Blinded

by Maya Hughes

  That seemed to get Emma’s attention off the new visitor who sneaked into their backyard. Emma disappeared through the sliding glass door, giving him a wave as she slid it shut behind her. He followed her with his eyes until she disappeared. He finally looked back to Alex. She stood slowly and started to pick up the toys and broken water balloons from the grass.

  “I see you finally decided to come,” she ground out through clenched teeth, folding her arms in front of her chest, which pushed her boobs up higher. His eyes laser focused in on her pebbled nipples and she made a sound of displeasure before trying to pull her shirt away from her chest. She settled on folding her arms over her breasts. He cleared his throat and snapped his gaze back to her face.

  He held the envelopes in front of him like a shield. “I just found these a couple of days ago. I had no idea ... I never would have abandoned you like that, either one of you, if I had known,” he said, imploring her to believe him.

  She threw him an ice-melting look. “So, my emails, phone calls, voice mails—everything—just disappeared into thin air and you never got anything,” she spat in disgust.

  “I never got a single message from you after you left the hotel that day,” he said. “I tried to call you. I tried to text you too, but you never replied. And then a couple of weeks later, they cancelled all my old contact info once the Stargazer press tour was underway and the buzz started to grow,” he said, moving toward her.

  “Had I known you were trying to contact me, I would have done everything I could to get to you. Just ... I guess because of how things ended, I didn’t think you would ever want to talk to me again, especially when you didn’t reply to my phone calls and texts.” He dropped his eyes and hung his head. He held the envelopes up. “I found these locked away in Aaron’s office when I was looking for a script.”

  “Convenient,” she said dismissively. “But I guess this is what I asked for in all of the letters—for you to actually decide to be a decent human being and come see your daughter. I just didn’t ever think you would do it after all these years.” She finished putting the last of the toys away in the plastic tub and slid it to the side of the house.

  He walked over to her and stood in front of her, “Alex, I swear to you, I had no idea she existed. I would have dropped everything and been right at your side the moment I knew.”

  “Then maybe it’s for the best you didn’t get the messages sooner. I definitely didn’t need someone like you to have my back,” she sneered. “So, what are you, in town scouting a location or something?”

  “I’m here to meet Emma. I came as soon as I dealt with a few things, sorted out my schedule, and could book a flight here.”

  “How long do you plan on staying?”

  “I have one week before I have to head to Scotland for filming.”

  She searched his face for a long moment then heaved a sigh.

  “If you do this, if I introduce you to her as her father, you have to be present in her life. You can’t just show up right now and then disappear for who knows how long, doing who knows what, okay? She doesn’t need that, so you need to sort out whatever you need to and make sure that this little girl is your top priority. Do you understand? I won’t have her learning the harsh realities of people letting her down and breaking her heart at six years old.”

  “I will! I promise, I will do whatever I have to do to make sure she comes first,” he said, knowing to the depths of his soul that he would.

  “We can start by introducing you today. We will have to go over all the—,” Emma interrupted by peeking her head out of the sliding door. “Mommy, I have congredients ready. It’s pancake time!” she shouted triumphantly.

  “Ok, munchkin, let’s get to it,” she said, shooing Emma away from the door as she stepped inside. Emma poked her head around Alex and asked, “Are you going to help with PAAANNNCAKES?”

  He grinned and started to walk toward the house, but hesitated. He didn’t want to overstep. “I don’t know. If your mom says it’s okay for me to help, then I can.” He looked to her and she gave a quick nod. “Looks like I am. How are you at flipping?”

  “I’m getting better; now I can pretty much keep the pancake in the pan. Come on.” She grabbed his hand and pulled him past Alex on the way to the kitchen.

  It was a homey kitchen with a breakfast bar. “I’m just going to head upstairs to change out of this wet stuff. I’ll be right back,” she said, bounding upstairs.

  Emma had pulled all the ingredients out of the cabinets and fridge and arranged them precariously close to on the edge of the counter. A small, low ledge ran along the bottom cabinets that made it possible for Emma to reach the materials on the counter.

