Mason

by Nicki Rowe

  “Are you taking care of yourself, Axe?” I asked, rubbing my finger over his bottom lip.

  “Not really,” was his blunt reply.

  Suddenly, Carter and Lucky came into my peripheral. Carter looked slightly amused, and Lucky was already talking to one of the waiters about getting an order to go.

  “You good, Mase?” Carter asked.

  “I will be when Axe answers my question.”

  “He's not hurting you is he?”

  “I wouldn't hurt Mason,” Axe replied.

  “Mason?” Cater said.

  “No, he's not hurting me, Cart.”

  Carter nodded and then turned to where Lucky was ordering more food. He looked at Anthony. “You the one who called?”

  “Yeah!” Anthony practically screamed. “Are you going to do anything?”

  “Nope,” Carter replied. “They'll work it out.”

  “What the fuck ass-backwards town did I move to?” I heard Anthony grumble.

  “Answer me,” Axe said. “I can handle it if you've moved on.”

  I looked up at him and saw the truth in those words, but I also saw the pain. “I haven't.”

  “So, this isn't a date?”

  “Edward set it up, but I promise I haven't moved on.” I placed a hand on his cheek. “I'm still waiting on you, weirdo.”

  Axe's lips quirked up into an almost half smile at the endearment, but then the smile fell. “Things haven't changed, Mason. I'm no good for you.”

  Tears burned in my eyes at his lie. Things have changed. Everything had changed the moment I sat next to him at Diego and Carter's barbeque. I could tell he was lying by the look in his eyes. Why was he fighting this so hard? “I see you still haven't removed your head out of your ass.”

  “Just let me go, Mason.” He seemed like he was on the verge of his own tears.

  “No”. The thought of giving up on him made me feel like I couldn't breathe. “Remember to call me when your head and your ass are no longer friends.”

  I pushed him off of me. We looked at each other for several long moments, but it was him who looked away first. He motioned to Mills and they both headed out the door.

  “You're being an idiot,” I heard Mills say to Axe before the door closed behind them.

  Anthony came over to me. His face was a light shade of pink and his eyes were wide. He smoothed his hands up and down my arms as I tried to catch my breath and cool my raging libido.

  “What was that?” he asked, looking from me to Carter and then back to me.

  “Anthony,” I said. “I'm sorry. I can't go on this date with you. Not when my heart belongs to Axe.”

  Anthony looked like he wanted to argue, but then he just sighed and dropped his hands from my arms. “I should have known.”

  “I'm sorry.”

  He smiled sadly. “It's okay, Mason. I wasn't really ready to start dating anyone anyway. Friends?”

  I smiled. “I would like that.”

  May

  Chapter Six

  Axe

  It's been two weeks since I had seen Mason at Chen's and had basically assaulted him. I knew the idea of us being friends with benefits wasn't going to work. He wanted more, and he deserved more, and I wish I could give him that. I wished I could be the man he thought I was.

  Do you want to date me?

  His words had been playing in my mind on repeat since the night he walked out of my apartment. The answer was: yes. I wanted him so fucking much I wasn't sure what to do with myself. I told him things hadn't changed for me, but that was a fucking lie. Could I put aside eight years of self loathing and years of violence to be the type of man that Mason deserved?

  Fuck. I missed him.

  I hadn't admitted this shit out loud to anyone. I knew Mills and Grizz knew what the fuck was going on in my head. Mills kept calling me an idiot and telling me to just talk to Mason, and Grizz always knew what was going on with me. He could sense my moods like a mama bear could sense that her cubs were in danger.

  I snorted to myself. Grizz would hate if I referred to him as a mama bear.

  I was sitting in my living room, sipping a beer. Some show about truck drivers was playing, but I wasn't paying attention. My phone was in my other hand, and it felt hot against my skin. I wanted to call him. I wanted to know if he was okay.

  I hadn't seen Mason around town. He avoided The Diner, and I know that's because of me. It was his favorite haunt as much as it was mine. I thought I had seen him at The Clip and Save, but when the man had turned around, I almost growled in frustration when I realized it wasn't Mason.

