Payback Ain't Enough

by Clark, Wahida

  I looked at this nigga as if he was crazy, held my son tighter and headed for the stairs.

  “Shan!” he yelled so loud he startled me, and I froze in place. “Where the fuck have you been?”

  “Briggen, I am grown. I took a vacation and went to Vegas by myself. I met two ladies from New Jersey, and we hung out together, and we enjoyed ourselves. That’s it; that’s all.”

  “What made you decide to leave our son with the daycare worker? When I asked you to come see me, you bitched about how you wasn’t leaving our son with no stranger for days at a time, but you go and pull this shit!”

  “Daycare worker? Briggen, you have known Miss Carrol for how long? Hell, you are the one who introduced me to her. You forgot she used to be the nanny? I needed to get away from everything that was going on.”

  “Everything going on? What the fuck, Shan? A little bit of pressure and you just cave in like a spineless bitch?”

  “Briggen, if I’m not stuck in this house, I’m running your fuckin’ businesses. I never do anything for me. I needed to do this for me. I was beginning to feel as if I was going to have a nervous breakdown. Yes, I feel like everything around me is caving the fuck in! I’m glad you fuckin’ noticed,” I screamed. “And as you can see, our son is fine. If I didn’t trust Miss Carrol, do you think I would have left my baby with her? You asshole!”

  “That’s not the only thing I’m pointing out, Shan. I told you to come see me, and you didn’t. Then I’m hearing some shit about you spending money like it’s water and you got niggas running in and out of my house.”

  “What?” I got indignant. “What about me hearing that you still hustling? And what about me hearing that you still fuckin’ with all of them bitches you had when I first met you? You wanna get shit out in the open, let’s get it out. From what I’m hearing you big.” I put lots of emphasis on big. “Larger than you were when I first met you. I never say shit when you go see them bitches to take care of your business. I called Nick because I had no one else to call. He came, and I’m sure he told you why he came. Now what?” I was screaming at the top of my lungs, and it was feeling damn good to let it all out.

  Briggen hauled off and punched the wall right on the side of my head while I was holding Anthony. “That’s what. You better watch how the fuck you talk to me. I ain’t some lame-ass nigga off the streets.”

  Startled and dazed, I held Anthony tighter as I leaned against the wall. “You wasn’t here to help me, Briggen. So I did the best I could. You wasn’t here. Now you are, so make shit right, if you are so concerned.” I began to walk up the stairs. I was scared. I honestly didn’t know what to do.

  He came following behind me. “As far as them bitches are concerned, you knew what was up when you started fuckin’ with me, Shan. You chose me, remember? You know how many bitches wish they were in your spot? And don’t you ever call some other nigga over to my home. I don’t give a fuck what you need. As a matter of fact, get your shit and get the fuck out. I’ll be damned if you gonna disrespect me in my own house as if I’m some fuckin’ chump and talk shit about it. How am I supposed to trust you, Shan? I can’t.”

  I stood there looking at him as if he had lost his fuckin’ mind. “What? You gonna put me and your son out in the streets?”

  “No, not my son. Just his momma.”

  “Nigga, you must be crazy. I got your son and I’m carrying another one. I think you are the one who needs to be packing, not me.” I went into our bedroom, slammed the door and locked it.

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  MIA

  Briggen and I pulled up in front of my house at the same time. Around 6:00 I decided to go to the gym, and then I stopped by the Super Walmart out in Livonia to pick up a few things.

  The last time I saw him was at Forever’s funeral. I had only spoken to him a couple of times while he was locked up.

  His trunk popped open, and I watched him as he got out of the truck and walked back to the trunk. He grabbed a duffel bag and shut it. My heart fluttered as I turned away to grab my gym bag and the bags from Walmart. I didn’t want him to see me watching him.

  “Are you going to open the door or what?” he asked me as he stood in the driveway.

  “Are you going to help with these groceries or what?” I shot back at him.

  “You ain’t got but three bags,” he snapped, but still came over to my car.

  “I don’t care. Come grab these three bags.” When he got to my trunk, I gave him four bags and I held onto the rest. “Thank you. Now was that so hard?”