  “Here’s the pancake mix,” she said, handing him the big plastic container. “We need two scoops of that and we have to crack two eggs. I think you should crack them. The last time I tried, our pancakes were crunchy,” Emma said with her nose wrinkled. Alex came back downstairs and took her spot by the burners.

  Gabe nodded along as Emma gave him directions. “And then we need one scoop of milk.” She turned to Alex, who was getting the griddle ready. “Mommy, do we have to make more because the man is staying? We have to make sure we have enough.”

  “It’s okay, Munchkin. I’m not hungry. I’m sure there will be more than enough for everyone,” she said, grabbing the butter and flipped on the burners.

  “And now the best part—chocolate chips,” Emma said with a mischievous grin.

  Emma grabbed the bag and started to pour the chips into the measuring cup. “Emma, remember what I said last time? Only a half-scoop of chips because last time they were eighty percent chocolate.” Emma stopped her pouring just a little over halfway at Alex’s admonishment.

  She gave a pout and he couldn’t contain his laugh. “All right, Mommy,” she said glumly before turning back to him.

  “So, what is your name?” she asked as she started mixing the batter with a fork, causing flour to fly all over the place.

  “My name is Gabe. It’s short for Gabriel.”

  “Oh, that’s like my middle name, Gabrielle. Wow, that’s cool.” He turned to look at her as she attempted to blink back tears. She quickly turned away from him and went to wash her hands at the kitchen sink.

  “That is really cool. So how old are you, Emma?”

  “I’m six years old, but I’ll be seven next month. I’m going to have a My Little Pony party! So, who are you?” She glanced back and forth between them, biting her lip. She made her way to Emma and dropped to one knee, so they were eye-to-eye.

  “Emma, remember when we talked about families and how some families are different from others?” Emma nodded her head. "And remember how I told you that sometimes kids have mommies and daddies and they don’t get to meet them? Well, now you get that chance. Gabriel is your daddy.”

  “My daddy?” Emma’s eyes got wide as she looked up with him with such awe that it nearly broke his heart. His heart thudded and tears sprang to his eyes. He knelt, taking her little hands in his. “Yes, Emma, I’m your daddy. I’m so sorry I haven’t met you until now, but I’m so happy that I finally can.”

  “You mean I have a daddy just like Terry and Sienna?” she said in disbelief.

  “Yeah, just like them,” she said, tears running down her face. She wiped her cheeks and Emma turned to him and threw her arms around his neck, squeezing so tight he thought she might hurt herself. He squeezed her back and began to rock her back and forth.

  “Daddy, do you want to see my room?” Emma asked excitedly as she tugged on his hand to pull him toward the stairs. He turned back to Alex and she nodded and shooed him away. She turned back to the stove, grabbed the mixing bowl, and started to ladle out the batter.

  14

  When Alex was sure they were upstairs, she finally broke down. Year and years of pent up tension, fear, anger, and hurt came crashing down onto her head all at once. She couldn’t stop have stopped it if she’d tried. She turned off the burners under t
he griddle and slid down the cabinets, clutched her knees to her chest, and tried to keep her sobs as quiet as possible.

  This was the moment she had long since given up on happening. She was finally feeling complete confidence that she wouldn’t have to deal with Gabe when it came to Emma. She figured that maybe Emma would track him down when she was older, but she hadn’t thought that he would just pop up like this.

  After Emma’s first birthday came and went without a word from him, she’d pretty much given up. The no-contact clause hadn’t been enough in her mind in the beginning. She thought that eventually he would come for Emma, and that scared her almost as much as the thought of raising Emma alone.

  The nightmare was always the same. Someone would pull up in front of the house in a big black SUV. The windows were tinted and she couldn’t see who was inside. A hulking guy would come out of the driver’s side and walk around the back to open the door for a tall, slender woman in a bright red suit. She would be able to see him sitting in the backseat of the car, but he refused to look her way.