  “Fuck it,” I said, making up my mind. It was two in the morning, but I wanted to hear his voice. I wanted to tell him what has been on my mind for three weeks straight. I was a fucking coward if I let Mason slip through my fingers because I couldn't handle my feelings.

  I dialed his phone, and waited for him to pick up. When he did answer his voice sounded small. He sounded frightened.

  “Axe,” he said. He sounded on the verge of tears. My heart clenched in my chest. “What's wrong?”

  “I was going to ask you that question.”

  “I....um....nightmare.”

  “Tell me about it.”

  “I don't want to talk about it. Not with you,” he said, his voice going angry. “Why did you call?”

  “Mason,” I said, standing. I paced the floor in front of my TV. “You asked me if I wanted to date you. Do you remember that?”

  “Yeah.”

  “You never let me answer.”

  “Have you pulled your head out of your ass, Axe?”

  I snorted. “I can't promise you anything. I can't promise you that I will be a good date. I can't promise you all the hearts and flowers and the sappy bullshit. You'll have to be patient with me, but the answer is yes.”

  The line went silent.

  “Mason?”

  “Well, fuck me,” Mason said. “I was not expecting that when I saw your name on the screen.”

  “Neither was I,” I answered honestly. I hadn't been expecting anyone to come into my life and make me rethink my policy on being alone forever. “Meet me for breakfast tomorrow.”

  “Okay,” Mason agreed. “But you're buying.”

  I rolled my eyes. “Tell me about your nightmare.”

  “Axe.”

  “Mason,” I replied, my voice stern in the way I know he liked, but would always make him do what I wanted.

  He sighed heavily in my ear. “Not a lot of people know this, but I was the one who had found Neil. My parents had gone on a camping trip, and I had spent the weekend with Diego. That's a story for another time. Anyway, Neil was home alone for about two or three days, they said that Neil must have killed himself the same night we all left. On Sunday I had returned first, and went in search of Neil so I could tell him about my weekend. I had a lot of questions after I left Diego's, and Neil was the only one who would understand. When I went upstairs the smell was the first thing I noticed. Have you ever smelled a dead body, Axe?”

  “N-no,” I croaked out.

  “It's fucking disgusting. The smell makes you gag and your eyes water. You can taste it in the back of your throat. Anyway, without getting into all the gory details. I had found Neil in our bathtub. A needle in his arm, and three day old vomit down his front.” Mason's voice was shaking now. He sniffed. “The shower was running as if he had enough energy to turn the cold water on to snap him out of his drug stupor. Neil had been on drugs for a long time. He knew how much to take. What he did, he did on purpose. I think he turned the water on at the last minute because he got scared, but it was too late.”

  “Mason,” I began. I didn't know what to say. 'I'm sorry' felt way too inadequete, too impersonal. “I'm coming over.”

  “Axe, you don't have to do that.”

  “Hush, Mason.”

  I hung up and grabbed the keys to my motorcycle from the peg by the door.

  There is nothing like riding your bike, it feels like flying.
In this small town I wasn't able to get my bike up to the speeds I normally liked to ride at, but I still loved the power of the engine, and feeling the roar of the bike under me.

  I pulled up to Mason's in record time. He was sitting on the steps that led up to the apartment. I didn't like that he was alone out here by himself when it was so early in the morning or so late at night, depending on how you looked at it.

  “What are you doing out here?” I asked, plopping down next to him.

  He put his head on my shoulder, and I stiffened. This was new for me, and it scared me, but I didn't pull away. I wrapped an arm around his shoulders. He was shivering, but the air wasn't unpleasantly cold.

  “I don't want to be inside.”

  “Go get dressed. We're going for a ride.”

  Mason nodded and stood. He looked down at me and placed a hand on my shoulder. “Thank you.”

  He turned to go back inside to change.

  I sat on the steps, waiting for him to come out.

