In Love

by Brook Greene

  “You’re never gonna live that down, ya know?” I say shaking my head.

  “Nope, ’cause it’s priceless.” He pats my ass while wiggling his eyebrows at me. He stands, setting me on my feet. “I’ll be right back.” He reluctantly lets me go, glancing back at me once more before walking out the door and closing it behind him.

  I tuck my towel under my arms and slump on the side of my bed, trying to get my emotions under control. I pick his tee up off the bed and shove it to my nose, inhaling the laundry scent of it. I stand, letting the towel fall to the floor, then pull his tee over my head before slipping my legs into his boxers.

  Turning to climb onto the bed, I stop as a vomit-inducing thought hits me. How many women has he taken care of here like he has me? I turn to the door, then quickly back to the bed. He said himself that he got around, but how many times had he gotten ‘around’ here? I don’t want to be just another notch in his plush bed post, not that he’s ever made me feel that way. I just don’t want to continue a pattern.

  Leaving his room, I explore the upstairs as quietly as I can, and find Jackson’s bedroom. It’s all boy and decorated to the nines, as a girl would say. The race car bed is red with flames up the side. I lay my head against the doorjamb, taking it all in. From the car shop toy box to the black dresser, it’s all been thought out, right down to the blocks scattered on the floor. He’d gotten Jackson up from his nap, and I suppose he’s downstairs with his father as he cooks for me. He loves his boy, and Jackson belongs here with Matthew. But do I belong here? I feel like I’m stepping between something that has nothing to do with me.

  For the first time in a week, I feel out of place and off-kilter. I’m sure the events of the past two days have a lot to do with this feeling, and the fact that Matthew knows all my deepest, darkest secrets, except one. He no doubt has judgmental thoughts, but he thankfully keeps them to himself. How could he not? I mean, what type of woman would get herself involved with a man like Jake? Me, that’s who, the girl that read all the romance novels and deluded herself into believing that’s how all love affairs would be. Boy, had I been wrong.

  I pull the door closed and continue down the hall to the other door at the end. It opens to a guest bedroom. The beautiful furniture is a little more feminine than the behemoth of a bed in Matthews’s room. The thought of Matthews’s bed has my stomach rolling again, but my eyelids are heavy and I can no longer fight with demons I have no right to be at war with. I cover my belly with my hands and close my eyes, not knowing if there had been, or if there’s something there to mourn or worry about. How the hell has my life spiraled down the drain so fast? I slept with a man I’d only known a few days, broke one of the condoms, don’t know if I’m pregnant or not, then was beat by my estranged husband. I give a snort because you can’t make this shit up, but here I am.