  “Just come on and let me in the damn house.”

  I closed the trunk and went into the house, still curious as to what Briggen was up to. I kicked off my sneaks and he did the same. He headed for the kitchen. “You want these in here, right?”

  “Yes.” I followed him and watched as he sat the bags on the counter and left. I stood there waiting to see what he was going to do next. Usually, when he came into my house he would sit on the couch, state his business and leave. If he had something to drop off, he would drop it and be gone.

  He went upstairs, and my heart did the flutter thing again. I thought about the duffel bag he was carrying and got excited. I tiptoed to the bottom of the stairwell to see if I could hear something that would tell me what he was up to. When I heard the shower come on I grabbed my chest. I didn’t know what was going on, but my kitty who had been hiding under her covers since God knows when, had stretched. I felt a tingle down there and rushed back to the kitchen. I quickly put the perishables away and went upstairs.

  When I walked into my bedroom the duffel bag he had was unzipped and I could see the clothes. I came out of my workout gear thinking, if this nigga thought he was only going to sleep, eat and shit in my house he had another thing coming. He was definitely giving up some dick. We hadn’t fucked in almost eleven months.

  I went to join him in the shower. His back was to me as he had both hands against the wall, leaning over as if he was being frisked as the water rushed over his head and the rest of his body. He obviously was deep in thought because he didn’t move. I grabbed an extra sponge, soaped it up and began to gently massage his back, shoulders, arms, butt and legs. Getting impatient, I motioned for him to turn around. I washed and massaged the front of his arms, chest abs and legs and obviously was doing a good job because his dick was sticking straight out and was rock-solid. It was beautiful. I savored the view and figured I’d save that for last, massaging first his balls, gliding gradually back and forth, making them nice and soapy. When he seductively gazed at me licking his lips, I began soaping and stroking that rod, going over the head, then back down the shaft causing him to grow longer, fatter and harder.

  I became so aroused that I found myself getting on my knees. He may have belonged to Shan, but right now, he was all mine. I craved him. I needed him. I wanted to taste him. I wanted his hardness to fill my mouth. I ran my tongue across the head as I gently massaged his balls. I then licked his dick long and slow, teasing the base of the head. His dick jumped. He grabbed my hair, pulling me closer to him. I moistened my lips, opened my mouth and took him in. Slowly. Inch by inch. It had been too long and I was savoring this moment as I imagined I was sucking on my favorite, a chocolate Tootsie Pop. I felt him trying to fuck my mouth. But I was in control. I pulled him out and began licking all over his dick. And then I put him back into my mouth and started sucking him hard. He now had both hands on my head and was grinding his dick against my throat.

  “Goddamn, you a bad bitch!” I heard him mumble.

  The deeper he tried to push, the harder I sucked. This nigga was gonna say my name. I sucked and licked that sensitive spot under the head with no mercy.

  “Meaaahh,” he finally groaned.

  The way he was grabbing on my hair had Miss Kitty purring. He must have felt it because he stopped me.

  “Let’s take it to the bed,” he said out of breath.

  We stepped out of the shower, soaking wet and rushed into the bedroom
. I lay back onto the bed and spread my legs. He remained standing on the side of the bed and pulled me up to the edge. Since my mattress was so high he put each of my legs up on his shoulders and eased inside me. I know I was a little tight because no other nigga had been hittin’ this. He grunted.

  “See what you’ve been missing,” I seductively teased him as I matched his every stroke.

  “Fuck!” he grunted again.

  “See what good, tight and hot pussy you’ve been missing?” I wanted to burn that shit into his mind. “You’ve been missing out on this hot pussy.”

  BRIGGEN

  Yeah, I packed a bag of my shit and left Shan to figure out what she wanted to do. I don’t know who the fuck she thinks she is or what the fuck got into her. When a nigga comes home from jail, his woman is supposed to be there waiting for him, mouth open and pussy hot, just the way Mia was.

  I knew that when she saw me and I didn’t say why I was at her house, she didn’t know what to think. Bottom line, I was stressing, needed to get away from Shan, needed to clear my head and I definitely needed to be up inside some hot, wet, tight pussy.

