Just Destiny

by Theresa Rizzo

  He hefted his bowl at her. “Snack.” He shook his head and plunked down on a boulder near them. “I ate the spaghetti for breakfast. Dad home?” He tilted the bowl, scraping the last of the cereal.

  “Not till tomorrow night. I guess we’re having pizza.” She turned to Jenny. “Want to stay for dinner?”

  “Sure.”

  Mom looked at Michael. “Call Nona’s and order what you want.”

  “Buddies pizza?”

  “Fine.”

  Michael stood. “Can I drive?”

  Mom picked a clump of grass and shook the dirt off it. “Sure, Jenny’ll go with you while I clean up.”

  Michael pumped a fist in the air and turned toward the house.

  “Bowl,” Mom yelled after him.

  “You want me to drive with him?” She hadn’t driven with Michael since he’d finished Driver’s Ed last month. He was well-coordinated and had good spatial recognition, so she bet he had a good feel for driving, but…

  “Take my car. Just be careful on Mack Ave. He has a tendency to gun it through yellow lights instead of stopping.” Her mother smiled slyly. “Here’s a little taste of parenting.”

  “Great.” A parenting lesson seemed a bit premature when she couldn’t even decide how to get pregnant. “I still don’t know what to do about the baby.”

  “Let me ask you this.” Mom tossed a weed in her bucket, then looked at Jenny. “Do you want a baby or Gabe’s baby? If the judge decides against you, would you get a sperm donor who had Gabe’s characteristics and have a baby?”

  “No.” She frowned. “I mean, I don’t think so. It never occurred to me.” Just a baby? It would certainly cure her loneliness, give her something to love and keep her busy…“No. I only want Gabe’s baby.”

  “So this isn’t about experiencing pregnancy and being a mom.”

  “No.” She shook her head. “But I’m not so sure I should have it if it involves IVF with genetic selection. I mean logically I know it’s the only way to ensure a healthy child, but…”

  “You’re overthinking it. Deep down, you know what’s right for you.”

  Jenny sat, trying to silence the conflicting thoughts so she could feel the right answer. The deep green grass blurred before her eyes, and she suddenly realized the other part of her dilemma. She wiped her eyes, but couldn’t look at her mother, somehow feeling ashamed.

  “I don’t really know what Gabe would want either. I told the judge I did—I thought I did, but now I’m not so sure. I know I want it, but…” She knew Gabe hadn’t wanted them to have a child. He hadn’t wanted to do the work of raising another child, hadn’t wanted to share her or saddle them with the responsibility, but would he have been in favor of Jenny having his child and sharing her life with him or her in his stead? She didn’t really know anymore. She raised worried eyes to her mother. “I think he would.”

  “Honey, Gabe’s gone. I don’t mean to be cruel, but he really isn’t going to have any impact on this child’s life. He’ll just be a story to the child. This is going to be your baby.”

  She was right. Whether Gabe would’ve approved or not really didn’t affect her having their baby. If the judge gave her the right to his sperm, it didn’t matter what Gabe wanted, only what she wanted. After all, she’d be the one raising it. Jenny lifted her head and stared at her mom. “Am I making this harder than it needs to be?”

  “Not this time, sweetie. It’s a hard decision; one you can’t undo.”

  They sat silently looking over the neat rows of swiss chard, lettuce, and beans. Jenny dragged her index finger through the warm dirt, drawing a heart. Why couldn’t life be simple? Why was her life full of shady spots, poor soil, and weeds?

  “If I actually win, I’ve gone through so much to gain this opportunity.” So much time, expense, heartache…It even affected her relationship with friends and family. Steve. The trial spilled over into all aspects of her life. “How can I not do it? Otherwise it was all for…what?”

  Mom threw a weed in the basket and turned to Jenny. “I don’t know; that’s for you to figure out.”

  Jenny looked sideways at her mom. “I liked it better when you had all the answers.”

  “I never had all the answers.” She smiled. “You just thought I did.”

  * * *

  Jenny thought about the conversation with her mom many times over the following weeks and decided to leave it up to Fate—or Judge Delaney. If she won, it would be a sign that she was meant to have Gabe’s baby; if he didn’t decide in her favor, then it wasn’t meant to be. She could live with that.