  Unable to take it anymore, I stumble to the big inviting bed and fling my body onto it. I bury my face into one of the fluffy pillows that smell like the air after a spring rain. I close my eyes and inhale the calming scent, hoping that its effects will wash over me, and before I know it, my heavy lids drift closed.

  ~~~~~~

  Matty

  I turn to start back upstairs with a tray of food for Tessa, then remember I can’t leave Jax down here by himself. I blow a puff of air out. “Shit.” I sit the tray on the table and bend to pick up Jax. Propping him on my hip and wrapping my arm around him, I pick the tray back up with the other, then head for Tessa.

  When I get to the top of the stairs, I see my bedroom door is slightly open, and a slip of light from the bathroom streams through. I gently push open the door to find my bed empty. I sit Jax down and knock on the bathroom door. “Tessa?” I wait, glancing back to see Jax standing there, looking up at me. “Hey, little man, where is she?” I push the door open to find it empty too. I look back and see the clothes I’d laid out for her are gone, and the towel lying on the floor.

  I reach for Jax’s hand and walk out of my room, stopping when I see the guest bedroom door open. I walk to it, looking in to find Tessa, face down in the bed. I tilt my head, confused, wondering what the hell she’s doing in here and not in my bed where I’d left her.

  I cross over to her, hating that I have to wake her up. She seems to be sleeping so well. She needs it, but she needs to eat too. I reach for her leg and stroke it gently, wanting to ease her awake. “Tessa, baby,” I coo, watching as she stirs under my touch. Her body rolls to the side, then back to her stomach. Her lips smack together but her eyes never open, so I try again. “Tessa,” I say with a bit more force to my tone.

  This time she rolls quickly to her back, jerking her leg away from my touch. “Hey, babe, it’s Matthew,” I say softly, letting her know it’s me.

  “Matthew?” Her voice raspy from sleep. She reaches to rub her eyes and sighs.

  “What are you doing in here?” I ask as I ease me and Jax onto the bed with her. She scoots herself up to a sitting position as she stretches and yawns.

  “I didn’t want to sleep in your bed,” she says matter of factly.

  I look back to it then to her confused. “Why.”

  Her eyes land on Jax who’s twirling my hair in his little fingers, then back to me. “Can we talk about it later, please?” She cast her eyes down, biting her lip.

  “No, we can talk about it now,” I tell her.

  She turns her head away from me. “It’s silly, really, so never mind.”

  “No, I want to know.” I shift Jax in my arms, amazed at how calm he is. I thought a three-year-old little boy would be hell on wheels, but he’s not. He’s a very docile child.

  She slides past me to her feet to stand beside the bed. “Is the food ready?” she asks, trying her best to skirt the topic at hand.

  I stand with Jax and look down at her. “Yes, it’s ready, but you’re still going to tell me why you slept in here instead of my bed.” I turn for the door, looking back to make sure she’s following me. After I retrieve her tray, we descend the stairs and round the post, heading for the kitchen at the back of the house. Sitting the tray down, I pull out her chair for her.

  Something is seriously bothering her, and it’s starting to worry me. I hope she isn’t having second thoughts about coming here with me. I know it’s a lot for her to handle, having Jax around on top of all the shit she’s dealing with already. But her being here is the safest place she could be with him still around. I have, of course, a top-of-the-line security system, which I set as soon as we walked through the door. There’s no way into this house without giving me ample time and warning to prepare for a fight.

  I place Jax’s mac and cheese with cut up hot dogs (his favorite) in front of him, and he immediately dives in. “Slow down, buddy, don’t get choked,” I caution him as he looks up at me with a mouthful of food.

  “Mmm, good, Daddy,” he mumbles around a mouthful of food. I look over to Tessa who’s eyeing him with affection in her eyes. I wished his mother had looked at him like that. Instead, she’d seen him as a meal ticket, then he ended up being the way she fed her drug habit.

  I feel the warmth of her gaze as it glides to mine, but I haven’t forgotten the conversation from earlier as I slide her sandwich in front of her. I sit across from her where I can reach Jax and start that line of questioning again. “So what’s up, Tessa?”

  She quickly shoves a bite of sandwich into her mouth, delaying her answer. I take a bite of my food as well, but level my eyes at her, letting her know I’m waiting to hear what’s worrying her. “Well? Spill it,” I say, getting up to get us a drink.

  “I really don’t want to talk about it in front of Jackson.” I fight a smile at the way she always uses a person’s given name instead of a shortened version or nickname.

  I look at Jax who’s completely entertaining himself by running his fingers in circles through the liquid cheese covering his plate, stopping only to shove another bit of food into his mouth.

  “I don’t think he’s paying us much attention
. Plus, he’s three, Tessa.” I tell her, as I place our drinks on the table and take my seat again.

  Right at that moment, a bit of hot dog flies through the air between us. She follows it, but I never take my eyes off of her. When her eyes come back to mine, she shrinks in her seat a little.

  “Like I told you, it’s really nothing.” She takes up her sandwich again.

  “It’s not nothing. It obviously has you upset, and I can’t help you if you don’t tell me what it is.” I work on staying calm, but her dismissive attitude is starting to irritate me.

  “I really have no right to say anything,” she says, shaking her head at me.

  “If it involves me and you, you have every right to voice it.” I prod her some more.

  “Your bed, I didn’t want to sleep in it,” she blurts out before she takes another bite of food.

  I stop my sandwich halfway up to my mouth and look at her, confused. “Obviously. Why not?”