  The woman would walk to the front door and hand her a giant stack of papers and then direct the driver to take Emma away from her. Her feet were always planted to the floor, unable to move as the man ripped Emma away from her, both screaming and shouting for one another. She would try desperately to pull her feet up from the ground to go after her baby. Emma would scream and cry and try to beat up on the driver before her threw her in the back of the car.

  Then the SUV would pull away and only then would Alex’s feet unstick themselves from the ground and she’d chase them until she couldn’t move any more. Then she’d shoot up in the bed covered in sweat and panting, her heart racing. It was a nightly dream for a long time after Emma was born, and then it eventually tapered off to only a couple of times per month and then eventually to only once or twice a year. She had a feeling that dream would be revisiting her soon.

  She worried that her daughter would never know her father, but tried to do the best for her by herself that she could. She finished college with a degree in computer science and looked for flexible work that she could do from home while taking care of her young daughter. Other than sending the letters to his management office, she had no way of contacting him. None of the ways to contact him worked anymore and she wasn’t willing to go public. That would have just brought unwanted attention to them.

  Now he was back out of the blue, saying that he never even received her letters. She was still so angry with him, though. Years of pent up rage don’t dissipate in an instant. And she couldn’t forget about him jumping into bed with Lesley when they had been broken up for less than twenty-four hours. And then it was months of a shitty pregnancy with two near-hospitalizations and the even harder infant stage where sleep seemed like something she imagined.

  At least she’d had the money to help. Not wanting to spend more of the single ‘shut up and leave me alone’ check that she’d received, Alex had stuck to the barest-bones budget she could, while making sure that Emma had what she needed. Getting that check had been a final kick in the teeth to Alex. It signaled to her that he knew about them, but didn’t want anything to do with them.

  But it all boiled down to the fact that he hadn’t been there. At the end of the day that was it. She’d needed him and he hadn’t been there. She hoped he could be there for their daughter.

  The thought that he didn’t know, couldn’t feel that he had a little girl out there made her want to lash out, as irrational as it was. He said he hadn’t received the letters, so she would take him on his word. The tears in his eyes when she told Emma he was her father confirmed it. She knew he was a good actor, but didn’t think he was faking that.

  Now she hoped that his ability to be a dad didn’t mirror his track record as a boyfriend. She’d have to dig out the legal papers she’d had Jen draw up a couple of years ago, in case this day ever came. They were in her office somewhere. She shot off a quick text to Jen to let her know what was happening, then pulled herself together. Grabbing a few tissues and blowing her nose, she picked herself up, turned the griddle back on, and started in on the pancakes.

  15

  Emma’s room was the picture of a happy childhood. There were dolls, transformers, trains, building blocks, and everything in between, all in their places in neatly labeled bins and shelves. Either she was a tidy child or Alex made sure she kept it that way. Gabe smiled as he imagined her in there with a label maker trying to ensure that everything was in its place and orderly. It seemed so different from the girl he’d met back in the diner all those years ago.

  “These are my favorite toys,” Emma said excitedly as she pulled him to sit down in one of her mini chairs. Afraid that he would break the tiny white chair, Gabe perched himself on the edge. Emma started piling his lap high with ponies, robots, dolls and anything else she could get her hands on.

  “Wow, these are really nice. Did your mommy get them for you?”

  “Mommy got me some. Aunt Jen got me some other ones and some are from my last birthday. It was a really fun pirate party. I can’t wait for my pony party,” Emma said, bouncing up and down. She seemed to be bouncing always—a ball of constant energy.

  “So, what do you want for your birthday?”

  “I was going to ask for a daddy, but you’re here now,” she said as she jumped up onto Gabe’s lap, impaling a robot leg right into his groin. He tried not to flinch as he readjusted her and shifted her to one of his knees.

  “So, I’ll have to think of something else,” she said, tapping her chin deep in thought.

