Repent (The Disciples Book 3)

by Cassandra Robbins

  Copyright © 2020

  Repent by Cassandra Robbins

  All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, distributed, or scanned in any manner without written permission of the author, except in the need of quotes for reviews only.

  This book is a work of fiction. The names, characters, and establishments are the product of the author’s imagination or are used to provide authenticity and are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to any person, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

  Edited: Nikki Busch Editing

  Cover Design: Michele Catalano Creative

  Formatting: Elaine York, Allusion Graphics, LLC

  Cover Photo: Wander Aguiar Photography

  Cover Model: Zack Salaun

  Chapter One

  Part One

  Chapter Two

  Chapter Three

  Chapter Four

  Chapter Five

  Chapter Six

  Chapter Seven

  Chapter Eight

  Chapter Nine

  Chapter Ten

  Chapter Eleven

  Chapter Twelve

  Chapter Thirteen

  Chapter Fourteen

  Chapter Fifteen

  Chapter Sixteen

  Chapter Seventeen

  Chapter Eighteen

  Chapter Nineteen

  Chapter Twenty

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Part Two

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  Chapter Thirty

  Chapter Thirty-One

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  Chapter Thirty-Three

  Chapter Thirty-Four

  Chapter Thirty-Five

  Epilogue

  Want More...

  Other Books by Cassandra Robbins

  Connect

  Acknowledgements

  About the Author

  To my husband, who always tells me to run my own race.

  And to those who bet on me.

  DOLLY

  Thirty-one years old

  I’m cold, I think, or am I? My cheeks are on fire. The faint beeps and smell of disinfectant surrounding me make me want to curl into a ball and hide.

  “It’s going to be okay. We’re all right here.” Doug reaches for one of my numb hands. His voice is annoyingly soothing, and I turn to look into his brown eyes. For some reason, though, all I see is blue. Ocean-blue eyes, that look at me as though I’ve finally destroyed us.

  I gulp in some much-needed air if only to stop my twitching. I must focus on the now. Breathe in and out, I chant in my chaotic brain.

  My teeth are chattering and I bring a shaky hand to my lips to still them. Obviously, my technique is not working. It might be making things worse. My head is pounding, and there’s a real possibility I might be having a stroke.

  “At least we’re at the hospital.”

  I must have voiced this out loud, because Eve responds, “Yes, he’s getting the best care.”

  She sits on my other side strangling my hand. Jesus, it’s clammy, almost slippery. Any other time, I’d be horrified. Today… well, today everything’s changed.

  Terror shoots up my spine. This can’t possibly have happened. I love him; I can’t have killed him. All of this isn’t real—it’s a nightmare. Or one of my fucked-up daydreams I like to partake in.

  “I think that I have done something unforgivable,” I announce loudly to the room.

  All talking stops as almost every person I love in this world turns and stares.

  I scan their faces. They’re either looking at me like I need to be put in the looney bin, or they look rather annoyed that I called 911. But I panicked. After all, I fucking stabbed him.

  I know Blade is unhappy, saying he has private doctors to handle delicate matters such as this. Whatever. I’m done for anyway. Might as well make it quick. Why drag out the agony?

  The silence is deafening… so bad that I can count my racing pulse, the beats so fast I’m out of breath. My eyes dart around as I take in my surroundings.

  I’m sitting.

  I’m in the waiting room at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center.

  The walls are cream colored with fake watercolors and a large flat screen droning on about all the horrors that happen in our world.

  And Disciples.

  They surround me in a show of rank. Blade made sure of that.

  “Dolly?”

  The concern in Doug’s voice makes me blink and lean toward him. “It’s weird how this room has green chairs,” I whisper. “All but one.” I motion with my eyes to a chair that Dewey is sitting on.

  “See? That one is gray. All the others are green.”

  His beautiful brown eyes widen as he looks at my face as if I have grown another head.