  “I don’t want to be that girl,” she huffs, showing a hint of annoyance.

  “What girl?” I ask, completely lost.

  She draws in a deep breath and lets it out slowly. “You’re an admitted playboy, and I just don’t want to be another notch on your bed post.” Her brow furrows, and she narrows her eyes at me as she speaks. “I can’t sleep in it, imagining what or who you’ve done there. I just can’t.” She shakes her head from side to side, holding her hands out to either side of her body. “I told you it was ridiculous. Shit, Matthew, I have no right to feel this way, but I do, and I can’t help it.”

  I lay my sandwich back on my plate and wipe my hands on my napkin, trying not to smile a shit eating grin. She’s jealous. She hates the fact that I might have fucked another woman in my bed I want her to sleep in with me, and I’m finding it odd that I’m liking her being jealous of me.

  My mood wins out, and the side of my mouth quirks up. “What? Why the hell are you smiling? I’m acting like a crazy girlfriend or something, and I’m not even sure I’m your girlfriend.” She says flailing her hands in the air above her head to emphasize the point of her being crazy.

  “You’re cute when you’re flustered.” I laugh.

  “Shut up.”

  I want to take her into my arms and sit her on my lap so she can feel the hard-on I’m sporting for her, and the way I feel about her.

  “Stop smiling,” she demands, smacking her palms down on the table.

  I clear my throat and lean my forearms on the table. “Number one, I love that you’re jealous and the way you’re acting. Two, I’ve never brought a woman here. Never wanted them knowing where I lived, where my son lived. I’m the only one who’s ever slept in that bed, aside from Jax.” I point over to the little boy who’s still consumed with his plate of food, now wearing half of it.

  I see her eyes light and her shoulders lift a little with my confession. “Really?” I’m delighted this information makes her happy, and it thrills me to know I’ll be holding her in my bed tonight. There’s nowhere else in this house the woman will be sleeping. I never had a second thought about bringing her here, or having her sleep in my bed. It just seemed right, the way it should be. Like the fact of bringing her around Jax. Regardless of what the hell’s going on in her life, I want her in mine.

  “Yes, really,” I reply, finishing the last bit of my food. Jax lets out a shrill scream, then giggles uncontrollably. I can’t help but join in, and Tessa’s close behind me. And just like that, it’s settled.

  “He’s a mess,” she laughs. Reaching over with her napkin, she tries to clean some of the cheese he has smeared all over his face and into his hair, but he turns his face away from her, trying to avoid her gesture.

  “Don’t bother, he’s not done yet. I’ll have to put him in the tub when he’s finished.” I stand and take my plate with me, smiling as she chases Jax’s face while laughing.

  “You seem to be comfortable with him,” she says. I hear her chair scooting across the floor before she walks up beside me.

  I take her offered plate. “Of course I am.” I run it under the water, and place it in the drying rack to my right.

  “Oh. I just thought, from the way you told me, that this would be the first time you actually spent any kind of time with him.”

  I turn and lean my hip against the counter, crossing my arms over my chest as I tilt my head to my son who’s now making motorboat noises as he runs his fingers through what’s left on his plate. “Does that look like a child I just met?”

  She smiles sheepishly, the hint of red tinting her cheeks. “Sorry. I just thought—”

  “No, Tessa, I’ve had him a lot since he was born. Weekends, weeks at a time, when she wanted to party. My parents too.”

  “But your friends didn’t know anything about him?”

  “No. I’m a private person in some aspects of my life. And I was a bit embarrassed,” I confess to her, the only person I’ve ever voiced my shame to.

  “Of him?” she gasps, shocked.

  “God no, not of him, never.” I turn to watch him finish off his dinner. “Look at him. He’s fucking perfect.” I turn back to her. “But more of how he came to be, and what I did behind my wife’s back,” I lower my head, resting one hand on the kitchen counter, “and the life I lead. I would go off the grid for weeks at a time when I had him.”

  She tilts her head at me, “and your club brothers never questioned it?”

  “No.”

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Tessa

  “Embarrassed of what they would have thought of you?” I ask, reaching out to run my finger down his defined arm. My touch makes him shift his stance so I jerk away, but he catches it, placing my hand back where it had been.

  “Yes, and I was ashamed I’d hurt a good woman like my wife. Because we’d found out early on in our relationship that Clarissa would never be able to have children. So Rachel showing up on our doorstep holding my child was literally a slap to her face, as if I had physically hit her myself, on top of the fact I’d been cheating.” He looks away from me, and I can see he wears that shame like a heavy coat.

  I crush myself against him, giving him no choice but to wrap his strong arms around me. “Matthew, I know you’re a good man. Everyone makes bad choices and decision.” I lean back to look up at him. “Poster child right here. It’s what you do with the knowledge you messed up that defines you.” I look over to Jackson, who’s getting ready to toss his plate, hot dogs and all, onto the floor. “And I think you’ve made all that up by taking him on full-time. I don’t know the circumstances of the past three days and why you have him now, but whatever they are, I’m pretty sure you did the right thing with him.”

  He turns to us both and laughs. “Oh shit.” He releases me and I let him go to get Jackson. “Bath time, little man.” Matthew turns to me. “Ready for another life-altering experience?” he asks me, smiling, holding the messy toddler close to his chest.

  “Definitely,” I say with a smile on my face. Watching Matthew with Jackson makes me hope that I do have a life growing in my belly that’s ours, and I resist the urge to lay my hand where it might be growing.

