flitting in the direction Mikey had disappeared, and I could feel the vulnerability rolling off her. The strong, prickly, smart-mouthed girl I couldn't get enough of was crumpling in front of me. Something in me broke.
“My truck’s parked back there.” I nodded over her shoulder. “Come on. I’ll take you home.”
We walked to the truck in deafening silence. I wanted to ask her who Mikey was to her, and if he had hurt her. But something held me back, knowing that if I pushed her, she would retreat into her shell even more.
When we reached the truck, I opened the passenger door for Staci and she climbed up into the cab. Her tears had stopped, but the sadness in her eyes lingered. Mikey was important to her. Or had been. Either way, they had a history. We were only just beginning, and already there was a potential ex on the scene screwing things up.
“Take me to your place.” Her voice was a quiet tremble as I turned the key and fired up the engine.
~
Staci hadn’t moved. I’d made us coffee, grabbed a few discarded clothes off the floor and thrown them in the laundry, taken a piss, and checked my messages…and she just sat balled up on the far side of the couch, arms wrapped around her waist.
“Can I get you anything? More coffee?”
She lifted her head and half-smiled, shaking her head. “I’m fine, thank you.”
“You don’t look fine. Want to talk about it?” I inched closer to her, looking for some kind of sign that she wanted me near.
She didn’t look alarmed so I took that as my opening. Dropping on the couch next to her, I twisted my body to face her. “I’ve been told I am a great listener.”
Her half-smile grew at the ends, but her eyes didn't light up the way they usually did. “I guess you want to know who he is to me?”
Yes.
“I won’t push you. If you’re not ready to talk, you’re not. We all have baggage. Some worse than others. I get that. More than you probably think.”
~ Staci ~
My whole body was numb. I felt like I was in a dream. Mikey was here, in Gainesville. How in the hell did he know where I was? And why was he looking for me after all of these years?
Kade was looking at me, waiting for a possible explanation about what he witnessed on the street. Fuckety. I wasn’t ready to open up to him; I didn’t want to tell him what I had never told another soul. I couldn’t even tell him how much I’d come to enjoy having him around. How much he meant to me. How could I possibly tell him my deepest darkest secret?
I couldn’t. It would ruin everything.
* * *
My hands trembled during the whole car ride to Louisiana State. I hadn't felt this nervous since waiting for the nurse to dip my pee and deliver my fate. Pregnant. I didn't even know how it was possible. We’d only had sex a handful of times, and we always used protection. I was on the pill, for Christ's sake. 'It can happen', the nurse had said with a sad smile on her face as she handed me a leaflet about my options. The leaflet that I’d crammed into my bag sitting on the passenger seat as I drove the eighty-seven miles to confront Mikey.
He, Joel, and Tanner had been gone a little over three months. Joel called a lot, but he never mentioned Mikey, and I never asked. His name hadn't passed my lips since he stood on my porch and told me he thought it would be best to end things. Ironic, really, that it was in the exact same spot that he had told me he loved me for the first time five months ago. The same spot where he told me that he wanted to tell my brothers everything before they left for college.
One minute, I was sick with excitement at the prospect of sitting down with my family and coming clean about my relationship with Mikey, and the next, I was puking into the toilet from a broken heart...and apparently, the tiny fetus I had no idea was growing inside of me.
As the miles for LSU ticked down, I still hadn't a clue what I was going to say to him, but this was his mess as much as it was mine and he deserved to know. I was nearing the cut-off point for a termination, and I knew there were some difficult decisions to make. Was I ready to be a mother? Hell, no. But was I ready to live with the guilt of getting rid of my child, my own flesh and blood? I wasn't so sure.
Almost eleven weeks pregnant when I found out, I had been a complete mess since. How Dad and Eric hadn't picked up on my fragile state was beyond me, but they were always too busy working on his hand-me-down car from Tanner. The couple of times they'd caught me throwing up, I blamed some bad takeout. I was an anomaly apparently—one of the few girls to still have periods while pregnant. It was only because I had been feeling so shitty that they ran a pregnancy test in the first place.
LSU campus came into sight and my nausea increased tenfold. At this rate, I would need to pull over and puke. The nervous energy bounced around my whole body and I tapped the wheel furiously. Joel was expecting me. You didn't keep things from the eldest in our family, well, except the fact that I was carrying his best friend's baby. He had given me directions and already checked in with me twice. So it was no surprise when I turned the corner to find him standing outside the small house he, Mikey, and my other brother, Tanner, were renting.
I cut the engine and before I could open the door, Joel had it wide practically pulling me out of the seat. "Little sis. You made it in one piece."
I'm not sure about that, a little voice in my head chimed. The truth was, as scary as the thought of breaking the news to Mikey was, I was even more terrified about my brothers’ reaction. I wasn't yet seventeen. Their baby sister. It wasn't unrealistic to assume Mikey would have a limb or two missing by the end of the day, or at least a black eye.