  Jenny decided to adopt a proactive, positive stance and to take the shots and at least go as far as harvesting her eggs. If she didn’t win, she’d simply discard them. Nothing wrong with being prepared.

  Several weeks later, Jenny let herself into the house after having taken a long walk with Ritz. She was washing down a couple of extra-strength Tylenol since fresh air hadn’t eliminated her splitting headache, when she heard a voice leaving a message on the answering machine. She rushed to the receiver and picked it up. “Helen?”

  “Jenny, you’re home?”

  “I just got in. What’s up?”

  “His ruling’s in,” Helen said without preamble.

  “And?” She held her breath. Please, God. Please, God. Let it go my way.

  “And…we won.”

  “We won? I got it?”

  “You got it.” Jenny heard the smile in Helen’s voice. “He ruled in your favor.”

  “So…I can do it?”

  “Any time you’re ready. I’ll send you a copy of his ruling. He says, ‘in light of the evidence presented and my review of relevant law, it is my determination that Mrs. Jennifer Harrison has every right to exercise ownership over the property of the deceased, her husband, including his sperm.’ You’ve won. Let’s celebrate.”

  She’d won! Wow. She could have Gabe’s baby! Jenny took back every mean word and thought she ever had about the young judge. Apparently he was a very sensitive, sensible, compassionate man—with excellent judgment. A great judge.

  A mom. Wow. She could have Gabe’s baby.

  “Does Steve know yet?” Jenny asked. They’d not quite recovered their earlier comfortable relationship, though Steve had stopped avoiding her and the awkwardness was slowly melting with each interaction.

  “He should. I’ve had reporters calling already. I sent them a copy of the ruling.”

  Why didn’t he call me himself? Jenny wanted to ask, a little hurt that Steve hadn’t wanted to break the good news to her. Was he upset or happy? Or was he just relieved to have it over with? He should have been thrilled; he’d won.

  “So where do you want to meet?” Helen asked.

  “How about Antonio’s?”

  “Great, I love Italian food. What time?”

  Jenny looked at the wall clock. “Six thirty?”

  That would give her time to call the doctor and give him the good news, take a hot bubble bath scented with lavender and chamomile to clear the remnants of her headache before dinner.

  “Okay. Should I call Steve or do you want to?” Helen asked.

  “I’ll call.”

  “Great. See you later.”

  “Thanks, Helen.”

  They’d won. Jenny lifted Ritz’s front paws and danced her around the kitchen on her hind legs, chanting, “We won, we won. We’re gonna have a baby, Ritz.”

  Jenny pulled her close and hugged her until the dog squirmed and tugged away. Dropping her paws, she picked up the phone and dialed Steve’s work number. “Hi, this is Jenny Harrison, is Steve in?”

  I’m sorry, Mr. Grant is no longer with Knight, Corbridge, and Howe. Could I connect you with someone else?” The operator recited in a bored monotone.

  “Pardon me? Since when?”

  “I’m not allowed to give out that information.”

  “Did he go to another firm?”

  “I’m not allowed to—”

  “Forget it,”
Jenny cut in. She poked the off button, then dialed Steve’s cell. When he didn’t pick up, she left a message about dinner.

  He’d left Knight, Corbridge, and Howe? How come? Why hadn’t he said anything? Had he been fired because of her? But they’d won. A high-profile case—that should please the partners.

  When she’d seen Steve two days ago, he hadn’t said anything about a job change. Why hadn’t he said something? They always shared that kind of news. Unless…he’d been fired because of her. Then he wouldn’t tell her. Deep in thought, Jenny sat on a kitchen stool. Did Helen know that Steve was no longer with his firm?

  Jenny checked the time, and saw that she barely had enough time to change before meeting Helen. She pushed the gloomy thoughts away. Maybe Steve had gotten a better job offer and hadn’t told her because he was waiting for the ruling to come in. Maybe they’d be celebrating his new job and her win. Cheered by that thought, Jenny headed upstairs.