  ~~~~~~

  Matthew and I are soaking wet, but Jackson has had his bath. We’d laughed, smiled, and played the whole time, but now I slump back onto the couch, completely exhausted. Jackson sits on the rug watching some cartoon on the TV, completely comfortable and clean in his Cars pj’s.

  Matthew comes into the room, holding out his hand that contains two little pills, the other holding a glass of water. “For the pain.”

  “I’m not hurting that bad.” I lie as I sit up, gingerly, to take his offerings.

  “Please, Tessa, don’t lie to me.” He pushes his hands closer to me. “Here.”

  I take them without argument because I am hurting, and I need to sleep. Matthew and Jackson help me to bed, with kisses from them both. With promises from Matthew to return in a little while, I snuggle back into the comfy pillows of his bed. His masculine smell s
urrounds me to the point it feels like I’m falling asleep with his arms around me.

  ~~~~~~

  Matty

  I sit Jax on the floor of my study with the few toys I’ve set out for him and text Eno. Now is a good time for him to come over with the information he has for me. I lower myself into my desk chair, watching Jax crawl around on the floor, pushing a small red fire engine and crashing it into the big yellow truck.

  My phone beeps, letting me know he’s on his way. I stand and cross to the small bar I have in the room and pour myself three fingers of whiskey. When I walk by Jax, he rams the fire truck into my foot. I look down at him, smiling. His eyes gleam when he looks up at me. “Hey, little man, don’t hurt your truck,” I say to him, but he does it again, growling at me.

  “Vroom, Daddy.” He purses his lips as he drives his fire truck into my foot again.

  I see the lights come through the windows and hear Eno slam his truck door. I go to disable the alarm for him with the sounds of a stumbling toddler following behind me. When I open the door, I feel Jax snake his arm around my leg. Leaning into me, he looks up to Eno as he walks through the door, folder in hand.

  “Hey, man, how is she?” he asks as he leans down to ruffle Jax’s hair. “Hey, little dude.”

  I close the door and point to the steps, nodding my head towards my study. I bend and pick up Jax before leading Eno through the double doors. I sit Jax back down and close the doors behind us, ensuring we have the privacy we need, and Tessa doesn’t walk in on something I don’t want her to hear.

  I round my desk, making sure Jax goes back to his toys as Eno lowers himself into the chair across from me. “So whatcha got?” I ask, reaching for the folder he’s holding.

  Eno hands it over. “He’s a sadistic son of a bitch, I can tell you that.” he grumbles, with a disgusted look on his face.

  He stands quickly, slamming his hand down on top of the folder I had started to open. I look up at him, a little irritated with his actions. “What’s the problem?”