"Tanner's going to flip when he sees you. I haven't told him you’re coming." Joel grabbed my small overnight case and pulled me into a side hug. "Missed you. Come on, I want to show you the house. It's fucking awesome."
I followed Joel into the house, thinking of a way to ask if Mikey was home, but my question was soon answered.
"What the fuck? How the hell did you get here?" Tanner barreled toward me and wrapped me in a hug.
"Don't worry, bro. She drove, but Dad checked the car and I knew."
Tanner pulled back holding me at arm’s length. "You drove?" His face cracked a wide grin. "Watch out drivers of Louisiana."
Batting his arms away, I scowled. "Not funny. I aced driver's ed."
My eyes swept around the room. There was no sign of Mikey, and now that I was standing here with my brothers, the reality of the situation was overwhelming. Maybe I'd made a mistake by coming here.
"Well, don't just stand there; come on in. I'll order pizza and give you the grand tour." Tanner tried to take my bag from Joel but b
acked off when Joel growled at him. I smiled to myself. They had always been the same. Both wanting to look out for me. It was sweet but suffocating. I wasn't a child anymore.
An hour passed, and then another. Joel and Tanner had me howling with laughter and it felt good to let loose after spending the last few weeks on edge. But as night fell over the house, Mikey showed no sign of making an appearance.
Stretching my arms above my head, I yawned. "I'm beat. Can I call it a night?"
My brothers groaned in protest but jumped into action, grabbing my things and leading me to a small bedroom on the second floor. I wouldn't sleep without knowing, so before they left me to get settled for the night, I asked, "No Mikey tonight? The three of you are sharing, right?"
An indecipherable look passed between my brothers, widening the growing pit in my stomach.
"He's, hmm, out. He'll be back later. Don't worry about it." Joel pressed a kiss to my head and they left me.
Two hours later, I was still lying there. I couldn't sleep, not with all the thoughts streaming through my mind. Besides, the nausea was kicking my ass lately. The house was quiet; I'd heard the click of my brothers’ doors some time earlier. Unable to hold it together any longer, I flipped back the comforter and tiptoed quietly to the bathroom at the end of the hallway.
I ran the faucet and splashed my face with some water, undecided whether I needed to actually puke. The tiles were cool underneath my feet, and I slid down the wall resting my head between my legs. Downstairs, the front door rattled and the faint sounds of laughter drifted up the stairs. Mikey. It was still instinctual to want to go to him. To have him wrap me in his arms and tell me everything was going to be okay. But that thought was shattered when I heard female laughter. He's with a girl. My stomach lurched, with a different kind of nausea. He was seeing someone? Already? Before he left, he told me wanted to focus on football and reassured me that it wasn't about meeting girls or not wanting me. But her giggles suggested otherwise.
Panicking, I dragged myself up and crept out of the bathroom and back to my room, closing the door behind me. I wanted to get my bag and haul ass back to Kaplan, far far away from Mikey and his lies. But Joel and Tanner would lose it if they woke up and I was gone. No, I was stuck here listening to them.
And when I thought it couldn't get any worse, their footsteps sounded on the stairs and passed my room. The door along from my room clicked and voices filled the room next to me. His room adjoined mine. I grabbed a pillow and wrapped it around my head trying to block out the sounds of her moans, tears slipping down my face.
~
Light seeped through the blinds and I slung an arm over my fuzzy head. I'd finally fallen asleep sobbing to the muffled sounds coming from Mikey's room. It was only just past eight according the clock hanging above the dresser, but there was movement downstairs. Shouting.
"...it's out of control..." Joel's distorted voice carried through the house. " .. different girl every night... we're sick of it, Mikey. Get rid of her, Staci is here and I don't want her having to deal with that shit."
"Staci's here? What the hell do you mean Staci's here?"
I sat up on my elbows, straining to hear his voice.
"Exactly what it sounds like. She's visiting, and I don't want her having to deal with one of your groupies."
Groupies?
Feet pounded on the stairs and the door to Mikey's room slammed. It sounded like he was waking his friend and making her get dressed and leave. She yelled something about him being a jerk and the door slammed again.
I sat stunned. What was I doing here? Mikey had clearly moved on; he’d forgotten all about me back in Kaplan. Would he even care that I was pregnant? He hadn't once called or checked in on me since he left. My hand moved to my stomach and something in me snapped. I leaped out of bed, gathering up my clothes and ramming them into my bag. I needed to get out of there.
Knocking at the door startled me, "Stace, you want breakfast?" Tanner called through the wood.
"Hmm, no thanks, Tan. I'll be down in a few."
Five minutes later, I was standing in the kitchen with my bag packed, fidgeting nervously on the spot. Noticing my bag, Tanner frowned. “You’re not leaving already? You just got here. Surely the place isn’t that bad?”
“The fuck she’s leaving. Right, sis?” Joel strolled into the room grounding to a halt when he spotted the bag at my feet.
Without giving myself time to backtrack, I said with as much confidence as I could muster, “Gina called. A couple of the girls let her down. She begged me to haul ass back home and cover the afternoon shift. I owe her, so I couldn’t say no.”
