We Are Always Forever

by Campbell, Jamie

  I awoke alone.

  For one blissful moment, I thought everything was fine.

  Then I remembered my sister and the reason why my eyes were rubbed red raw. I pushed myself up, looking around the empty room. I was still ensconced in the blanket, making any movement difficult.

  Jet was gone. There were no traces of him even being there. Had I dreamed it all? Was it all just some horrible nightmare playing on my worst fears?

  “Hey, you’re awake.” His voice startled me, jerked me back to reality. He was holding a glass of water. “I was just washing up, thought you might be thirsty.”

  I didn’t take it so he left the glass by the blankets. I had no intention of getting up or even moving from my place on the makeshift bed. There was no reason now. Not when Faith was gone.

  “Are you going back to the library today? I can check on Kalinda if you want,” Jet said gently, like I was fragile and likely to break at any moment.

  He didn’t realize I was already shattered.

  I shook my head, no.

  His eyes studied me, carefully taking in every inch of my being in the way only Jet could. I refused to squirm under his gaze, even though the feeling was overwhelming.

  Finally, his eyes rested on mine. “You’re going to stay here all day?”

  I pulled the blanket up to my chin. “I don’t see why not.”

  Jet crouched down so we shared the same level. I couldn’t look away, even though I wanted to. He rested a hand on my forearm as it hugged around me, holding me together.

  “Ever, I know this is hard but you can’t give up. You know one of those spirits is your sister. She needs you to keep going.” He almost whispered the words.

  But he may as well have yelled them at me.

  Faith was a spirit.

  She was trapped with the rest of them.

  Had she been one of the lucky ones who had passed over while the gateway was open like Oliver? Or had she already been consumed by Kostucha?

  Why hadn’t she found me?

  Faith didn’t know I could see spirits but that didn’t seem to stop any of the other ghosts haunting their loved ones. Kalinda’s grandparents had found her, lived and cared for her even though she had no idea.

  I didn’t like to think of the reasons keeping Faith away.

  Now, more than ever, I needed to kill the demon who had inflicted so much pain on the world. He needed to die for taking everyone away from me. For cutting so many lives short. For killing the dead when all they had were their souls.

  I threw the blankets back and ignored the small smile that skimmed Jet’s lips. He had breakfast ready and I forced down the tiny portion we allowed ourselves. There was no telling when I would eat again, I needed to take it while it was there.

  Jet wanted to come with me when I left but I didn’t let him. I had a day of research ahead of me and I didn’t need anyone looking at me with sympathy. If Jet needed to feel sorry for anyone it should be my sister. She was the one who lost her life and did nothing to deserve it.

  The only solace I took in her death was the fact that Jet had been there for her. She hadn’t died alone. She might not have known who he was or what kind of compassion he was capable of, but I did. He wouldn’t have let her die without gentle hands holding hers.

  A few blocks away from the library, I passed a face that seemed familiar. I had to look twice to place him.

  Hunter.

  He had helped us locate the portal to Hell that was hidden deep within the underground tunnel system. His warning about not going ahead with the ritual fell on deaf ears at the time. Nothing would have stopped me from taking on Kostucha.

  Hunter’s mouth dropped open when he recognized me. “Everly? I thought you’d be dead by now.”

  So did I.

  Some days it felt like I was.

  “No, I’m okay,” I replied. Then my manners kicked in. “How are you? Are you good?”

  His lips fell into a smile. He had dated Jet’s sister before the Event. I could see what she saw in him with his relaxed stance and sparkling eyes. Still, he managed to undo the goodwill his handsome face built with his creepy comments. “I’m doing better than most. So how is the…” he paused to lower his voice, “… evil situation?”

  “Largely still here. We managed to use the darkness to open a gateway but it closed once the demon realized what we’d done. I need to kill him or there will be serious consequences.”

  “And how are you going to do that?”

  Who knew?

  We started walking in the direction of the library again, suddenly uncomfortable with all the questions I didn’t have answers to. “I’m still working on that. Have any ideas?”

  His hands clasped behind his back as he walked, reminding me of a scholarly gentleman taking a stroll for his constitution. “Most people believe demons can’t be killed, only vanquished.”

  “That’s the word on the street. I think there has to be a way.”

  “I do too.”

  “Really?” At least I wasn’t alone with my crazy ideas. There were three of us now – providing Jet wasn’t only humoring me. “How?”

  “Do you know the saying ‘there is nothing to fear except fear itself’?” I nodded before he continued. “I don’t believe that. I think what we fear the most can be the death of us. And I think that is the key to killing a demon. Is all this demon talk turning you on like it is me?”

  I ignored that last comment and pretended I had never heard it.

  The thought rattled around in my head like a loose peg. It had nowhere to slot into and make sense. “Demons aren’t scared of anything. They think they’re invincible.”

  “That’s not true.”

  My frustration was starting to knock on the door and beg to be released. “Then how could I use fear to kill Kostucha?”

  “Think about what would scare him.”

  I’d looked the demon in the eye, I felt his rancid breath on my skin, I saw the sheer power of his being. There was nothing he would be afraid of.