  I hated the sadness on Mason's face. I hated that he had been the one to find his brother when he was only sixteen years old. I wanted to erase his pain. That thought shocked me. I had never given a shit about anyone enough to want to see the happiness in their eyes. I never cared about anyone besides Austin and Grizz, I didn't even give a shit about myself before I had met Mason.

  I felt like I was in over my head. Mason deserved so much more than I could give him. He deserved better than me. Why did he even want me? I was a fuck up. Who would want a fuck up?

  “I can hear you thinking,” Mason said from behind me.

  I turned to see he had changed into jeans, a jacket and his favorite Chuck Taylor's. Not ideal for riding, but I would take him shopping for gear some other time.

  I stood, and brushed the dirt from the back of my pants. “You ready?”

  Mason nodded.

  I led Mason down the steps to my bike. I handed him my helmet. “Put this on.”

  “What about you?”

  “I'll be fine.”

  “You need another helmet.”

  I shrugged. “I've never let anyone ride on the back of my bike until now.”

  Mason put his hand over his heart in that way he does when he's about to be dramatic. “Oh my word! You're gonna let me ride on the back of your big bad Harley?”

  “It's an Indian.”

  Mason snorted. “Don't downplay my dramatics with semantics, Axe Knox.”

  A bubble of laughter flared up in me, but I stamped it down, and just shook my head at him. “I'm gonna have to teach you a thing or two,” I said, settling down on my bike.

  Mason settled in behind me. His knees squeezing me tight, and his hands wrapped around my body.

  “Is this your fist time on a bike?”

  “No. Neil used to have one.”

  I started my Indian, and reveled in the feel of the power under me. I backed the bike out of the spot and took off down the road.

  I loved riding without a helmet; I loved the feel of the wind in my hair, but I wasn't stupid enough to ride without one. . .well unless Mason was behind me, hugging me so tight I felt his warmth go straight to my bones.

  We pulled up to the park and I pulled into a spot under the trees. Mason hopped off, and pulled off my helmet. His hair was laying flat against his head, and he ran his fingers through it, making it spiky again.

  “You brought me to the park?” he asked, already walking through the grass. “Is this the part where you murder me?”

  “Maybe,” I replied. “If you don't stop talking.”

  Mason laughed. “You know, you're pretty funny for a guy who doesn't laugh or smile.”

  I shrugged. “I guess.”

  Mason srugged at me. “'I guess,'” he mocked.

  He sat in the grass, and looked up at the sky. I sat beside him, and rested my arms on my knees. I looked at him. His creamy skin seemed almost transluscent in the moonlight.

  “Tell me more about Neil.”

  Mason shook his head, not looking away from the sky. “Tell me something about you. I told you the worse thing that has ever happened to me. Tell me something about you.”

  “A lot of bad things have happened to me,” I replied, thinking not only of the time my grandfather beat my ass after bailing me out of jail for stealing clothes from a store for Austin because my parents couldn't afford to buy him any presents for his birthday, but I thought of every bad thing that had happened in my life. They were all flashing before my eyes like a bad movie.

  Mason looked down at me. His hand raised to my face and he trailed his fingers along one of my scars. I closed my eyes at his gentle touch. I knew what question he was going to ask me, and I had already prepared myself to give him the answer.

  “How did you get these?”

  He continued stroking my scars even as I spoke. “My uncle. He and my father found out that I was bi—usual shit, found porn on the computer, only it wasn't my porn it was Austin's. Austin had forgot to clear the history, and my uncle had wanted to use it when he came over that day. We were poor so we could only afford one shitty ass, second-hand desktop to share. My uncle had booted up the computer, and the sounds of two men fucking filled the entire house. Austin's face drained of all color, and he looked at me so fucking scared. He knew what our uncle would do to him if he found out it was his. So, I took the blame. I told my ma and my uncle that I was the one who had been watching the porn, and my uncle in a drug induced rage picked up the knife Ma had been chopping onions with and just started swinging at me. He missed a few times, or only nicked me—his hands were shaking so bad from the drugs. But he got me good twice,” I said, turning my face away from Mason's. “My uncle was screaming about how much of a shame I was to the family, and how he wanted to kill me. I would have let him too. At that point I didn't want to live. Pa, my grandfather and my uncle had broken me. I was a violent, pissed off teenager. I didn't want to live my life that way.”

