Nashville Nights

by Alicia Hunter Pace

  “I’d like to go back to my bus now. It’s late, and I have a lot to think about,” Katie said. She held her head high, determined not to cry or show how hurt she was despite her wavering voice. She had never laid her feelings bare like that before and to have them refused was devastating.

  “Katie,” Blake began, his eyes pleading. He reached out to put his hand on her shoulder and she shrugged out of his reach.

  “No, I think I need to go. Please take me.” She insisted, her voice calm despite the storm brewing inside her, threatening to break her heart. He looked like he wanted to say more but stopped himself.

  “Okay,” he whispered. Blake picked up his keys off the counter and made his way around the house, checking locks and turning off lights. “Let’s go.”

  They drove back to the buses in silence, stubbornly avoiding eye contact with one another. Katie stared straight ahead as they made their way through Nashville traffic, concentrating on keeping her breathing even and her tears held back. She clasped her hands tightly together on her lap and promised herself that she would not cry in front of Blake. She had told him what she wanted from him, what she needed from him, and he had refused. He couldn’t even offer an explanation, so there was nothing more to say. He obviously didn’t feel as strongly for her as she thought, and she would not further humiliate herself by showing how much it hurt.

  When they arrived in the parking lot, Katie was relieved to see a flurry of activity around the buses. The drivers and security team members were completing their safety checks and preparation for the drive to Memphis. That meant that they would be heading out soon and she would be one more show closer to the end of the tour by this time tomorrow night. She would put this tour and thoughts of Blake Jackson behind her.

  Blake tried to take Katie’s hand but she gently pulled away from him. “Can we talk about this?”

  His voice was husky with emotion, but Katie resisted the urge to fall into his arms. She thought of all that she was leaving behind, how the rest of the world fell away when she was in his arms, her cheek resting on his chest, the stubble on his chin catching in her hair, and gave in to her tears. She drew the back of her fist across her cheek, swiping tears from her face, and forced herself to slide out of the truck. He seemed so vulnerable that Katie had to sternly remind herself that he had his chance but didn’t take it.

  “You know what? You say that you want someone who wants more than just the generic Blake Jackson experience, that you want someone who really knows you. Well that’s me. I know you, and I want more. You refuse to offer it, though. All you’re willing to give is the Blake Jackson experience and you refuse to open yourself up to something real. You can’t have it both ways, you know. You’ll never get anything more meaningful than what you’ve always had as long as you shut yourself off like this. So now, unless you have more to add than an apology, or you’re asking the whole band to stay on the tour, then the answer is no. There’s really nothing more to talk about.” When he hesitated again, Katie spared Blake a sad, pained look and turned away before striding purposefully towards her bus.

  Blake slammed his palms against the steering wheel and cursed in frustration before climbing out of the truck and slamming the door behind him. He watched Katie climb into her own tour bus before hanging his head and walking towards his own.

  • • •

  Blake stepped into the cool, quiet air of his bus and looked around. He had so many nice things, so many small luxuries and comforts, and it was all so pointless to him now. He had worked so hard to make something of himself, to get all these things, and now he was alone. Alone in a fancy tour bus. He had devoted so much of himself to the business of being Blake Jackson that he had never bothered to find someone to share this life with.

  Then along came Katie McCoy, offering nothing less than her love, and he ruined the whole thing. He was sickened by himself, disgusted by how casually he had treated Katie’s career and how he hadn’t had the nerve to just tell her how he felt. Three little words would have made her stay, but he would have had to open himself up, promise more than he was comfortable with, to say them. The opportunity was right there in front of him and he couldn’t say the words. He simply couldn’t let her bet everything on him. It was too soon to know if he loved her, and it wouldn’t have been fair to tell her that he did.

  It would have been so easy to let her believe that he was sure about her, sure about them, sure enough that she should leave everything important to her behind. He couldn’t let her give everything up for someone like him. She was right to turn him down. She didn’t know that he had never been in love, that he had never found anyone who made him feel the way she did. She didn’t know that he had spent so much of his life building his career that he had never had a real relationship. If she did, she might have understood, might have given him more time to come around. She didn’t know, though, and frankly she deserved better.

  The bus driver stepped in and poked his head around the corner. “We’re ready to roll out if you are, Mr. Jackson.”

  Blake sighed heavily. He had thought he’d be driving to Memphis with Katie, had pictured the two of them snuggled up together and excited about the adventure ahead of them. “Yep, let’s go.” He pushed his boots off and kicked them across the lounge before grabbing a beer out of the fridge and making his way to his bedroom. Alone.

  Chapter Ten

  Katie and her band played their best performance of the tour in Memphis, Tennessee. Although she had expected a sleepless night, she slept like a rock on the bus from Nashville and well into the morning after the band arrived in Memphis. Katie figured that she must have been drained by the extreme emotion of her night with Blake. The deep sleep protected her from her own misery, at least for one night, and refreshed her enough to put her chin up and refocus her energy on the band and the night’s performance.