  Definitely not me.

  Not even the depths of Hell could keep him down.

  “Take a guess,” Hunter urged in the silence.

  “I don’t know. A gun? Fire?”

  “You’re thinking too literal.”

  Frustration had swung open the door and was starting to look for hostages. “Then just tell me. Please.”

  The hint of a smile crossed his face. At least he was amused by my lack of knowledge. He should hang out with me in the library for a while, he’d hurt himself laughing.

  “A demon thrives on chaos and destruction. They fear what we treasure – love, faith, hope, compassion, kindness.”

  “So we can literally kill him with kindness? Should I bake him a muffin basket?” I asked, deadpan. There was nothing about the conversation that I understood.

  Hunter let out a small laugh. “Think it over, I’m sure you’ll come up with something that doesn’t require baking. See you around, Everly. Stay safe. Don’t die.”

  Riddles.

  He was speaking in nothing but riddles.

  What did he know anyway?

  I shook my head and crossed the last road to reach the library. I hurried inside, grateful to be stepping out of the wind whipping through the city. Spring couldn’t come soon enough.

  The librarian was waiting for me. If she realized I had stolen one of her books, she still didn’t let on. Which had to mean she didn’t know yet. She wouldn’t feel obliged to show me any mercy. Not when it came to her precious books.

  My focus was on the small room deep in the heart of the library. I went straight there and picked up where I had left off. It was a slow never-ending process but I didn’t have much else to go on.

  The minutes turned into hours.

  The librarian left me alone.

  My books were not comforting, not when they were full of detailed descriptions of the evils of the world. Kostucha was only one demon in amongst thousands. He just happened to be
the one causing trouble at the moment.

  Keeping my mind occupied allowed it to stay focused and not wander to my little sister. Still, she would appear in my head unbidden, sending waves of misery through me.

  A rattle of the door handle sounded like an explosion in the quiet room. It couldn’t be the librarian, she would simply walk through the door. Nobody else knew about the room.

  My breath caught in my throat as the door swung open.

  Jet.

  He stepped in the room as my heart started to return to its normal rhythm. “Hey.”

  “Does the librarian know you’re in here?” I asked, my panic alarm being ignited. He dropped a brown paper bag onto the table next to me before taking a seat.

  “I don’t know, I can’t see her. That’s you.” He leaned back in his seat, studying me again. He seriously needed to stop doing that. “But… if you mean did I feel a horrible hatred toward me when I entered the building, then yes, I did.”

  “You’re a brave man.”

  He shrugged like it was a given. “I thought you’d be hungry. Eat.”

  My pride was already shot. I grabbed the bag and unraveled the folded top. Inside was a bread roll. It may as well have been a three course meal. I pulled off a tiny piece, making sure to savor every bite.

  “You shouldn’t bring me so much food. There are others who survive on a lot less,” I admonished. But I didn’t stop eating. I couldn’t, even if I had to.

  “They aren’t trying to save all the souls of the world. Just shut up and eat.” He grabbed a book and pretended to get involved in the words while I ate. He didn’t speak again until I was finished. “Have you found anything?”

  “Nope. I ran into Hunter, though.” That got his attention. “He said demons can be killed by their greatest fear.”

  Jet’s eyebrows arched in surprise. “By fear? How the hell is that supposed to work?”

  “Tell me about it,” I sighed. The more I thought about it, the more it only confused me. You couldn’t kill something with emotion. Especially not a heartless demon.

  He let the book thud back onto the table. “So what do demons fear?”

  “Hunter said love and compassion.”

  “I guess. But how do we use that as a weapon? It’s not like we could take something they love and use it against them like you could a human.”

  “Or rely on his sense of decency like an angel,” I pointed out.

  “Did he say anything else?”

  “Nope.”

  “Did he sound like he was joking?”

  “I don’t think so. Maybe. I don’t know. He had that whole mysterious swami thing going on like when we saw him meditating.”

  Jet shrugged and shook his head. “Who knows? It’s something to think about, I suppose.”

  “Yeah.”

  Our focus went back to the books.

  Hunter’s words still tugged at something on the edge of my consciousness. Using a demon’s fear to kill them seemed impossible. I mean, really, why would a demon be afraid of anything when they held so much power?

  Love, faith, compassion, it seemed like something too touchy-feely to actually be used as a weapon. They were intangible, never able to be held in one’s hand.

  Maybe Hunter was just crazy. Perhaps his theory was nothing more than a hunger-induced dream. If he’d mentioned unicorns in the same conversation, I would have believed it.

  And, truly, as much as I appreciated love and compassion, were they really strong enough to kill anything? The emotions might run deep and perhaps someone could kill for them, but actually do damage? Harm?

  It seemed unlikely.

  More than unlikely. It seemed… whimsical.

  The answers weren’t going to be found in a conversation with a mentally-questionable kid. The ancient books surrounding us were still the best shot we had so I pushed all thoughts out of my head and concentrated on them alone.