  “How did you get free?”

  “Austin. He picked up a lamp and hit our uncle in the back of the head. He crumpled on top of me, and we all thought he was dead. He didn't stir until the cops and the ambulance showed up. They took me to the hospital and they took him to jail for attacking me. He died in prison.”

  Mason gripped my chin and forced me to look at him. His teal eyes searched mine. “These scars don't make you any less attractive to me,” he said. “I see who you are on the inside. I know you lived a violent life, but I see you. You're not your father, or your uncle, or your grandfather.”

  “How do you know?” I asked. I wanted what he was saying to be true. Grizz had saved me when he offered me a place to stay and an apprenticeship, but part of me still wonders what if one day I'll just snap. What if I go back to being that boy who grew up in the south side of Chicago, and had to fight to survive? What if I do turn out like my Pa and my uncle?

  Mason shrugged. “I just do.”

  “I think you have too much faith in me.”

  Mason huffed. “I think you don't have enough faith in yourself.”

  We sat in silence for a long while after that. Mason's words were true. I didn't have faith in myself. It's what kept me away from him for so long. It's what kept me away from anyone for so long, but with Mason I felt like I could try. I could try to be the man I want to be. I could try to be the man that Mason deserved. For him, I could try to be anything.

  “Did you mean what you said?” Mason asked.

  I looked over at him to see him watching me. “About what?”

  “That you want to give this a try,” he replied, his voice uncertain as he gestured between him and me. “You don't date.”

  I nodded. “True. I haven't dated anyone since I was nineteen, but I have also never felt like this with anyone, not even Tina. There's something about you, Mason, that makes me want to be a better man. I want to be the type of man that someone like you deserves—no, fuck that—I want to be the man that you deserve.”

  Mason nodded. “I thi
nk you're already that man.”

  I shook my head. “Not yet, but I will be. I promise.”

  “I want you to do something for me. I want you to kiss me.”

  I knew why he wanted me to kiss him. A kiss would prove that what I was saying was true. It would prove that this thing between us was as real for me as it was for him.

  I reached out and pulled him to me by the hem of his jacket. I didn't bother kissing him sweet and slow—I was not the type of guy who did sweet and slow. My mouth came down on his hard, teeth knocking together, and my tongue immediately finding its way into his mouth. His hands went around my neck, pulling at my jacket, pushing me closer to him. We rolled so I was on top of him, still kissing his soft lips. He moaned into my mouth.

  He turned his head away from me. “Okay. Point proven.”

  But I wasn't done. I forced his mouth back to mine and nipped at his lips with my teeth. I kissed a trail down his neck and back up along his jaw.

  “If you don't stop we're going to end up having sex right here.”

  His voice sounded breathless, and something possessive welled in my chest. I bit at the taut muscle in his neck. A low moan escaped from his mouth, and he arched his body up into me. I bit him again harder.

  “I'm serious, Axe. The cops are going to come by and we're going to get arrested for indecent exposure.”

  I pulled my mouth from his skin long enough to say, “Hush, Mason.”

  I found the spot I had just bit and trailed my tongue over it and up to his ear. I bit the soft fleshy lobe.

  “Oh, fuck,” Mason breathed out. His hands had found their way under my shirt and were clawing at my back. “Bite me harder.”

  I went back to the slope where his neck met his shoulder and I bit down hard enough that I was sure I would leave a bruise. Mason screamed and dug his nails into the muscles of my back. His lithe body ground into me.

  “Shit. I almost came,” he laughed.

  I pulled him up, and strode back to my bike, pulling him behind me. My cock was so hard it actually hurt. I handed Mason the helmet and as soon as we were both settled I took off in the direction of my apartment because it was closer.