  Katie wanted to lie in bed and cry, or raid the freezer for ice cream and call her mom to commiserate, but she had refused Blake’s offer in favor of staying in her band. No use in losing her career, too. She usually rushed through a shower after the Sterling show so she could watch Blake’s set afterwards, but not tonight. He had probably saved her usual special seat backstage, but it would be too painful to take it tonight.

  Katie thought that surely the day would come when she would be able to see Blake on television or hear one of his songs without bursting into tears, but that day wasn’t today. She lingered in her shower, turning the water as hot as she could stand it, standing in the stream as the tears she had been holding back all day finally came. If her band mates had wondered where Blake was all day, they hadn’t said anything. None of them had even noticed that Katie was dying on the inside. She was either doing a great job of appearing normal or they just weren’t paying attention. She hoped they wouldn’t head out for the night without asking if she wanted to go. They might have already made their plans, but if Katie ever needed a night out with friends, and beer—lots of beer—tonight was the night.

  She turned off the water and stepped out of the shower, pulling an oversized towel around herself. Scooping up her cell phone, Katie whispered a little prayer that the guys hadn’t gone out for the night while she dialed Charles’s number. She rubbed a towel over her wet hair while she listened to the phone ring.

  “Well if it isn’t Miss Katie McCoy,” Charles drawled into the phone. “Thought you’d be watching Blake’s set.”

  “Not tonight. I was wondering if you guys want to go out and get some beers. Blake’s not coming. It’d just be us, like old times.”

  “Oh yeah, the good old days,” he chuckled. “Before our little Katie went off and fell in love. Sure darlin’, that sounds like fun. Come by when you’re ready to roll.”

  “Thanks. I’ll get ready fast and see you soon.”

  Katie ended the call and got to work on her hair and makeup. The results wouldn’t be nearly as gorge
ous as when she had her team working on her, but maybe it was time Katie remembered who she really was anyway.

  • • •

  Katie enthusiastically agreed to the dive bar the guys suggested, though it looked like a complete dump to her. When they arrived at The Snake Pit, she took in the rows of motorcycles parked in front and the parking lot full of dilapidated muscle cars and rusty pickup trucks with trepidation. The door opened as the band approached the bar, and loud heavy metal music and the shouts of a rowdy crowd spilled out from the bar into the parking lot.

  Katie resisted the urge to take the nearest band mate’s hand as they made their way inside. The guys probably had no idea what this place would be like when they chose it, but to Katie it felt like a challenge. It was as if they wanted her to prove to them that she was still one of them, not as separate from the group as the press would have everyone believe. Holding her head high, Katie pasted a bright smile on her face and walked in with her band.

  The place was shabby and the crowd was rough-looking, but it wasn’t nearly as frightening as Katie had imagined. The guys lining the bar and playing pool seemed like working class men blowing off steam after a long week, not menacing boogeymen out to get her. She relaxed and felt her smile become a little more natural as the guys found a table and Charles made his way to the bar to order shots for the group.

  A night out with her band would help take Katie’s mind off Blake and all that she had lost. It would help her remember what had been so important that she had let him go. The tequila shots that Charles brought for everyone were just what the doctor ordered.

  Katie usually wasn’t much of a drinker, but tonight was different. Tonight she desperately needed to feel like she belonged in her band. The guys had become closer, had spent so much time together the last couple of weeks that the divide between them and Katie was devastating. She wanted to find her way back. Back to her place in the group and back to herself. She gave the guys a wide grin and held up her shot glass in response to a toast Charles offered to the group. She swallowed her tequila, slammed her fist on the table and popped a wedge of lime between her teeth.

  “WOOOO!” Katie shouted while her band laughed and motioned for another round. “That’s what I’m talking about!” The guys laughed, and Katie loosened up. The divide between them was probably all in her head.

  A waitress brought a tray of tequila shots and Charles asked for a round of beers for the table. Something caught his eye over her shoulder and he waved in the air, shouting, “Chet!”

  Chet Wilson, Blake’s fiddler, wove through the crowd towards the table, an open smile on his face. He shook hands with the guys in the band and introduced himself to Katie. “I believe we met your first night on the tour, but I’m Chet Wilson. I play fiddle for Blake Jackson.”

  “Of course I remember you, Chet! It’s good to see you again.” Katie shook Chet’s hand and hid her confusion behind a bright smile. Since when did her band hang out with Chet Wilson? Chet pulled a chair over to their table and sat down right next to Katie. He offered her a friendly, easy smile, one that surely meant to reassure her that he was just here for the fun. Someone pushed a tequila shot towards Chet, and Jeff offered a toast.

  “Here’s to you, my friends,” Jeff held up his shot glass. “May every day be happier than the last!” Jeff licked salt off his hand and drank his tequila in one swallow. Katie and the men raised their glasses in toast and took their shots after Jeff. Katie sucked in a breath after swallowing her shot.

  “Maybe I should slow down,” she admitted before sucking on a wedge of lime.

  Charles laughed and nudged Katie’s shoulder with his own. “Pace yourself, kiddo. We’re just getting started.”

  The waitress approached their table and set down mugs of beer. Katie put her empty shot glasses on the waitress’s tray and slid her mug closer. The tequila was already hitting her pretty hard, but she enjoyed the warm, loose feeling that was spreading through her muscles. She liked how little losing Blake bothered her right now.