  “Everything is how it should be,” I announce again, hearing voices say, “Jesus Christ” and “What the fuck?” in the background.

  “It’s true. Tell them, Eve.” I nudge her with my elbow. “We heard it on a talk show. Everything is how it’s supposed to be.”

  Jesus, I can’t stop saying crazy things. If I had a free hand I would slap it over my mouth, but I don’t.

  “Which is ridiculous because really? Is this how it should be? I don’t fucking think so.” I let out a snort that ends up in a sob.

  “She’s in shock. We need a doctor,” Doug screeches.

  The room explodes with Ox doing more cursing along with Dewey leaping out of the gray chair to chant and mumble in the corner.

  “Everyone relax,” Blade growls, his green eyes lasering in on mine.

  “Dolly?” He sounds like he’s performing a test to see if I know my name.

  “Yes?”

  He rubs the back of his neck looking at me in that way that makes you feel like you’re really dumb and he’s really smart. I slide down in my seat and curl inward. If I make myself small, he can’t see me.

  “Pull your shit together,” he snaps, causing me to sit up and Eve to pat my hand. Fucking Blade—he thinks he’s king of all he sees, yet he’s not king to me. I’m not part of this anymore.

  I’m not.

  I left, but more blood has been spilled.

  Holy shit, I’ve become like them. Maybe you never do escape your past or upbringing. No matter how long I’ve tried to leave this life, the club I was born into, here I am.

  I start to giggle but my eyes widen because what the fuck? I don’t giggle! So, I swallow it back before I scream all my truths…

  First, not even the mighty, all-powerful Jason “Blade” McCormick can get me out of this mess. I don’t care if he’s president of the most notorious biker club in the West.

  Second, I deserve to go to jail. I’m a horrible, horrible person.

  “I’m so fucked.” I breathe in and out, the smell of Lysol and Purell so thick in the air, it’s making me nauseous even in my terror.

  “What could be taking so long?”

  Eve and Doug are leaning toward each other and talking over me so they can make a stupid plan that won’t work anyway.

  I’m guilty.

  I’m fucked.

  Like going to jail fucked. The big house, Joliet, black hole, whatever you want to call it. That’s going to be me soon and I deserve it.

  My soul mate.

  My favorite person and my mortal enemy, all wrapped up in a beautiful package of auburn hair and blue eyes.

  “Guys, I can hear you two.” I put my hands up and see his blood staining them as both Eve and Do
ug quickly push them down.

  “I never should have given you that knife for Christmas,” Eve states the obvious. “How many times did I tell you not to pull it on Edge?” Her hand holds mine so tight I’m starting to feel tingly needles.

  “Eve.” My mouth twitches. I’m going to do it. The hysterical laughter is coming…

  She stops me before it can bubble out like a soda bottle that you shake then stop, knowing it’s going to explode into a huge mess.

  “Trust Blade, Dolly. He’s going to take care of everything.” She looks up at her husband like he’s her knight in shining armor. Swinging her gaze back to me, she hisses, “And never admit anything!”

  “Stop it,” I snip, my eyes zigzagging from her to Doug. “I’m not a lunatic.” The words hang in the air.

  So, I make it worse. “I’m eight years older than you.”

  “Jesus.” Her big blue eyes widen. Shaking her head, she leans over me again. “She’s lost it.” Her voice drips with disappointment.

  “Doll?” Doug snaps a finger in my face.

  “What? Am I breathing heavy?”

  He ignores the last comment and goes straight into “Baby Doll, Eve’s right. Let Blade handle this.” I cock my head as I see a trickle of sweat roll down his neck. And that’s when I think I might start screaming and never stop.

  If Doug is sweating, Doug is scared.

  “What the hell is going on?” David snarls as he speed walks in. He holds hands with a very pregnant Charlie, their fingers laced together.

  For a brief second, my heart aches. Charlie is so stunning; I’ve never seen anyone glow like her. Maybe it’s because she’s good inside and out.