  After quick calls to her parents and Judith, Jenny exchanged her T-shirt for a peach tank top to wear with her favorite capris. She slipped her feet into flip-flops. A baby. Jenny hugged herself, and with a flying leap, she squealed and dove onto their bed. She was going to have Gabe’s baby.

  Jenny arrived at the restaurant just as Helen got out of her car. Grinning broadly, she ran over and gave the older woman a big hug. “Thank you so much.”

  “You’re welcome. Actually it was a lot of fun,” Helen confided. “Almost makes me want to come out of retirement.”

  Jenny followed her into the restaurant. “You should. You’re a terrific attorney.”

  “You’re only saying that because we won. You might’ve thought differently had we lost.”

  Jenny thought about Helen’s drawings and seeming inattentiveness during the trial and her own doubts about Helen’s competency. Given Helen’s laid-back court demeanor, Jenny had to admit that she was probably right. She instantly banished the confession. They’d won. It was time to celebrate.

  While waiting for Steve, they had a glass of Chianti and Jenny’s favorite appetizer. They savored the scarmorza, lingering over the rich, lemon, butter, cheesy bread creation, topped with black olives and capers, until it was gone. Having waited twenty minutes, they went ahead and ordered dinner.

  She watched Helen carefully. “Did you know Steve’s no longer with Knight, Corbridge, and Howe?”

  Iron eyebrows arched high. “No. How’d that come about?

  Judging her surprise genuine, Jenny relaxed. “I don’t know. I was hoping you could tell me.”

  “I had no idea.”

  “Think he got fired, because of me?” Jenny asked softly.

  “O-h, I doubt it. But why wouldn’t he have said something?”

  Jenny’s heart clenched. “He didn’t want to make me feel bad.”

  She pursed her lips and nodded. “That could be.”

  Then Steve materialized at their table. “Sorry I’m late.” He took a chair between them. “There was an accident on ninety-four.” The waiter appeared at Steve’s side, gave him a menu and took his drink order.

  “We figured it was something like that, so we went ahead and ordered,” Helen said.

  “Why aren’t you at Knight, Corbridge, and Howe anymore?” Jenny blurted.

  Steve turned his tawny head toward her and took a sip of his water. “Hi to you too. Congratulations.” He enveloped her in a quick, tight hug.

  “Did they fire you because of me?”

  “You won. Aren’t you thrilled?” Steve patted her hand twice.

  Jenny snatched her hand away, unwilling to be cheered or distracted. She wanted the truth. “Why aren’t you with the firm anymore?”

  “You knew I wasn’t happy there. They just hired me for my name.”

  “Did you get fired?”

  “I got tired of being used, so I’m opening my own firm. I found this great office downtown in the Ren Cen.” He ripped off a chunk of bread and swirled it in olive oil, then looked at Helen. “You wouldn’t be interested in being one of the founding partners, would you?”

  “Seriously?” Her eyes widened.

  He nodded. Chewing quickly, he swallowed and licked the oil from his thumb. “I know you’re retired, but you could work a couple of years and get us up and running, then faze out as you want to. After this win I don’t think we’ll have trouble getting clients.”

  “You’d want an old lady like me for a partner?”

  “It’d be a chore…” Steve teased, then reached for another piece of bread. “I’d love to have a cunning, experienced woman like you for a partner.”

  “Excuse me,” Jenny broke in. “Did you quit or get fired?”

  “Be still my heart.” Helen’s eyes twinkled and she blushed like a schoolgirl. “I just may take you up on that offer.”

  “I’m counting on it.” His head bobbed as he poured more olive oil on his bread plate.

  “Let me think about it and I’ll get back to you.” Helen glanced at her watch. “I’ve got to get to my daughter’s in time for cake—it’s my granddaughter’s birthday today.”

  “Why didn’t you say so? We could’ve done this another time.” Jenny hated that Helen was missing her granddaughter’s birthday party for her. She shouldn’t miss a family event on her account.

  The waiter brought Steve his wine.

  “Nope, had to be tonight. It’s tradition.” Helen raised her glass to Jenny. “To your good health, happiness, and motherhood.” She then turned to Steve, “And best of luck with your new venture.”

  “Our new venture, partner,” he corrected as he clinked his glass with hers.