  Jet didn’t say another word and neither did I as we scanned through the pages of book after book. Any written in another language were put aside for later. If we were going to translate them all, we were going to have to scour his legion of friends.

  “It’s getting late. We should leave soon,” Jet said in the quiet afternoon. He still wore a watch, I didn’t. Time seemed irrelevant these days.

  I didn’t argue with him. Being out late meant all kinds of things hiding in the shadows. Not even Jet’s protection could save us from all the bad people in the city.

  There were still some who didn’t believe in Saint Jet.

  We finished with the books we had out and left the hidden room. The librarian was waiting for us at the top, her arms crossed and her ears practically steaming.

  “Jet, walk faster,” I urged. He looked at me for one second before picking up speed.

  “He is banned from here,” the librarian hissed. “I told you he wasn’t allowed.”

  “He’s helping me,” I said. “We’re both trying to set you free so you should be grateful he’s here.”

  Jet was smart enough to ignore my one-sided conversation as we moved. The librarian hovered only inches behind him, forcing all her worst feelings into him.

  He was lucky to still be standing.

  “He has no respect for my books,” she continued. “He cannot be here if he does not respect the books.”

  “He respects the books.”

  She snorted. “I’d like to see some proof of that.”

  We reached the door and slammed it behind us. Both of us needed a moment to breathe again once we were out of the oppressive air inside.

  “Do I want to know what just happened?” Jet asked, his chest heaving like he’d run a mile – through quicksand.

  “You probably got the gist of it.”

  “The librarian hates me, doesn’t she?”

  “More or less.”

  He shrugged. I guessed he was probably used to everyone loving him. At least since the Event.

  I took the few steps to the street and looked forward to heading home. I couldn’t wait to be safe in my apartment for the night. I would be able to have something to eat, curl up in my blankets, and pretend like all was right with the world.

  Unfortunately, none of those things happened.

  When I reached the bottom step, everything went black.

  Total darkness.

  Chapter Eleven

  They were a sea of bodies that made a mass wall of concrete. Impenetrable. Hard. Deadly.

  All the spirits were crowding me in a way they hadn’t in months. Not since Oliver had spoken to them and explained I was doing everything I could to help. I hadn’t experienced this kind of feeling in so long.

  It took me off guard.

  I was stupid to think it wouldn’t happen again.

  “You have to help.”

  “He’s coming.”

  “It hurts so much.”

  “It’s a constant pain. It’s killing me.”

  “The burning. The burning!”

  “You’ve got to do something.”

  “Please make it stop.”

  “I am begging you to fix this.”

  Their words of pain and desperation echoed around me until it was nothing more than a storm of letters. They didn’t form sentences, they didn’t spell anything in particular.

  All they did was hurt.

  And drown.

  I was going down before I realized what was happening. Either that or the ground was coming up to greet me. My knees crumpled as my arms tried to cover my head – like that would actually protect me from all the noise.

  All. That. Noise.

  Someone was screaming.

  I think it was me.

  The spirits all crowded around, giving me no room to escape from the prison they held me in. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t think. All I could do was feel and I wished I could shut them down. I wanted to be numb. I wanted to feel nothing.

  “Everly.” The word was a command, not a question or a cry for attention. It was
someone summoning me.

  “Everly.”

  I couldn’t focus on the owner of the voice. All the other ones drowned him out. They were more forcible, more insistent, more desperate.

  “Everly, come back to me. Tell me what’s wrong.”

  Oliver?

  No, not Oliver. He would know. He would be able to tell exactly what was going on. He wouldn’t have to ask. He wouldn’t demand my attention.

  “Help me, please.”

  “Help all of us.”

  “The pain is so horrible. So, so horrible.”

  “Our time is running out.”

  “You have to do something.”

  “He’s coming. I can feel it. He’s so close.”

  “Get up you stupid girl and do something.”

  “Now! We can’t leave it too late.”

  Too many voices.

  “Everly!” Harsher now.

  Jet.

  I could smell his familiar, musky scent. He was close to me. I couldn’t see him through the black river of words, but he had to be there.

  An arm threaded underneath my knees, another slid around my back. He pulled me against him and we were rising. Up, up, up and away. We moved but I couldn’t do anything except try to block them all out.

  They followed us. The spirits continued their relentless pursuit even though I could no longer understand them. They didn’t give up, but I didn’t blame them either. They were hurting. Their pain was leeching into my bones, covering my skin with its black tar.

  Everything hurt. From the tips of my hair down to the ends of my toes, I ached and pulsed with agonizing pain. I was simultaneously on fire and freezing to death. I didn’t want to live with this kind of torture. It was going to kill me if I didn’t kill myself.

  If this was what the spirits felt every day, then I couldn’t blame them for overwhelming me. I could completely understand. I could give them all the compassion that was due.

  All the compassion in the world.

  But it wouldn’t be enough. It wouldn’t heal them, protect them, keep the pain at bay.

  My eyes were wet with tears as I sobbed through the ordeal. I couldn’t imagine a time when I didn’t exist with this pain. Happiness was a foreign concept, it didn’t have a place in this world. Not when there was so much hurt.