  Charlie’s not like us. She’s pretty normal, no baggage. I wish I wasn’t jealous of that. I wish I hadn’t let my emotions take over and hadn’t done what I did.

  But I did it.

  “Holy fuck.” She pulls away from David who’s whispering with Blade and the other Disciples.

  “Why are you guys not in the bathroom getting her cleaned up?” She eyes Eve and Doug accusingly. They both stare at her blankly.

  “This is it.” I look at Charlie. “It’s over. I killed him.”

  “What?” Charlie’s golden eyes fill with tears and she covers her mouth with her hand.

  Yep, that pretty much sums it up.

  “Shh.” Doug jumps up and guides Charlie to his chair. David glances over at us.

  “You okay?” A huge frown mars his beautiful face. His eyes laser in on us causing everyone but Charlie to freeze.

  She nods at him. I lean my head back, the tears damp on my cheeks.

  “Dolly’s being dramatic. Everything is going to be fine,” Doug snips.

  David looks around the room then settles on Charlie who gives him a small smile. He slowly turns back to Blade.

  Doug slinks into the chair next to Charlie, pushing a strand of her inky hair off her shoulder.

  “As far as we know, Edge is not dead. Although if he does happen to perish, I will wear red to his funeral.”

  “Jesus, Doug.” Charlie pushes his hand away as she slumps back into the uncomfortable chair and rubs her stomach.

  “Listen up.” We all turn.

  “Holy God.” My face gets hotter and my chest tightens.

  The officer stands, all decked out in his dark blue uniform and stupid-looking smug face.

  “Is there a Dolores Samantha Dunghart?”

  My breath falters and I gasp for air. Eve’s hand gives mine a gentle squeeze. I look down and whisper, “This is it.”

  Blade instantly takes over. “No.”

  It’s like I’m having an out-of-body experience. I’m watching Blade as if it’s the first time I’ve ever seen him. His tall, Greek god looks are so startling it’s no wonder people worship him.

  The doctor walks in looking like this is the last spot he wants to be. As he looks around at all of us, my pulse leaps to my throat.

  Again, Blade takes over. “How is he?”

  He looks at him. “Well, we had to do a blood transfusion. I’m sorry—” He’s interrupted by the stupid cop. Who raises his hand at the doctor.

  “Excuse me. I have police business. Again, I’m going to ask, is there a Dolores Samantha Dunghart?”

  The doctor’s eyes widen and he backs up and looks at his watch.

  Fear, it’s like a torturous poison. It can make you become someone you don’t like. Bile rises in my esophagus.

  I killed Edge.

  The room spins because it can’t be true. I’d feel it. I know I would, right?

  Doug takes a step forward. “There’s no one here by that name. Edge is alive, right?” he demands.

  Blade’s eyes swing to him as he shoots him a shut-the-fuck-up glare.

  There are moments when things happen. We grow and learn from them, or we let them fester. Then eventually, we let them go or they take us down.

  I did that. I took Edge down.

  Now I want him back. He’s my soul. A small whimper of pain slips out of my mouth.

  I need him. It has always been Edge and Dolly. Without him, I’m not me.

  I move to stand, but Eve’s nails dig into my hand, a not very subtle warning for me not to confess my sins.

  “I’d like to see him.” Blade crosses his arms speaking to the doctor who looks confused as to what he’s supposed to do.

  “Are you Dolores?” The cop sneers at Blade and for one second, I almost start laughing, like I’m biting my lip because it’s coming out. Is this man dense?

  Has he not heard of the Disciples? But more than that, does he not know who he’s talking to?

  Silence fills the waiting room, well, besides the annoying sounds of the hospital. No one speaks in our posse. The poor doctor sighs and pushes his glasses up on his nose.

  “I repeat, is there a Dolores Sam—”

  “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me. Get out of my face,” Blade snarls as the cop pops open the leather holster holding his gun.

  Then everything happens in slow motion. I open my mouth to say No. But instead, I start screaming. And I can’t stop.