  Jenny raised her glass to Helen and then to Steve. Steve smiled warmly, mesmerizing her with twinkling blue eyes. If he’d been fired, he didn’t seem too broken up about it.

  “Well, children, I’ve got to run.” Helen stood and motioned Steve back into his seat when he stood politely. She turned to Jenny. “Take care. And I expect to be invited to the baby shower.”

  “Of course.” She got up and hugged the older woman close, suddenly shamed by her doubts. “Thanks again.”

  Helen patted her back. “You’re welcome, honey. Have some Tiramisu; I hear it’s wonderful.”

  Jenny sat down feeling somewhat bereft. Alone with Steve, she felt unexpectedly awkward and shy—then annoyed when she remembered how he’d avoided answering her questions. His good mood confused her. After being mad at her for weeks, it appeared that he’d finally forgiven her—which was good—but she didn’t know where they stood.

  The waiter came and took Steve’s dinner order. Jenny watched Steve closely. Was he really happy, or just putting up a front? He hadn’t wanted her to win.

  Steve smoothed the cloth napkin back across his lap and smiled. “Well. You did it.”

  “I didn’t do anything. You and Helen did it—despite me.” Jenny looked at him, hoping he’d see the sincerity in her expression. “Thank you.”

  “I did very little. You saw it through and fought for something you believed in. That takes guts.”

  “I didn’t make it easy for you.” Jenny briefly rested her hand on his arm. “I’m sorry.”

  “Forget it. So, where do you go from here?”

  The waiter delivered Steve’s veal and Jenny declined dessert. “Well, amazingly enough, this couldn’t have come at a better time. I’m going in for egg extractions in a couple of days.” She raised her eyebrows, “So we’re good to go.”

  Thank God. Hopefully she wouldn’t have to go through another month of taking drugs. Even though the expected mood swings had been minimal, nasty headaches associated with the hormone treatment had been anything but minimal. She wasn’t going to miss that.

  Steve’s chewing slowed. “So soon? Are you ready?”

  More than ready. Feeling a little strange talking about such an intimate thing as if it were just another doctor’s appointment, Jenny tucked her hands under her thighs and leaned forward, lowering her voice. “Yup. The doctor says we’ll have just eno
ugh time to get the sperm.”

  “Well…that’s great then.” His smile seemed a little uncertain, forced.

  “What’s the matter?”

  Steve stabbed another mouthful of pasta, but instead of eating it, he twirled the fork around and around in his hand. “Nothing.”

  “But?”

  “But nothing. I’m happy for you,” he insisted, but Jenny sensed his withdrawal.

  “What about you? Where do you go from here?”

  “I signed the lease on my new office. So I’ll be busy interviewing staff and setting up shop.”

  “It seems a bit risky. Can you afford to do this?” She squirmed, hoping he wouldn’t think she was prying into his finances.

  “I’ll be okay—at least for a few months.”

  “This is all my fault. I’m sorry. I—”

  “Jen. I was just teasing.” He paused. “I made enough money playing ball that, if I were really frugal,” he fixed her with a serious look, “I could probably get by for…the rest of my life and the next one, without working.” He grinned broadly.

  Jenny swatted his arm. “Jerk.”

  “It’s sweet of you to worry.”

  “Just worried about my property value. I don’t want them selling your house as a foreclosure,” she said airily.

  He laughed. Finishing his meal, Steve paid the bill, stood and stretched out a hand to her. He clasped her hand in his and then pulled her out of her seat toward the door. As they left the restaurant, he didn’t let go.

  Jenny relished the feeling of his big warm hand wrapped around hers. It was comforting, yet at the same time strangely intimate. They walked down the street toward her car. She looked at their clasp hands and her diamond winking at her. Did people assume that they were married?

  As an only child, she’d grown up feeling a bit isolated. After Michael was born, those feelings magnified fivefold, until she’d married. Jenny loved being a part of a couple. She’d loved being married to a wonderful man, feeling that she belonged to someone. She missed that companionship and special rapport. She peeked sideways at Steve. What would it be like to be married to him?

  She and Steve shared a lot. They’d always had a definite affinity. Besides Gabe, he’d been her best friend. He still was.