It was the best cover I had. My brothers knew how much I loved my job at Gina’s Grill. I just hoped Joel wouldn’t do something crazy like call her up and try to get me out of my bogus shift.
“You don’t have to leave yet though, right? Stay for a tour of campus?”
The look of hope on their faces had me saying, “One hour max.” I could manage that. “Just the three of us,” I added quickly.
“You got it. Just the Jamesons together again like old times.” Tanner draped his arm around my shoulder and pulled me close. “Well, minus Eric, but he’s all Mom’s side anyway.”
“Tan,” I punched him in the arm. “That’s a low blow. Eric is one of us, too.”
We all broke out into laughter, and just for a second, Mikey Turner was a distant thought.
***
“Mikey is… Mikey was…” I swallowed hard, pushing down the anxiety clogging my throat. “Mikey was my first boyfriend. We dated in high school.”
Kade scowled, deep lines creasing his beautiful face. “You’re going to have to give me a little more than that. High school boyfriends don’t usually show up out of the blue years later causing arguments on the sidewalk.”
“But this one did. I swear, I have no idea what he wants or how he even knew I was here. I haven’t spoken to him in years.”
Saying it aloud did make it sound kind of crazy.
“You look liked you’d seen a ghost. Did he leave a mark or something?”
Or something. The words lingered on the tip of my tongue, but I didn’t say anything. Kade’s scowl turned to confusion.
“Let me get this straight. Your ex—and first boyfriend, by all accounts—who you haven’t seen for almost a decade turned up out of the blue. Today. In Gainesville. And he didn’t know you were here? That’s more than just a coincidence.”
You’re telling me.
“Hmm, in a nutshell.”
“So what did he say? Because it looked like more than just old friends getting reacquainted.”
Fuckety. I was hoping Kade hadn’t seen the full show, but from his serious tone, I knew he’d seen enough to draw his own conclusions. Dipping his head forward, Kade entered my space, causing me to suck in a sharp breath at the intensity of the moment. “What is he to you?”
Nothing.
Everything.
Kade wasn’t going to let this drop. If I didn’t give him something, he was going to push me until I cracked. And if I cracked, I wasn’t sure what would be left of me.
“Mikey Turner was my everything.”
Kade flinched, and it did something to my insides. How tragic—twenty-six and relishing in a guy being jealous over your ex from a different time in your life. But it wasn’t that he was jealous; it was that he cared enough to be.
A long sigh left my body as I sunk into Kade’s couch, letting myself remember. “You can’t imagine what growing up was like for me. Three brothers and a father with small town ambition. I didn’t live; I was coddled. And not in the tiara and ponies kind of way. Dad literally had my brothers wrap me up in cotton wool. It was suffocating. No one wanted to be my friend. They didn’t dare try. People avoided me like I had the plague. It was that damn bad. And then Mikey Turner noticed me.
“He was Joel and Tanner’s—my eldest brothers—best friend. I hung out with them occasionally when they let me. At first, he t
reated me the same as they did, the annoying kid sister tagging along. But one day out of the blue he kissed me. Me. Staci Jameson, sister of Joel, Tanner, and Eric. I’d crushed on his boy-next-door good looks for almost two years. We fell hard. I guess the secrecy and sneaking around made it more exciting or something…”
My words hung in the air. That was all Kade was getting. I wasn’t ready to reveal the true extent of how Mikey Turner changed me forever. That was my secret to carry; it was my burden to bear. The pool of tears building in my eyes wanted their release, but I gulped them back and closed my eyes, refusing to give them power over me.
“Staci.” Kade’s voice was a whisper. “Look at me.” His thumb swept over my cheek, grazing the corner of my eye. “Staci, please.”
I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t be that broken girl, crying over lost chances and things that were never supposed to be. Not here, not in front of Kade Ford. He wasn’t attracted to that girl. He wanted the dirty mouthed, sassy blond bombshell who liked hard liquor and harder sex. The air around me shifted and Kade’s lips brushed mine. He was accepting my silence, but he refused to let me run again. I felt it in the intensity in his touch. As his tongue gently parted my reluctant lips, I realized I didn’t want to run. I needed this.
I wanted Kade Ford. In ways I’d tried to tell myself I didn’t.
~ Kade ~
I didn’t give Staci a choice, leading us to my bedroom. She had melted into my kiss—giving herself over to me—and I intended to make her forget the strung-out jerk from earlier. Something still didn’t add up—I saw it in her eyes and heard it in her voice. There was more to the version of events she had spun me, but none of that mattered right now. All that I cared about was taking away the sadness in her eyes.
My hand wrapped possessively around hers. Our silence made the anticipation and tension crackling between us almost unbearable. I just wanted to get her inside the room.
The last time she was here, it hadn’t been about sex, but now was different. Now I wanted to make her feel, to erase Mikey—her so-called first everything—and make her remember how good we were together.