  Eve throws herself at Blade who holds her behind him. Axel moves in front of Blade and Eve.

  I don’t think I move although my eyes are blinking rapidly and I continue to scream. The officer has his hand on his gun but hasn’t pulled it out. His other hand’s in the air as he tries to get control of something he never had control of in the first place.

  “I don’t feel good,” I scream, standing up as adrenaline rushes through me. My screams are gone, and the room’s chaos has vanished—along with all who are my family and friends. All I see are black dots.

  “I’m dying,” I project as if they are all my audience.

  “Dolly? Jesus, someone help her.” Doug’s voice swims in my head.

  I’m falling, but everything is okay. It’s almost ironic and very Shakespearian. After all, I killed Edge and here I am dying on the very same day.

  DOLLY

  Six years old

  I’m waiting for my mommy to come out of her bedroom and take me to school. I look at the big clock with numbers that say 9 and 3 and 0, but it’s blinking, so I don’t know what that means.

  Suddenly, I hear a man cough from the bedroom, and I go get my backpack. Today is special.

  The kids who can read the rainbow words get a bubble gum machine and a big gold certificate. I was the first, even before Tommy and he’s a really good reader.

  Maybe my daddy’s home and he’s going to take me? I put my unicorn lunchbox in my backpack and slip it on and trudge down the dark hallway. The carpet crunches when I walk. The last door is where my mommy and daddy’s bedroom is.

  I stop before knocking—they get mad when I do. So, I drop to my knees and try to look under the door. The carpet stinks and scratches my cheek and I can’t see anything.

  Hopping up, I straighten my dress and backpack, which is kind of sideways. I’m not supposed to knock, but I’m pretty sure I usua
lly go to school when the numbers say 7 and 3 and 0.

  I tap softly. “Mommy?”

  I hear nothing but some more coughing. “Daddy? Are you back?”

  My daddy has been gone for a while. He got mad and left. But it sounds like he’s back. I love the dress I picked out today. It’s pink with little yellow dots on it. I put on my socks and my super hard yellow shoes, but I still need a grown-up to tie them.

  “Mommy?” I reach for the handle. “I think my teacher is ready for me. Did you forget I get my award this morning?” Slowly I turn the handle and blink at what I see.

  My pretty mommy is asleep. It looks like she has no clothes on. I almost start to giggle, until the man rolls over and it’s not Daddy.

  “Mommy?” My voice must wake her.

  Her brown eyes, which look red, blink at me. At first, she looks confused and I run to her. I keep looking at the strange man with dirty hands and lots of scary tattoos.

  “Mommy, are you okay?” I sniffle as tears spill from my eyes.

  She pulls the sheet up to her chin and covers the man sleeping next to her.

  “Baby, what the hell?” She looks past me at the door. “I told you never to come in unless I say so.” She glares.

  My heart sinks, and I hiccup because I know, just know she forgot. “But I get an award today in my class. You promised you would remember.”

  “Out. Get out, Dolores. I’ll write you a note saying you were sick.”

  I stare at her bedroom—it’s littered with bottles and gross smells. Clothes are everywhere.

  “But… I get an award today.” My eyes are blurry as I back up, tripping over a pair of black men’s boots.

  “Goddamn it. Out! I swear to God, Dolores, stop crying or I’ll give you something to cry about.”

  I try to stand. “Where’s Daddy?” I scream at her, suddenly mad. “Just because I’m small doesn’t mean I’m dumb!” Angrily, I wipe away the tears.

  “You never do what the other kids’ moms do. They bring cupcakes and read books—”

  “Shut the fuck up,” the man roars. “I thought you said your kid was good?” He sits up, his long beard at first hiding the fact that I’ve seen him before.

  I shake my head, my long dark hair, which I brushed and brushed, hangs in my eyes. “You’re my daddy’s friend.” I point at him and turn to run. I wish I could run away forever.