  He sat there stunned. Allowing it all to sink in, he looked around the room and still couldn’t believe it. He had a daughter. Even more unlikely, he couldn’t believe how this beautiful, pixie-faced little girl had just accepted him. He’d gone from maybe thinking of having kids someday with someone he cared about to already having one with someone he still loved. This precious little girl already held a major part of his heart. He bit back the bitterness that crept up his throat at the thought of the years that had been stolen from him--from them. He couldn’t believe that he’d trusted Aaron for so long. Not wanting those bitter feelings to taint this time with his daughter, he pushed them down. That was for another time.

  “Pancakes are ready,” Alex called from downstairs.

  “PANCAKES,” Emma squealed as she grabbed his hand and pulled him toward the stairs. His stomach started to growl and his mouth watered in anticipation of tasting Alex’s pancakes again.

  She was just sitting down to a table set with three spaces. Walking down the stairs to this scene was something he could see himself doing time and time again.

  “Daddy, sit next to me!” Emma exclaimed as she pulled him down into the seat next to her. “Do you want some orange juice?”

  “Sure, I’ll take some.” Emma grabbed the pitcher and attempted to pour it. With minimal spillage, she managed to fill it up to the brim. “Woah, kiddo, that’s enough.” She placed the pitcher carefully back down on the table.

  Emma started to dig into the pancakes with gusto, completely covering her face with chocolate in the process. Gabe couldn’t help but chuckle as he watched how her eyes sparkled with joy or possibly sugar overload as she shoveled the chocolate-chip pancakes into her mouth. And then the smell wafted up to his nose and he couldn’t help but dig in, too.

  As he took his first bite, he had to close his eyes as he savored the flavor. They were just as amazing as he remembered, maybe more so because in all the years since he’d had her pancakes, he’d tried dozens of pancake recipes and none ever held a candle to her creation. He looked back to Emma, who was busy bopping her head, kicking her feet back and forth, and shoveling pancakes into her mouth.

  Tearing his eyes away from her, he peered up at Alex. She was picking at her pancakes as she watched Emma enjoy hers. She caught him looking at her and her eyes flew right back to Emma. His energetic daughter--wow, his daughter— proceeded to regale him with tales of the playground. Fro
m exploring in the woods just off the playground at her school to their vacation to the Statue of Liberty the previous summer and spending time with her friends, Emma talked for almost an hour straight. It wasn’t until she started to nod off at the table that she suggested that they move into the living room.

  Emma threw her arms up for him to carry her into the living room, while Alex got up to clear the table.

  “Emma, you know you’re getting way too big for pick-ups,” she said, picking up their plates and stacking them on top of each other.

  “It’s okay. I don’t mind,” he said, picking her up and cradling her in her arms. “Alex, leave those, you know how I feel about dishes after someone else cooks.”

  “You say that now about picking her up, but wait until your back starts hurting tomorrow,” she warned. “And I’ll grab the dishes; it’s okay. Just take Emma into the living room.”

  When she returned from the kitchen, Emma was fast asleep on the couch beside him with chocolate smeared all over her face. Taking in the scene, she couldn’t help but smile as she looked at her beautiful daughter. A daughter she was now going to have to share. At that thought, Alex bent down to pick her up and he went to stop her.

  “I can carry her,” he said attempting to stand.

  “No, it’s okay, I got it,” she said as she picked Emma up with a grunt, patted her head as she started to grumble a little in her sleep, and carried her upstairs. She put Emma in her bed and walked across the hall to the bathroom, wetting a washcloth. She just shook her head. What was she going to do now?

  She popped back into Emma’s room and tried to wipe as much of the chocolate off her face as she could without waking her. She took the cloth back into the bathroom and took a deep breath to try to compose herself before walking back downstairs. Catching a glimpse of herself in the mirror, she tried to smooth out some of her hair that was sticking up after the water fight. “What the hell am I doing?” she admonished herself, incredulous that she would care about how she looked when it came to Gabe.