  After that A-1 head job Mia gave me in the shower, I had to bless her with some dick. Niggas and bitches had been telling me that Mia don’t be fucking around, and if I didn’t believe it then, I believed it now because her pussy was tight as fuck. I was fighting not to scream like a bitch as I drove into her hot, tight juiciness. I went deeper and faster while Mia matched my every stroke. Our rhythm was synchronized. As far as I was concerned, that was still my pussy.

  “Briggen… I’m nev… er… go… ing to… stop… lo… loving you,” she moaned.

  I gripped her hips and tried to knock her bottom out. Her pussy was hot and, at that point, all I could do was explode. Fuck! I didn’t cover up my dick.

  SHAN

  After I heard Briggen start his car, I unlocked my bedroom door and ran down the stairs.

  “No, this nigga did not leave me!” I snatched open the back door as he was backing out of the driveway. I was ready to hurt something. I slammed the door and the walls shook.

  I called Keeta. I needed to talk to somebody. She wasn’t at home, and she didn’t show up until after I had bathed Anthony and put him to bed.

  “I’m starving, Shan,” she said as she ravaged my cabinets. “Listen, don’t tell Briggen. I think I might be pregnant,” she announced.

  “What? By who?”

  “That’s a whole ’nother story. I couldn’t wait for you to bring your ass back so I could tell you.” I sat down on one of the stools at the counter. Keeta went into the refrigerator and began pulling out leftovers and tossing the food out. She rolled her eyes at me. “This is nasty, Shan.”

  “What do you expect? I haven’t been home for a week.”

  “Speaking of which, how you gonna go to Vegas and not take me? I am so mad at you! You selfish bitch!”

  “I needed that alone time, Keeta. Time away from everything and everybody. Something that your family does not seem to understand.”

  “My family?”

  “Yes, you know you are down with whatever Briggen says.”

  “That’s what you think? I got my own mind, Shan.”

  “Mmmmmhmm,” I mumbled.

  “So what epiphanies did you get in Sin City? Did you cheat on Brig? Come on, Shan, you can tell me.” She started laughing.

  “You laughing, but it’s true. I did have an epiphany. Number one, I’m gonna start doing me. I’m going to be living for me and do me.”

  “Shan, please. If you lose your man you sure will be doing you.” She started laughing at her own joke, but then she saw the seriousness on my face. “Alright, damn. What do you want to do? What do you have time to do?”

  “Oh, don’t worry. I got my shit all planned out. I’m getting ready to be a promoter.”

  “A promoter? A promoter of what?”

  “Of shows. Entertainment. Bringing talent here to the ‘D’. That’s what.”

  Keeta finally decided to make us a turkey and cheese sandwich. She examined the date on the turkey slices closely and away to the trash the slices went. “Damn, y’all. Why don’t somebody clean out the refrigerator? And just like I tossed that bad lunch meat, you need to toss that bad idea about being a promoter. First off, you don’t know shit about doing that shit. Second, you got a baby and you’re pregnant. Third, you already got businesses to run. You got the day care, the hotel, the—”

  I cut her off. “Keeta, I don’t know why I expected more support from you when you don’t do shit. Hell, you ain’t even got a job.”

  “What do I need a job for when I got a rack of niggas with money? Including Briggen?”

  “Keeta, what happens to you when that rack of niggas gets locked up? And here your ass is depending on these niggas for your livelihood. You see what happened to Sharia. She put all of her faith, hopes and dreams in Briggen’s hands. She built that club from the ground up and poof! It was gone just like that.” I snapped my fingers.

  “You can’t talk, Shan. You running Briggen’s day care and hotel. That shit ain’t yours, technically.”

  “Ain’t mines? That shit is in my name, why you playin’?”

  “But it’s still his, and just like he did with Sharia, he can take it. You only the front person he got runnin’ it.”

  “Not anymore, I ain’t running his shit. And we are married, so technically, it is mine. However, I’m doing my own thing from here on out. I’ve been putting other people first for way too long.”