  She took a long pull of her frothy beer and sat back, looking around the table. The familiar faces should soothe her, should make her feel like she had made the right choice, but she couldn’t help but notice how happy they all were, so completely oblivious to her heartbreak. True, she hadn’t told anyone about her disastrous night with Blake, but did they really not notice that her world had crashed down around her? She took another drink of the beer and mentally shook away the negative thoughts. The alcohol was probably making her maudlin and she was determined to get over herself. Tonight was for fun, for getting back into the band’s good graces and reaffirming that she belonged with them, not for wallowing in self-pity. She leaned in to hear Jeff finish a joke, one she had heard him tell dozens of times, and forced herself to laugh heartily with the group. With a few more big swallows, Katie finished her beer and set the mug down.

  “Next round’s on me,” she announced to the table. The guys raised their mugs and cheered. Katie signaled for the waitress and said, “Beers and tequila shots all around, please. And see this handsome guy here? Bring him whatever he wants.” She set a hand on Chet’s shoulder as she spoke to the waitress, her words starting to slur.

  Knowing that the guys had been spending time with Chet made her worried that they were looking to replace her, but she couldn’t think that way. If it were any other guy from Blake’s band, she wouldn’t have given it a second thought.

  “Hey, before I left, I heard that they found the guy who slashed the tires on your bus,” Chet announced.

  “Oh yeah? What’s the story?” Charles asked as everyone leaned in to hear.

  “As far as anyone can tell, it was just random vandalism. Some security guard caught a guy keying a car in a parking lot and when the police hauled him in, they ran his prints. They matched some found on the gate at the venue, so he actually ended up confessing. Everyone’s still keeping their eyes open, but it looks like it’s not something we have to worry about too much.” Chet took a drink of his beer. “I imagine you’ll be free to finish the tour without your bodyguard,” he said to Katie.

  “Aw, I’m going to miss him. My hair and makeup girls are crazy about Jonathan, and he makes great coffee.” Katie giggled and took a sip of her own beer. Now that the danger had passed, she felt very foolish for assuming that she had anything to do with it. Like someone would go out of their way to target her, as if she was so special.

  She leaned over and whispered in Charles’s ear, “I need to go to the ladies’ room. Save my seat, and make sure there’s a drink waiting for me when I get back.” She giggled as she swayed a bit in her chair.

  Charles rose from his seat and held Katie’s elbow steady as she stood. “Do you need me to help you?”

  Katie shook her head seriously, though the alcohol had taken the edge off of her serious mood and made everything seem a bit silly. “No sir, I’m perfectly fine. See?” She walked to the ladies’ room, standing perfectly straight, careful not to sway. She looked back and gave Charles what she thought was a jaunty little salute and was relieved to see him smiling at her indulgently.

  Katie smiled brightly at other bar patrons as she walked past, as much to convince herself that she was having a great time without Blake as anything else. She doubted anyone recognized her, but she felt like everyone in the place was watching her.

  • • •

  Katie washed her hands and looked around the filthy bathroom. The mirror was cloudy and the walls were covered in graffiti, probably years’ worth, where girls had come in and left their mark in permanent ink. She noticed a note scrawled close to an old scratched-up metal paper towel dispenser that proudly proclaimed, “I LOVE BLAKE”. You and me both, sister. She hoped that the other girl had better luck with her Blake.

  There were no paper towels, so Katie wiped her hands on her jeans and set her purse on the sink’s edge. She pulled out a
tube of lip gloss and concentrated on her lips in the mirror while she applied a fresh coat.

  Satisfied, she made her way back into the bar and was halfway to the band’s table when she heard angry, menacing shouting to her right. She turned her head just in time to see a pair of large men push up out of their chairs and tear into each other, fists pounding on one another as people around them scrambled to move out of the fray. A passing waitress was pushed into Katie, and they both hit the floor with a sickening thud as Katie took the brunt of the fall. The waitress had been carrying a full tray, but it went flying, sending mugs crashing to the ground, shards of glass pinging off the hard concrete of the floor as cold beer splashed all around them. Katie had slipped in the beer as the waitress hit her, making it impossible to keep her balance. Her head bounced off the smooth floor, giving her a brief flash of stars in her eyes, and the waitress landed on her, knocking the wind right out of her. She vaguely noticed the wetness surrounding her and wasn’t sure if it was beer or if the glass had cut her.

  Katie tried to lift her head but darkness bloomed in her vision, closing in from the outside and moving to the center as the ringing in her ears got louder and louder. Faces peered over her, faces that she could almost make out, and voices made noise that sounded like words, but Katie didn’t resist when her body slipped into a buzzing, heavy sleep.

  Chapter Eleven

  Katie looked around the unfamiliar room, her eyes blinking against the harsh fluorescent light, her nose stinging with the antiseptic smell of the place before remembering where she was. She stretched in the small bed, wincing in pain and searching the bedside table for water. Her mouth was dry, her head was pounding, and her body was weak with fatigue. A nurse bustled in, smiling brightly as though Katie were a child.