  “How you gonna run a party-throwing business with a baby on your hip and one in your belly?”

  “For starters, Briggen is getting ready to do his part, that’s how. Just sit back and watch me.”

  “How are you gonna get him to do that?”

  “He’s gonna keep his son. Shit, he’s able. He don’t got no nine to five.”

  “Where is his ass?” Keeta snapped.

  I looked at my watch. It was almost 11:30. I grabbed my cell and called him. No answer.

  “Alright, Miss Big-Time Party Throwing P. Diddy promoter. I’m outta here”

  “You’ll see, bitch. And don’t come asking me for a job neither,” I teased her.

  “Whatever!” She kissed me on the cheek and left.

  As soon as I locked her out I called Briggen again. He answered the phone, sounding as if he was already asleep. The blood in my veins started to boil. Here I was stressing over his ass, and he’s resting up in some other bitch’s bed.

  “Where are you?” I gritted.

  “What?”

  “Where are you, Briggen? You heard me.”

  “What do you mean where am I? You put me out, remember.”

  “I know you don’t think that I’ma just stay a good little girl and allow you to sleep in another bitch’s bed, do you?”

  “You put me out, Shan. Now what do you want?”

  I couldn’t speak. My tongue turned thick, and my damn throat was dry. I ended the call and headed upstairs. I packed Anthony a bag of clothes, went downstairs and packed up some food, wrapped him up and headed over to Mia’s. I didn’t care that it was almost midnight. If he was at the bitch’s house, he was in a position to keep his son. I had an agenda and could move around more freely without the baby. He’d be just fine with his daddy.

  When I pulled up in front of her house and saw Briggen’s car, I lost it. I started laying on the horn. When I got tired of doing that I called him. When he answered, I said, “I’m out front. Come and get your son.” I hung up. I got out of the car and took the clothes and food bags out of the car and placed them on the front porch and rang the bell. I went back to the car, beeped the horn some more and then unfastened Anthony’s car seat. I grabbed Anthony and his car seat and marched back to the front porch. I lay on that damn doorbell.

  Briggen finally came to the door. “What the fuck is wrong with you?”

  “You want to play house with this bitch? Here’s a baby to make it real.” I shoved the car
seat with Anthony still strapped to it into his arms, turned and walked off the porch.

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  DARK

  Cisco and I had just come from Oak Ridge, Tennessee. I saw why he wanted me to move and set up shop down there. I had to admit, the town was wide open. After a week and with the help of his two young cousins Dana and Wes, our shit was on swole. But I didn’t give a fuck how much money was to be made. I wasn’t moving way across the country to some dammed Oak Ridge, Tennessee.

  “Yo, Dark, I know you ready to rock Oak Ridge to sleep, ain’t you?” Cisco asked me. He was all hyped up.

  “Naw, man. It’s aiight, but I think you should have Rob or Mac run that shop. Them two niggas together will set it off. For real, it’s too slow for me. I need to be around the action. And the ‘D’ got the action. We right in the middle of it. I’ll be too restless down there.”

  “What? Nigga, you trippin’. I thought you was all about your paper.” He gave me a dirty look. “Man, y’all muthafuckas kill me. Always talking about y’all ready to eat. Here I am serving you a plate where you can eat, all you can possibly eat, and you talking about you ain’t hungry.”

  “Nigga, go ’head with that,” I told him.

  “What you want to do? Stay up here under me like you my bitch or something?” He paused and stared at me. “Aiight, then. Case closed.”

  “Your bitch? Fuck you!” I replied. I was now ready to body this nigga. It took everything in me not to shoot this faggot.

  “Like I said, case closed, nigga. It’s your loss. Hey, Rob, pull over. Let me holla at these hoes.”

  At that point, I wanted to crack the nigga’s jaw. I was breathing fire as Rob pulled over, and Cisco rolled down his window. There were two chicks standing in front of the barbershop talking. When I looked closer I could see why Cisco said pull over. These chicks were all body, and one in particular kept my gaze, and when I realized that it was Lisha, I forgot all about crushing Cisco’s jaw who was in Mac mode. He jumped out of the car, and I was right on his heels.